Salvation and my hypocrisy.

[faceofbear]

Greetings CF,

Please read all of this, or none of it.

Well, I think it's safe to say, I poke my head in from time to time, but I have not been as frequent on these forums as I have been. There are multiple reasons for this, the chief being that I am busy back at school.

At any rate, I would like to catch up with my brothers and sisters, if I am even worthy of calling any of you that.

As of lately, I have been not just partially hypocritical, but entirely. The worse yet, I feel the Spirit, though feeling are deceiving, ushering me unto repentance. However, I have a resistance to it. I do not wish to repent, save for fear, and even that fear is not enough.

Hypocrisy with what? Well, I have found a supposed Christian girlfriend since my absent, but we are both nominal at best. I'm sure the rest can be logically concluded: we've began sleeping with each other, frequently, without regret.

This is probably, if sin has degrees, my worst sin. However, I will say that my deception has returned, that is, I am full of lies, even if they are just "white lies." I have began swearing, and to some degree, I find myself using God's name in vain, yet again.

Ever since this has come about, all of this, my sleep apnea and paralysis has returned. My fear of death and of God has increased 10x, but my heart has remained stiff.

I say a lot of this partially because I wish to excuse myself from all and any arguments I have posted about theology, regardless of their truthfulness, because I feel a blind guide, sharing my blind ideas, with a blind people.

As aforementioned, all of these things mentioned, as evil as they may be, I do not regret. I do not wish to repent, save for fear from God. But again, not enough fear. I have not even experienced the love or faith of God for quite some time. Just doubts, and fearful expectations of death, and hell-fire. I have no assurance in the cross at this time. None.

I would like to namely apologize to all those doubters. I have posted many things that perhaps have gained you comfort. However, despite my sincerity at that time, I cannot say, though comfort they may provide, those statements contain any truth. Perhaps just something to ease your conscience, as I've feared I've done with my theology.

I believe I may have come to the conclusion that my logic and theology is the way it is because of my refusal to repent, and my inability to have faith. Thus, Christ is my only Savior. However, at this point, I do not even say with certainty that He is my Savior.

Including all of these issues, I am having trouble discern the truth. I do not know what is true. Every form of doctrine I read, has contradicting passages. Every logical connection I try to make with the Bible, has an illogical aspect, and a verse to contradict. I find the Bible entirely contradicting, as I'm sure is revealed in the countless of denominations of Christianity. Despite this, I have no idea how to determine truth, apart from Christ being Truth. And even then, it seemingly leaves me no where.

I ask at this time, so much as the Holy Spirit will allow, that you keep me in your prayers. I regret my impenitence, but not enough so. I ask for prayers of repentance, faith, salvation and security in my faith, with wisdom of how to be with a girl as a Christian.

Thank you.

 

[twin1954]

I am just glad that my salvation doesn't depend on my faithfulness it depends on His. Quit looking at yourself and look to Christ. When you look at yourself, that is if you are honest and religious self-righteousness hasn't blinded you, all you will see is ungodliness and sin. That is because that is what you are. The guilt of it will drive you from God not to Him. Fear of His wrath will drive you from God. The remedy is to quit looking at what you are and look at what Christ is and what He has done. Forget the theology and seek Christ. Theology that doesn't reach the heart is useless and nothing but an intellectual exercise. Don't worry about the logic God will work that out in time. Find Christ, rest in Him and learn of Him. The truth in Christ is simple: Christ Jesus came into the world to actually save sinners. If you are a sinner you have hope.

One more thing, a place like this is the very worst thing for you to be involved in. It is full of religious nonsense. You aren't yet built on the foundation of Christ enough to discern what is truth and what isn't. You need a pastor who is faithful to God's Word and your soul.

 

[cubinity]

I will pray for you.
Confession is a good thing.
I will love on you, just as you are.
In time, God will guide you and the Spirit will lead you where He wants you.
God bless.

 

[buzzini]

You can not discern truth, lacking faith, hypocrite.... Because you lack one thing.






Love. Love Lord and Love people around you. If you have not love, no truth can enter into you. Faith is fake and lip service without your active, selfless love. Love for self is the cause of hypocrisy. Do away with self love and love others. There you will gain wisdom and true faith.



And don't listen to those who say salvation does not depend on you but in Him. How many time did Bible say "repent" before "believe"? God doesn't do repentance for you, he might remind you to. But he save not lazy Christians. Those who love not repent not, and trust their salvation solely on myth.

