Remarriage after divorce, right or wrong?

[heartnsoul]

The bottomline is this. God gives us a new start and a new change at a future even if we have had 10 divorces. However, we need to be changed in our hearts and truelly repent or we will carry with us the same hardness of heart into our nest marriage. It is the hardness of heart that killed the marriage not all the surface things which people focus on.

I agree that sometimes it's the hardness of the heart, but not ALL the time. I don't think it's fair to categorize all divorces into one area. Some divorces could be the result of just plain ignorance and lack of personal & spiritual maturity. So it depends on each situation. To generalize and say that hardness of the heart is what kills marriages, I don't think so. Maybe in *some* marriages, but not all.

On the subject of true repentance, I think a soft heart is what leads to true repentance, not the reverse.

I think we pretty much agree on the underlying meaning of the "points" being made. I understand your ideas. No matter whether it's a soft heart, restitution, true repentance or apologies made, we can only pray and hope that the lessons that needed to be learned from divorce situations are learned. Hopefully both parties will be able to learn something valuable, make amends with God and others, and not repeat that same mistake again. As humans, we sometimes falter, take two steps back, but hopefully we get back on our feet again and still continue moving in the right direction (forward) and achieving personal and spiritual growth along the way. With each lesson learned, we learn to love more deeply, live life more passionately, and be more compassionate towards others. God is truly awesome!

 

[Yitzchak]

On the subject of true repentance, I think a soft heart is what leads to true repentance, not the reverse.

I think we pretty much agree on the underlying meaning of the "points" being made. I understand your ideas. No matter whether it's a soft heart, restitution, true repentance or apologies made, we can only pray and hope that the lessons that needed to be learned from divorce situations are learned. Hopefully both parties will be able to learn something valuable, make amends with God and others, and not repeat that same mistake again. As humans, we sometimes falter, take two steps back, but hopefully we get back on our feet again and still continue moving in the right direction (forward) and achieving personal and spiritual growth along the way. With each lesson learned, we learn to love more deeply, live life more passionately, and be more compassionate towards others. God is truly awesome!

Amen...

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

Well, here is my 2 cents on the issue. The Bible says a woman is not to leave her husband, but if she dioes she is to remain single or go back to her husband.
Also, if you remarry, the reason it is sin is because you are commiting adultery and causing your mate to do so, because even though you have a paper saying you are divorced, God sees you as still being married. So, if you are in an abusive relationship or you hate your husband's guts and get a divorce, and then you repent, then you should show true repentance and try to get back with hubby. If you already got remarried and then repent, that does not nullify your first marriage. If you are truly repentant, then you must follow thru in giving back the goods you stole that were not yours. You can not repent and then keep what you got unlawfully.
I wish everyone could be in a happy Christian first marriage as God intended, but this world is not the way God made it cuz of sin entering in.
I think that when Jesus told his views on divorce his disciples thought it was better not to get married in the first place. It is a hard teaching, but we will be rewarded later, if we keep our First Love.

 

[lost72]

When we get married to our "first love" is it God guiding us to do it, or is our own free will. God did not come down to me and say this is the man for you. I believe not only should every man have a woman (or however it is quoted) but I do believe that there is the right person for everybody. It is not good enough to just give up in a marriage because the fire is gone. I know life isn't easy, life isn't fair so to speak, but I just can't believe in the fact that God choose my husband for me. Had I known more about the bible at the time, I probably would have seen the red flags steering me in the other direction. Why didn't God show me the way before I made the biggest mistake of my life? Why did it become such a big deal after I divorced and theres no going back? So I guess ones choice would be stay in an abusive situation (in my case) or divorce your husband and live single. It is not my calling to live single. I need and want the love and support of a family (not the sex). I want my kids to be raised Christian, I can not do this having doubts and fears all the time. I have been doing it on my own for awhile now, I love my kids and do everything I can for them but I find it very stressfull since one of them is border line special needs. I Don't know if I can do this alone for another 30-45 years. I want to believe in the bible and what I read, I want to believe that God will forgive me for leaving my husband. But on the other hand it scares me to death that I would be living the way God intends, "just to be safe" rather than living a true Christian with beliefs I do not question. I am not bitter towards my ex for the abuse, I am bitter because I can't move on in life guilt free. I can live this way if it is truly intended but I have a hard time to believe it is that cut and dry. So I get to live a life as a Christian being bitter and angry towards my ex not for the abuse but the life I feel I was sentenced (for better lack of a word). I am not hear to have pity on me etc, I am just hear for some answers.

