Seeking Godly Direction And Advice!!!!!!!!!!

[AllisonW70]

I need help....advice....any suggestion, feedback will be appreciated!

There is someone in my life who has hurt my feelings terribly on several occasions over the last few months. I had been very close to this person prior to their sudden change in attitude toward me. The friendship was mutual and seemed so strong that nothing could break it. This friendship meant so much to me and it has been devastating to me that it appears to be withering. I don't know what to do at this point. I've tried talking, confronting, etc. Living in separate towns, we don't see each other very often.....I thought as soon as we did, things would work out. But recently, that didn't turn out to be the case. They don't think they've done anything wrong.
Another aspect to this is that this person is going through major spiritual warfare. It's a war that could have been prevented long ago and could easily be stopped if they chose to do so. Basically, my friend is making tons of bad decisions but cannot see it.

What do I do? Biblically, do we ignore offenses and insults if the person can't see they are wrong? How far does "turn the other cheek" go? This is a person that I can't and won't turn my back on. But part of me wants to do just that! I'm disappointed in them and I'm hurt. They expect me to stay close to them despite everything and if I don't they will feel abandoned.....

Please tell me the truth of what you think!

Thank you!

 

[texastig]

Forgive that person but don't excuse their behavior.
Ask the Lord Jesus to come into that situation.
Pray for that person.
Thanks,
TT

 

[pete56]

Allison

I know you have said you do not want to turn your back upon your friend, but if he/she(?) is behaving as badly as you say and is not willing to listen to your efforts to confront and cajole, then I am afraid you need to release him/her into the arms of the enemy, in the same way that Paul instructed the believers in Corinth to do to their persistent sinner, so that he/she can reap the full effect of his/her bad behaviour.

My advice is to back off and let your friend stew in his/her juice for a while, perhaps when he/she reaches the bottom of the mire he/she is descending into he/she will appreciate your Godly advice and will be ready to recognise their own part in the mess they are in!

Pete

 

[salida]

AllisonW70-

There is such as thing as tough love. You may have already done some of these things: but first I would sit down with them and tell them that you don't agree with their behavior. Plus, you need to find out why they took this "sudden turn" in detail. If they don't tell you, I would tell them that you will keep praying for them and keep your distance. I wouldn't befriend them - but keep your distance and tell them that you are always available for them if they need any help getting out of their bad decisions. Also, you may want to tell them where these bad decisions could lead to.

If it has to come down to befriending them - then you may have to or they may try to drag you down with them.

You can be understanding - but at the same time this doesn't mean accept their behavior.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

Hi

Sounds like your friend may want somethin' in their life that they may not want to be told not to do, which is understandable; we're all human: imperfect and tempted by temptation(s). This is not to say that what they're doing is what's best for them, or that I'm encouraging their behaviour; however, I do know that it can be rather difficult to continue a relationship with someone who refuses to believe what you do; and in any case, can become quite a strain on your life to be picking up their pieces all day long; it is the struggle we all face as people, it's just more evident as you become closer and closer to God. This, as well as being a test of your friends' faith, may be something which you can take a tremendous amount of enlightenment from. You have a perfect opportunity to become 'Christ-like' and knowing the heart of an everlasting Father; caring for them when they do not seem to care for themselves, nor for your advice; don't be afraid of this stage of life, it's very natural for everyone to encounter. This will, however, transform your own thought to be able to follow the second commandment Jesus spoke about: to love thy neighbour as thyself

Tough love, which can be justified by saying that the Lord chastises whom he loves or even that thy staff and rod comfort me; but let's leave the judgment to God, and God willing, he'll lead them home The world is filled with scenarios where we are asked, should I be the physician or withhold the proverbial pearls Meditate on these things, have faith in the answers provided; or even the lack of an answer, and know that the Most High has already known this part of both of your journeys. Revel in his love

Romans 5:18-20
18Therefore as by the offence of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation; even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life.

19For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous. 20Moreover the law entered, that the offence might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:


Grace and peace be upon you!

 

[AllisonW70]

Thank you all so much for your responses. I've read each one carefully and will consider each point. I posted this in two separate discussions because I wanted to get as many responses as I could.
Someone asked if my friend had really harmed me...and no, they have not. I'm not in any danger at all. My trust has been broken ....trust in them and trust in the friendship itself.
The best way I know to describe my friend's behavior is that they are simply arrogant. And that is a behavior that drives me up the wall! My fear is: they are so arrogant and prideful that if I let go, so to speak, they will too. My friend will view that as abandonment (there are old issues there
As to the comment about swallowing my own pride and applogizing for any wrongdoing I've done....I did that....when I saw them recently in person. One of the reasons I'm still hurt is that I had told them we needed to talk. Well, that didn't happen. I talked...cleaned up my side of the street about my own behavior...but they did not.
I've been here, so to speak, before as well. But this time feels different. It feels in my gut that the person I'm dealing with is scared...although they would NEVER admit it. Scared of what....I'm not completely sure.
Anyway, my prayer has been - Lord please heal our minds, hearts and friendship.
I say this prayer any time I get wrapped up in my head! It seems to be working ....
please keep commenting....that is helping tremendously! I just simply want to do what's right by God, my friend and myself. I just want to do the right thing when it's all said and done.
Thank you again!

 

[Solidlyhere]

To keep it up . . . or NOT.

Relationships COME . . . and then they go (this is Life).
It sounds like this one has broken down.
Certainly, you can keep taking the abuse, if you wish.

However, if you don't want the relationship to continue, then YOU will HAVE TO be the one who has to break-it-off.

