The humiliating aspect of being a victim

[Multi-Elis]

I just went through an attack by two children aged 15 at 9h30 coming home last night. They asked for my cellphone and when I didn't give it to them, the tried to take my bag which of course I didn't give to them, they ripped it from my hands. I went to the police and everything, and what's great is that all my cards were found this morning (my agressors were unsmart 15 yearolds who live in the neighboring neighbourhood and who know nothing about covering up your act) They probably ripped my eardrum slapping me, (I'll find out for sure when I go to the doctor), but I don't care so much about it. What bothers me is something else.

Bottom line:

It's humiliating.

More than any other emotion, that's the one I seem to be feeling the most.
It's ironic, because it is I who wanted and decided to live in the "guetto"--like part of town that is infamous for its problems. It is I who decided that I wasn't going to be afraid to walk at night. It is I who decided not to take the public trasportation even though it would be safer. It is I who wasn't on my gard. I'm so thankfull that it was just 15 yearolds who do it as a hobby, (and not some sort of professionals like some of the stories I read here). It's Ironic because anyone who knows me knows that I am proud of where I live, and that I think people should live here, rather than escaping it and turing it into a real guetto.

So I suppose I feel humiliated for letting myself be easy bate (the part I could help) for not being able to defend myself (the part I couldn't control) and for being so sure and proud that people should live in "inner city" type guettos and not live in fear (how do you classify that?)

The policemen were more or less good at treating me like a courageous person, a partner, a person worthy of respect which made things slightly easier.

Well, I didn't see any recomendations on how to overcome this feeling of humiliation, so if you know what I am talking about, please talk about it

 

[BelindaP]

I've never been mugged, but I have been the victim of a crime. It is very humiliating, especially having to retell the crime over and over.

It's not your fault. You were perhaps a bit naive, but it doesn't give them the right to cause you any harm.

I found that reading Isaiah 53 helps me when I am feeling humiliated or just generally persecuted. Knowing that our Lord and Savior went through so much more is very reassuring. You know that when you pray to Him, that He knows everything about it and loves you so much.

 

[Multi-Elis]

Up untill now (since it happened) I have avoided thinking about it. If I think too much about it, I get dissoriented. If I don't, I move on nicely. Oh, and my eardrum got torn. But my intuition was right: nothing to worry about, the tear goes away in six months.
This experience does make me consider taking self defence classes... but I wonder if it might make matters worse: because then it's the agressor who feels humiliated...

 

[BelindaP]

If you learn your self-defense properly, you won't have to worry about getting hurt because of that. You learn how to disable so you can get free and escape.

 

[BigToe]

Self Defense classes are always a good idea. It can never hurt to know how to protect yourself. While it wouldn't guarantee someone can't hurt you, it can equip you with the tools to possible prevent being hurt.

And it is humiliating. It's a big way to hurt our egos. And it's easy to feel that somehow we are at fault for getting in a position where another person can take advantage of us. But that's the thing, you didn't ask the kids to mug you and hurt you. You can't ask for a crime be commit against you. Crime doesn't work that way. And while we all would like to think we could avoid bad situations and take care of ourselves there are crummy people in the world that make really bad decisions causing others to hurt.

 

[UnitynLove]

I will pray for you.

 

[wildlily]

It really is. I am having mass fear. My auto was vandalized. I feel like they went through all my things.

 

[Blue Money]

And it is humiliating. It's a big way to hurt our egos. And it's easy to feel that somehow we are at fault for getting in a position where another person can take advantage of us. But that's the thing, you didn't ask the kids to mug you and hurt you. You can't ask for a crime be commit against you. Crime doesn't work that way. And while we all would like to think we could avoid bad situations and take care of ourselves there are crummy people in the world that make really bad decisions causing others to hurt.
***************************************
I got jumped and kicked nearly into a coma by three guys back in 1993.
Yeah, it was humiliating. Made me feel like a weak, pencildi*k, unfit Darwinian failure.
Still view myself as a wuss and less than a man because if it.
But was it a "bad decision" for the guys who did it? I don't think so. They never faced any retribution from me, or the law. They ended up with glorious, chest-thumping memories of a physical combat victory (and physical combat IS the ultimate test of a man's genetic fitness, say what you will!) So is crime a "really bad decision" for a criminal? It ISN'T unless he ends up getting caught, or otherwise suffering because of it.

