the meaning of it all

[maybenotcrazy]

You know today I got my two cents from the running conversation around me, you know how I've said how it sometimes seems people around me are talking to my thoughts or making fun of what I say to someone else? I don't know about you but what's driving me crazy is not that I have the seeming hallucinations but that I can't make it stop. It doesn't happen often but just the fact it happens is a pain in the ass. A day or two ago I had a loud group of people sitting near me in a restaurant. I was trying to ignore their conversations, a thing I often do. So what happens? They say to each other, you can think about us! Its ok! Or today I was telling someone at a store, you know that's a bad paintbrush, paint just gets stuck to it and it dries. So people who I thought were giggling and having a conversation behind me were saying: Heh, paint gets stuck to the brush. And In my mind I know who's doing this to me. I say F you in my thoughts, not out loud. And someone in the background says: Theres nothing in me to F. So well. This thing is very irritating I know it is not real except for the fact that it is a very real force causing it (nameless!!!!) and meds never worked for me and nothing else does. I don't think there is a thing I can do to suppress my pain and irritation when it happens. I want to be able to think without getting an answer for crying out loud.

Also, speaking of the title. I wonder again. Do we get schizophrenia simply as a cross to bear to make up for sins or is it a prelude to hell? The meaning of it all is burning me up inside. What is this crap we have to go through just to live day to day?

 

[Jeshu]

You know today I got my two cents from the running conversation around me, you know how I've said how it sometimes seems people around me are talking to my thoughts or making fun of what I say to someone else? I don't know about you but what's driving me crazy is not that I have the seeming hallucinations but that I can't make it stop. It doesn't happen often but just the fact it happens is a pain in the ass. A day or two ago I had a loud group of people sitting near me in a restaurant. I was trying to ignore their conversations, a thing I often do. So what happens? They say to each other, you can think about us! Its ok! Or today I was telling someone at a store, you know that's a bad paintbrush, paint just gets stuck to it and it dries. So people who I thought were giggling and having a conversation behind me were saying: Heh, paint gets stuck to the brush. And In my mind I know who's doing this to me. I say F you in my thoughts, not out loud. And someone in the background says: Theres nothing in me to F. So well. This thing is very irritating I know it is not real except for the fact that it is a very real force causing it (nameless!!!!) and meds never worked for me and nothing else does. I don't think there is a thing I can do to suppress my pain and irritation when it happens. I want to be able to think without getting an answer for crying out loud.

Also, speaking of the title. I wonder again. Do we get schizophrenia simply as a cross to bear to make up for sins or is it a prelude to hell? The meaning of it all is burning me up inside. What is this crap we have to go through just to live day to day?

Dear friend acceptance of what is happening is best. Ignore those constant remarks and times - just letting it be is safest. Medication can't stop me from hearing and seeing what is going on either, not believing the turmoil is the only way out therefore!

Only God's loving truth is trustworthy in our world of being - that is the Bible spoken in the Spirit of perfect love. Nothing else I'm hearing or seeing may disturb His speech. (Just read Psalm 19 to see what I mean.)

Be steadfast in love and all good works - love God, self and other - love will free you from your negativity in The End, yet please keep turning away from those constant lies and don't let them spin you out.

I know hard to learn, but possible over time.

 

[maybenotcrazy]

