What do people with Cancer need? I have been taken by surprise and I do not know what to do. What do you do to convince them to accept treatments that could save their life? Does anybody know if faith healers really work?
-
The General Mental Health Forum is now a Read Only Forum. As we had two large areas making it difficult for many to find, we decided to combine the Mental Health & the Recovery sections of the forum into Mental Health & Recovery as a whole. Physical Health still remains as it's own area within the entire Recovery area.
If you are having struggles, need support in a particular area that you aren't finding a specific recovery area forum, you may find the General Struggles forum a great place to post. Any any that is related to emotions, self-esteem, insomnia, anger, relationship dynamics due to mental health and recovery and other issues that don't fit better in another forum would be examples of topics that might go there.
If you have spiritual issues related to a mental health and recovery issue, please use the Recovery Related Spiritual Advice forum. This forum is designed to be like Christian Advice, only for recovery type of issues. Recovery being like a family in many ways, allows us to support one another together. May you be blessed today and each day.
Kristen.NewCreation and FreeinChrist
Supporting Somebody with Cancer
- Thread starter Andoverpolo
- Start date
Celticflower
charity crocheter
People with cancer need people who will listen when they talk (about the cancer or anything else under the sun), people who will be there when their hair falls out or they are puking their guts out from chemo, people who know there are no easy answers and aren't afarid to say "I don't know", people who will just sit quietly and hold their hand, people who will prapy for and with them, people who will call them out of the blue to let them know they are not forgotten, people who can be a little bit silly -- in short -- people who love them, no matter what.
As far as treatments go -- I think only another cancer survivor could convince someone who did not want to undergo treatments to do so.
Faithhealers? I wouldn't go there. I've known a few who went this route, convinced that So-and-so would heal them. The depression resulting from not being healed was more devastating than the original diagnosis.
As far as treatments go -- I think only another cancer survivor could convince someone who did not want to undergo treatments to do so.
Faithhealers? I wouldn't go there. I've known a few who went this route, convinced that So-and-so would heal them. The depression resulting from not being healed was more devastating than the original diagnosis.
Upvote
0
Hey,
I have had cancer in the past. The biggest thing you can do is the simplest - just be there for them. And of course pray. When I was doing chemo people gave me books which was a great idea, especially humourous books like The Far Side.
As for making someone take treatment - I don't know if you can. They have to think of the others around them and not themselves in order to understand that any decision that they make will have a huge impact on the others around them. I didn't realize that until after I had finished my chemo. So again the best thing to do is just to love, and to let them know that they are needed and you could tactfully suggest that the treatment might keep them here where they are needed. But it is hard to give advice on something like that without knowing the people invloved.
I hope that helped you out, I pray for peace and wisdom, understanding and comfort at this time for you.
In Him
playfair
I have had cancer in the past. The biggest thing you can do is the simplest - just be there for them. And of course pray. When I was doing chemo people gave me books which was a great idea, especially humourous books like The Far Side.
As for making someone take treatment - I don't know if you can. They have to think of the others around them and not themselves in order to understand that any decision that they make will have a huge impact on the others around them. I didn't realize that until after I had finished my chemo. So again the best thing to do is just to love, and to let them know that they are needed and you could tactfully suggest that the treatment might keep them here where they are needed. But it is hard to give advice on something like that without knowing the people invloved.
I hope that helped you out, I pray for peace and wisdom, understanding and comfort at this time for you.
In Him
playfair
Upvote
0
Celticflower
charity crocheter
Have you tried contacting the cancer society chapter in your area? They can give you info and contacts.
Upvote
0
Faith healers are as important as medicine.
One reinforces the organism and the premier and crucially important, Faith, purges the demonic forces that could be holding the body in leash.
One reinforces the organism and the premier and crucially important, Faith, purges the demonic forces that could be holding the body in leash.
Upvote
0
AlabamaMan
A writer changing the world one word at a time.
- Jan 7, 2003
- 11,587
- 675
- Country
- Mexico
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Divorced
I think too, you have to think of the person with cancer...if they only have so long to live, why take the quality of life away from them to increase the quantity by a few months.
I am a lucky one, my cancer was not horrible and it is in "remission" I don't think you ever call yourself cured because you are always on the watch for it.
As far as what they need, support...I can't tell you how much that means. Support them in their decisions even when you don't agree, because if you are a person they love don't make this time a time of arguing.