 

[Louis Cyphere]

It's not your fault.
I.

Unfortunately I can't agree, it is your fault because you admit yourself you live in a ghetto but you took no steps to protect yourself. I admire you had the courage to stand up to your attackers though.
Don't make the same mistake twice. You need to arm yourself, aquaint yourself with your local laws regarding firearm possesion and get a concealed weapon permit, had you killed those two boys it would have sent a powerful message to the criminals on the streets that there are good christians out there that won't be victim.

If you learn your self-defense properly, you won't have to worry about getting hurt because of that. You learn how to disable so you can get free and escape.

Self defense classes are a waste of time, in most cases your attackers will be bigger, faster and stronger than you. Unless you are prepared to become a black belt in some martial discipline you are much better off getting a concealed weapon, learning to use it and being ready to fire it at a moments notice should danger present itself.

 

[RuthD]

I was robbed and attacked 3 times while living in the ghetto. I could not go outside any more at night. I continued to live there for 2 or 3 years. I am glad you are proud of where you are and am sorry that happened to you. I understand humility well. Now I live in the poorer section of a little city next to the big city with the ghetto. For me, my safety is very important now and the police are very active here if you have a problem. That's just me.

 

[Hespera]

]Unfortunately I can't agree, it is your fault because you admit yourself you live in a ghetto but you took no steps to protect yourself.[/B] I admire you had the courage to stand up to your attackers though.
Don't make the same mistake twice. You need to arm yourself, aquaint yourself with your local laws regarding firearm possesion and get a concealed weapon permit, had you killed those two boys it would have sent a powerful message to the criminals on the streets that there are good christians out there that won't be victim.



Self defense classes are a waste of time, in most cases your attackers will be bigger, faster and stronger than you. Unless you are prepared to become a black belt in some martial discipline you are much better off getting a concealed weapon, learning to use it and being ready to fire it at a moments notice should danger present itself.

While i feel for the OP i have to agree with you.

What happened to me 4 years ago was exactly why women are warned never to be alone and unprotected where there is nowhere to turn for safety.

I didnt think I was dangling bait tut I was.

I now have a concealed carry permit and a .38 calibre "ladysmith". Buddhists dont have to be victims either.

IF I had taken that precaution back then nothing would have had to happen. I'd have time to warn them off; after that its up to them, live or die. As it is, i barely survived, and they are in jail, their lives and those of their families are ruined.

 

[Hespera]

I just went through an attack by two children aged 15 at 9h30 coming home last night. They asked for my cellphone and when I didn't give it to them, the tried to take my bag which of course I didn't give to them, they ripped it from my hands. I went to the police and everything, and what's great is that all my cards were found this morning (my agressors were unsmart 15 yearolds who live in the neighboring neighbourhood and who know nothing about covering up your act) They probably ripped my eardrum slapping me, (I'll find out for sure when I go to the doctor), but I don't care so much about it. What bothers me is something else.

Bottom line:

It's humiliating.

More than any other emotion, that's the one I seem to be feeling the most.
It's ironic, because it is I who wanted and decided to live in the "guetto"--like part of town that is infamous for its problems. It is I who decided that I wasn't going to be afraid to walk at night. It is I who decided not to take the public trasportation even though it would be safer. It is I who wasn't on my gard. I'm so thankfull that it was just 15 yearolds who do it as a hobby, (and not some sort of professionals like some of the stories I read here). It's Ironic because anyone who knows me knows that I am proud of where I live, and that I think people should live here, rather than escaping it and turing it into a real guetto.

So I suppose I feel humiliated for letting myself be easy bate (the part I could help) for not being able to defend myself (the part I couldn't control) and for being so sure and proud that people should live in "inner city" type guettos and not live in fear (how do you classify that?)

The policemen were more or less good at treating me like a courageous person, a partner, a person worthy of respect which made things slightly easier.

Well, I didn't see any recomendations on how to overcome this feeling of humiliation, so if you know what I am talking about, please talk about it

I am sorry about your experience.

I should be able to speak from experience how to get over it but there isnt a formula. Time helps; mental health professionals can help too.

One thing my counselor told me is, mental health is something you have to work at, it doesnt just happen any more than playing the piano does. you have to work on it.

I think I got dragged way lower than you did, so i guess I can say you will get over it. A mental health pro really would be a good idea, to speed it along.