 

[mghalpern]

Well, here is my 2 cents on the issue. The Bible says a woman is not to leave her husband, but if she dioes she is to remain single or go back to her husband.
Also, if you remarry, the reason it is sin is because you are commiting adultery and causing your mate to do so, because even though you have a paper saying you are divorced, God sees you as still being married. So, if you are in an abusive relationship or you hate your husband's guts and get a divorce, and then you repent, then you should show true repentance and try to get back with hubby. If you already got remarried and then repent, that does not nullify your first marriage. If you are truly repentant, then you must follow thru in giving back the goods you stole that were not yours. You can not repent and then keep what you got unlawfully.
I wish everyone could be in a happy Christian first marriage as God intended, but this world is not the way God made it cuz of sin entering in.
I think that when Jesus told his views on divorce his disciples thought it was better not to get married in the first place. It is a hard teaching, but we will be rewarded later, if we keep our First Love.

Mrs. Enigma... Love it! I thought everyone was just about ready to say, "live and let live (and God will just sort it all out when we get to heaven)." I was starting to wonder why God wasted His time in revealing His life design through the Word if we weren't doing everything possible (and holding each other accountable) to live by it...Michael

 

[bkg]

Well, here is my 2 cents on the issue. The Bible says a woman is not to leave her husband, but if she dioes she is to remain single or go back to her husband.
Also, if you remarry, the reason it is sin is because you are commiting adultery and causing your mate to do so, because even though you have a paper saying you are divorced, God sees you as still being married. So, if you are in an abusive relationship or you hate your husband's guts and get a divorce, and then you repent, then you should show true repentance and try to get back with hubby. If you already got remarried and then repent, that does not nullify your first marriage. If you are truly repentant, then you must follow thru in giving back the goods you stole that were not yours. You can not repent and then keep what you got unlawfully.
I wish everyone could be in a happy Christian first marriage as God intended, but this world is not the way God made it cuz of sin entering in.
I think that when Jesus told his views on divorce his disciples thought it was better not to get married in the first place. It is a hard teaching, but we will be rewarded later, if we keep our First Love.

Thread winner, right here. Wonderful, well written, honest, Godly post... This sums it up nicely.

Blessings!
bkg

 

[Yitzchak]

Well, here is my 2 cents on the issue. The Bible says a woman is not to leave her husband, but if she dioes she is to remain single or go back to her husband.
Also, if you remarry, the reason it is sin is because you are commiting adultery and causing your mate to do so, because even though you have a paper saying you are divorced, God sees you as still being married. So, if you are in an abusive relationship or you hate your husband's guts and get a divorce, and then you repent, then you should show true repentance and try to get back with hubby. If you already got remarried and then repent, that does not nullify your first marriage. If you are truly repentant, then you must follow thru in giving back the goods you stole that were not yours. You can not repent and then keep what you got unlawfully.
I wish everyone could be in a happy Christian first marriage as God intended, but this world is not the way God made it cuz of sin entering in.
I think that when Jesus told his views on divorce his disciples thought it was better not to get married in the first place. It is a hard teaching, but we will be rewarded later, if we keep our First Love.

All marriages are valid in God's eyes. Otherwise, those in the old testament who had several wives would have only really had one wife and been committing adultery with the others. I am not condoning multiple partners since we all know it is God's perfect will for us to have one partner.
HOWEVER, we do not see Jacob being told that Rachel is not his "real " wife since she was the second wife and that Leah is his only real wife. In fact, God blessed Banjamin and Joseph, the two offspring of Rachel, the second wife.
Yes, sometimes things get to be a mess, espeacially where the children are concerned. But there is such a thing as a covenant being broken and a new one established. we cannot always fix things by just going back to what once was.

