Religious people: Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity?

[Larry Mondello]

Religious people:
Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity if you lost it outside of engagement/ marriage?

If so, how did you deal with the guilt?

Understand it's a touchy subject, but am curious how you may have dealt with the guilt and loss of innocence.....

 

[AlexBP]

I haven't done it yet, I don't intend to do it until I'm married, and I don't intend to experience any guilt about it.

 

[rambot]

I didn't experience any guilt from THAT. But unfortunately with that partner, this transpired that ended up feeling like a gigantic albatross around my neck. It was quite awful.... and some guilt there too.

It required some time; some willingness of myself to let go of as much of that guilt as i could; and for the first time in my life up til that point, a lot of time spent in prayer trying to sort through a LOT of feelings and thoughts. I do believe God forgave me for my role and that he loved me through it all. But I guess that's how I dealt with that guilt.

 

[selfinflikted]

When I lost my virginity, I was religious. I had no guilt then, and I have no guilt now. Why should I have felt guilty?

 

[Larry Mondello]

I haven't done it yet, I don't intend to do it until I'm married, and I don't intend to experience any guilt about it.

That's great, Alex.
I really respect and admire guys/gals that hold-off for religious and moral reasons.

Waiting is really the best course, IMO. Far fewer problems and emotional trauma.

Never really fun to have to "explain" yourself to your someone you're getting serious with, especially if she was expecting something else, like a Christian virgin...
Even if they're not a virgin, it's kind of uncomfortable having to IN GENERAL TERMS explain your experience.... particularly if the other only had one other partner and wasn't that experienced herself....
Speakin' from experience here...

Wasn't a virgin in my 20s, but wished I was.
Wasn't really told about waiting when I was a teenager, was just something that "happened" @17-18.
Had a car and the girl I dated told me "I never tried anything..." so got ideas and one thing led to another...
It gave me big regrets and hurt my confidence.
Wasn't even religious at the time....

May go into more about it later.

 

[Jade Margery]

I think our culture makes way too big a deal out of it. In some cultures and societies, they do not even have a word for 'virgin'--because to them, having sex is not a huge life changing loss-of-innocence ordeal. I think that's a lot healthier than having to deal with guilt and shame for something perfectly natural that every instinct and hormone is screaming at you to do.

Never a christian, had no guilt, and it was not a problem for my fiance who was a virgin when we fell in love (but not anymore ). Ah, the benefits of being a godless heathen.

 

[Reminisce]

Yes. I still feel regret, guilt and shame.

Especially if I attend a church or meet with other Christians.

 

[PassionFruit]

Well when I lost my virginity, even though that's when I started having doubts, I still considered myself a Christian.

It was something I chose to do, knowing the possibility of guilt afterwords. But when I look back on it now, the truth of the matter is once I lost my virginity I didn't feel as though a part of me was gone, I didn't feel like I lost something special or precious. Most of all, it didn't change who I was. The only thing that was different about me was that I had sex.

So no I didn't feel any guilt.

 

[Reminisce]

Well when I lost my virginity, even though that's when I started having doubts, I still considered myself a Christian.

It was something I chose to do, knowing the possibility of guilt afterwords. But when I look back on it now, the truth of the matter is once I lost my virginity I didn't feel as though a part of me was gone, I didn't feel like I lost something special or precious. Most of all, it didn't change who I was. The only thing that was different about me was that I had sex.

So no I didn't feel any guilt.

You didn't feel like you had done something that can't be reversed and a desperation to change it as well as feeling like you have let down yourself, everybody else and God? If not, consider yourself lucky.

Btw, I like your African proverb (I'm African by ethnicity myself).

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Well admiteddly at first you don't really feel guilt because your caught in the moment. For me guilt set in when my ex-fiance left me and claimed she use me for sex because she knew I was a virgin and she wanted to take that from me. :/ I wanted it to lose it to the right person. >.<

Even if I had would have had sex with the "right person" before marriage I still would have felt guilty. Thats why with my current fiance there is NO sex at all until marriage. She to made that mistake and got hurt.

 

[Larry Mondello]

Yes. I still feel regret, guilt and shame.

Especially if I attend a church or meet with other Christians.

I get where you're coming from.
Took advantage of an "opportunity" @26 during a time I really felt lonely and desperate (never had an adult relationship).
Later, learned she was a Christian.

I sooooooooooo want to contact her all these years and apologize for being a jerk. But I can't find her name online and I since asked forgiveness from God for that (as well as one other casual incident, only had sex 2X 19-30).
Odd. At that time, felt God had "forgotten" about me (not having a GF from 19-26, no handholding... no hugging... no kissing), but met my first love -- a NEAR-fiance -- just a month later...


Reminisce,
Please try to put it behind you.
Try to understand you're human, like everyone else, and make mistakes.

Don't let guilt feelings get to you when you visit church or other Christian friends.
If you knew their pasts, as you know all too well your own life, you'd likely see many other things, maybe even some things more shocking than what you did.

When I attended church afterward, I didn't let feelings of those earlier incidents torment me.

Guilt is normal and in most cases, like crying, a good thing.
It shows us through our consciences that things are wrong.
However, if you've sought forgiveness over it, please try to move on.