 

[If Not For Grace]

This experience does make me consider taking self defence classes

Self-defense is a must. Evil flouishes when good men do nothing. It is not your fault others chose to live un-godly. We should be as prepared as we can to deal w/all situations we are likely to enounter. Do not openly carry items like a purse, cell-phone, ipod or anything else that might attract a theif when going to/fro. If you live in a bad neighborhood it's not the time to flash that diamond tennis bracelet Aunt Susie left you.

Try to travel in pairs/groups when you have to be out at night. Cross the street if being approached by suspicious characters (better safe than sorry) Be aware of your enviornment. Don't fell bad-you are not the 1st nor the last to be robbed and unfortunatley it may very well happen again (the nature of the beast/enviornment). Be as prepared as you can.

I live in a beautiful rural country setting in the bend of a river. It would be stupid of me not to realize cotton-mouths live there & to learn about them. It would also be stuipid of me to expect a snake to be something other than a snake. I realize I could be bitten, but I prepare (know the seasons, keep the grass cut, can use a gun and a turnicate) as best I can.

Prayers--

 

[honeyny22]

Unfortunately I can't agree, it is your fault because you admit yourself you live in a ghetto but you took no steps to protect yourself. I admire you had the courage to stand up to your attackers though.
Don't make the same mistake twice. You need to arm yourself, aquaint yourself with your local laws regarding firearm possesion and get a concealed weapon permit, had you killed those two boys it would have sent a powerful message to the criminals on the streets that there are good christians out there that won't be victim.



Self defense classes are a waste of time, in most cases your attackers will be bigger, faster and stronger than you. Unless you are prepared to become a black belt in some martial discipline you are much better off getting a concealed weapon, learning to use it and being ready to fire it at a moments notice should danger present itself.

Some of us have no choice but to live in the ghetto because we have no money to get out of the ghetto, some of us live in cities that the entire thing is a ghetto but we are stuck here. I don't know where you live, but where I live you can't go around killing people because they hurt you and if you could please explain to me how you are any better then them.

 

[freedmfighter]

I do agree with Louis, look into the laws of your hometown and see if you can apply for a concealed weapon. You are lucky you got away with a bunch of 15 year olds..next time it will be a guy that weighs 200 lbs and then what.
Taking martial arts is not a bad idea...it will help you to build your self confidence especially when it comes do dealing with 15 year olds and such.
Personally..if I was in your shoes...I would be looking into taking martial arts...and also applying for a concealed weapon. It's better to be safe than sorry.

 

[Blessedj01]

I just went through an attack by two children aged 15 at 9h30 coming home last night. They asked for my cellphone and when I didn't give it to them, the tried to take my bag which of course I didn't give to them, they ripped it from my hands. I went to the police and everything, and what's great is that all my cards were found this morning (my agressors were unsmart 15 yearolds who live in the neighboring neighbourhood and who know nothing about covering up your act) They probably ripped my eardrum slapping me, (I'll find out for sure when I go to the doctor), but I don't care so much about it. What bothers me is something else.

Bottom line:

It's humiliating.

More than any other emotion, that's the one I seem to be feeling the most.
It's ironic, because it is I who wanted and decided to live in the "guetto"--like part of town that is infamous for its problems. It is I who decided that I wasn't going to be afraid to walk at night. It is I who decided not to take the public trasportation even though it would be safer. It is I who wasn't on my gard. I'm so thankfull that it was just 15 yearolds who do it as a hobby, (and not some sort of professionals like some of the stories I read here). It's Ironic because anyone who knows me knows that I am proud of where I live, and that I think people should live here, rather than escaping it and turing it into a real guetto.

So I suppose I feel humiliated for letting myself be easy bate (the part I could help) for not being able to defend myself (the part I couldn't control) and for being so sure and proud that people should live in "inner city" type guettos and not live in fear (how do you classify that?)

The policemen were more or less good at treating me like a courageous person, a partner, a person worthy of respect which made things slightly easier.

Well, I didn't see any recomendations on how to overcome this feeling of humiliation, so if you know what I am talking about, please talk about it

Don't feel humiliated. I know exactly how you feel. I was attacked from behind by three massive Tongan guys when I was walking to my friend's front door, who all hit me from the back and the side (reaching around into my face, then kicked and kneed and smashed me when I went down to protect my head), they forced their way into the house when the door opened, trapped me in the corner of a room and all attacked me simultaneously while saying they would kill me, all the while hearing me pray out loud for Jesus' help.