 

[Yitzchak]

Praise the Lord for the blessing of my wife who God gave to me. Thank God also for the children He has belssed us with and the godly home he is helping us to build together.


The person who is the happiest for us is my daughter from my first marriage. She just loves to see God blessing her daddy and loves my wife although she can't quite figure out what to call her yet.......

I am getting my groove on and praising the Lord for giving me my life's dream in finding my soulmate and in blessing our marriage.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

Well, here is my 2 cents on the issue. The Bible says a woman is not to leave her husband, but if she dioes she is to remain single or go back to her husband.

But a man can leave his wife?

Also, if you remarry, the reason it is sin is because you are commiting adultery and causing your mate to do so, because even though you have a paper saying you are divorced, God sees you as still being married.

That's not what the Bible says. It is a highly misinterpreted verse. Same as "it's better to marry than to burn with passion" being misinterpreted to push people to get married simply so they won't sexually sin.

So, if you are in an abusive relationship or you hate your husband's guts and get a divorce, and then you repent, then you should show true repentance and try to get back with hubby.

What if the husband doesn't show true repentance? Sorry, but marriage is a two-way street and it isn't right to expect the woman to bear the burden of repentance and expect her to take back a husband that is abusive or a cheater when he has shown no remorse for his violation of the marriage convenant?

If you already got remarried and then repent, that does not nullify your first marriage. If you are truly repentant, then you must follow thru in giving back the goods you stole that were not yours. You can not repent and then keep what you got unlawfully.

Actually, it is Biblical that if you divorce and remarry, you are not to perpetuate the sin cycle and divorce your new spouse.

I wish everyone could be in a happy Christian first marriage as God intended, but this world is not the way God made it cuz of sin entering in.
I think that when Jesus told his views on divorce his disciples thought it was better not to get married in the first place.

Actually, that is not why the disciples were not married. The disciples were unwed because it freed them up to preach the Gospel without any family obligations.

It is a hard teaching, but we will be rewarded later, if we keep our First Love.

Doesn't really help those who are in the grave because their husbands beat them to death.

 

[heartnsoul]

Well, here is my 2 cents on the issue. The Bible says a woman is not to leave her husband, but if she dioes she is to remain single or go back to her husband.
Also, if you remarry, the reason it is sin is because you are commiting adultery and causing your mate to do so, because even though you have a paper saying you are divorced, God sees you as still being married. So, if you are in an abusive relationship or you hate your husband's guts and get a divorce, and then you repent, then you should show true repentance and try to get back with hubby. If you already got remarried and then repent, that does not nullify your first marriage. If you are truly repentant, then you must follow thru in giving back the goods you stole that were not yours. You can not repent and then keep what you got unlawfully.
I wish everyone could be in a happy Christian first marriage as God intended, but this world is not the way God made it cuz of sin entering in.
I think that when Jesus told his views on divorce his disciples thought it was better not to get married in the first place. It is a hard teaching, but we will be rewarded later, if we keep our First Love.

Unless one walks in someone else's shoes, I don't think it's fair for anyone to condemn or judge remarriages. For the judged will be judged. When I was in my twenties and thirties, I felt the need to criticize and throw scriptures at people and think I was being righteous. Funny how time and God has a way of teaching lessons to us. Just when we think we know it all, God will teach us again the lesson of humility, compassion and love. Now at 40, I see things a little differently than when I was younger. I also see *God* differently than when I was younger. God is much bigger, much more forgiving and more loving than I thought when I was in my younger years. I am sorry some of you feel the need to put God in a box and categorize Him as one who is inflexible and punishing. Perhaps in time, one day you will see things from a different perspective. God bless all.

