Support for Joyful11

[joyful11]

Thank you so much. The enemy is trying to get me down today. I woke up feeling hopeless and after verbally rebuking him, realized that God has done some miracles and that things are progressing. M is away for the weekend with our kids, so I'm just feeling lonely in general. I've never been to church alone and it was the weirdest feeling today. I just want my family back. I felt an overwhelming burden this morning to pray that God would miraculously remove M's desire for the other girl today. I read that the process of letting go of the feelings usually takes 3-4 weeks after total separation, but I'm asking God for a miracle. I know she has been sending M messages and I'm praying that her true character would be revealed and he'd get to the point of being repulsed by her. Will you pray with me?

 

[dayknee]

Joyfull..Im in the same boat as you..this is the FIRST time since our 4 month seperation that my husband took the kids for the weekend..Im all alone..completely sad and missing my babies so so much..Im glad they are spending time with their dad..just..all this silence is awful..not something Im used to thats for sure..
Im praying for you that God will restore your marriage..I know how much you love your husband..
Know what I did? i went to the video store and got 5 movies..all for me..just girlie movies that I enjoy..it makes the time go by faster and it's lifted my spirits a bit
God Bless you

 

[cory533]

still praying!
Check into your states statutes on electronic stalking/harassment you may need to threaten legal action to get rid of her. but , first if she becomes a pest it will likely be a total turn off for him. Some states have very strong laws that can help if she flips out and messages or calls incessantly. Save a record of this type of behavior if possible to use for legal ammunition.

 

[Canuk]

J - I'll be praying as well....I'm glad to hear that there is at least some talk of serious action (on M's part).

 

[joyful11]

Would you please pray that M would have the boldness and courage to call his work on Tuesday and ask for a week of family leave? He knows he needs to do this but is worried about losing his job completely. He is waiting for the hiring boss to get back from vacation on June 4, who is the person he needs to talk to about switching locations or possibly doing freelance and working from home or our cabin in Idaho the whole summer. Please pray that he would see the seriousness of this situation that he would be willing to act NOW. Thanks.

 

[Canuk]

Thanks for letting us know EXACTLY how we can be praying....

 

[tp65]

J, I am sorry I didn't check in all weekend but I have not stopped praying for you. You can call the cell phone company and have her text messages stopped, and of course, it is not hard to block her email messages. It is obvious that she was desperate from the get go to start up with a married man, like cory said though, she is likely to start looking like a real turn-off to M with her behaviour.

 

[joyful11]

He didn't go to work and told me he's not going back. He's done a 180. He's waiting to talk to his boss next Monday about freelance work. Things are looking up. Praise God! Thanks for the prayers.

 

[Romanseight2005]

He didn't go to work and told me he's not going back. He's done a 180. He's waiting to talk to his boss next Monday about freelance work. Things are looking up. Praise God! Thanks for the prayers.

Awesome! We will keep praying!

 

[Canuk]

Wow! That is great to hear, J. I pray that M will continue heading in the right direction.

 

[tp65]

J, that is great news indeed!! He needs some quiet time to reflect, I pray that his boss will be receptive to freelance. But, better to have no job and have the respect and love of your family!! If he does the right thing, God will provide for your needs. Blessings, T

 

[joyful11]

R8,
Sorry I missed your birthday. Happy Birthday!!!! Hope it was great.
J

 

[Romanseight2005]

R8,
Sorry I missed your birthday. Happy Birthday!!!! Hope it was great.
J

Thank you! I got a tree for my birthday, it is really beautiful!

 

[mommyphotographer]

this might sound weird to bring this up but just wondering how you or anyone can move on after an affair. how can you make love to a man who has left you to make love with another women. i just dont know how someone can move on and let have sex again with your husband and not hurt all the time. and how can you think he will not do it again. when you take him back he then knows you will forgive and forget it and he will feel like it will be ok if he does it again...
i just know i couldnt do it and i wouldnt be able to get over. I dont know how i could move on by myself but i know i would be worse if i stayed.
not trying to be negative or saying you need to move on. i am just wondering how can you even think about staying with a man who has went to another women.

 

[joyful11]

Back in January, I said I would never stay with him if he ever had an affair...it's hard to say what you'd do unless you are in the situation. This is the man I love, the father of my kids, and someone I've spent 18 years with. Forgiveness doesn't mean you allow people to walk all over you. I've seen God answer very specific requests the very day I and my supporters asked them. I believe He has some very special plans for our marriage and that is why the enemy has been fighting so hard to destroy it. One of the things that kept me going the whole time was knowing the bondage of sexual sin and knowing that my husband was longing for a way out. Yes, he messed up big time and I've never been more destroyed than I am now, but I am trusting a God who does miracles, saves lost souls, and raised Jesus from the dead!!

