Study: Children That Go to Mass, Continue Going

[EDB]

I don't usually have trouble with children at Mass, most a fairly well behaved. But I do have one big exception, the little boy who was a couple of pews behind us and began throwing things in a temper fit. The missalette hit me square in the back of the head - not a pleasant experience, LOL!

When they start throwing things - take them outside!

 

[JoabAnias]

On the freak occasion where my husband comes to Mass with us--the kids' behaviour bothers him much more than it does me. (Which I ought to add that while they have their bad times--they are very often complimented on how they behave at Mass--which personally I think are their angels covering people's eyes and ears or something---they drive me nuts!)

I think we guys do that because of our nature to be the disciplinarian. It used to bother me most too. I had to overcome myself. I was thinking about all this yesterday. I went to Mass last night and happened upon one of those chatty Masses when I expected a regular Wed evening Mass. It was for the confirmation of the students where all the parents (who you can tell don't make it too often) show up for the special occasion. It makes you realize how blessed we are to have the faith we do and how many blessings come to people by just coming to Church. Kids included.

 

[singalovesong]

I honestly enjoy children at Mass. It reminds me that we're a family

 

[Anygma]

That is a tough one. I can see why that would be a real challenge and a real source of frustration for a parent in the context of a mass. I typed up a long post and wound up deleting it, because I don't want to pretend I know a lot about a situation I haven't really experienced from your side of things, and I didn't want to get too deep into some of my own personal information that might or might not be relevant (I've made the mistake from time to time of going too in-depth about personal things and then had to deal with a long frustrating Internet debate about things I don't really like to talk about in the first place, that I get really upset over -- so I'm attempting to do less of that. ).

In a nutshell, though, my knee-jerk reaction would be to say the first thing you should do is find out if your child wants to go to mass or not. If the child can't help misbehaving because of his disabilities but really wants to be there, that's a good reason to try to keep at it and work through stuff. If the child really doesn't want to go, it might be worth considering leaving the child at home.

A child with autism is not a typical child who can be coerced into doing something smoothly -- often if autistic children don't want to do something, it'd be easier to move heaven and earth than to make them do it. And sometimes autistics have good reason for wanting or not wanting to do things that it's hard for regular folks to understand, because the two groups have very different ways of thinking. So giving your child the benefit of a doubt that he might be clued into something about himself that you aren't that he can't quite express in a way you'd be able to identify with, especially if he is older and a higher-functioning autistic, could be a worthwhile idea to think about.

wow, the tread ran away on me, it went 2 pages without even notifying me
it would probably be easier to leave the kids behind, but who would look after them? i don't know if any kids really want to go to mass if you ask them, they would ratter stay home and play or do anything that doesn't involve sitting still and quiet. i've used a few different things to keep them occupied or bribe them.

if they're good during the readings, they'll have a snack during the homily. preferably something that can take 20 minutes to eat, like a few clementines that they have to peel themselves. nuts and raisins... i brought coloring books and crayons, even scissors and glue at one point. a book they like to "read". now they try to follow in the missal. my son is 5 and a half and can read a bit so he makes a good effort trying. my daughter is only going on 4, she'll pretend for a while but as long as son is quiet, she is too.

since Christmas, i have the mother of all bribes. you are good at mass, you get to play Wii after, you not doing good... no Wii. the minute he start getting more agitated, i ask him if he still wants to play Wii after mass, it usually works.

i also thought him all the main prayers at bedtime, so when they come up during mass, they are a familiar event for him, something he can participate, so that also helps. i have to remind him not to shout them though.

 

[Anygma]

That's when I'd pick them up and hand them to you to watch

 

[faerieevaH]

Had to add to this thread with the story of last sunday at mass. We have a regular pew that we sit in. Or at least we mostly sit close to that spot. That means the people around us know Joseph pretty well. People keep comenting on how good he is, though I think like Shannon that that is his guardian angel covering their eyes. Still.. there are gradations in the trouble he makes.
Last week he was a terror for a big part of mass. He did not want to sit on my lap, did not want to sit still, did not want to sit with dada and did not even want to quietly play at our feet.
There was quiete some space between us and the next lady in the pew, so when he started walking there I was not too bothered at first, since she miled and cooed at him. But then he decided that he wanted to sit with her. He actually spend about fifteen minutes of the mass on the lap of this lady, playing with the buttons of her vest, looking at her and smiling up angelically. And she just LOVED it. *L*