The laughter thread.
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tempy1
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Old School Playgrounds - http://www.realclear.com/funny/2015...m=sponsored&utm_campaign=positivelyrepublican
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Colin
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There was a little lad who had to start school .
His parents didn't have any particular religious beliefs , but they still sent him to the Church of England school......it just happened to be the nearest .
On the first day home from school the lad was whinging and crying .....like some lads do .
This went on for a week , and his mum and dad had to put up with a weekend of tantrums .
Monday came , and the lad went off to school......so they thought .
On Tuesday they received a message from the school ......" Why was Bobby absent from school yesterday ? ".......of course , the little monkey had been playing truant .
Mum and dad weren't at all happy , so they got Bobby into the nearby Methodist school .
He was there a week , and there seemed to be no problems .
Another week went by.......still no problems .
But on the Wednesday of the third week they received a message from school......" Why was Bobby not in school on Monday and Tuesday ? " ........truanting again .
Bobby said , " I just hate schools ......I never , ever want to go again . "
Mum and dad were at their wit's end . So they opted for the local Catholic school .
Screaming and shouting , they had to drag him there , but they got him inside eventually
A week went by......no sign of trouble . A second week went by......no messages from school .
At the end a month without problems mum and dad asked Bobby ," Well , son , you seem to like it at the Catholic school . Are you enjoying it ? "
Bobby stood silent ......grimaced .....shook his head ....and then blurted out , " I just hate it , but the last guy who tried to get out from there is still nailed to the classroom wall . And I ain't gonna end up like him ! "
His parents didn't have any particular religious beliefs , but they still sent him to the Church of England school......it just happened to be the nearest .
On the first day home from school the lad was whinging and crying .....like some lads do .
This went on for a week , and his mum and dad had to put up with a weekend of tantrums .
Monday came , and the lad went off to school......so they thought .
On Tuesday they received a message from the school ......" Why was Bobby absent from school yesterday ? ".......of course , the little monkey had been playing truant .
Mum and dad weren't at all happy , so they got Bobby into the nearby Methodist school .
He was there a week , and there seemed to be no problems .
Another week went by.......still no problems .
But on the Wednesday of the third week they received a message from school......" Why was Bobby not in school on Monday and Tuesday ? " ........truanting again .
Bobby said , " I just hate schools ......I never , ever want to go again . "
Mum and dad were at their wit's end . So they opted for the local Catholic school .
Screaming and shouting , they had to drag him there , but they got him inside eventually
A week went by......no sign of trouble . A second week went by......no messages from school .
At the end a month without problems mum and dad asked Bobby ," Well , son , you seem to like it at the Catholic school . Are you enjoying it ? "
Bobby stood silent ......grimaced .....shook his head ....and then blurted out , " I just hate it , but the last guy who tried to get out from there is still nailed to the classroom wall . And I ain't gonna end up like him ! "
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Colin
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EVER WONDER where we are headed...
Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara
with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline:
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why Doctors call what they do a "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start"
to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?
Why there isn't mouse-flavoured cat food?
Who actually tastes dog food when it has a
"new & improved" flavour?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why they sterilise the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when
they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro,
is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they call the airport "the terminal"
if flying is so safe?
AND...
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Myer hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping".
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap".
(And that would be how???)
On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost".
(But, it's just a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert
(printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought????...)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body".
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness".
(And...I'm taking this because???)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only".
(As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use".
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts".
(Talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one:
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara
with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline:
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why Doctors call what they do a "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start"
to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?
Why there isn't mouse-flavoured cat food?
Who actually tastes dog food when it has a
"new & improved" flavour?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why they sterilise the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when
they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro,
is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they call the airport "the terminal"
if flying is so safe?
AND...
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Myer hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping".
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap".
(And that would be how???)
On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost".
(But, it's just a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert
(printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought????...)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body".
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness".
(And...I'm taking this because???)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only".
(As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use".
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts".
(Talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one:
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Upvote
0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums
Warning this has one (tame) swear word at the end, so sorry if that bothers anyone, but I confess (like a good Catholic) that it ultimately and ironically it makes the video but it's all funny IMO. A little set up esp for the younger crowd: Tim Conway (on the left) was famous for improvising and trying to crack up the others on the Carol Burnett show...a LIVE show (so no retakes!)....he doesn't get the last laugh here though
but it's all funny IMO. A little set up esp for the younger crowd: Tim Conway (on the left) was famous for improvising and trying to crack up the others on the Carol Burnett show...a LIVE show (so no retakes!)....he doesn't get the last laugh here though
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