As for faith healers...my grandmother was healed of cancer back in the 60's when she was prayed for at a revival...I KNOW God can heal...you just have to pray according to the will of God and accept that sometimes its not God's will to heal someone...he already knows the day of our death.
I am a lucky one, my cancer was not horrible and it is in "remission" I don't think you ever call yourself cured because you are always on the watch for it.
As far as what they need, support...I can't tell you how much that means. Support them in their decisions even when you don't agree, because if you are a person they love don't make this time a time of arguing.
As for faith healers...my grandmother was healed of cancer back in the 60's when she was prayed for at a revival...I KNOW God can heal...you just have to pray according to the will of God and accept that sometimes its not God's will to heal someone...he already knows the day of our death.
Upvote
0
bithiah2
Jah is my strength and song!
People who have been attacked in their bodies by cancer need prayer and friends who will not judge them, or say inappropriate things. they need people who they can trust, who will not abandon them. Their decisions are theirs to make, between them, God, and their doctor. The worst thing to do is to say "I don't know what I would do" over and over again, or act scared. They will decide in their own heart, what to do, and as a friend, they need someone who will support their decision, whatever it is.
According to the Word of God, no man has power within himself to heal anyone, including himself. God is the author of life, and He has power over all living things. God is a healer, and He is able to heal all manner of sickness and disease. But there is no such thing as a faith healer, according to the God's Word, the Bible...so no, they don't work but God does.
Be there for your friend, the worst thing anyone can do is abandon someone at their lowest time. Let them know you are available and then make sure to keep your word to them. Don't tell their business to everybody else, spend time with them, even if you just sit and say nothing. let them talk, and you listen.
blthiah2
Upvote
0
Ok, I know this is an older thread, but I'd like to add to it.
When people tell you to "be there for them", that doesn't necessarily mean that you're there with them every single spare moment that you have.
Call the person and ask if there is anything that you can do for them. Ask if you can run some errands for them, or if there's something that they'd like to eat that you can bring them. Offer to mow their lawn, take their dog out for a walk, etc. Always call before you go for a visit, just in case they're not feeling up to it. Send them a nice card that says your thinking of them. And most of all, pray for them daily.
When people tell you to "be there for them", that doesn't necessarily mean that you're there with them every single spare moment that you have.
Call the person and ask if there is anything that you can do for them. Ask if you can run some errands for them, or if there's something that they'd like to eat that you can bring them. Offer to mow their lawn, take their dog out for a walk, etc. Always call before you go for a visit, just in case they're not feeling up to it. Send them a nice card that says your thinking of them. And most of all, pray for them daily.
Upvote
0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums
AlabamaMan
A writer changing the world one word at a time.
- Jan 7, 2003
- 11,587
- 675
- Country
- Mexico
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Divorced
Upvote
0
This is fantastic advice and bears repeating.
I confess I am disheartened that this thread (and this forum in general) seem to get so little attention, while threads about playing games or dating get so much. Hope we can generate more discussion and support.
On the topic of helping, here is something I said elsewhere FWIW:
--
Day to day help for cancer patients and their caregivers
A few misc thoughts about helping out cancer patients, esp ones who due to the cancer or treatments etc can't fully do normal day to day activities and how family and friends can (and IMO should!) help them. I think this could also apply to caregivers or loved ones who have recently lost someone and so often have very little motivation to do anything:
FOOD.
To me this has been the biggest help of all. Simply bringing over a meal now and then has really been a help because when you're stressed with the cancer itself plus travelling for consultations, treatments, on and on it goes...this is a really welcome "break" from yet another one of those things that you might not think is a big deal but can really wear on you since you have to do every day. It doesn't have to be lavish or fancy, but I DO strongly recommend the following:
- ask them what they like and perhaps even more important what they don't like and act accordingly. While any gesture of food is appreciated, if it's something they don't care for, it defeats the purpose. Plus getting something you're really into can be such a boost! Recently someone brought us some BBQ from our fav BBQ place - not fancy and not very expensive, but really made our day (well 2 days, it was enough for 2 meals).
- try to avoid spaghetti, frankly. It seems everyone falls back on that idea and it gets old, plus it's something caregivers might rather do themselves for similar reasons (it's easy).
- if possible, bring food in containers you don't care about getting back. It's not a big deal per se but kind of a pain for caregivers to have to worry about getting them back to you. I suggest avoiding things like paper plates as they tend to fall apart easily. Keep plastic or glass containers that other things come in (eg butter tubs, etc) that you can use to put the food in. You can also buy those sort of "throwaway tupperware" containers now pretty cheaply.
