faithgoeson
Senior Member
It is just amazing the peace the Lord can give us if we just let Him to do His job. You keep remembering that, and you're going to be okay. This year is going to be hard for you. The holidays especially. There's no reason to sugar-coat it. Grief is ugly and hard. Just know that all of us are praying daily for you. I pray you will grow from this experience and be able to use it somehow to further the kingdom of God, according to His devine will. May the Lord give you strength beyond measure, and peace in your grieving heart. I also pray the Holy Spirit will gently remind you when it's time to rest, eat, be alone, cry, and be with friends. It's so easy to get so caught up in grief that we forget to take care of ourselves. God bless you.We had two funerals for Cheryl. One in Iowa City, and one in Tulsa. She had been talking lately about returning to Tulsa, where the spiritual atmosphere is much lighter than in Iowa City (it is very dark and oppressive here in the spirit and she was very sensitive spiritually), and where her son & daughter are. We couldn't not have one here for our church family and for friends. And the one in Tulsa was for our relatives and old friends in Oklahoma. And I couldn't stand to bury her here....
Anyway, being with people and being focused on things to do got me through. The funerals themselves helped, as well, because they were in large part worship services. She so loved to worship and be in God's presence, and for a Christian a funeral should be a celebration of someone making it across the finish line into glory. And God is God and deserves our worship. Each service had two worship sets of 3 or 4 songs. But the time spent in worship helped me, as well.
The worst time so far has been from Monday night when I got back to the house from OK and the two days following. I don't know how those without the Lord get through this. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, losing part of me, body and soul, tied to my spirit. There are times that I think that I can't do this...but God still has plans for me, I have to go on. The worst are the what-ifs: what if I called 911 right away, what if Cheryl had of gone ahead with chemo after the first surgery when we thought the cancer had all been gotten instead of finishing her student teaching, what if I'd prayed more sooner, what if???????!
Last Wed. I went up to the local prayer center (IHOP mentioned earlier) for their weekly staff prayer time. No one was there...Eventually someone showed up for another (private) meeting, she put a CD on for me and I just spent time with the Lord for a while by myself. On my way out I ran into the other person in the meeting (both are staffers there) and she asked if she could pray for me. She prayed for comfort and other things, but she really hit hard on peace..."a strange peace that is beyond understanding". She is a prayer warrior! Since then, even though physically I have not felt all that well, I have had a strange peace. I miss Cheryl terribly. Our marriage was good and getting better, our lives, our futures, were so joined together that this separation is, well, if you've been through it you know. I want her back, or even better I want to be with her in heaven (yay! with Cheryl and, even better, with God!), but still, I now have peace anyway.
I don't know how to make it but walk with Him day by day, praise Him, stand in what I know, let Him be God. I have also been encouraged by some of Rick Joyner's writings about grace, being an overcomer, and praising God (despite circumstances).
May God bless all of you!
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--and this hasn't helped, but at least I've now recovered my appetite. 
I ended up with three purple M&M's sitting on the table next to the sofa until this afternoon, when I figured they'd sat there long enough and ate them.
