The Excuse Game

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

Jackson is out of my range.

Make me one of those Po’ Hoe Bo’ will ya?

 

[mama2one]

sorry, I cannot
my excuse is I have no idea what that is!


drive me to my writing class cause my driver's license expired; afraid to renew as don't know if I'll pass eye test

 

[Chesterton]

I can't. It's very hot outside and my car is made of chocolate.

Let's go on an ocean voyage around the world.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Can't, I get seasick.

Anyone up for having a yard sale?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

We use the metric system here.

Get with the programme.

 

[Chesterton]

I don't want to do that. I mean sure, Jews have a slightly disproportionate influence in media and banking and such, but some of my best friends...what's that? Oh I misheard. I thought you said "get with the pogrom".

Help me sell my house.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

I have it on good authority that your car is made of chocolate. I can only assume therefore that you are a witch. Gingerbread houses don't sell well in our vegan and gluten-free world. Now, if your house has chicken legs, perhaps we can talk.

Why don't you import some chicken feet?

 

[RileyG]

I've never heard of people eating chicken feet. And I doubt they are available in the midwest.

Help me move to Hawaii

 

[Vap841]

I believe in a one size fits all recipe for happiness, forget Hawaii what you need is to be surrounded by Alaskan snow capped mountains while pursuing a career as a National Park polar bear conservation specialist.


Hand me the remote control because this movie is terrible.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

You just don't understand, man. The terrible acting and plot holes are all metaphors for the disjointed and absurdness of life.

Drop me a beat.

 

[Vap841]

The only beats that are worth their salt are ear-splitting heavy metal riffs, and at this hour I better not chance another noise disturbance call.


Please make a user name that is not a question.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

But I read all usernames with that annoying upwards lilt at the end, like a valley girl. They are thus always questions to my mind.

Get me a nice suit, I need to look fancy.

 

[mama2one]

sorry, my "fancy" source has no info on suits

Fancy Nancy Books


P l e a s e dog sit my puppy so I can get some sleep

 

[Chesterton]

Can't dog sit a puppy. I'll have to puppy sit it.

Can you teach me how to speak Cajun?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Unfortunately, in spite of the manifest evidence to the contrary, they insist they speak French. But maybe drunk Canadian French with a southern drawl?

Try getting into character.

 

[Vap841]

I’m doing my best, but there has been a nervous slump in my throw caution to the wind acting style since witnessing the Will Smith assault on Chris Rock.


Quick, take a picture of that UFO hovering over us!

 

[Chesterton]

No need to, I'm one of them, and you're coming on board with us. You'll get a full guided tour right after the probing. Why can we risk giving you a tour? Because no one will believe you if you try to speak of it.

Let's pool our cash and buy Twitter.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

No, I have past experience with this. They'll just complain that the ink runs, the notes get all smushed and the water gives it a musty smell.

Get me a seat at the Ministry of Truth

 

[mama2one]

sorry but I don't think they sell seats there
husband just bought a comfortable seat from Amazon, try that


please take my puppy out to potty at 3:30 am so I can go to sleep now

 

[Vap841]

Since my parents never made me face my fear of the dark I only do late night dog potty chores in places like Fairbanks Alaska between May 17th and July 27th, or during the 56 days of no darkness in Abisko Sweden, etc.


What happened to mortgage interest rates? Can you please lend me $450,000 at 2% interest, I promise that I’ll pay you back in 30 years?