- Jul 30, 2016
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This is my fourth post here on Christian Forums. I haven't even written my intro on the forum.
I am a survivor of SRA by my father who was a serial killer. I witnessed, was forced to witness, and forced to participate in what he did. He orally and anally raped me. He dressed and treated me like a boy even though I was a girl. My father forced me to spend time with his friends who were all pedophiles. Some were doctors, dentists, and other professional people. As well my father was heavily involved in fetishes. My abuse started when I was three years old.
I didn't come to accept that my abuse was SRA until I saw my last therapist. My very first therapist told me it was SRA, but I researched that and couldn't fathom that it was true. I didn't remember anything satanic about it. Though three years later when I became a born-again Christian, I discovered problems with demons.
My last therapist told me that the nature of what I witnessed, was forced to witness, and forced to participate in made my abuse SRA. That fact helped me lay many things to rest.
Back in 2011, I reported the details of my abuse to authorities in the state in which it occurred. As far as I know, my father has never been caught. Though in a recent memory I saw the FBI at his house, questioning him about a missing child. I live on the other side of the country from the my father's residence. My father is most likely in his late 70s or early 80s so I'm not too concerned about him coming to get me. Though for years I had nightmares about being kidnapped by him. Part of his ritual included taking me along with him when he kidnapped a homeless child/preteen off the streets.
Twelve years after I became a Christian, I left the church to write about my abuse and work deeper on my healing. During that time, my elaborate system of alters integrated into one person, me. The integration occurred over several years and outside of therapy.
Now thirteen years later, I am finished with therapy. I haven't had a memory surface in months. The only thing I haven't done is to return to a church. Joining this forum is the closest I've come to being part of a church family. I don't think I'm ready to become a member of a physical church family as of yet. There was a lot of church abuse several years before I stopped going to church. My very last experience in church was a positive one. I sensed the Holy Spirit was calling me to write and I followed His lead.
I am a survivor of SRA by my father who was a serial killer. I witnessed, was forced to witness, and forced to participate in what he did. He orally and anally raped me. He dressed and treated me like a boy even though I was a girl. My father forced me to spend time with his friends who were all pedophiles. Some were doctors, dentists, and other professional people. As well my father was heavily involved in fetishes. My abuse started when I was three years old.
I didn't come to accept that my abuse was SRA until I saw my last therapist. My very first therapist told me it was SRA, but I researched that and couldn't fathom that it was true. I didn't remember anything satanic about it. Though three years later when I became a born-again Christian, I discovered problems with demons.
My last therapist told me that the nature of what I witnessed, was forced to witness, and forced to participate in made my abuse SRA. That fact helped me lay many things to rest.
Back in 2011, I reported the details of my abuse to authorities in the state in which it occurred. As far as I know, my father has never been caught. Though in a recent memory I saw the FBI at his house, questioning him about a missing child. I live on the other side of the country from the my father's residence. My father is most likely in his late 70s or early 80s so I'm not too concerned about him coming to get me. Though for years I had nightmares about being kidnapped by him. Part of his ritual included taking me along with him when he kidnapped a homeless child/preteen off the streets.
Twelve years after I became a Christian, I left the church to write about my abuse and work deeper on my healing. During that time, my elaborate system of alters integrated into one person, me. The integration occurred over several years and outside of therapy.
Now thirteen years later, I am finished with therapy. I haven't had a memory surface in months. The only thing I haven't done is to return to a church. Joining this forum is the closest I've come to being part of a church family. I don't think I'm ready to become a member of a physical church family as of yet. There was a lot of church abuse several years before I stopped going to church. My very last experience in church was a positive one. I sensed the Holy Spirit was calling me to write and I followed His lead.
