Struggling with My Pregnant Teen

[heron]

Losing a baby in any way is painful. Women who miscarry, abort, give up for adoption, or face the death of their babies go through emotional trauma that they never expected.

But the decision itself is also traumatic. Being a sudden parent changes every aspect of one's life, so it is naturally stressful. Trying to plan for something one knows little about is difficult. There's just nothing easy about any direction that a pregnancy can take.

 

[AnyaMa]

Wow, your daughter is so lucky to have such a caring and wise father! Kudos to you, dad! It must be hard to be so reasonable and mature when a part of you just wants to thump that boy ;p

 

[john_donn]

UPDATE:

Well we are getting close to the arrival of our new grandchild and here's an update. My daughter is doing much better and we are helping her work through this. The guy is still in the picture and we have decided that it isn't something we are going to fight too much. We do limit their contact to some degree, but trying to cut off the relationship is just plain silly. Instead, we try to guide our daughter to make good healthy choices. We will help her while she finishes high school (she's a junior) and expect this boy to contribute his fair share toward support.

Now a new dilema. Since things are really starting to pop out a bit, our Pastor has decided that my daughter can't stay in the youth group. His concern is her potential influence on the other teens. I think this is pure legalism and not based on any sound biblical principle. Despite her mistake, which she claims to have repented, she is an active participant in bible study. We are working with her on the issue of humilty and she tries to be discrete about her situation in church. Yes, she is a sinner, just like every other member of the church. Does the fact that the result of her sin is visible, make her unworthy to participate in bible study and fellowship with her peer group?

 

[DreamsAreFree]

I agree with you. I am in leadership in church and if a situation like that arose, I would put my job on the line to fight it if I needed to. Jesus didn't turn away sinners. He loved them. A pregnant teen needs to be shown grace and love and embraced by the church. She made a mistake, she will live with that and the consequences. let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Chances are a number of teens in the group have made the same mistake - the difference being that they just got away without a pregnancy.

On the family front it sounds like you are handling things well and being an awesome support to your daughter. Well done .

 

[fated]

I'm new here and this is a biggey!
About two months ago,I found out that my 16 year old daughter was pregnant. She was dating a non-christian boy and had back slidden over the previous 6 months. The boy had actually broken up with her before she discovered she was pregnant. Now here is my dilema. She desperately wants to maintain some type of relationship with this boy and his family. (By the way, his mother seems to think this pregnancy is cute. putting together a nursery and buying baby stuff already, etc...) I would prefer that she just stay away from them all for now, and when the baby comes along, the boy will be expected to support the child and be allowed his rights as far as visitation. My daughter seems to have a repentive spirit at this point, and I simply don't want the boy to fill her head with wrong ideas. As her father, can I insist that she stay away from them? Should I? What do you think?

It is a massive injustice to unnecessarily seperate a child from their father. Avoid it as possible... You will not be able to put yourself as an obstacle, at lest not for long, and so it would be better to become a trusted leader, rather than an adversary in this matter, thus maintaining your privileges for assisting the the formation of your grandchild and your child, rather than causing a useless and counter productive rift.

 

[Hoankan]

In the Orthodox Church, when we sin and ask others to forgive us for what we did, our common reply is 'As God forgives, so do I.'

While I understand what I think is your pastor's primary concern, that she'll provide a bad example to the others and maybe give them the impression that the consequences aren't so bad. But I do not think it is very helpful.

I honestly think that having a penitent sinner in their midst is a very good thing. It can teach all sorts of valuable Christian lessons. If she asked them from the bottom of her heart for forgiveness of this sin, they would learn more through seeing then reading than just reading.

We as a society have a very strong habit of trying to hide our sins. Be it us hiding our own or others hiding it for us. But that is what the devil wants. Once out of sight, it is out of mind to many. That and the true Christian virtue of forgiveness cannot be practiced.

 

[Johnnz]

UPDATE:
Now a new dilema. Since things are really starting to pop out a bit, our Pastor has decided that my daughter can't stay in the youth group. His concern is her potential influence on the other teens. I think this is pure legalism and not based on any sound biblical principle. Despite her mistake, which she claims to have repented, she is an active participant in bible study. We are working with her on the issue of humilty and she tries to be discrete about her situation in church. Yes, she is a sinner, just like every other member of the church. Does the fact that the result of her sin is visible, make her unworthy to participate in bible study and fellowship with her peer group?

Some Christians elevate sexual sins above all others it seems. Wonder how many 'good church members' look at inappropriate content on the Internet?

Why can't the pastor see what a wonderful opportunity your daughter is for some testimony and sharing of experience learned the hard way? After all, people now know what happened. What advantage is there is banning her from youth group?

John
NZ

 

[razzelflabben]

UPDATE:

Well we are getting close to the arrival of our new grandchild and here's an update. My daughter is doing much better and we are helping her work through this. The guy is still in the picture and we have decided that it isn't something we are going to fight too much. We do limit their contact to some degree, but trying to cut off the relationship is just plain silly. Instead, we try to guide our daughter to make good healthy choices. We will help her while she finishes high school (she's a junior) and expect this boy to contribute his fair share toward support.

Now a new dilema. Since things are really starting to pop out a bit, our Pastor has decided that my daughter can't stay in the youth group. His concern is her potential influence on the other teens. I think this is pure legalism and not based on any sound biblical principle. Despite her mistake, which she claims to have repented, she is an active participant in bible study. We are working with her on the issue of humilty and she tries to be discrete about her situation in church. Yes, she is a sinner, just like every other member of the church. Does the fact that the result of her sin is visible, make her unworthy to participate in bible study and fellowship with her peer group?

It shouldn't, especially if she has repented of the sin...in fact, if she has repented, her inclusion in the youth would not only serve as an act of love toward her, but could be a lesson of love for the other youth. In fact, our sin is not to drive us from the love of the church, but rather into the love of the fold.