- Sep 25, 2008
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You know today I got my two cents from the running conversation around me, you know how I've said how it sometimes seems people around me are talking to my thoughts or making fun of what I say to someone else? I don't know about you but what's driving me crazy is not that I have the seeming hallucinations but that I can't make it stop. It doesn't happen often but just the fact it happens is a pain in the ass. A day or two ago I had a loud group of people sitting near me in a restaurant. I was trying to ignore their conversations, a thing I often do. So what happens? They say to each other, you can think about us! Its ok! Or today I was telling someone at a store, you know that's a bad paintbrush, paint just gets stuck to it and it dries. So people who I thought were giggling and having a conversation behind me were saying: Heh, paint gets stuck to the brush. And In my mind I know who's doing this to me. I say F you in my thoughts, not out loud. And someone in the background says: Theres nothing in me to F. So well. This thing is very irritating I know it is not real except for the fact that it is a very real force causing it (nameless!!!!) and meds never worked for me and nothing else does. I don't think there is a thing I can do to suppress my pain and irritation when it happens. I want to be able to think without getting an answer for crying out loud.
Also, speaking of the title. I wonder again. Do we get schizophrenia simply as a cross to bear to make up for sins or is it a prelude to hell? The meaning of it all is burning me up inside. What is this crap we have to go through just to live day to day?
Also, speaking of the title. I wonder again. Do we get schizophrenia simply as a cross to bear to make up for sins or is it a prelude to hell? The meaning of it all is burning me up inside. What is this crap we have to go through just to live day to day?