 

[DeaconDean]

I am just glad that my salvation doesn't depend on my faithfulness it depends on His. Quit looking at yourself and look to Christ. When you look at yourself, that is if you are honest and religious self-righteousness hasn't blinded you, all you will see is ungodliness and sin. That is because that is what you are. The guilt of it will drive you from God not to Him. Fear of His wrath will drive you from God. The remedy is to quit looking at what you are and look at what Christ is and what He has done. Forget the theology and seek Christ. Theology that doesn't reach the heart is useless and nothing but an intellectual exercise. Don't worry about the logic God will work that out in time. Find Christ, rest in Him and learn of Him. The truth in Christ is simple: Christ Jesus came into the world to actually save sinners. If you are a sinner you have hope.

An inch always comes up short when it measures itself against a foot.

One more thing, a place like this is the very worst thing for you to be involved in. It is full of religious nonsense. You aren't yet built on the foundation of Christ enough to discern what is truth and what isn't. You need a pastor who is faithful to God's Word and your soul.

Amen!

God Bless

Till all are one.

 

[miamited]

Hi faceofbear,

God is faithful. Even when we are not, God is faithful. As regards your questions about the truth. God's word is truth.

God bless you.
In Christ, Ted

 

[Bear.Fr00t]

Brother, I'm in the same boat as you, as are a lot of Christians I'm sure. Just doing the best I can while trusting Christ is taking care of the grime and filth. The Bible is quite confusing, sometimes it's easier to just set it aside and live on faith that the Lord is in control and knows what He is doing.

Just remember:

Wherefore He is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by him, seeing He ever liveth to make intercession for them. (Hebrews 7:25)

The Lord is able to save to the guttermost!

 

[Julian of York]

So, how far are you willing to go with your quest for a relationship with God?
*Are you willing to immerse yourself in the Word of God? "So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God."
*Do you feel God calling you to repentence? "My sheep hear my voice"... "Blessed is the man whom Thou choosest ,and causeth to approach unto Thee, that he may dwell in Thy courts;We shall be satisfied with the goodness of Thy house ,even of Thy holy temple."Psalm 65:4
*What sin do you KNOW is preventing you from a relationship with Christ?
"For whosoever shall keep the whole law,and yet offend in one point, HE IS GUILTY OF ALL." James 2:10
"And hereby we know that we know Him,if we keep His commandments.He that saith ,I know Him, and keepeth not His commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him." I John 2:3-4
"For what shall a man profit ,if he gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"Matthew 16:26
"And why call ye me Lord,Lord, and do not the things I say?"Luke 6:46

I am asking that the Holy Spirit show you what is between you and your God. I pray that God will call upon you to repent.

Oh, and by the way...
When waiting for the Spirit to speak to your heart, take a break, a moratorium without inappropriate contentography, without bad shows on TV, without hard rock music, and go to the library and check out "The New Testament" on cassette or disc. Put it in the place of your "music" and listen for two weeks. You should then have your mind cleared and your heart ready to hear from God.
Oh, and any sinful sexual relationships need to stop. Otherwise, well, "Except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish." Luke 13:3

I want to hear from you in two weeks.This technique is a much forgotten thing in line with Scripture, of "breaking up your fallow ground."This is the act of a farmer tilling his fields ,getting the soil ready for seed.

Julian of York

 

[RobertZ]

The Bible is quite confusing, sometimes it's easier to just set it aside and live on faith that the Lord is in control and knows what He is doing.

And thats exactly what the enemy desires of us, he tells us to just set aside the very thing that converts our souls because after all its just too hard to understand right?

Most of the time when a person is as uncomfortable and convicted as faceofbear is its because of the word of God convicting the heart of sins, righteousness and judgement. The worst thing one can do is to cut themselves off from the source of that conviction.

Hebrews 4:12
For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Conviction isnt supposed to be a thing of comfort.

 

[Skala]

When we sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.

Meditate on these words brother. Each and every one of them!

 

[FaithPleases]

At least you can feel the holy spirit.

 

[Julian of York]

May the moderators,users, and seekers on this board forgive me, BUT....
That post about setting aside the Word of God and "living by faith" is one of the most DANGEROUS posts I have ever read.
Faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God.
The two are inseperable..

JoY

 

[buzzini]

May the moderators,users, and seekers on this board forgive me, BUT....
That post about setting aside the Word of God and "living by faith" is one of the most DANGEROUS posts I have ever read.
Faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God.
The two are inseperable..

JoY

It is better for man to have simple faith in a saving God, and not have the Word less they perverse it by their own foolish interpretation.

You on the other hand have no love, thus your so call faith is but head knowledge, and bits and pieces of verses constitute your religion.

 

[RobertZ]

May the moderators,users, and seekers on this board forgive me, BUT....
That post about setting aside the Word of God and "living by faith" is one of the most DANGEROUS posts I have ever read.
Faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God.
The two are inseperable..

JoY

Agreed which is why I said what I said in my post. I would never take advice from anyone who told me to do such a thing.