hey jeshu! Thanks. I have to ask you some questions. You truly have gone through hell with your schizophrenia. You did think it was God doing the stuff to you right? Even though I've had a good period with nothing miserable for a long time I am now entering a period of torture again. I am once again blaming god because it seems like only he can do what is happening to me. I know I must be wrong, but how else can it be such all encompassing things happen to you that involve powers that are divine in scope and range- people around you really are talking to your thoughts after you think them, people who do exist sitting in front of you in a conversation with you. I know perfectly well it is a bunch of nonsense. Then tonight I had this nightmare that was pure torture. I don't even remember it, it would most certainly ruin my day if I did but I was quick to blame god when I woke up. Again and again, I do this because occasionally things happen that are very good to me in between what is bad and it seems they are from the same source as where the bad stuff comes from. One night I went out in twenty degree Fahrenheit weather (below zero celsius for you) and prayed continuously for an hour. I was in shortsleeves and did not chill at all. Then I went in and felt this strong feeling of love or whatever like a gradient of love that went up and to the right from my bed. Now was that real? Was that just the devil? The devil does not love. The thing that scared me about it was that it was it was only love for god the father no jesus, no one else. I suddenly came down with the flu one day a couple months ago. It was very severe. I was blaspheming god because of my suffering that seemed to come from him and was saying I would leave the church- this was before I was baptized. I woke up from this fever saying to myself: I will continue to go to church and worship christ (I was saying this like a zombie, not consciously doing it) and immediately the flu died and I was cured. On holy week just before easter on thursday, I was at church for three hours nonstop reading along with the service which as usual is mainly in greek but partially english. I left it smelling extremely strongly of myrrh according to my mother- then I smelled my right hand closely and indeed it was as if I had dipped my hand in myrrh oil but to no actual cause in nature. Often when I leave services there is a smell of a beautiful fragrance on my right or left hand when I go home- it goes away when I talk about it or if I go to the bathroom. It is the same smell I sometimes sense when I see the holy relics at my church or even the tearing icons we have on occasion. So, I think actually I'm silly to believe that god did all the bad stuff because he showed me these signs but I'm still foolish enough to blame him. This is seriously bothering me. I am writing this stuff to show off a little but I think it makes sense I would write them on a schizophrenia forum to show that schizophrenia is not all in our heads. There are real things that go on and sometimes they can be good- albeit confusing... and the confusion is what causes ridiculous beliefs...

 

[Jeshu]

hey jeshu! Thanks. I have to ask you some questions. You truly have gone through hell with your schizophrenia. You did think it was God doing the stuff to you right? Even though I've had a good period with nothing miserable for a long time I am now entering a period of torture again. I am once again blaming god because it seems like only he can do what is happening to me. I know I must be wrong, but how else can it be such all encompassing things happen to you that involve powers that are divine in scope and range- people around you really are talking to your thoughts after you think them, people who do exist sitting in front of you in a conversation with you. I know perfectly well it is a bunch of nonsense. Then tonight I had this nightmare that was pure torture. I don't even remember it, it would most certainly ruin my day if I did but I was quick to blame god when I woke up. Again and again, I do this because occasionally things happen that are very good to me in between what is bad and it seems they are from the same source as where the bad stuff comes from. One night I went out in twenty degree Fahrenheit weather (below zero celsius for you) and prayed continuously for an hour. I was in shortsleeves and did not chill at all. Then I went in and felt this strong feeling of love or whatever like a gradient of love that went up and to the right from my bed. Now was that real? Was that just the devil? The devil does not love. The thing that scared me about it was that it was it was only love for god the father no jesus, no one else. I suddenly came down with the flu one day a couple months ago. It was very severe. I was blaspheming god because of my suffering that seemed to come from him and was saying I would leave the church- this was before I was baptized. I woke up from this fever saying to myself: I will continue to go to church and worship christ (I was saying this like a zombie, not consciously doing it) and immediately the flu died and I was cured. On holy week just before easter on thursday, I was at church for three hours nonstop reading along with the service which as usual is mainly in greek but partially english. I left it smelling extremely strongly of myrrh according to my mother- then I smelled my right hand closely and indeed it was as if I had dipped my hand in myrrh oil but to no actual cause in nature. Often when I leave services there is a smell of a beautiful fragrance on my right or left hand when I go home- it goes away when I talk about it or if I go to the bathroom. It is the same smell I sometimes sense when I see the holy relics at my church or even the tearing icons we have on occasion. So, I think actually I'm silly to believe that god did all the bad stuff because he showed me these signs but I'm still foolish enough to blame him. This is seriously bothering me. I am writing this stuff to show off a little but I think it makes sense I would write them on a schizophrenia forum to show that schizophrenia is not all in our heads. There are real things that go on and sometimes they can be good- albeit confusing... and the confusion is what causes ridiculous beliefs...