CHORES. Especially yardwork, since they don't need to come out or worry about how the house looks if you come over to do that - plus that tends to be more labor intensive so it's a huge relief to have help with that. Housework can be great too, but again there might be concern about them having to "pre-clean" or tidy up first, plus some stuff might be more personal than they'd care for others to do (eg laundry). Other chores might include getting groceries or picking up prescriptions.
PHONE CALLS, VISITS, CARDS, EMAILS. You have to temper this with how able and willing you think they are at the time to receive calls, but that said, even just a simple quick call now and then can be a huge boost, esp if they don't or can't get out much. But speaking of quick, try to balance not talking too long in case their energy is low but not "running off" too quickly and making them feel like you didn't really want to talk to them much either.
As for the call itself, it's fine to say "how are you doing" but don't push, esp don't push for details. If they want to tell you, they will. If they don't, don't be nosy; it's incredibly rude and thoughtless, even if not meant that way. Talk about what's going on with common family and friends (avoiding unpleasant stories) or whatever their interests are: sports, TV shows, current events, whatever. Basically talk to them as you normally would as much as possible.
Visits, just take their lead on that; offer, but if they don't feel up to it and decline just say you understand, offer for another time and don't push. Again try to keep a visit as "normal" as possible, but try to be mindful of clues that they might be tiring and don't overstay your visit. Maybe have something else (or say you do) that you have to get to ahead of time so that you "can't" really stay long anyway; that takes the pressure off of everyone.
Cards and emails of course can be sent any time and are never a bad idea! I think cards are far better because they are more personal, have a lot more flair and impact, perhaps because they take a lot more effort than just firing off an email. These are esp good if you don't live close and visits are hard, but are also great even if you do live close, because the person can open them any time; it's never "intrusive." Same for emails or "ecards." Anything to say hang in there, thinking of you, etc, along with any general chatter about what's new; again more or less like a "normal" conversation as possible.
Of course all of this should be tailored according to the person and how well you know them. eg some might prefer longer (or shorter) phone calls, etc etc.
--
FOOD.
To me this has been the biggest help of all. Simply bringing over a meal now and then has really been a help because when you're stressed with the cancer itself plus travelling for consultations, treatments, on and on it goes...this is a really welcome "break" from yet another one of those things that you might not think is a big deal but can really wear on you since you have to do every day. It doesn't have to be lavish or fancy, but I DO strongly recommend the following:- ask them what they like and perhaps even more important what they don't like and act accordingly. While any gesture of food is appreciated, if it's something they don't care for, it defeats the purpose. Plus getting something you're really into can be such a boost! Recently someone brought us some BBQ from our fav BBQ place - not fancy and not very expensive, but really made our day (well 2 days, it was enough for 2 meals).
- try to avoid spaghetti, frankly. It seems everyone falls back on that idea and it gets old, plus it's something caregivers might rather do themselves for similar reasons (it's easy).
- if possible, bring food in containers you don't care about getting back. It's not a big deal per se but kind of a pain for caregivers to have to worry about getting them back to you. I suggest avoiding things like paper plates as they tend to fall apart easily. Keep plastic or glass containers that other things come in (eg butter tubs, etc) that you can use to put the food in. You can also buy those sort of "throwaway tupperware" containers now pretty cheaply.
CHORES. Especially yardwork, since they don't need to come out or worry about how the house looks if you come over to do that - plus that tends to be more labor intensive so it's a huge relief to have help with that. Housework can be great too, but again there might be concern about them having to "pre-clean" or tidy up first, plus some stuff might be more personal than they'd care for others to do (eg laundry). Other chores might include getting groceries or picking up prescriptions.
PHONE CALLS, VISITS, CARDS, EMAILS. You have to temper this with how able and willing you think they are at the time to receive calls, but that said, even just a simple quick call now and then can be a huge boost, esp if they don't or can't get out much. But speaking of quick, try to balance not talking too long in case their energy is low but not "running off" too quickly and making them feel like you didn't really want to talk to them much either.
As for the call itself, it's fine to say "how are you doing" but don't push, esp don't push for details. If they want to tell you, they will. If they don't, don't be nosy; it's incredibly rude and thoughtless, even if not meant that way. Talk about what's going on with common family and friends (avoiding unpleasant stories) or whatever their interests are: sports, TV shows, current events, whatever. Basically talk to them as you normally would as much as possible.
