Talking To Much or Not Enough.

[DimEyesOpenHeart]

I have found this balance in my life so difficult and it's really effecting me hard right now and it's causing so much pain. When I was a child & teenager I never talked much & was in my head most of the time. I hate the sound of my own voice & feel easily uncomfortable & intimidated by social situations, even though I get really interested & facinated by really intelligent people.
I wasn't exactly bullied by family or school to talk but it was very strongly encouraged & now that I do talk it's like I can't control it when I am around family. I still pretty much never talk in public.

I really like sharing what I learn especially about faith & God but I tend to 'talk at' people instead of 'talking to' people - they pointed this out as a source of frustration to them. It really frustrates me when they interupt because I worry that I'll forget a really good piece of information I think they'd like, they don't have as much time as me to take in information & my memory helps to assimilate information easier so I feel like I filter it & help them by what I do - it's my way of communicating & contributing because it's difficult for me in other ways that are easy for them. My mum has a habit of just walking out of the room & it really upsets me at the time & then I spend hours feeling really worthless & guilty that I annoyed her when all I meant to do was share something that interested me & might interest her too as a fellow Christian.

I wish I could be mute and then no one would get angry or upset with me & I'd please God by not babbling like a pagan or being boastful or proud. I've told them I don't mean to be exhuasting or annoying & that I hurt too but I don't know how to stop talking now & the few times I've made myself not talk for days they get worried that I'm getting depressed again or the opposite & they say I'm doing much better when I feel like I'm dying inside.

Please if you have any tips for staying quiet but looking happy & ok please share them with me. I'm praying for God to help me control my runaway mouth & for this hurt to just go away.

 

[timf]

Please if you have any tips for staying quiet but looking happy & ok please share them with me.

I worked on a Crisis Hotline for a few years once. People would usually call because they were desperate to solve some problem. They usually would be quite receptive to anything that might help them.

As a general rule, people who are not in crisis might not be interested in anything that causes them discomfort or even an interruption in the pursuit of their pleasures.

The discussion of intellectual aspects, or even more practical ones, of Christianity is generally avoided by those marginal Christians who see such conversations as exposing things they do not understand, make them feel uncomfortable, or even just raise uncertainties.

Paul dealt with this;

1 Corinthians 3:1-3 And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ. I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able. For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men?

I would suggest that you not give up your quest to discuss deeper issues, but that you become more selective about with whom you can do so.

Seek out and find older wiser Christians and ask them to engage in discussion with you. The Lord may lead you to encounter those who may provide you with edification.

 

[NIrelandGillian]

DimEyesOpenHeart,

Would you be able to talk with the minister of your church? Would he or she be willing to spend some time discussing the things that are of interest to you?

Discussing a topic with someone, where both people participate back and forth in the conversation is a skill that doesn't come readily to people on the autistic spectrum and if they get on to a favourite topic, it can be difficult to get a word in edgeways. Are there any resources in your area for helping you learn the social skill of making conversation without people getting bored and/or walking out?

Gillian

 

[grandvizier1006]

I understand. My parents always talk about how I'm interrupting them, or I'm being disagreeable, or how "they're just trying to have a conversation," and somehow I ruined it by just speaking my mind.

The good news is that there is always room for first impressions and second chances when it comes to interaction with people. Since non-autistic people don't care to remember their conversations (they interact socially more than we do so they won't cherish what is said as well as we might), you can be "rude" in their eyes one day and then in just a few minutes they forgive you right after you say you're sorry. Just don't bring it up again and try to explain yourself like I do, because then they just get fussy all over again.

I know how you feel with not remembering important things. I would recommend practicing how to listen to people--sometimes they don't always say stupid things in a conversation. Don't panic if, when it's finally "your turn" in their mindset, if you forget what you were going to say. If they're really agreeable, then you can get out everything that you want to say and if they try and interrupt, just explain that you have a bit more to say--make them think they are being rude and they'll stop trying to butt in.

It takes practice and hard work, which is unfortunately not something I've had a lot of lately.