Social anxiety

[IAMANOBODY2015]

I really don't want to hurt anybody. But because of my aversion towards physical contact with people, I hurt people. I have told people that I prefer to avoid physical contact. Another Christian lady touched my hand to get my attention and I asked her not to; and she was very offended. I asked her not to touch me. It was not personal against her. I don't hate her. I don't feel hostility towards her. I just don't trust her like I don't trust anyone. I don't exactly hate physical contact. But me avoiding physical contact is how I protect my heart.

I will hug my friends only. But I don't like to randomly hug people. At church there are old ladies that are huggers. They will come up to me and me a hug. And that bothers me. I hug them back. But I am annoyed.

I don't go to church anymore. But I am thinking of going back. I am just trying to figure out what to do if I am in the situation like that when I go back. There is a church across the street that I want to go to. I am just wondering if it is wrong for me to tell them that I would rather avoid physical contact. I have to get to know people for a long time before I start hugging them.

And sometimes even after getting to know them I still don't want to be touched. People have told me that I should probably yo want to be touched. People have told me that I should probably get therapy, but I don't think it's a problem. I don't think I need help about this. Avoiding physical contact does not hurt anybody (physically I mean). And nobody is dying if I tell them not to touch me. So why do I need to go get therapy?

Is it a sin for me to tell people that I prefer to avoid physical contact? Is it unloving? Can I love other people without hugging them or just avoiding physical contact?

I really don't want to offend people.

What is the best way to go about this?

 

[rob_aston]

Another Christian lady touched my hand to get my attention and I asked her not to; and she was very offended. I asked her not to touch me.

bro, i understand because i am not keen either. but you really need to put people before you. i let females do for that is their way...males touching i am VERY protective. ladies mean nothing sexual!

 

[IAMANOBODY2015]

bro, i understand because i am not keen either. but you really need to put people before you. i let females do for that is their way...males touching i am VERY protective. ladies mean nothing sexual!

I don't like what you are saying here, but that does not mean you are wrong. But I asked for advice, and I may not get the one I prefer.

Yeah, I know ladies don't mean anything sexual. It just bugs me. I know that scripture tells me to lay down my life for the brethren. So that is why I am conflicted.

The question is, if I do not like physical contact and I deal with people from church that do like physical contact, how am I going to enjoy church?

I really hate no one, in fact, I really want get out more and socialize. But why do people have to touch sometimes?

I don't know. Maybe I should just pray about it.

 

[rob_aston]

I don't like what you are saying here, but that does not mean you are wrong. But I asked for advice, and I may not get the one I prefer.

Yeah, I know ladies don't mean anything sexual. It just bugs me. I know that scripture tells me to lay down my life for the brethren. So that is why I am conflicted.

The question is, if I do not like physical contact and I deal with people from church that do like physical contact, how am I going to enjoy church?

I really hate no one, in fact, I really want get out more and socialize. But why do people have to touch sometimes?

I don't know. Maybe I should just pray about it.

you are very precious brother, God will place you on higher ground today.....words are not what is needed in my reply but an exciting revelation of the freedom and love in the family of God is what you'll get before you retire for sleep tonight

 

[yuppers]

My advice, if you don't like touch then it's ok to tell people that. Don't isolate yourself from church because of this. For most people though gently touching someone is a sign of caring and closeness. So yeah, some people might try and touch you in church. I would recommend that if you are in a situation like that you tell them gently that you don't feel comfortable with that. It's important that you watch in what kind of a tone you tell them in. Saying it in a soft gentle way will let them know without them getting offended. If you say it in a stern way they might get offended because they were just trying to be nice. If you feel you want to be a part of a church I would highly recommend that you give it another chance. Just be prepared for those people who would try and touch.

 

[IAMANOBODY2015]

you are very precious brother, God will place you on higher ground today.....words are not what is needed in my reply but an exciting revelation of the freedom and love in the family of God is what you'll get before you retire for sleep tonight

Thank you and God bless you.