Visits, just take their lead on that; offer, but if they don't feel up to it and decline just say you understand, offer for another time and don't push. Again try to keep a visit as "normal" as possible, but try to be mindful of clues that they might be tiring and don't overstay your visit. Maybe have something else (or say you do) that you have to get to ahead of time so that you "can't" really stay long anyway; that takes the pressure off of everyone.
Cards and emails of course can be sent any time and are never a bad idea! I think cards are far better because they are more personal, have a lot more flair and impact, perhaps because they take a lot more effort than just firing off an email. These are esp good if you don't live close and visits are hard, but are also great even if you do live close, because the person can open them any time; it's never "intrusive." Same for emails or "ecards." Anything to say hang in there, thinking of you, etc, along with any general chatter about what's new; again more or less like a "normal" conversation as possible.
Of course all of this should be tailored according to the person and how well you know them. eg some might prefer longer (or shorter) phone calls, etc etc.
--
Upvote
0
I'm a three year breast cancer survivor, and what grandmajo says is absolutely spot on. Knowing that I had people I could call for a ride to the hospital, who could shop for me if I were too sick, who'd take my trash to the dump ... these were critical. And just having people who were willing to listen, or come with me to help me sort out what the doctors were saying.
As for faith healing, I believe that everyone needs to know all their options. If your friend is looking for a faith healer, encourage them to ALSO seek medical advice. They don't have to be mutually exclusive. I, personally, don't believe in faith healing, but I do believe that we can affect our bodies with positive thinking. Therefore, pray if you believe in it, lay on of hands if you believe in it, or simply walk in the park for some fresh air. All might help you through a terrible battle with illness, particularly in terms of your attitude, which is so important. But it needs to be supplemented with solid medical help and advice, not used alone. My medical team told me of too many people who died after using a faith-only approach. By the time they gave up on it and went to the doctors the cancer had advanced too far for them to survive.
Best of luck to your friend.
As for faith healing, I believe that everyone needs to know all their options. If your friend is looking for a faith healer, encourage them to ALSO seek medical advice. They don't have to be mutually exclusive. I, personally, don't believe in faith healing, but I do believe that we can affect our bodies with positive thinking. Therefore, pray if you believe in it, lay on of hands if you believe in it, or simply walk in the park for some fresh air. All might help you through a terrible battle with illness, particularly in terms of your attitude, which is so important. But it needs to be supplemented with solid medical help and advice, not used alone. My medical team told me of too many people who died after using a faith-only approach. By the time they gave up on it and went to the doctors the cancer had advanced too far for them to survive.
Best of luck to your friend.
Upvote
0
Sometimes the best support you can give someone is acceptance that they don't want treatment. Yes, there are miracle stories out there, but if God intends to heal, he doesn't need chemo or radiation. For the remainder, especially those with low survival rates, sometimes it is best to let them finish their life without poisoning their bodies and making it worse.
My husband chose treatment because he wanted to see his kids grow up. His prognosis was very low but he was willing to give it everything he had to try to live. In the end, he suffered quite a bit but it was his choice. As I look back, this choice was the best one for him. However, it also meant that we never talked about dying and I was left making decisions with a lot of questions when I could barely breathe. I wonder if I cheated him of saying some things that should have been said.
My husband chose treatment because he wanted to see his kids grow up. His prognosis was very low but he was willing to give it everything he had to try to live. In the end, he suffered quite a bit but it was his choice. As I look back, this choice was the best one for him. However, it also meant that we never talked about dying and I was left making decisions with a lot of questions when I could barely breathe. I wonder if I cheated him of saying some things that should have been said.
Upvote
0
I"m so sorry br for your loss. But you are being unfair to yourself. There were opportunities to talk before the treatments, for one, and before he was even sick, and so on. It is easy to say afterwards we should have talked more about this or that but that is such an incredibly hard topic that many avoid it and understandably so, even though they should not. So you did not "cheat" him of anything. I know what I am speaking of because it similarly happened with my loved one and me. We talked in bits and pieces, but not nearly enough. I don't mean so much about affairs of estate but about our feelings, in general and about everything going on. She tended to hold things in anyway and this was especially hard regarding her cancer. I told her more than once to always feel free to unload on me any way she wanted or needed to, but she didn't much. I think she was trying to be brave and strong and considerate by not doing so, but I fear by doing so she put too much on herself and made it harder for herself, and I will always regret that she did so, but it was her choice. I still can't help but feel I failed her in some ways. It is a pain I don't need on top of all the other pain. I guess we just have to accept we are very human and don't do everything perfectly. And neither do they. Remember they were human too.