They were smashing me as I tried to escape in about 3 instances, all-up lasting about 20 minutes or more. They were all well over 100kg and adults. I remember them saying "i'll kill you right now," etc as they kicked me in the head, kneed me in the face, smashed my head into the walls, threw me up against a glass window, threw me head first into a dresser table, etc.

I escaped when they paused attacking me for a moment. The whole time there wasn't much I could do but cover my face up, try to block as much as I could and pray. I didn't have any opportunity to get away or retaliate because they came from behind and forced me into a corner and eventually into a room with no exit. They did all this for a cheeseburger (that I was holding) and eventually they took my wallet which only contained about a hundred bucks. They were trying to take more but thankfully I wasn't carrying it and they didn't notice my watch. And thankfully Jesus gave me an opportunity to escape. I slipped through two guy's hands, go out a closed door and down the stairs and out of the house even though they were trying their best to hold me back. I still know it was God who got me out of there.

Almost every day I feel angry about it and and have feelings of less self-worth because of what they did to me. They ignored me when I was taking their punches straight in my face and not crying out or anything. They ignored me when I tried to tell them I didn't have anything. They ignored me when I told them to stop and peacefully leave. They didn't care and they carried on and got more and more violent. They didn't care at all that I was praying out loud, or that I had done nothing at all to deserve what they did to me. Also, they didn't care at all for the person who's house they invaded to attack me further from off the street.

I realized a few things that makes THEM the cowards:

- They attacked me in a group, just like these "kids" did to you.

- They attacked me knowing I was trying to resolve the issue peacefully, and walk away, though I had every right to not hand over my bag (which was my work stuff, I tried appeasement at first but I knew it was fruitless and stopped trying, and instead just tried to leave).

- They attacked me from behind, knowing I wouldn't be able to easily retaliate.

- They attacked me in a corner, so I couldn't escape.

- They attacked me when they had already hurt me, capitalizing on what they had already done to me.

- They attacked someone praying to God, knowing I was relying on Him and not my own power to fight them.

- They attacked me knowing they had already taken the things I had and so were just punishing me for nothing.

- They attacked me in an enclosed space, away from anyone who could stop them.

- They attacked me knowing they were all bigger than me and even though i'm confident I could have handled one of them on their own as I am no soft touch, again, they attacked me in a group.

Sorry I am ranting about me. But this is also for you. Remember that a lot of these points relate back to you.

Also, you are a woman, technically the weaker sex and that is no dishonor to you.

Also I realised a simple thing:

It is EASY to attack someone and take something from them. Anyone, even the biggest, baddest guy can be a victim. Why? Because by the very nature of what is happening, they are taking advantage of the circumstances. All humans have inherent weaknesses - that is how God made us. We can't compute every angle. We do bleed. We can fall. When someone (especially a group of someones) takes advantage of the fact that we can't handle anything, THEY are the cowards because they are attacking us based on the false premise that they are being tough, when in fact they are just exploiting an unfair situation.

Believe me, if I had been able to do something about what happened to me, I would. But they didn't let me. If they had been as brave as they think they are, they would have done it face to face and wouldn't have needed three of them.

They are cowards. Don't feel humiliated. God hates violence. I feel sorry for these people because they are obviously stuck in Satan's kingdom, unable to feel empathy for the people around them. They are obviously not saved. There is a terrible end for them if they don't turn around. As an aside, two of them got arrested and charged.

You don't have to feel humiliated! These people are the cowards, NOT YOU. God did not make us for violence. However, some people try to pervert God's purpose for us by attacking people. They will NEVER attack someone on equal terms. That's why THEY should feel humiliated. There is no glory in what they have done.

As for blaming yourself for where you live and stuff...whatever aye! Haha. You are not responsible for other people's evil. Yes, if you make the wrong choices and put yourself in bad places for the wrong reasons you have to accept some responsibility - but you LIVE there! You are a free person who should not be blamed for what other people want to do. Ghetto or no ghetto, this can happen to people. Forget about taking martial arts classes...you can NOT do kung fu on the devil. That's who's really behind the people that attacked you. Just be thankful, as I am, that God has your back in the end! Trust in Him and know that you will go through some trials in life. You're not to blame for other people. Yes, it's good to take precautions, (by all means, self-defense courses are good but they AREN'T a solution) but GOD is in control. That's all you can rely on! Move on and know that God will be the one to take vengeance!

