Study: Children That Go to Mass, Continue Going

[JoabAnias]

Study: Children That Go to Mass, Continue Going

Finds U.S. Catholics Are Staying Catholic


WASHINGTON, D.C., APRIL 28, 2009 (Zenit.org).- If parents want their children to carry the Catholic faith from childhood to adulthood, take them to Mass, say a U.S. bishops' conference spokesman.

Archbishop Donald Wuerl of Washington, past chairman of the bishops’ Committee on Catechesis and next chairman of the Committee on Doctrine, said this Monday in response to a Pew Forum survey that revealed a key factor in whether or not one remains Catholic as an adult is whether or not one attends Mass as a child or teenager.

The study, “Faith in Flux: Changes in the Religious Affiliation in the U.S.,” was made public Monday by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life.

“The report highlights the importance of Mass attendance among children and teenagers,” the archbishop said. “Adolescence is a critical time in religious development and, as the poll shows, what happens in the teen years has a long-lasting affect. We have to help young people and their parents appreciate the importance of going to weekly Mass so teenagers know Jesus is there for them now and always.“

The study also revealed a 68% retention rate of Catholics in the Church, which is higher than most other Christian churches. The key reason people leave their church, the study reported, is that “they just gradually drifted away from the faith.”

The study said only 2%-3% percent of those polled cited sexual abuse of children as a reason for leaving when asked in an open-ended question why they left.

When people were asked to choose why they left from a list of possible reasons, the number jumped from 21% for Catholics who became Protestant, and 27% for former Catholics who are now unaffiliated with any church. Other reasons for leaving the Church, such as disagreement on doctrinal matters, figured much higher.

Archbishop Wuerl said the poll showed the resilience of the Catholic faith, even in the face of something as horrific as the sexual abuse crisis.

“Catholics can separate the sins and human failings of individuals from the substance of the faith,” he said. “Sexual abuse of a child is a terrible sin and crime, but most Catholics people, because of good personal experience with their priests in their parishes, recognize sex abuse by clergy as the aberration it is. They also look to the church’s 2,000-year history, which has seen the faith flourish despite some painful times.”

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

The wonderful little, tiny mission parish we found has a priest who has started Mass the past two weeks remarking on how wonderful it is to have so many kids at Mass, reminded folks how hard it is for parents to bring their kids to Mass, how important is is for kids to be at Mass, and that the noise and movement of children shouldn't let one's heart be hardened while at Mass.

I just wanted to run up and hug that man!!!!!

 

[JoabAnias]

Yea, we have no cry room at my current Parish so once in a while I hear a child at Mass. That really shouldn't bother anyone. Not that there shouldn't be cry rooms either though because I know some parents who feel more comfortable if one is available who might not go to Mass if there wasn't. I remember thanking God we did have one where I was when I first began taking my youngest tiger to Mass. He wouldn't set still even if you held him and would constantly try to escape. Out in the pews would have been nearly impossible. I spent most of the Mass chasing him around the cry room as it was. That experience was more than enough to remember every time I hear the occasional child at Mass. Its understandable how people can feel about an interruption but I think its really a personal problem. We can always re-read the reading if we want to and probably should anyway. As Jesus said; "Suffer not the little ones to come to Him"

 

[Fish and Bread]

To be fair, the flip side to children at mass is that for every intolerant person who can't take a child whispering something and being shushed, there is a parent who will sit there with a baby screaming it's head off (rather than taking the baby outside until he/she quiets down) or parent who doesn't say anything to a child running up and down and isle grabbing missals and whatnot. People need to be welcoming of children, but parents also need to take responsibility and discipline their children or take them out when they get unruly.

It seems to me as thought these days in general parents are less likely to discipline their children than in the old days, and more likely to get prickly about how other people react to their children. Maybe it's just me, but the impression I get is that 50 years ago if a child acted out, the average parent would assertively quiet the child down and discipline them and apologize to anyone who had to deal with what was going on, and now a parent is more likely to continue doing whatever they are doing acting oblivious to their children's public misbehavior and getting prickly with anyone who calls their attention to it or tells a child to stop throwing things at them or something.