 

[IAMANOBODY2015]

My advice, if you don't like touch then it's ok to tell people that. Don't isolate yourself from church because of this. For most people though gently touching someone is a sign of caring and closeness. So yeah, some people might try and touch you in church. I would recommend that if you are in a situation like that you tell them gently that you don't feel comfortable with that. It's important that you watch in what kind of a tone you tell them in. Saying it in a soft gentle way will let them know without them getting offended. If you say it in a stern way they might get offended because they were just trying to be nice. If you feel you want to be a part of a church I would highly recommend that you give it another chance. Just be prepared for those people who would try and touch.

Thank you for the advice. God bless you as well.

Like I said, I really don't want to hurt people's feelings. But I kind of like what you said. Like I said, I probably should just pray about it.

 

[Job8]

Can I love other people without hugging them or just avoiding physical contact?

Not really. You do have a problem, since an important part of showing affection is hugging. And while hugging was not a New Testament practice, Paul does say "Greet one another with an holy kiss". What you need to ask yourself is "Why am I fearful when I should be confident?"

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

i think that your problem may not be with physical contact, but with trust; and it's natural not to trust someone you don't know, or that you do know but just don't like.

but as Christians, we are called to be unnatural - we are called to lay hands on sick people when it's natural not to want to touch sick people at all, because we've been taught that touching sick people can make us sick - yet we know from the Bible that touching sick people to get them healed at the Lord's leading will not hurt us physically.

it's about focus; if you're focused on what makes you uncomfortable, you'll draw back from physical contact - but if you focus on what's good for others, and they want to touch you in a loving way, allowing them this privilege will bless them and you - because God can only physically touch you in a loving way through other people

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

and consider changing your forum name - you are not nobody; you are somebody who is special to God

 

[ToBeLoved]

I really don't want to hurt anybody. But because of my aversion towards physical contact with people, I hurt people. I have told people that I prefer to avoid physical contact. Another Christian lady touched my hand to get my attention and I asked her not to; and she was very offended. I asked her not to touch me. It was not personal against her. I don't hate her. I don't feel hostility towards her. I just don't trust her like I don't trust anyone. I don't exactly hate physical contact. But me avoiding physical contact is how I protect my heart.

I will hug my friends only. But I don't like to randomly hug people. At church there are old ladies that are huggers. They will come up to me and me a hug. And that bothers me. I hug them back. But I am annoyed.

I don't go to church anymore. But I am thinking of going back. I am just trying to figure out what to do if I am in the situation like that when I go back. There is a church across the street that I want to go to. I am just wondering if it is wrong for me to tell them that I would rather avoid physical contact. I have to get to know people for a long time before I start hugging them.

And sometimes even after getting to know them I still don't want to be touched. People have told me that I should probably yo want to be touched. People have told me that I should probably get therapy, but I don't think it's a problem. I don't think I need help about this. Avoiding physical contact does not hurt anybody (physically I mean). And nobody is dying if I tell them not to touch me. So why do I need to go get therapy?

Is it a sin for me to tell people that I prefer to avoid physical contact? Is it unloving? Can I love other people without hugging them or just avoiding physical contact?

I really don't want to offend people.

What is the best way to go about this?

You will never be able to control other people's actions. And I believe that you probably avoid most situations because you do not like to be touched.

Realize that thsi is something that you are very sensitive about. Not everything that really bothers us makes sense to others, or even ourselves. I would probably guess that something happened in your past that has made you feel this way.

Know that those who do this, mean no harm. They are not trying to do anything that would make you not feel at ease. Many people grow up in families and situations that are very expressive and this includes touching. It is uncomfortable for some people, but that does not necessarily mean that there is anything that they are doing that is offensive, it is more that you, the receiver are uncomfortable, I bet they do not even think about what they are doing, it is just more like the way they naturally communicate and they probably do it with everyone and in their experiences it seems natural.

Ask God to help you to get over this issue. We all have things we ask God for help with, little things that for some reason we, ourselves make a big deal out of that are socially not a big deal at all.