 

[seekfirst]

What I find amazing and confusing is this...here we are..all of us..Christians...all of us believing in our hearts what the Bible is saying about divorce/remarriage....and it's two complete (if not more) different views on what's right. As many of you know, I am divorced and believe that God is working on my ex, and me...and He wants me to keep my heart and mind open to reconciliation. I am at peace with this. This isn't what my flesh wants, but I am so at peace with knowing that God is in on this decision, and I'm willing to trust and put my prayers towards that belief. I don't feel condemened, or that I'm being forced into this view.I do feel that this is what God is asking of me, and if I don't listen, then I am going against His will...something I don't want to do..It's the total peace I have about it, and it matches what the Word states. Now many others feel that God is telling them something totally different, and feel at peace with that guidance. It's confusing. The main thing is this...we all have to answer to God. We all will be judged by Him. The true answer, in my opinion is this...you need to get your answers from God. If God is truly first in your life, and you want more than anything to do His will, and He is telling you what He tells you...then that's what you should do. Feelings aren't to be trusted though..and just basing your decision on how you feel is risky. You have to give up what you want, and do what He wants...from there you decide. Until I did that, I didn't have any thought on getting back with my ex. I am learning so much and growing each day now...and I am amazed at the changes in my life. God is good!! God's peace to all of you!!

 

[mghalpern]

Unless one walks in someone else's shoes, I don't think it's fair for anyone to condemn or judge remarriages. For the judged will be judged. When I was in my twenties and thirties, I felt the need to criticize and throw scriptures at people and think I was being righteous. Funny how time and God has a way of teaching lessons to us. Just when we think we know it all, God will teach us again the lesson of humility, compassion and love. Now at 40, I see things a little differently than when I was younger. I also see *God* differently than when I was younger. God is much bigger, much more forgiving and more loving than I thought when I was in my younger years. I am sorry some of you feel the need to put God in a box and categorize Him as one who is inflexible and punishing. Perhaps in time, one day you will see things from a different perspective. God bless all.

heartnsoul... Maybe I'm missing something, but many, many people come here with questions that they seek input on. I don't think responding with one's perspective on an issue is judgmental. Do you?...Michael

 

[heartnsoul]

All marriages are valid in God's eyes. Otherwise, those in the old testament who had several wives would have only really had one wife and been committing adultery with the others. I am not condoning multiple partners since we all know it is God's perfect will for us to have one partner.
HOWEVER, we do not see Jacob being told that Rachel is not his "real " wife since she was the second wife and that Leah is his only real wife. In fact, God blessed Banjamin and Joseph, the two offspring of Rachel, the second wife.
Yes, sometimes things get to be a mess, especially where the children are concerned. But there is such a thing as a covenant being broken and a new one established. we cannot always fix things by just going back to what once was.

Excellent point Yitzchak! Thanks for sharing.

 

[heartnsoul]

heartnsoul... Maybe I'm missing something, but many, many people come here with questions that they seek input on. I don't think responding with one's perspective on an issue is judgmental. Do you?...Michael

Michael, in my opinion from what was posted, it appeared there was judgement made due to scriptures being mentioned. But hey, if judgement wasn't the intent, then that's fine. No harm no foul.

 

[Yitzchak]

The bottomline of all bottomlines according to Jesus was the schema and the royal law. Love God with all your heart, soul and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. For those who follow these , they please God.


I could go into complicated explanations about exceptions such as when the jews didn't know whether to circumcise on the sabbath and violate the sabbath or whether to miss the circucision on the 8th day which God commanded. For those of you who don't know about this look it up in your bible or study judiasm and find out that sometimes two of God's laws contradict and we must decide which is the higher law. For the pharisees of that day and of today, they circumcise and consider themselves guiltless of violating God's rule of sabbath on the grounds that they are following a higher law of circumcision. Jesus likewise healed on the sabbath and violated it by appealing to a higher law. I have to assume the higher law in that case was the great commandment to love. Jesus also quotes a scripture about David violating God's word by eating showbread. The disciples ate corn on the sabbath. Bottomline, Jesus said the sabbath was made for man and not man for the sabbath.

Mercy triumphs over judgement. God desires mercy and not sacrifice. If we had known what this meant we would not have done much of what we had done. Love is more important than rules.