If this is what you want, then it is best to sever communication.
Maybe send a letter, and say: "We are done, OK?"
If this person calls, just say: Please don't call again, and hang up.
If they write, don't read it.

Unless this person is a stalker, they will get the idea.
Soon, this irritation will subside, and you can get-on-with Life again.

Being a Christian does NOT mean: I will hold onto every single relationship I ever have.
Life in a job . . . you see these people every day, and several are good friends.
One day, you leave that job . . . you DON'T see them any longer. Most of them will fade quietly away (and maybe you will hold on to one or two).
Then, the new job . . . you see THESE people each day, and several of them will become new friends.

This situation is like yours.
You were close.
You moved away.
You thought that would allow the relationship to quitely fade away.
But, in this case, this person is annoyed (and things are deteriorating).
Jesus teaches us to Love.
One way to Love this person is to not be there to make them upset.
So, leaving will help them.
And, it will help you.
Everyone wins.

 

[Elijah2]

Hi Allison,

First off, what sex are we talking about? Who is what and what is who?

Are you both Christians, because your above profile tells nothing?

Thank you all so much for your responses. I've read each one carefully and will consider each point. I posted this in two separate discussions because I wanted to get as many responses as I could.
Someone asked if my friend had really harmed me...and no, they have not. I'm not in any danger at all.

My trust has been broken ....trust in them and trust in the friendship itself.
In Psalm 118:8 it says to trust the Lord and have no confidence in man!

The best way I know to describe my friend's behavior is that they are simply arrogant.
And what is your behaviour and attitude?

And that is a behavior that drives me up the wall! My fear is: they are so arrogant and prideful that if I let go, so to speak, they will too.
So, what you are saying that because you believe they are arrogant and proud, that you get angry. I pray that you don't allow the sun to set on anger, because if you do then the root of bitterness will creep into your heart and will make matters worse than what they are.

You forgive and love your enemies, and that is what His Word says.

My friend will view that as abandonment (there are old issues there
When there are old issues then how come they haven't been sorted out a long time ago?

As to the comment about swallowing my own pride and applogizing for any wrongdoing I've done....I did that....when I saw them recently in person.
Well you have used the three golden-words, such as I am wrong, I am sorry, Please forgive me, I forgive you and I love you.

These words overcome and conquer all pride.

One of the reasons I'm still hurt is that I had told them we needed to talk.
Now, You TOLD them, but did you ask them?

Well, that didn't happen. I talked...cleaned up my side of the street about my own behavior...but they did not. Well, if you have cleaned up your side of the street, then I assume that you have taken all of this to our Lord Jesus Christ and confessed and repented your sin of anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness.

See, you said that you cleaned up your side of the street, but did you really go to our Lord Jesus Christ in prayer, verbally?

I've been here, so to speak, before as well. But this time feels different. It feels in my gut that the person I'm dealing with is scared...although they would NEVER admit it. Scared of what....I'm not completely sure.
Well, if you don't know what they are scared of, then the problem will not be sorted out, will it?

Anyway, my prayer has been - Lord please heal our minds, hearts and friendship.
Now from these words, I now know that you are a Christian. Therefore, are you still hurt, and are you still angry with your friend, and do you still be they are arrogant or are they struggling with something deepdown in their life that is tormenting and harassing them. Do you know if that is so?

I say this prayer any time I get wrapped up in my head!
Well try and get your prayer wrapped up in your heart, because the head is Satan's area and he will fiddle with your thinking and thoughts, because the head is a battleground.

It seems to be working ....
please keep commenting....that is helping tremendously! I just simply want to do what's right by God, my friend and myself. I just want to do the right thing when it's all said and done.
We all want to do right Allison, but when there is emotional, and spiritual problems involved, then counselling is the only thing that will help.
Thank you again!

 

[nathan57]

We must be able to forgive even when someone doesnt apologize for what they have done. To be forgiven is to forgive after all. See Mark chapter 11 verses 25-26

 

[AllisonW70]

Hi Everyone!

Thanks again to everyone who shared their thoughts with me.......
It was greatly appreciated....

Through MUCH prayer, thought, reflection, prayer, reading the
Word and prayer this is where things are now....

I did go through a recent move and regrettably worried much
more about this move than I should have. I moved across
state and totally changed professions....I was a little concerned!
Anyway, I am fully aware that my worrying became worrisome
to my friends, family, etc. ie...they got sick of hearing it!
This particular friend got very sick of it because what I'm doing
now is exactly what they want to do in the future. I'm living
their dream...and it pretty much fell in my lap. I've been
here one month and I'm just now seeing how that has effected
our friendship. Plus, as I said earlier, they do have their own personal
problems, hangups outside of this friendship.

What I've been led to do is be even more understanding than I
thought I could be. Many times in the last few days the question
has come to me: How could you let go of a lifetime of friendship
over a few cross words and bad days? Within this friendship,
the history of good far outweighs the bad.....and to me,
commitment is important.... even in friendships.

These are the verses that have spoken to me:

Colossians 3:13
Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
Ephesians 4
2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. 3 Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. 4 For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. 5 There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 and one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all.
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Romans 12:8-10
8 If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.

9 Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. 10 Love each other with genuine affection,[a] and take delight in honoring each other.
1 Corinthians 10
23 You say, “I am allowed to do anything”[a]—but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is beneficial. 24 Don’t be concerned for your own good but for the good of others.

I saw nothing in these passages that speak of letting go ....
So, I'm backing off but holding on tight!
This too shall pass!