Get to know the things about yourself that may be a little different, then when you feel those feelings you can say to yourself, "this feels odd, but I know this is one of the issues I have problems with, I need to continue working on it". Life is a natural process of us overcoming some of the things about oursleves that we each need to work on. You are not alone in that, we are all working on issues.

Take it easy on yourself. Jesus loves you and love YOURSELF. You are loveable with all of your flaws, so am I.

God bless you.

 

[ToBeLoved]

and consider changing your forum name - you are not nobody; you are somebody who is special to God

I made that suggestion months ago. I hope he changes his forum name asap. Jesus says that he is loved and beloved!

 

[IAMANOBODY2015]

Not really. You do have a problem, since an important part of showing affection is hugging. And while hugging was not a New Testament practice, Paul does say "Greet one another with an holy kiss". What you need to ask yourself is "Why am I fearful when I should be confident?"

That kind of sucks. I am not saying that you are wrong.

I mean I don't hate anybody. You could be right. I came here asking for advice. It may not be the advice I want. So thank you

 

[IAMANOBODY2015]

i think that your problem may not be with physical contact, but with trust; and it's natural not to trust someone you don't know, or that you do know but just don't like.

but as Christians, we are called to be unnatural - we are called to lay hands on sick people when it's natural not to want to touch sick people at all, because we've been taught that touching sick people can make us sick - yet we know from the Bible that touching sick people to get them healed at the Lord's leading will not hurt us physically.

it's about focus; if you're focused on what makes you uncomfortable, you'll draw back from physical contact - but if you focus on what's good for others, and they want to touch you in a loving way, allowing them this privilege will bless them and you - because God can only physically touch you in a loving way through other people

I get what you are saying. But for some reason I don't feel blessed when people hug me. I get voices in my head saying they're trying to make themselves feel good. Or they are just trying to get attention. But then I realized, so am I. I'm not trying to get other people's attention. But I'm trying to stay focus on myself. I don't want to feel obligated to other people.

Me thinking that everyone is selfish is causing me to become selfish. I keep getting thoughts like why should I make somebody else feel good. But I still don't want to hurt people's feelings.

And yes, I also don't trust people. There are people I have known for years that I still don't trust. But like I said I will pray about it.

 

[IAMANOBODY2015]

You will never be able to control other people's actions. And I believe that you probably avoid most situations because you do not like to be touched.

Realize that thsi is something that you are very sensitive about. Not everything that really bothers us makes sense to others, or even ourselves. I would probably guess that something happened in your past that has made you feel this way.

Know that those who do this, mean no harm. They are not trying to do anything that would make you not feel at ease. Many people grow up in families and situations that are very expressive and this includes touching. It is uncomfortable for some people, but that does not necessarily mean that there is anything that they are doing that is offensive, it is more that you, the receiver are uncomfortable, I bet they do not even think about what they are doing, it is just more like the way they naturally communicate and they probably do it with everyone and in their experiences it seems natural.

Ask God to help you to get over this issue. We all have things we ask God for help with, little things that for some reason we, ourselves make a big deal out of that are socially not a big deal at all.

Get to know the things about yourself that may be a little different, then when you feel those feelings you can say to yourself, "this feels odd, but I know this is one of the issues I have problems with, I need to continue working on it". Life is a natural process of us overcoming some of the things about oursleves that we each need to work on. You are not alone in that, we are all working on issues.

Take it easy on yourself. Jesus loves you and love YOURSELF. You are loveable with all of your flaws, so am I.

God bless you.

Thank you very much.

 

[IAMANOBODY2015]

Just to let you knowI was going to like your posts, but the like button is unavailable.

Also, I really appreciate what you are saying about my username. I do not believe that I am a nobody. I got that username because I couldn't find a username that wasn't used, so I thought I'd just use a username that was most likely not being used. My last username was appointed2015 and it got criticized. I never thought that I was appointed. It was just the username. I was even questioning my Christianity. I still to this day doubt my Christianity. But that's another topic. But someone saw fit to criticise my last username. So I made a username that would not spark criticism.

So I appreciate what you guys are saying. But I don't think I'm a nobody. It is just a username. That's why I put my real name under my username. But thank you for your kind words.