Sorry for ranting. DON'T be ashamed. It wasn't your fault. Some day, someone will betray the people who betrayed you and will get a taste of their own medicine. See, these people like to think that they are untouchable, but if they carry on - someone will touch them! Every human being is vulnerable to attack. It's just a fact of life. Just remember, GOD is the boss! He's the one who beats every enemy. All we can do is rely on him and look after ourselves as best we can.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Blessedj01]

...and yeah I agree it IS humiliating. But that is NOT what God wants us to feel like.

See, the way WE feel and the way God sees what happens is entirely different.

Thankfully, every time I feel humiliated and worthless 'cos of what happened to me, I remember that God hates violence, that these people sinned against Him and attacked me unashamedly out of cowardice and that I am the brave one because I withstood all they had to dish out and still made it out without resorting to revenge later or spending my time hating my enemies.

See, it's a lot braver to be a victim than it is to be a perpetrator. Cos a victim is innocent and a perpetrator is not. Just the mere fact that you suffered, means you know something of what Jesus went through. And believe me, our suffering does NOT match up to His!

Yeah, I still hold some contempt for them - that is human - but I'm working on it. God's helping me to be the better man yeah? I mean, these people really tried to kill me. I was fading out to black yeah? Covered in blood. That's why I have "I owe God my life" as my title.

The thing is - these people were committing evil. So why should I be so ashamed aye? Wasn't Jesus the Prince of Peace? Didn't he allow men to come take Him and attack Him? Didn't he demonstrate Love to them by NOT destroying them with a single thought?

While I couldn't defeat my enemies as easily as Jesus could have, I could have handled what happened to me very differently. And believe me, the person I was back then, I could have gone back there and put a lot of holes in people's chests. Thankfully, God showed me He hates violence and that vengeance is the Lords.

Don't be ashamed and don't feel humiliated. We're reminded we are mortal and we are human. We know first hand what it feels like to be picked on.

These other people - they don't know yet - but maybe one day they will. Feel sorry for them because they walk around with their heads held high, not knowing that someone or something could come along one day and smash them. Not knowing that God the Most High could squash them. They are filled with pride.

It's a good thing that you are feeling humble, but don't feel any shame. You didn't go out and rob someone. You didn't take the easy option of preying on people.

 

[Blessedj01]

p.s as to all the comments about self-defense...you can't anticipate everything. Being cautious is GREAT. Taking precautions is GREAT. Just remember, Satan works -around- the precautions we take. God is the greatest! He has our backs even when the worst happens - when someone kills us. Please don't look at this stuff from an earthly perspective, remember that this is a fallen world and everyone is going to perish!

I repeat this prayer whenever I feel threatened: "Of David. Praise be to the LORD my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle." - Psalm 144:1

And also Psalm 23 4"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."

Have -confidence- God and His angels surround you! He's going to protect you. This is just one little thing that you survived and suffered comparatively little through. God protected you! It could have been much worse yeah? So now you know, always trust God cos you never know when evil is going to strike. But you can also be certain that God is protecting you from evil ALL THE TIME.

 

[Blessedj01]

p.p.s Whoever said it is her fault! SHAME ON YOU. You don't realise WE RELY ON GOD for protection and not our own power. Ridiculous nonsense you should NOT be saying to a woman! Women were created to reflect the beauty and grace of God, NOT to be walking arsenals of guns and concealed weapons. They are a living testament thart God is the real power in this universe, not ourselves. They bear children and walk around for 9 months completely vulnerable. You are a liar for saying it's her fault! Women deserve to walk down the street without having to worry about people attacking them. Rely on God first, your little toys second. Take precautions, but don't condemn people for other people's actions.

Before you idolize your own power and your guns and stuff, remember it's GOD who protects you and your house. It's God who directs evil away from you every day. It's God who has sustained you thus far. It is not YOU or your plans or your limited little bit of power. It is God. Be thankful to God that you are still here, still alive and not overtaken by the enemies you have that God has NO OBLIGATION to protect you from, but holds at bay because He loves you.

 

[santacruzchristlova]

It is not your fault. People have a choice be be violent