The Excuse Game

[Quid est Veritas?]

I always used to go up to strange children in the park and offer them candy, but for some reason their parents always chased me away. Now you expect these same parents to allow children to go up to strangers' houses and collect candy from them? I doubt they would be so hypocritical.

Fix my window.

 

[Chesterton]

The software is called Windows, and I can barely use it much less fix it.

Compose a hip hop song in Old English.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

I'd rather convert Disney into Latin, like a true erudite weirdo:

Besides, all the hip hop songs are already Old English with its use of ax instead of ask and archaic referencing to words like ho.

Look it up.

 

[Chesterton]

I have no use for information technology. The less information in my life the better.

Go run a marathon.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

All you need to know is that the first guy to do it, died on completion. He had a good reason to, but why on earth would anyone repeat the process?

Let us draw lots to see who we should chuck out of the boat to calm the storm.

 

[Chesterton]

Draw lots of what? I'm not much of an artist.

Explain the appeal of NASCAR to me.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Sorry, it is similar to American Football to me. Some strange American custom, like how the Koreans eat dogs, the Japanese make fat people fight each other for entertainment, or how Russians squat. Besides, I can never get my attention further than the cheerleaders, and would prefer not sleeping on the couch tonight.

Please explain to my wife.

 

[Chesterton]

Well since you seem to see us as some exotic culture, just tell your wife you've taken up American cheerleader watching as an amateur anthropologist.

Start live-streaming whatever you're doing right now.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

It is too late, I didn't record or live stream it. But oh boy, was it impressive - juggling 7 penguins while doing ventriloquism and winning a hot dog eating contest.

Build a statue in my honour

 

[Chesterton]

You want me to make a graven image? Get thee behind me, Satan!

Explain to me the appeal of the sport of curling.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

What? Sweeping and ironing, what could be more fun! If only someone could invent a competitive laundry washing or tile-grout cleaning...

Have you never watched a Disney princess movie?

 

[mama2one]

Have you never watched a Disney princess movie?

don't ask....I have a daughter, you know


tell me how to get out of watching next "kid" movie

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Sorry, I am too busy being incessantly told how 'Rarity is her favourite' and 'Pinky Pie loves parties' and how Apple Blossom picks apples and Twilight Sparkle has to save Equestria.

Get me that special edition one, please?

 

[Chesterton]

Here's the ordinary edition. You'll just have to talk to it nicely and give it lots of compliments to make it feel special.

Clean all this Christmas wrapping paper off the floor.

 

[mama2one]

my excuse is that I KNOW it's better to leave on floor as kitties, puppies, & kids love to play with the paper & it will keep them busy



teach me the snow dance
I only know the rain dance

 

[Chesterton]

I don't want it to snow. I've misplaced my mittens.

Help me build a better mousetrap.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

People and their newfangled ways. I still catch mice the primordial way of our ancestors, utilising a simple twinky, patience and a shotgun.

Go on, get outta here!

 

[lucypevensie]

Nah, all my pets would want to go with me, and I only have 1 cat leash for 2 cats.

Try this hair conditioner specially formulated to eliminate frizz.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

You want to "condition" to "eliminate frizz"?! What is this, the 19th century? Next you'll expect that we start euthanising the elderly or handicapped or in-utero genetic deficiencies.

Lift the white man's burden from my shoulders.

 

[mama2one]

sorry but too busy cooking, cleaning, do everything woman to lift a speck off man



give me a break & take me to dinner