Ok so dramatic title but that’s exactly how I feel Christ has gripped me…..swift and dramatic.
I am new to all this forgive me for any naivety or questions I should know the answer today from scripture, I’m literally starting out. I’m 51 years old and suddenly through a constant wave of depression, resulting in high anxiety and feeling completely lost and empty………I dropped to my knees and cried like a child in total distress for forgiveness of my sins throughout my whole life. I begged Jesus, to show me mercy and I asked that he may give me strength and love to create a new life, following him, his teaching, his practices, his everything. I asked him to send me the Holy Spirit so my brain be consumed with the voice of reason, slow to anger and wise to decision making in accordance with the true love of the father in heaven. My sins were ( I use past tense because I have left them behind through the love of Jesus) were many and varied, they weighed heavy on my heart albeit I blamed it on my depression, not on the obvious void left in my soul weighed by sin and the consequential rejection of our saviour.
I found Jesus as a very young child with no prompt from any adult teaching, he was just there, I felt him consume me and from there I believed, but from there I also rejected the teaching and participated in the greed, idolatry, lust, envy, jealousy of earthly things and earthly desires. It’s hurt Jesus, it’s hurt God all the way,and ultimately, brought me an imprisoned torment, and after a recent bout of depression/anxiety caused only by my own behaviours, the truth and all it’s glory was clearly laid down before me. If you want a loving, peaceful all powerful life and ultimately a path to eternal life, my only salvation is through Christ who suffered huge physical and emotional pain, for me….for us.
Since my sincere request to Jesus, every night I go to sleep I pray, I think intensely of a new purpose, I wake up with God on my mind immediately, not waking and then thinking, I am awoken by the actual thinking of God, it’s often early maybe 3-5am. My day is hurried to new god loving knowledge. I should say here I am a terrible reader and lack a certain intellect to understand many of the Bibles messages, so I use books such as Beth Moores prayer from scripture in plain English, it helps me understand and therefore encourages more education, the understanding also brings more memory retention and thus more enjoyment. I pray in a quiet room to Jesus to guide my day, I then take my Dog for a walk and talk to God for a good time, in a state of answers rather than a state of requests or questions…..my own voice in my head is telling me what I will now become following The Father, Following his son, Jesus Christ.
Jesus and ultimately God have suddenly, pushed me to the passenger seat and taken control of the wheel, it’s like I’m being taken rather than moving to this immense sense of love and belonging (just those words fill my eyes) at breakneck speed. I’m like a child on a bike that’s just had the stabilisers removed, there is an overwhelming sense of comfort , of achievement, of security from any pending falls. However as mentioned in my introduction but kindly pointed to here by a supportive member I’m finding it quite emotionally draining, I’m tearful, I’m tired and sometimes anxious……yes I have this with mental health but this feels different, every single thing is centred on God, it’s centred on Christ, it’s become my absolute everything and now I can’t even concentrate on watching football, getting on with other everyday activities like work or hobbies without feeling like I should be doing something to please God.
Is anyone available to consider this experience and how it can relate to scripture or any part of the bible for that matter? In some instances I feel incredibly blessed and others I feel overwhelmed.Is this normal for a new born Christian after letting go of earthly desires?
I have a high pressure job that is well paid, suddenly money and material things are gone, I’m considering quitting my job to take up something that is helpful for others rather than business, honestly the shift has been wholly dramatic, my mind is racing with the love of Jesus, every time I hear the slightest doubt I say ”Jesus I love you” and envisage the cross in my minds eye….I am Jesus Christ and God centred it’s unbelievable in such a short space of time.
God bless you all
David
I am new to all this forgive me for any naivety or questions I should know the answer today from scripture, I’m literally starting out. I’m 51 years old and suddenly through a constant wave of depression, resulting in high anxiety and feeling completely lost and empty………I dropped to my knees and cried like a child in total distress for forgiveness of my sins throughout my whole life. I begged Jesus, to show me mercy and I asked that he may give me strength and love to create a new life, following him, his teaching, his practices, his everything. I asked him to send me the Holy Spirit so my brain be consumed with the voice of reason, slow to anger and wise to decision making in accordance with the true love of the father in heaven. My sins were ( I use past tense because I have left them behind through the love of Jesus) were many and varied, they weighed heavy on my heart albeit I blamed it on my depression, not on the obvious void left in my soul weighed by sin and the consequential rejection of our saviour.
I found Jesus as a very young child with no prompt from any adult teaching, he was just there, I felt him consume me and from there I believed, but from there I also rejected the teaching and participated in the greed, idolatry, lust, envy, jealousy of earthly things and earthly desires. It’s hurt Jesus, it’s hurt God all the way,and ultimately, brought me an imprisoned torment, and after a recent bout of depression/anxiety caused only by my own behaviours, the truth and all it’s glory was clearly laid down before me. If you want a loving, peaceful all powerful life and ultimately a path to eternal life, my only salvation is through Christ who suffered huge physical and emotional pain, for me….for us.
Since my sincere request to Jesus, every night I go to sleep I pray, I think intensely of a new purpose, I wake up with God on my mind immediately, not waking and then thinking, I am awoken by the actual thinking of God, it’s often early maybe 3-5am. My day is hurried to new god loving knowledge. I should say here I am a terrible reader and lack a certain intellect to understand many of the Bibles messages, so I use books such as Beth Moores prayer from scripture in plain English, it helps me understand and therefore encourages more education, the understanding also brings more memory retention and thus more enjoyment. I pray in a quiet room to Jesus to guide my day, I then take my Dog for a walk and talk to God for a good time, in a state of answers rather than a state of requests or questions…..my own voice in my head is telling me what I will now become following The Father, Following his son, Jesus Christ.
Jesus and ultimately God have suddenly, pushed me to the passenger seat and taken control of the wheel, it’s like I’m being taken rather than moving to this immense sense of love and belonging (just those words fill my eyes) at breakneck speed. I’m like a child on a bike that’s just had the stabilisers removed, there is an overwhelming sense of comfort , of achievement, of security from any pending falls. However as mentioned in my introduction but kindly pointed to here by a supportive member I’m finding it quite emotionally draining, I’m tearful, I’m tired and sometimes anxious……yes I have this with mental health but this feels different, every single thing is centred on God, it’s centred on Christ, it’s become my absolute everything and now I can’t even concentrate on watching football, getting on with other everyday activities like work or hobbies without feeling like I should be doing something to please God.
Is anyone available to consider this experience and how it can relate to scripture or any part of the bible for that matter? In some instances I feel incredibly blessed and others I feel overwhelmed.Is this normal for a new born Christian after letting go of earthly desires?
I have a high pressure job that is well paid, suddenly money and material things are gone, I’m considering quitting my job to take up something that is helpful for others rather than business, honestly the shift has been wholly dramatic, my mind is racing with the love of Jesus, every time I hear the slightest doubt I say ”Jesus I love you” and envisage the cross in my minds eye….I am Jesus Christ and God centred it’s unbelievable in such a short space of time.
God bless you all
David