Last edited:
Upvote
0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums
<staff edit> I know for one that my husband's doctors worked very hard for him to save even though his chances were almost zero. They were more compassionate than any doctor I have every dealt with, and since the cancer hospital only collects what you can pay, it isn't all monetarily driven. I do not know how these people can go day in and day out knowing that most of their patients are likely to die...and they still take time to look at us as individuals and people.
Chemo does save many people...but it depends on the person, the stage and type of the cancer, and the drug used. It gave my husband 5 very precious years. Cancer isn't an external disease like a virus or bacteria...it is when you own cells become mutated and take on a life of their own. The cancerous cells fight to just take over healthy cells. All cancer treatments are very complicated because they are basically trying to kill all the bad cells before they kill the healthy ones...and the patient. Go get a scoop of sand off the beach and try to pick out only the black grains without touching any other color ... yeah, its kind of like that ... It is more amazing that they can stop or even kill some cancers. Bit by by, more and more people are living a lot longer than they would have a few years before. If an alternative treatment proves to be successful (which means it works on a significant number of people and not a few exceptions), then it WILL make it into mainstream medicine. There is no conspiracy. There are a lot of easier ways to get rich...they do what they do because they care. Even if you are a complete cynic, you have to realize you make more money treating a live patient than a dead one.
And to Bill5...we talked some...but not much. The doctors never gave us a prognosis because he never asked. I had an idea because I did a lot of research and understood enough about medicine to "see things" left unsaid. Each treatment he received was working and we could blame all the problems on the treatments...he might have lived if the cancer didn't move faster than the treatments could. I remember just saying "you aren't dying yet"....so I guess, maybe he could have talked if he wanted to...but I wonder if I ever shut the door when he might have wanted it opened. In the end, he was doing good and then had a major seizure that killed his brain. I don't have guilt...I always did the best I could do for him with the knowledge I had. I also almost never left his side when he was in the hospital...he knew I loved him and I knew he loved me. And that has to be good enough. Way too many people never get that.
Chemo does save many people...but it depends on the person, the stage and type of the cancer, and the drug used. It gave my husband 5 very precious years. Cancer isn't an external disease like a virus or bacteria...it is when you own cells become mutated and take on a life of their own. The cancerous cells fight to just take over healthy cells. All cancer treatments are very complicated because they are basically trying to kill all the bad cells before they kill the healthy ones...and the patient. Go get a scoop of sand off the beach and try to pick out only the black grains without touching any other color ... yeah, its kind of like that ... It is more amazing that they can stop or even kill some cancers. Bit by by, more and more people are living a lot longer than they would have a few years before. If an alternative treatment proves to be successful (which means it works on a significant number of people and not a few exceptions), then it WILL make it into mainstream medicine. There is no conspiracy. There are a lot of easier ways to get rich...they do what they do because they care. Even if you are a complete cynic, you have to realize you make more money treating a live patient than a dead one.
And to Bill5...we talked some...but not much. The doctors never gave us a prognosis because he never asked. I had an idea because I did a lot of research and understood enough about medicine to "see things" left unsaid. Each treatment he received was working and we could blame all the problems on the treatments...he might have lived if the cancer didn't move faster than the treatments could. I remember just saying "you aren't dying yet"....so I guess, maybe he could have talked if he wanted to...but I wonder if I ever shut the door when he might have wanted it opened. In the end, he was doing good and then had a major seizure that killed his brain. I don't have guilt...I always did the best I could do for him with the knowledge I had. I also almost never left his side when he was in the hospital...he knew I loved him and I knew he loved me. And that has to be good enough. Way too many people never get that.
Last edited by a moderator:
Upvote
0
(((blackribbon))) I'm so very sorry for your loss. And what a brave and beautiful story of you and your husband. He was very lucky to have you fighting by his side. I wish you well, and admire your plan to serve in hospice.
Upvote
0
Ortho_Cat
Orthodox Christian
MOD HAT ON
This thread has recently undergone a clean-up. If you notice any of your posts missing or edited, this is why. Please be mindful of the following Recovery Guidelines as you continue to post here:
Thanks~ Recovery Staff
MOD HAT OFF
Last edited:
Upvote
0
Similar threads