Children misbehaving doesn't bother me if I see their parents doing something about it. Kids will be kids. I get a bit annoyed when I see the parents acting oblivious to it, though, because it just perpetuates the behavior and shows a lack of consideration for people who are trying to pray, work, shop, eat, or whatever.

So, I think there are two sides to this. Yeah, people are less welcoming to children and large families than they were in the old days, but parents are also less likely to make more than a token attempt to get the children to behave, and are less likely to remove them if they are completely uncontrollable. There seems to be an attitude of "My child is an angel, his/her misbehavior must be accepted/embraced by all, and anyone who doesn't understand is just an anti-child jerk" in a sort of in-your-face kind of way sometimes versus the old "Yeah, kids will be kids, but I am trying to raise my child to respectful of other people in public settings as best I can so I am going to be assertive about keeping control of them.".

And it's these inconsiderate children who aren't taught to be considerate who become inconsiderate adults, who can in some ways be even harder to deal with.

 

[MarkRohfrietsch]

To be fair, the flip side to children at mass is that for every intolerant person who can't take a child whispering something and being shushed, there is a parent who will sit there with a baby screaming it's head off (rather than taking the baby outside until he/she quiets down) or parent who doesn't say anything to a child running up and down and isle grabbing missals and whatnot. People need to be welcoming of children, but parents also need to take responsibility and discipline their children or take them out when they get unruly.

It seems to me as thought these days in general parents are less likely to discipline their children than in the old days, and more likely to get prickly about how other people react to their children. Maybe it's just me, but the impression I get is that 50 years ago if a child acted out, the average parent would assertively quiet the child down and discipline them and apologize to anyone who had to deal with what was going on, and now a parent is more likely to continue doing whatever they are doing acting oblivious to their children's public misbehavior and getting prickly with anyone who calls their attention to it or tells a child to stop throwing things at them or something.

People with small Children tend to sit near the back of the Church in our Parish. Those who have problems with those wonderful child sounds, can move up to the front. There is lots of room there on most Sundays.

Addendum: Those with children may have to kick a few of the crusty old Lutherans out of the back pew though!

 

[Fish and Bread]

On teenagers going to mass being more likely to stay Catholic as an adult, I wonder if there is really a cause-effect correlation. What I mean is, if you are a teenager still attending mass regularly, you are likely to have chosen to do it, or at least not have fought hard not to do it, and to have come from a fairly religious family. Someone who *wants* to attend mass at 16 is probably pretty likely to want to attend mass at 36, too. Then on the flip side people don't want to attend mass at 16 may not want to attend mass at 36 either, but it isn't necessarily because they didn't attend mass when they were 16 -- it's probably for whatever the reason was that they didn't want to attend mass at 16.

So, I'd be hesitant to draw from this that forcing teenagers to attend mass is going to get them to attend mass as an adult. I more get the idea that bringing the kids to mass as kids and making sure they have the opportunity to go as teenagers (if they don't object) is helpful, because it gives people a faith background and an opportunity to develop spiritually if they have those inclinations in the first place. But I have my doubts if someone being forced to go helps or just makes the person resentful down the line.

 

[Gwendolyn]

Well, my parents took my bros and I to Mass every Sunday until I was... hmm... 21 or so. Then my bros started whining about it and stopped going.

My brothers do not place faith in Christianity. One of them believes in something akin to the Tao, and the other just isn't sure. But they are honest about thinking that Christianity is largely a crock.

And you guys know me.

Now mum and I just go to Mass. Mum has been especially kind lately, because I have been having severe anxiety problems - she has even offered to go to Mass with me during the week if I want.

