Should I stay at my church?

[Promise53]

I am starting to get the feeling that I want to go to another church. I joined my husband's church about two years ago. I have attended this church for a while but the church never really grew on me.

Some of the things that concern me about this church:

1. The pastor lets his recently divorced son preach in the pulpit.
I know the ex wife and I could sense she was being neglected by her husband. The pastor's son is not that great of a preacher he preaches from his flesh. He likes to insult people in his sermons.

2. The church is disorganized - to many examples to give.

3. The church is not growing. Current members or overburdened with the church's workload. Some people have quit due to having to do so much work without any help.

4. Neediness. Everyone is in everyone's business.

5. The quality in preaching is lacking.

6. Double standards. The pastor asked a Deacon to be stripped from his preaching duties after he got a divorce. But the pastor did not ask his own son to step down after his son got a divorce. I feel like this is a double standard.

This is the church my husband attended as a single man , but now that we are married, I would like for us to find a church that fits both of our needs. My husband took on a 2nd job and is in grad school. He no longer does as much church work as he use to. Instead of being understanding of his situation, some of the church members have chastised him for not working I the church anymore. The church members tried to blame me for him taking a step back from the church. I has nothing to do with his decisions. My husband made the decision to go to school and take the 2nd job. They are trying to tell my husband that I wear the pants in the family. They are trying to emasculate him in in order to control him. However, my husband knows that I had nothing to do with the decisions he made on his own. In fact I did not want him to get a 2nd job.

My husband is torn between staying and leaving the church. We have been visiting other churches and I am ready to cut ties with current church.

I am seeking sound Christian advice on why you think I should stay or go. Thanks.

Sorry for any errors I typed this in a hurry.

 

[Albion]

I believe in the visible church, BUT I don't think any particular local congregation is so special that a person owes it his or her loyalty no matter what.

You have some serious concerns, so I'd say it's a good idea to look around for a better church.

The only real issue is what your husband thinks about that, since he's a member also. But as for any misplaced sense of an obligation to this congregation, I'd say to forget about that.

 

[Promise53]

I think my husband is on the fence. He enjoys the fellowship at this church. I find the sermons to be lacking, but my husband does not seem to mind.
I need for a pastor to teach the word and not just hoop and holler to stir the emotions of the congregation.

 

[Albion]

I think my husband is on the fence. He enjoys the fellowship at this church. I find the sermons to be lacking, but my husband does not seem to mind.
I need for a pastor to teach the word and not just hoop and holler to stir the emotions of the congregation.

Right. I can imagine that he feels an attachment. So this could be a tough issue for you two to work through.

However, the fact that he's been at least willing to visit other churches is a good sign, and I think that if you explore a little further you may find that both of you are getting a clearer picture of whether or not a switch would be for the better. Sometimes you expect to have to analyze like crazy but after awhile it just hits you which is the right way to go.

 

[apmercer]

Pray with your husband about this until there is mutual agreement on what you both believe the Holy Spirit is saying.

Ask the Holy Spirit if the church you attend is lukewarm, if you have incorrectly judged it, or something else.

 

[Inkfingers]

If your husband has 2 jobs and is a grad student he'd probably not got enough energy left for finding new churches, which is a shame because your current one sounds pretty dire. I'd suggest that you look around for other churches and when you find one or two possibles that you arrange for you both to visit them.

Staying at a church out of convenience is not being in church, it is being in the world.

 

[graceandpeace]

Based on what you've shared, my personal opinion is to cut ties & look elsewhere.

If emotionally charged worship/preaching/etc is off-putting, you might find peace in a liturgical church.

 

[Job8]

I am seeking sound Christian advice on why you think I should stay or go. Thanks.

From what you've described, the Holy Spirit is not in control of this church. And pastors are required to feed their flocks. It would be best for your own (and your family's) spiritual well-being to move on. But you both should also be clear as to what is a scripturally suitable church, especially in this day and age.

Your husband is supposed to be the spiritual leader in your family. Therefore you should ask him to take the lead as well as the responsibility, even though it is a joint-decision. Looks like he's taking the easy way out, and may not really be taking his responsibility seriously. Remaining in a comfort zone and doing God's will are often quite different. Print this and show it to him. There are Scriptures to back up everything stated here.

 

[parsley]

He likes to insult people in his sermons. members overburdened with the church's workload. Everyone is in everyone's business.

Those are three big reasons, in my opinion.
Insults from the pulpit have turned me away from new churches I have visited... also speaking about others without their permission. The role of a literal shepherd, is to steer the flock toward food and water, and away from predators. The pastor should not have any predatorial instincts.

The divorce situation may be unfair, but it might have been the pastor's way of keeping another flaw discreet. Pastors counsel people, and hear of addictions, abuse, and other things hidden from public. You're probably right though, he just did it because he wanted to provide opportunities for his son.

Volunteers worn out is a reflection of too many programs. A pastor or board of elders could cut back on programs if volunteers could not support them. It seems a matter of greed and pride for a church to insist on running programs, using unwilling free help.