Dear suffering brother.

Please ponder on the fact that when you go low, sink, go to hellish agony, you hear curses to God coming from within your life, as wrongdoing finds existence in such low places, and as you can see wrongdoing is also in you.

Let Jesus in His love set you free from your torture, not by taking the torturers away but giving you life in Him, then your torturers will gnash their teeth, when you celebrate victory.

Only in His loving truth, love such as you in truth experienced, God becomes close and very real, to follow love for our Heavenly Father and Brother and all who belong to them, all of humanity in The End, such is following perfect love, keeping good and dumping bad, letting Christ make crooked straight and turn wrong to your benefit.

The curses that were directed at God, let God's Spirit in you take them out, and I let them tumble down that bottomless pit evil wants to throw you in.

You wont see them again. Please know that Jesus' love will set you free, but first you have to give yourself honestly to Him, in both good and bad go to Him, loving as well as unloving, become His child in all things, faith sets you free, not good works. And so He will set you free from having to dwell with the evildoers ever again.


Be strong and courageous, Jesus is utterly reliable and will subdue those evil monsters you have to meet all the time.



Psalm 119:1-48

 

[ERice2nd]

Dear suffering brother.

Please ponder on the fact that when you go low, sink, go to hellish agony, you hear curses to God coming from within your life, as wrongdoing finds existence in such low places, and as you can see wrongdoing is also in you.

Let Jesus in His love set you free from your torture, not by taking the torturers away but giving you life in Him, then your torturers will gnash their teeth, when you celebrate victory.

Only in His loving truth, love such as you in truth experienced, God becomes close and very real, to follow love for our Heavenly Father and Brother and all who belong to them, all of humanity in The End, such is following perfect love, keeping good and dumping bad, letting Christ make crooked straight and turn wrong to your benefit.

The curses that were directed at God, let God's Spirit in you take them out, and I let them tumble down that bottomless pit evil wants to throw you in.

You wont see them again. Please know that Jesus' love will set you free, but first you have to give yourself honestly to Him, in both good and bad go to Him, loving as well as unloving, become His child in all things, faith sets you free, not good works. And so He will set you free from having to dwell with the evildoers ever again.


Be strong and courageous, Jesus is utterly reliable and will subdue those evil monsters you have to meet all the time.



Psalm 119:1-48

Good words Jeshu

Something I am going to try as well I think .

 

[lotuseskimo]

me to

 

[lotuseskimo]

I have a logic with the problem of people talkng with you. I took note of the problem then (when I had the problem), when I didn't have it, I took it out again.

I like going to festivals, and local events.
The happy and celibrateing people are so good for me.
But at this festival, everyone IS talking to one another. And I have been introduced to a differant type of person than me, they talk with eachother in grocery stores, but I say WITH. They all have jobs, a family and resting days. So when they talk with eachother, they know they kind of have the same things going on.
Some men and women BASK in this disline from eachother. They love it, but I could only see this at festivals and farmers markets. Yet they argue with eachother right? Well, I really enjoyed when I was walking around at all those town events, when they were SUCH FRIENDS to eachother, and me being so differant, they don't mind. And talk 'with' me also.
So Faith has pulled me out of this, when I hear this problem again of people talking with me, that I had not wanted to talk with, I think of the festivals I love so much, and remind myself not to be so angrey with people I don't understand, no, I throw away the angrey intrusion, if they want to talk with eachother like that fine, I just like the festivals, things were fine for me then there. I don't think about when that happens to me, I think about the events.
Think about the events, things are fine there. People love eachother, my own dislike of them does not seem to have importance, and I do like them alot, if I forget that the people around me are so genuine, and have their spot to, I have entered such an angrey place (forget about that place, you have a place in heaven, don't waste your time). It still happens to me every once and while, but I throw it away, forget about that awful seperation from others lotus, go to a farmers market