But with all of this said, there are still those who want to tie it all up into a neat little package and those who don't fit are sacrificed on the altar of those rules. The thing is it doesn't all have to make sense to you or me. There is one judge and we all shall stand or fall before Him alone.
If it bothers you about the letter of the law you think that you see in scripture, then look at it this way. God made an exception for me because he loves me and he justifyed this exception by appealing to the higher law of grace, mercy and love. I'm sure God is a better lawyer than the lawyer who asked the question about which is the greatest commandment. God doesn't contradict himself. God is well able to argue his case and tie up every lose end.

I guess it is up to us whether we need the hard way or the eays way. I tryed the hard way for years and then somehow I just stumbled upon the easy road of trusting God and walking in love.

 

[mghalpern]

Michael, in my opinion from what was posted, it appeared there was judgement made due to scriptures being mentioned. But hey, if judgement wasn't the intent, then that's fine. No harm no foul.

heartnsoul... There may be scripture being used in responses to comments in a thread, but they are used to support ones position on a subject. I have never intentionally judged/condemned anyone on CF to my knowledge and if I have done so unintentionally, I apologize. If I questioned weather something was right or wrong in a thread and you supported your position with scripture (which is always suggested), I wouldn't feel judged/condemned by you because this is your position. If you called me an idiot and said I was going to hell because of something I did, that would be a different story. What gets me is that we often take an OP and debate it between other posters rather than just give our position to the OP (even if it includes remarks in support of, or opposition to, another posters remarks)...Michael

 

[heartnsoul]

The bottomline of all bottomlines according to Jesus was the schema and the royal law. Love God with all your heart, soul and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. For those who follow these , they please God.


I could go into complicated explanations about exceptions such as when the jews didn't know whether to circumcise on the sabbath and violate the sabbath or whether to miss the circucision on the 8th day which God commanded. For those of you who don't know about this look it up in your bible or study judiasm and find out that sometimes two of God's laws contradict and we must decide which is the higher law. For the pharisees of that day and of today, they circumcise and consider themselves guiltless of violating God's rule of sabbath on the grounds that they are following a higher law of circumcision. Jesus likewise healed on the sabbath and violated it by appealing to a higher law. I have to assume the higher law in that case was the great commandment to love. Jesus also quotes a scripture about David violating God's word by eating showbread. The disciples ate corn on the sabbath. Bottomline, Jesus said the sabbath was made for man and not man for the sabbath.

Mercy triumphs over judgement. God desires mercy and not sacrifice. If we had known what this meant we would not have done much of what we had done. Love is more important than rules.

But with all of this said, there are still those who want to tie it all up into a neat little package and those who don't fit are sacrificed on the altar of those rules. The thing is it doesn't all have to make sense to you or me. There is one judge and we all shall stand or fall before Him alone.
If it bothers you about the letter of the law you think that you see in scripture, then look at it this way. God made an exception for me because he loves me and he justifyed this exception by appealing to the higher law of grace, mercy and love. I'm sure God is a better lawyer than the lawyer who asked the question about which is the greatest commandment. God doesn't contradict himself. God is well able to argue his case and tie up every lose end.

I guess it is up to us whether we need the hard way or the easy way. I tried the hard way for years and then somehow I just stumbled upon the easy road of trusting God and walking in love.

Amen! ...and love is the greatest!!

 

[mghalpern]

Amen! ...and love is the greatest!!

Amen!! Love IS the greatest!!!...and if we had more of it, we wouldn't be discussing divorce and/or remarriage...Michael

 

[Svt4Him]

Malachi 2
16 "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel
Matthew 5
32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Matthew 19/Mark10 also talks about divorce and the Pharisees testing him with some of the same exact questions we test God with. It also talks how divorce was permitted in the Old Testament because mens hearts were hard. God gives us free will and many choose divorce but it's still a sin. In Mark 10, Jesus says that any man that divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultrey and vice versa.

Now therefore, let us make a covenant with our God to put away all these wives and those who have been born to them, according to the advice of my master and of those who tremble at the commandment of our God; and let it be done according to the law

Now therefore, make confession to the Lord God of your fathers, and do His will; separate yourselves ...from the pagan wives.

Perhaps it's not as cut and dry?