Churches can cut back if they don't mind looking simpler. They can hire people to oversee/coordinate Christian Ed, youth, or music. Hire a professional to mow the lawn and clean. They can stop printing bulletins, stop buying donuts (less cleanup and setup), recombine Sunday School classes, put an early curfew on evening meetings. Stop driving people to do more and bigger.

The disorganization you speak of also shows up in the fact that leaders are not gauging ministry need well with volunteers. Members are not slaves. The pastors are paid to do their job, and should extend gratefulness when members give up their time, energy and expertise to support the church's ministries. I am not saying a member should want adoration, but that they do not owe the pastor.

Get back to the meaning of Sabbath -- which is rest. Man was not made to generate a wonderful Sabbath experience; the Sabbath rest was made for man.

While your husband is busy with grad school, you should at least find a mid-week Bible study for yourself. Ask around -- they tend to gather by neighborhood rather than denomination. Sometimes it's just a few people, sometimes a houseful.

I also think it's a great time to scout out churches. Do the research and invite him to come with you. Listen to the sermons online if they have them, so you can narrow down choices more quickly.

 

[Galilee63]

When people pray to The Holy Spirit it is better to address Jesus Christ our Saviour and to our Blessed Virgin Mary, making His Sign of The Cross, pray an our Father, Hail Mary and Glory be to The Father and to The Son and to The Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end, Amen, and your conversation/words/prayer to Jesus, God and The Holy Spirit in complete trust...then simply...wait for His Loving Holy response.

When Jesus is busy at certain times, our Blessed Virgin Mary intercedes for us.

Therefore, if one is wanting a more hurried answer, know that you are able to pray and talk with Jesus and The Blessed Virgin Mary, Mother of God making the Sign of the Cross, praying The Our Father's and the Hail Mary's with the Glory Be.

Love and kindest wishes

 

[Cactus Jack]

I am starting to get the feeling that I want to go to another church. I joined my husband's church about two years ago. I have attended this church for a while but the church never really grew on me.

Then leave. No one has any right to force you to stay. If you don’t like it there, just walk away. If your husband doesn’t like that you walked away, well, then I guess you two should discuss this.

Some of the things that concern me about this church:

1. The pastor lets his recently divorced son preach in the pulpit.
I know the ex wife and I could sense she was being neglected by her husband. The pastor's son is not that great of a preacher he preaches from his flesh. He likes to insult people in his sermons.

Well, That is noit entirely bad, being divorced, unless holding a position in the church. But to speak poorly of others, that is unbiblical. Have you spoken with the pastor about this?

2. The church is disorganized - to many examples to give.

Have you contributed your efforts to help bring the church out of this slump? Sometimes that’s all that is needed. A church is made of more than just a book and a belief, but of people. And it’s run by people following the guidance in prayers and the Holy Bible.

3. The church is not growing. Current members or overburdened with the church's workload. Some people have quit due to having to do so much work without any help.

Yeah, I can understand that. I was a member of a church where I was willing to work to help fix the building, I had access to quality but very inexpensive materials (legally acquired, I must add), and that church turned my efforts away. It’s real stupid, but hey, whatever floats their boat.

4. Neediness. Everyone is in everyone's business.

There is a limit to how much of one’s life others shouldd involve themselves in. Some people out there simply do not understand that. I may ask how your mother is doing, and that’s fine. But I will not ask you, for example, where your money comes from, because that is never anyone’s business.

People do that because they don’t have a life. They feel they are mentally inferior and to make themselves feel better they act like that. As if they are better, more important, more superior to you. An inferiority complex.

5. The quality in preaching is lacking.

Have you discussed this with your pastor?

6. Double standards. The pastor asked a Deacon to be stripped from his preaching duties after he got a divorce. But the pastor did not ask his own son to step down after his son got a divorce. I feel like this is a double standard.

Have you discussed this with your pastor? You havee the right to ask that he address your concerns.

This is the church my husband attended as a single man , but now that we are married, I would like for us to find a church that fits both of our needs. My husband took on a 2nd job and is in grad school. He no longer does as much church work as he use to. Instead of being understanding of his situation, some of the church members have chastised him for not working I the church anymore. The church members tried to blame me for him taking a step back from the church. I has nothing to do with his decisions. My husband made the decision to go to school and take the 2nd job. They are trying to tell my husband that I wear the pants in the family. They are trying to emasculate him in in order to control him. However, my husband knows that I had nothing to do with the decisions he made on his own. In fact I did not want him to get a 2nd job.

Hmmm.

My husband is torn between staying and leaving the church. We have been visiting other churches and I am ready to cut ties with current church.

You can always decide for yourrself which church you wish to go to. If he comes with you, great. If he doesn’t, that’s fine as that is his right.

I am seeking sound Christian advice on why you think I should stay or go. Thanks.

I hope I have helped. You are in my prayers that you obtain a suitable resolution.