 

[Anygma]

Yea, we have no cry room at my current Parish so once in a while I hear a child at Mass. That really shouldn't bother anyone. Not that there shouldn't be cry rooms either though because I know some parents who feel more comfortable if one is available who might not go to Mass if there wasn't. I remember thanking God we did have one where I was when I first began taking my youngest tiger to Mass. He wouldn't set still even if you held him and would constantly try to escape. Out in the pews would have been nearly impossible. I spent most of the Mass chasing him around the cry room as it was. That experience was more than enough to remember every time I hear the occasional child at Mass. Its understandable how people can feel about an interruption but I think its really a personal problem. We can always re-read the reading if we want to and probably should anyway. As Jesus said; "Suffer not the little ones to come to Him"

wow, and i thought my son was the only one to want to wander so badly. and crying room was taking some stress off of us for sure. we even drove 20 minutes further to benefit from the crying room because the time we went to our local church, that don't have a crying room, i found myself having to chase him all around the church and almost up the sanctuary

my mom found it so stressful what when she had to come so i could go to mass, she preferred looking after the kids at home while i went at 9 and then she went to the other church at 10:30.

i told my mom it mattered to me that the kids attended mass. her views are that they are too young to understand and while i have to disciplin him the whole time, i don't really get to pay attention to mass at all.

the last few time, we took them to the saturday afternoon mass in a very small parish, there's only about 25 parishoners, they use the chapel instead of the full church and being so close next to strangers made them very quiet
the next time, we sat in front, and the priest is only 2 feet away. so they get very good view of what's going on. sometime the priest even addressed a few words directly too them. so i think we're gonna go to that church as often as it is possible.

 

[Anygma]

So, I think there are two sides to this. Yeah, people are less welcoming to children and large families than they were in the old days, but parents are also less likely to make more than a token attempt to get the children to behave, and are less likely to remove them if they are completely uncontrollable.

i understand the concept when the behavior is occasional, but when the behavior is constant, week after week, for the whole duration, the removal is probably what the kid is aiming for and having to "remove" the kid the whole duration of mass each time, kind of defeat the purpose of going in the first place... as you might have guessed, it's been a huge source of frustration and a long uphill battle for our family. and it's not for lack of discipline. my son is autistic and discipline doesn't seem to bother him that much.

so i guess the next question would be, what should be done with children with mental disabilities?

 

[Fish and Bread]

i understand the concept when the behavior is occasional, but when the behavior is constant, week after week, for the whole duration, the removal is probably what the kid is aiming for and having to "remove" the kid the whole duration of mass each time, kind of defeat the purpose of going in the first place... as you might have guessed, it's been a huge source of frustration and a long uphill battle for our family. and it's not for lack of discipline. my son is autistic and discipline doesn't seem to bother him that much.

so i guess the next question would be, what should be done with children with mental disabilities?

That is a tough one. I can see why that would be a real challenge and a real source of frustration for a parent in the context of a mass. I typed up a long post and wound up deleting it, because I don't want to pretend I know a lot about a situation I haven't really experienced from your side of things, and I didn't want to get too deep into some of my own personal information that might or might not be relevant (I've made the mistake from time to time of going too in-depth about personal things and then had to deal with a long frustrating Internet debate about things I don't really like to talk about in the first place, that I get really upset over -- so I'm attempting to do less of that. ).

In a nutshell, though, my knee-jerk reaction would be to say the first thing you should do is find out if your child wants to go to mass or not. If the child can't help misbehaving because of his disabilities but really wants to be there, that's a good reason to try to keep at it and work through stuff. If the child really doesn't want to go, it might be worth considering leaving the child at home.

A child with autism is not a typical child who can be coerced into doing something smoothly -- often if autistic children don't want to do something, it'd be easier to move heaven and earth than to make them do it. And sometimes autistics have good reason for wanting or not wanting to do things that it's hard for regular folks to understand, because the two groups have very different ways of thinking. So giving your child the benefit of a doubt that he might be clued into something about himself that you aren't that he can't quite express in a way you'd be able to identify with, especially if he is older and a higher-functioning autistic, could be a worthwhile idea to think about.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Well as someone with actual children...and not just mythical ideas about how children are or ought to be in Mass...

Kids are kids and people just need to get over themselves. No one is ever happy with how you parent...if you spank people think that's awful--if you don't other people think that's awful. If you can't take your child out (because there are a gaggle of others) and you need to settle them down by allowing them to cry a little---you do that--and people think that's awful. If you keep taking your child out people think that's awful. Seriously parents at Mass can't win since so many are so filled up with judgment about how parents ought to be parenting.

