The laughter thread.

[Colin]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal
and a bottle of wine they lay down in their tent for the night and went to
sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned.
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe Saturn is in
Leo. Logically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past
three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are
small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a
beautiful day tomorrow..
"Is that all?", Holmes asked.
"Yes." Watson replied. "Why, am I missing something?".
Holmes was quiet for a moment, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot . Someone
has stolen the darned tent."

 

[WarriorAngel]

I like how she tries hard not to laugh

 

[bill5]

I like how she tries hard not to laugh

I heard an interview about that - what's funny is she went around to others before the show adamantly going "don't let him get to you, don't laugh!" and she was the worst of all lol

 

[WarriorAngel]

I heard an interview about that - what's funny is she went around to others before the show adamantly going "don't let him get to you, don't laugh!" and she was the worst of all lol

Its the knowing you cant - that does it. Im so bad with that myself...

 

[Colin]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking
around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting Flies" he responded.

"Oh! Killing any?" she asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females", he replied .

Intrigued, she asked."How can you tell?"

"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone"

 

[Colin]

This is a piece of British/American propaganda where Nazi film was appropriated to give British audiences a laugh. Marching soldiers have their steps set to the Lambeth Walk , a London Cockney dance.......

 

[Colin]

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

 

[WarriorAngel]

O wow - i'd be afraid too. LOL

 

[Colin]

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, jackasses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

 

[WarriorAngel]

:o lol

 

[bill5]

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, jackasses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

lol

 

[WarriorAngel]

 

[Colin]

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.
When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doc' said they were physically OK but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them to remember things. They thanked the doctor and left.
Later that night, while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, 'Where are you going?'
He replied, 'To the kitchen.'
She asked, 'Will you get me a bowl of ice-cream?'
He replied, 'Sure.'
She then asked him, 'Don't you think you should write it down so that you can remember it?'
He said, 'No, I can remember that.'
She then said, 'Well I would also like some strawberries. You had better write it down because I know you'll forget that.'
He said, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice-cream with strawberries.'
She replied, 'I would also like some whipped cream on the top. I know you'll forget that, so you had better write it down.'
With irritation in his voice, he said, 'I don't need to write that down! I can remember that!'
He then stormed off into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily:

'I TOLD you to write it down! You have forgotten my toast!'

 

[S.ilvio]

Brilliant Colin...

 

[Root of Jesse]

Subject: Florida Court Sets Atheist Holy Day

In Florida , an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter, Passover and Eid Al-Fitr holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews, Muslims and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, “Case dismissed!”

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying,
“Your honor,how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. ; The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, ; the muslims have Eid Al-Fitr and Eid Al-Adha yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays.”

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, “But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant.”

The lawyer said, “Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists.”

The judge said, “The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 states, ‘The fool says in his heart, there is no God.’ Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned.”

 

[Root of Jesse]

Atheist Genesis:
In the beginning there was nothing, and nothing happened to nothing.
And then nothing accidentally exploded and created everything.
And then some bits of everything accidentally encountered other bits of everything and formed some new kinds of everything.
And then some bits of everything accidentally arranged themselves into self-replicating bits of everything.
And then some self-replicating bits of everything accidentally arranged themselves into dinosaurs.
See?

 

[Root of Jesse]

An atheist was walking through the woods…

“What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!” He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned, he saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging toward him!

He started to run as fast as he could, but realized the bear was closing in on him.

Then, he tripped and fell to the ground. When he rolled over the bear was right on top of him, raising his paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, “Oh my God!”

Time Stopped! The bear froze. The forest was silent.

Then, a bright light shone upon the man, and a voice said, “You deny my existence for all these years, teach others that I don’t exist, and even credit creation to some cosmic ‘accident’. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Can I count on you as a believer?”

The atheist looked directly into the light, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?”

“Very well,” said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. Then the bear brought both paws together, bowed his head and said…

“Blesss us, O Lord, for these Thy gifts, which we are about to receive, through Thy bounty, through Christ the Lord, Amen.”

 

[WarriorAngel]

 

[WarriorAngel]

 

[WarriorAngel]