 

[faceofbear]

People have misunderstood part of my post. I understand that the word of God is truth. However, I believe specifically, that Christ is the only Truth, and the Word. Ironically, in the same instance, we have people claiming that the Bible is truth, but few seem to realize that we have organized the Bible, without the Bible. That is, the current Bible we have now and all that it composites was put together without the Bible saying, "Put Ezekiel in the Bible, put the four Gospels in the Bible, put Revelation in the Bible." Now, do not misunderstand me, I am not saying that the Bible we currently have is not the word of God, I do believe it is. However, the part where I am misunderstood is in the fact that I have trouble INTERPRETING the word of God. That is, I read it, and I interpret it as I read. It's impossible when reading not to interpret, thus we all have our own interpretations of the Bible, none of them being infallible, save, the objectivity of the written word. It is thereby how we have nearly 30,000 Protestant denominations, all claiming that the Bible is simple, that there is only one way to interpret it, yet none of these denominations agree, in fact, few of them even seem to disagree about the way we are saved!

My issue, currently, is what I believe, as a brother who has PMed me has said, is called religion, or, better put: Man's religion. That is, that man must do something to be saved. Whether that be repentance, faith, or several amounts of works, they are all man DOING something to be saved. Rather, salvation, as I believe, perhaps, is only by Christ, and Christ alone. It is, however, an internal battle of: "Well, Christ demands this that and the other, God demands this, Paul says this, do this, do that, etc." Thus, I feel as though I must do something to be saved. However, I find Paul telling me that I must do nothing to be saved. Then, seemingly verses later, Paul tells me I MUST DO SOMETHING to be saved. Thus, the contradiction, thus the countless denominations, none agreeing as to what "truth" is. And thus my confusion.

Do I believe Christ is sufficient? I suppose. But, paradoxically, I feel as though I must still do something to attain Christ's sufficiency, at times. It seems to me that my only escape from Hell is if God is so unbelievably, beyond the evangelical sense of love and forgiveness, as to accept a hypocrite, a impenitent, wanderer, fornicating, lying, fiend as myself based on His sheer attribute of being merciful. That is, I cannot, nor ever will I, do anything to be saved because I do not care about my eternal estate that much. Though, I wish I do. Though, I regret I don't. Though I am most depressed that I do not care, paradoxical, yes. I do know that I cannot be saved by anything I must do. Even if God commands me to do such things, I cannot because I will not. Therefore, I feel as though the only means of my salvation is if God is even more gracious than Christ is with His forgiveness, at least, as I perceive it.

I am sincere in saying, that I will not be surprised if God takes my life soon, if I am truly saved. Or else, by God's grace, end up like the man who committed adultery against God, Solomon, being most sorrowful over the way I have lived my life, despite God's mercy. However, I do not see God ever being so gracious to me as to spare me by giving me the same lot as Solomon. Rather, I find that in ever instance of the Bible in what I read of God hating: the rich, the double-minded, the liars, the fornicators, the foul mouthed, etc. I find that this is not what I've only been, but what I am CURRENTLY.

 

[RobertZ]

How many time did Bible say "repent" before "believe"? God doesn't do repentance for you, he might remind you to. But he save not lazy Christians. Those who love not repent not, and trust their salvation solely on myth.

Likewise you cannot repent of something you have never FIRST believed in. You dont seem to understand that the command to repent and believe is something that happens simultaneously.

Careful not to make this out of a works based salvation lest you twist the scripture yourself brother.

 

[RobertZ]

People have misunderstood part of my post. I understand that the word of God is truth. However, I believe specifically, that Christ is the only Truth, and the Word. Ironically, in the same instance, we have people claiming that the Bible is truth, but few seem to realize that we have organized the Bible, without the Bible. That is, the current Bible we have now and all that it composites was put together without the Bible saying, "Put Ezekiel in the Bible, put the four Gospels in the Bible, put Revelation in the Bible." Now, do not misunderstand me, I am not saying that the Bible we currently have is not the word of God, I do believe it is. However, the part where I am misunderstood is in the fact that I have trouble INTERPRETING the word of God. That is, I read it, and I interpret it as I read. It's impossible when reading not to interpret, thus we all have our own interpretations of the Bible, none of them being infallible, save, the objectivity of the written word. It is thereby how we have nearly 30,000 Protestant denominations, all claiming that the Bible is simple, that there is only one way to interpret it, yet none of these denominations agree, in fact, few of them even seem to disagree about the way we are saved!

My issue, currently, is what I believe, as a brother who has PMed me has said, is called religion, or, better put: Man's religion. That is, that man must do something to be saved. Whether that be repentance, faith, or several amounts of works, they are all man DOING something to be saved. Rather, salvation, as I believe, perhaps, is only by Christ, and Christ alone. It is, however, an internal battle of: "Well, Christ demands this that and the other, God demands this, Paul says this, do this, do that, etc." Thus, I feel as though I must do something to be saved. However, I find Paul telling me that I must do nothing to be saved. Then, seemingly verses later, Paul tells me I MUST DO SOMETHING to be saved. Thus, the contradiction, thus the countless denominations, none agreeing as to what "truth" is. And thus my confusion.

