Someone please help me escape myself

[ineedjusus216]

I have been seeing my OCD therapist for almost 6 weeks now. She is great, and she has helped me to understand my illness (intrusive thoughts) and why my brain works the way it does. I have been reading "Imp of the mind" along with other OCD books on how to finally get over my intrusive thoughts. The worst thoughts are of sexual content, usually involving family members. Now, the book and my therapist tells me that in order to successfully treat myself, I need to undergo CBT therapy, involving exposure to the thoughts. I am to "let the thoughts pass through my head and not resist", I am to "purposely think the thoughts and put myself in the situation that triggers my thoughts". My only thing is that I find it makes me more anxious/stressed when I attempt to do this. It's hard because thinking about sexual thoughts involving my mother or my sister is so sickening sickening to me.

The thoughts are worst when I am around my family, so basically what the doctor is asking me to do is think of sexual thoughts while I am around my mother and sister, which I find has not worked and makes me sick. How do I expose myself when the thoughts are so sickening? Would you want to think sexual thoughts around your family, even if you knew that you were doing it for a treatment? Another method is to either write down or record on a cassette tape the thoughts, and then listen to the tape for an hour each day until the anxiety subsides. How do I do this when the thoughts that I am fighting involve sexual thoughts involving my family? I can't willingly think these thoughts around my family because then I feel so sick. Someone please help me, my personal doctor assured me the anxiety will go away if I stay persistent. But I have tried this for weeks and I still feel sick when I intentionally think these thoughts around my family. What method can I try? Please someone help me!

 

[Noxot]

I think the brain tend to build up that which you react to and pay attention to. anxiety is a power energy in a person and will only give strength and torment to those intrusive thoughts. there are probably other practices you could try such as when they naturally come about that you pay no attention at all past the thought that came about without you wanting it. just pretend that you don't hear them to the point of not even thinking or knowing that you are pretending that they are not there.

with my intrusive thoughts I at the first would just be tormented and have various negative reactions towards them. then i got to a point where I would react when they came about with praying to God to save me and I prayed a lot for God to save me and then in time I would react to the evil thoughts with good. such as if I had an automatic judgmental problem in me that came up out of nowhere I would react by having a loving response to those evil thoughts. then i got to a point where I figured it was not even worth reacting to the evil at all because I know that I love and am and desire the good and not the evil. and so now I let the evil thoughts pass through me more often and they have become weaker over time and they don't torment near as much as at the very first when they started to occur.

there are many factors on how your brain and body learn and develop certain patterns and reactions inside of yourself and so you need to try to be aware of why something is happening and then react differently to them, change your view so that you can change the evil that has been built up in you. I also use spiritual practices in my normal everyday life and thus by walking with God I have the option of doing that rather than being tormented by evil thoughts and reactions and feelings. certain chemicals may also force your brain to be over stimulated such as coffee. caffeine is a chemical drug and alters your brain in various ways. a person who is on coffee, when they stop, will go through withdraw and have certain symptoms and it last for about 1 month. i noticed when i drink coffee that it tends to relax me at some periods and then at others it times it made me more prone to the fearful/paranoid/anxiousness in me. probably in part due to me drinking a lot of it. so it might be a good idea to look into stopping the eating certain things and see if that will assist your brain. obviously other types of chemicals besides food might have negative effects on your brain as well.

I think the main and most power factor that helps me to deal with my various torments that my brain gives me and the bad thoughts and reactions that i have made for so long in my life is that I practice a form of prayer to God that is one with with no words but loving affection and desire for him, i cease from actively thinking for no other reason than because of God and me wanting to be close to him. it is a devotion to God, an act of love and worship to God where I don't pay so much attention to even my own mind but with God who I love and desire. it can be hard to do and it is easier to do when you are in a peaceful place but you can also attempt to do it while doing physical work for instance. with the process of changing my brain by thinking less my negative thinking has also become much less but the brain is not only thoughts and thinking. you can at times experience a certain kind of joy when you stop thinking and this becomes one of the main things in you that you build up with God even though you will still go through various phases of unpleasant weakness from the state of contentment but it is only that we may grow all the more stronger in being established in love and purity with God.

more and more whether we actively and lovingly pray to God or not thinking anything for the sake of being close to God in silence or darkness we are built up anew and establish new good things in us with God. repeating certain short prayers as much as you have the feeling/desire/love to actively speak with God is a very good spiritual thing to do. to have good and holy conversation/prayer with God, which should be based in pure love to him and you should known also he has pure and good love to you.. this also is a good thing for people to do. another good practice that has helped me in various ways in my life is to listen to music that I love and enjoy in a spiritual manner, whatever kind of music it may be. positive and loving spiritual music, if it is given to you from God rather received through the medium of the perceptions of the world, can create in you much good things that become established and give less room for the old and evil ways our brain was trained to be.

the changing of our brain from being tormenting to us and being so rift full of the all the built up patterns that sin gave to us and enslaved us with to being and feeling free and loving and at peace is a process of spiritual growth and development. the torments and pains we go through in our own brain are there to show us what we have become and what to change and escape from and it is not by existing in this old world of sin that we will ever be free but by entering into the new world where God is that we are being liberated in the Spirit of God. the forced evil thoughts in our mind is only a leaf or branch or trunk of the tree of the real problem of being lost in this world and not spiritually free. our suffering and torments are blessings to us because so many walk around blind to the evil reality that they are enslaved to and don't even have a feeling to be set free from all the torments they have of themselves due to being separated from God by the various ideologies and belief system of this physical world which can also include the various belief systems concerning God. evil angels and of the fallen soul of humanity are thing we must overcome if we truly want to be fully set free and live the good life God gives freely to us. thus darkness is another light and so our sufferings are not for our condemnation but they are rather for our ultimate liberation in Christ. you can not escape from that which you do not see, be happy that you at least see that you are in need of transformation.

intrusive thoughts are horrible and can be very tormenting but they can also help to reveal who you really are because you obviously do not like, love, or want them. to be honest some people have intrusive thoughts and don't even realize it, they are so controlled and slaves to them that they believe that that is who they are and so they act accordingly and become trapped in the pit of their own mind. it is very sad and a great lack of freedom and active spiritual participation in reality.

 

[Jeshu]

God's grace is powerful enough to forgive you having these thoughts. So the best is to learn to love and accept yourself even as Christ does. Hating or fearing ourselves because of our sinful thoughts doesn't help getting rid of them. Rather love yourself with God's gracious love and know that Christ will wash away these thoughts one great day. Pray for that!

Keep trusting in God's grace, He knows how wrong and sinful our thoughts can be but still send His Son to die for our sins.

Jesus loves you unconditionally and would love to help you deal with these intrusive thoughts. Trust in His loving grace and know that His loving truth will set you free.

 

[spr]

Scripture to tells us to think of good things at every opportunity:

Philipians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

 

[spr]

But don't feel down if your thought life isn't as you would like it to be. God will get you there, you just have to have patience.

 

[FireDragon76]

You should read about scrupulosity if you have not done so. That is what you are dealing with. It's not simply OCD, but religiously-motivated OCD. You need a treatment plan that both respects your religious beliefs but also helps you deal with your anxiety about the thoughts that pop into your head.

You might also want a therapist you fully trust as a spiritual director to give you spiritual advice, that seems to be a big issue for you.