 

[tp65]

mommyphotographer, I think your questions are fair. The difference may be this...in over the year since I have known Joyful11 I have seen her hurt, torn-apart, angry, happy, excited and even joyfull. I have yet to see her bitter toward her husband or unloving toward him. She still loves him, she knows the real M, she knows he is in there and fighting (now) to get out. She can see past the addiction and his sinful actions and still love the sinner. No doubt, it will be hard to trust again and she may need some counseling to be able to give herself over to him knowing that he has been with another. But rather than continuing to tear herself down with the bad memories, God can raise her up to move forward. She believes it is God's plan that she move forward with M, I believe God does not want to see another marriage end in divorce (even though it is allowable in such a situation it is not mandatory or even desirable if reconciliation can happen). M still loves her, he has never waivered on that even though his actions haven't backed up his feelings all the time...it seems he got lost in the fantasy turning real. His sin has hurt her greatly, he may spend the rest of his life making it up to her but if he truly wants that then God will honor it. I agree that none of us knows what we will do until we are in the situation. I pray that the rest of us never have to find out. Mommyphotographer, you were brave to ask the questions and I understand your thoughts. But I really do understand why Joyful11 still wants her marriage to work.

 

[Romanseight2005]

So true! I heard a christian singer say once that resurrections work best in a graveyard. God is the God of resurrections!

 

[Canuk]

Back in January, I said I would never stay with him if he ever had an affair...it's hard to say what you'd do unless you are in the situation. This is the man I love, the father of my kids, and someone I've spent 18 years with. Forgiveness doesn't mean you allow people to walk all over you. I've seen God answer very specific requests the very day I and my supporters asked them. I believe He has some very special plans for our marriage and that is why the enemy has been fighting so hard to destroy it. One of the things that kept me going the whole time was knowing the bondage of sexual sin and knowing that my husband was longing for a way out. Yes, he messed up big time and I've never been more destroyed than I am now, but I am trusting a God who does miracles, saves lost souls, and raised Jesus from the dead!!

J, I just wanted to say that this is one of the most thoughtful, insightful, and touching posts I have read in a long time. I'm encouraged to see that you know the enemy is hard at work trying to destroy your marriage so the two of you will be unable to do the great things that God has in store for you. I also appreciate that you recognize that M is dealing with something that is much larger than simply a poor choice (although plenty of poor choices have occurred).

I believe that God will bring tremendous glory to himself through your situation, J. I'm excited for what the future holds.

 

[joyful11]

I am touched once again by my friends here who seem so much more than just online acquaintances.

One thing I didn't mention is that M is home. We discussed this with our counselor who thought it would be good for M and the kids, but told me it was up to me. I was the only one he was worried about in case something occurred. I realized today how much it is helping me also to have him here. We have spent every moment together. M said he no longer feels the hesitation to talk about anything and told me to tell him whenever I am feeling uncomfortable. He is still not going to work and is hoping to meet with his supervisor today or tomorrow to discuss work in the meantime until the big boss returns from vacation next week. We are still getting bugged by the other woman, which shows us that it's a good decision to only work from home or in Idaho like we'd like to do. We also need to change his cell number ASAP because each message from her is like a setback to progress for us. Thanks so much for all of the prayer and support. I feel so selfish because I don't know what's going on with any of you lately. I don't know what I would have done without the support.

 

[Canuk]

I am touched once again by my friends here who seem so much more than just online acquaintances.

One thing I didn't mention is that M is home. We discussed this with our counselor who thought it would be good for M and the kids, but told me it was up to me. I was the only one he was worried about in case something occurred. I realized today how much it is helping me also to have him here. We have spent every moment together. M said he no longer feels the hesitation to talk about anything and told me to tell him whenever I am feeling uncomfortable. He is still not going to work and is hoping to meet with his supervisor today or tomorrow to discuss work in the meantime until the big boss returns from vacation next week. We are still getting bugged by the other woman, which shows us that it's a good decision to only work from home or in Idaho like we'd like to do. We also need to change his cell number ASAP because each message from her is like a setback to progress for us. Thanks so much for all of the prayer and support. I feel so selfish because I don't know what's going on with any of you lately. I don't know what I would have done without the support.

J - the last thing that you need to feel is selfish. You have gone through hell the last two and a half months (specifically), and I feel that I can speak for everyone in saying that it has, and will continue to be, a privilege to be able to walk along side of you, support you, and pray for you (and your family) during that time. That said, the support will not stop...

I think that it is a HUGE answer to prayer that M has made the decision to step back from work. I pray that his supervisor / boss is open to him either freelancing or working remotely. I pray that M will continue to take steps (maybe even leaps?) towards healing, and restoration. I pray that you will be surrounded by a group of women who can support you, and offer you strength so that you may one day minister to others in this horrible situation.

Thanks for being so open - not only throughout this terrible time in your life, but prior to it as well. It has revealed things to me that I am not sure that I could have ever discovered on my own. To see the depth of hurt that my addictive behavior inevitably had on my wife has truly been a humbling experience.