The only person's opinion I care about at Mass, is Father's. He is the one who needs to say Mass and preach. If he doesn't care about my two year old learning as a two year old how to be at Mass---well I'm not going to pretend that he isn't a two year old and try to make him be totally still and completely silent for an hour and 15 minutes. And if he does care--then I'd pretty much go find a new parish. I think it's ridiculous to make people have a boat load of babies--with the whole open to lifeness...but then not want those lives to be seen, nor heard.

 

[Fantine]

People who are bothered by children in church can make choices, just like the rest of us. They can attend Masses that families are unlikely to attend in great numbers (early morning, for example.)

They can choose parishes with older populations (if they have a few parishes to choose from.)

When my children were young, I always liked the Children's Liturgy of the Word Masses. There were donut Sundays afterwards.

Good behavior was rewarded by donuts and socialization with all their buds who were at the same Mass.

Carrots are better than sticks, if carrots are available.

Children's Liturgy of the Word followed by donuts with buds was an unbeatable combination.

 

[faerieevaH]

I must admit, I HAVE a little escape artist, who does not like to sit still. And I often 'sit through mass' with him, with the prayer on my lips being "God give me the patience and love to be a good mom" without too much active, mindful participation to the rest. And yet... I feel like Fish! Joseph isn't easy to handle, but Bill and I try. of course he will now and again distract others just by being a little boy. (most often actually people try to engage HIM by making faces as at him or blowing kisses. We have a very family friendly parish with loads of kids).
But at the same time, I do get annoyed when people do not even bother to try calming a child down or teaching him. Or to get a baby or todler out for a few minutes if he is screaming his head off, preferably with a 'Come to Jesus' talk if he is misbehaving and not just unhappy or hurting. Maybe it annoys me even more because I know I am trying so hard to get Joseph to behave well, and there is this other mother just pretending not to hear the screaming todler that has not stopped for the last five minutes, which makes it harder for the rest of us to keep our children calm.
Then again... I remember sleep deprived days when sitting there like a zombie it might actually have taken several minutes for some ear splitting noise to penetrate my brain, so I try to be charitable in my thoughts and think that the poor mother is simply overwhelmed this week, or maybe dealing with some private grief and at that moment just can not react. If I sit nearby, I might actually try to smile and wave at the child or something to distract it and give the mother a break, if I can without letting go of the hand of my little 'pew angel' ready to fly away.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

The fact is we do not know what parents are or aren't doing to parent their children. We don't know what bargains they're attempting, nor what rewards they're trying to give after Mass, nor what's whispered, or where firm hands are placed. To us, it might appear that they're "doing nothing" but that's probably far from the truth.

And frankly--I don't really care how other people's kids behave in Mass--I am glad that they are there, I am glad that their parents are there, and unless I sit in judgment and have my heart wrong about them being there--I won't have to answer for those kids at my particular judgment.

 

[colleen]

I just want to say I love kids at mass in any way shape or form The priest in my parish in St. Louis always said that hearing the sound of babies is the sound of life in a parish.

 

[Gwendolyn]

One time a few years ago, in Latin Mass, I was sitting behind a young mother with a toddler who was very busy. I think her husband was with her (he was not often with her). I did not mind the little boy. He was very cute. In order to calm him a bit, I showed him my little missal with pictures of what the priest was doing during the Mass. He liked it and got excited, pointing to the picture and then pointing to the priest. He wasn't boisterous and he didn't yell out or anything. Then the dad scooped him up and stepped outside the chapel.

After the Mass, I was talking to the mother and her husband came up and told me not to encourage his child because then he would never learn how to behave.

Quite honestly, the boy had been trying to climb under the pews and was banging his juice cup on the pew. Once I showed him the pictures, he calmed down.

I couldn't help but feel slightly ashamed. I thought I had been helping, but the husband's tone was curt and he did not look happy.

The mother seemed grateful to me, at any rate. Poor thing looked so exhausted.

 

[Rhamiel]

me and my dad are horrible, he is worse then me, he makes faces at babies and makes them giggle hahaha

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

One time a few years ago, in Latin Mass, I was sitting behind a young mother with a toddler who was very busy. I think her husband was with her (he was not often with her). I did not mind the little boy. He was very cute. In order to calm him a bit, I showed him my little missal with pictures of what the priest was doing during the Mass. He liked it and got excited, pointing to the picture and then pointing to the priest. He wasn't boisterous and he didn't yell out or anything. Then the dad scooped him up and stepped outside the chapel.