Do I believe Christ is sufficient? I suppose. But, paradoxically, I feel as though I must still do something to attain Christ's sufficiency, at times. It seems to me that my only escape from Hell is if God is so unbelievably, beyond the evangelical sense of love and forgiveness, as to accept a hypocrite, a impenitent, wanderer, fornicating, lying, fiend as myself based on His sheer attribute of being merciful. That is, I cannot, nor ever will I, do anything to be saved because I do not care about my eternal estate that much. Though, I wish I do. Though, I regret I don't. Though I am most depressed that I do not care, paradoxical, yes. I do know that I cannot be saved by anything I must do. Even if God commands me to do such things, I cannot because I will not. Therefore, I feel as though the only means of my salvation is if God is even more gracious than Christ is with His forgiveness, at least, as I perceive it.

I am sincere in saying, that I will not be surprised if God takes my life soon, if I am truly saved. Or else, by God's grace, end up like the man who committed adultery against God, Solomon, being most sorrowful over the way I have lived my life, despite God's mercy. However, I do not see God ever being so gracious to me as to spare me by giving me the same lot as Solomon. Rather, I find that in ever instance of the Bible in what I read of God hating: the rich, the double-minded, the liars, the fornicators, the foul mouthed, etc. I find that this is not what I've only been, but what I am CURRENTLY.

Bro im sorry your going through this, I do understand. Im currently battling with these same issues myself and I know first hand how difficult it is. Keep pressing forward and do not give up is all I can tell you right now.

 

[Skala]

if God is strong enough to speak the universe into being ex nihilo, surely he's able to give his church the correct interpretation of his word, yes?

And we learn that God gives gifts to his church in the form of preachers, teachers, etc, who have great ability to understand and teach the Bible to the rest of us.

my point is, you need to study commentaries and theologians of old. If you are confused about your interpretation, go ask someone who is smarter and more qualified, quite literally, than you are.

Not everyone is given the same gifts brother. God has given His church great men of God who are able to teach and lead us to God's truth. Go read Bible commentaries. Go read the greats like the Puritans John Owen, Francis Turretin, Charles Spurgeon, JI Packer, etc.

Go read the historical church confessions of faith such as the Westminster Confession or the Baptist Confession 1689.

These are lights that exist for us today, to light our path. They are gifts from God.

 

[cubinity]

Just be encouraged...

 

[faceofbear]

if God is strong enough to speak the universe into being ex nihilo, surely he's able to give his church the correct interpretation of his word, yes?

And we learn that God gives gifts to his church in the form of preachers, teachers, etc, who have great ability to understand and teach the Bible to the rest of us.

my point is, you need to study commentaries and theologians of old. If you are confused about your interpretation, go ask someone who is smarter and more qualified, quite literally, than you are.

Not everyone is given the same gifts brother. God has given His church great men of God who are able to teach and lead us to God's truth. Go read Bible commentaries. Go read the greats like the Puritans John Owen, Francis Turretin, Charles Spurgeon, JI Packer, etc.

Go read the historical church confessions of faith such as the Westminster Confession or the Baptist Confession 1689.

These are lights that exist for us today, to light our path. They are gifts from God.

Your point is moot. No offense, though I appreciate the thought. I understand your points, clearly, but the problem as I see it is: Who is the Church? And who determines who the Church is? How do we know who belongs to the Church i.e. how do we know anyone is saved, including ourselves? How do we know the Church is not Catholicism, how do we know Protestantism is true, and if true, which branch of Protestantism gets it right? Etc. You see, for example, you pointed me to Westminster Confession. Of which, I am sure many Christians would believe it is truthful, at least the majority of it, if not all of it. However, how do we know it is true? How is it any better than the Catholic Catechism? Or any other confession, creed, etc. of any denomination? I do believe God is capable of giving His Church the right tools. However, I also believe that Satan is disguised as light. IDK. I just find wherever people are saying, "This is right, that is wrong," that there is just as much hypocrisy as I am going through. Then, there are others who live the Gospel, and we claim that they are work-righteous, self-righteous, Gospel-degrading pagans, who are no better than the demons themselves distorting the Gospel to their own destruction. Yet, I feel, or fear, that perhaps those are the people that are right, and the rest, well... the rest is just a giant religious show and a great distraction to keep us from obeying Christ. But this doesn't mean I wish to obey Christ, it is simply an observation.

Please, Skala, do not get me wrong. I am not debating, or arguing with you. It's just stuff I've been thinking about. I appreciate your opinion and responses, despite our differences on various threads, though not many.