After the Mass, I was talking to the mother and her husband came up and told me not to encourage his child because then he would never learn how to behave.

Quite honestly, the boy had been trying to climb under the pews and was banging his juice cup on the pew. Once I showed him the pictures, he calmed down.

I couldn't help but feel slightly ashamed. I thought I had been helping, but the husband's tone was curt and he did not look happy.

The mother seemed grateful to me, at any rate. Poor thing looked so exhausted.

On the freak occasion where my husband comes to Mass with us--the kids' behaviour bothers him much more than it does me. (Which I ought to add that while they have their bad times--they are very often complimented on how they behave at Mass--which personally I think are their angels covering people's eyes and ears or something---they drive me nuts!)

I am sorry that you got scolded. LOL! I would have hugged you!!

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

me and my dad are horrible, he is worse then me, he makes faces at babies and makes them giggle hahaha

That's when I'd pick them up and hand them to you to watch

 

[JoabAnias]

I must admit, I HAVE a little escape artist, who does not like to sit still. And I often 'sit through mass' with him, with the prayer on my lips being "God give me the patience and love to be a good mom" without too much active, mindful participation to the rest. And yet... I feel like Fish! Joseph isn't easy to handle, but Bill and I try. of course he will now and again distract others just by being a little boy. (most often actually people try to engage HIM by making faces as at him or blowing kisses. We have a very family friendly parish with loads of kids).
But at the same time, I do get annoyed when people do not even bother to try calming a child down or teaching him. Or to get a baby or todler out for a few minutes if he is screaming his head off, preferably with a 'Come to Jesus' talk if he is misbehaving and not just unhappy or hurting. Maybe it annoys me even more because I know I am trying so hard to get Joseph to behave well, and there is this other mother just pretending not to hear the screaming todler that has not stopped for the last five minutes, which makes it harder for the rest of us to keep our children calm.
Then again... I remember sleep deprived days when sitting there like a zombie it might actually have taken several minutes for some ear splitting noise to penetrate my brain, so I try to be charitable in my thoughts and think that the poor mother is simply overwhelmed this week, or maybe dealing with some private grief and at that moment just can not react. If I sit nearby, I might actually try to smile and wave at the child or something to distract it and give the mother a break, if I can without letting go of the hand of my little 'pew angel' ready to fly away.

One thing I learned that helped was NO sugar Sunday morning. Oh and though this sounds severe and usually is, pre-schools have weighted vests they put on kids that have a hard time staying in their seats though I never tried that. It really is hard for them to set still and can bring you to the verge of wanting to medicate them. Later on though, they become energetic young adults and its all worth it. I'd say you don't have to worry about obesity. LOL. One other thing I thought of that helped. Is taking him for a walk just before Mass and then again after the readings and before the Eucharist. Sort of like giving him a break from having to set still until its most important and explaining to him why those moments are crucial. It gave me a chance to emphasise the most important parts of the Mass. Then by the walk up to communion mine was ready to leave which I often did after recieving, making me one of those early leavers. But I had good reason. Now my oldest son was no different either. He once ran off on his mother in a big airport and she had to have security find him. She contemplated getting a harness for him after that ordeal. In my early 20's I gave up trying to get my oldest to Church. I just didn't have the patience. I wasn't able to get him confirmed until he was almost 18. Now my daughter on the other hand, would just set there all pretty and content like. What else is funny is the squirmy boys were raring to go to Church and the quiet girl kicked and screamed all the way to the pew practically, then the squirmy ones were rather reverent and the quite one is kind of like indifferent. My kids have interesting dynamics to say the least. My boys are just like me though. The oldest one especially. He calls himself an agnostic these days but is beginning to hear me again finally. Now that he has 4 kids of his own. The Holy Spirit really is amazing and were definitely on a journey. Life is a constant reminder that its only dark before the dawn and God is always taking care of us even when we can't see it.