Hope this helps.

 

[selfinflikted]

I sooooooooooo want to contact her all these years and apologize for being a jerk.

Just let it go. I'm almost positive she hasn't given it a second thought. These are extremely unhealthy feelings you're carrying around. You just need to let it go.

 

[technofox]

I had sex before I was saved and have no real regrets. I wanted until I was married after being saved and have regrets, because my former marriage was completely sexless; try being mid-twenty something at the time and only have sex only 8 to 10 times in total of a 2.5 year marriage.

For right now I am having premarital sex with few, if any, regrets and still remain in following Christ (meaning I still go to church, pray, read scripture, and believe Jesus is the Son of God). I know some may disagree with me or think this way or that about me; however, one should take into account what I have gone through (an abusive sexless marriage). They should also consider that premarital sex has been debated due to interpretation and translation issues, so I keep an open mind to either side of the debate and leave it to each one's God given conscience, but let's not go there. I am just giving full disclosure.

As a guy the biggest pain any woman could do is withhold sex from her husband and not in a biblical way. That happened to me and I can't bear the pain of that happening again, let alone the thought of another divorce :-( So I keep it simple - if I am going to have sex, then it is only going to be in a loving monogamous relationship (i.e. I only have sex in a commited relationship with a woman).

The only time I have regreted sex were 1 night stands or non-commited relationships, and those were few and far between (maybe two or three times, four tops dependent how you view it). So with that in mind, I will always recommend going by your own conscience, but I am more in favor of waiting until marriage (ideally, but we are talking reality here) or at least in a committed monogamous relationship. I will never support, nor condone promiscous sex, because I find it repulsive not to mention unbiblical without a doubt.

Premarital sex in a committed loving monogamous relationship does not equal promiscous sex, in my opinion for clarification. Also, please take care not to turn this into another debate or jump on the spiritual judgmental train wagon that many have done on prior threads with others whom had sex before marriage. I was married before and know some of whom who do this and had admitted to knocking boots prior to marrying their spouse (just a reminder for those who throw stones), and even those who had not done it, my speck is smaller than your plank

Ok now I got that out of the way. Let's see where the little white rabbit leads this thread.

 

[Larry Mondello]

The only time I have regreted sex were 1 night stands or non-commited relationships, and those were few and far between (maybe two or three times, four tops dependent how you view it). So with that in mind, I will always recommend going by your own conscience, but I am more in favor of waiting until marriage (ideally, but we are talking reality here) or at least in a committed monogamous relationship. I will never support, nor condone promiscous sex, because I find it repulsive not to mention unbiblical without a doubt.

Premarital sex in a committed loving monogamous relationship does not equal promiscous sex, in my opinion for clarification. Also, please take care not to turn this into another debate or jump on the spiritual judgmental train wagon that many have done on prior threads with others whom had sex before marriage. I was married before and know some of whom who do this and had admitted to knocking boots prior to marrying their spouse (just a reminder for those who throw stones), and even those who had not done it, my speck is smaller than your plank

Ok now I got that out of the way. Let's see where the little white rabbit leads this thread.

Tech,
No judgement here.

This thread isn't supposed to be about judgement or condemnation anyway, from either side -- Christians or NON-Christians.

You should see a similar thread on another board where a non-Christian went after my statement, "engaged/married" and accused me of "fornicating...":o

I possess similar feelings as you, on sex in a committed, monogamous relationship, as I had sex with my future wife in my 30s..... and saw things similarly, though we did as Christians feel some guilt, which she brought up recently....

EDITED IN:
Like you, wasn't a virgin before I became of faith in college, a year after I had sex in HS.
And like you, didn't have much sex (or handholding, kissing or anything, really !!) until met my future wife in my 30s....
Can count 4 people I ever had sex with --- HS, 2 experiences in my 20s and my future wife -- with just 5-6X total until 30.... So wasn't promiscuous by any means...

More on that later...

 

[Blessedj01]

Religious people:
Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity if you lost it outside of engagement/ marriage?

If so, how did you deal with the guilt?

Understand it's a touchy subject, but am curious how you may have dealt with the guilt and loss of innocence.....

I wasn't a Christian when I lost my virginity. I didn't feel any guilt at the time. Nowadays, I feel like it was a waste of time and sinful. I don't particularly feel guilty about it 'cos it's buried in a mountain of sin going back many years that I collectively regret but found freedom from in Jesus Christ.

There are times when I pick things from that mountain to feel guilty about, but I don't often feel that way. Usually it's recent sin that affects me the most. However, anyway, back to the question: I mainly feel a sense of loss as opposed to guilt.

 

[Livesbyfaithandwilldiebyf]

I had an emotional affair with a girl in my college (not anymore) but we didn't do anything physical. Even if I did have done physical sex with her at that time, I would've guilty 50/50 because at that time I was a mix of agnostic and religious (altho still more faithful than agnostic). Now I wouldn't have any sex with a girl until i am married to her.

IMO I think its important to remember that nobody including believers are born perfect. The only difference is (morality wise), we believers ought to become as perfect as we can by the time we die. This perfection is not achieved in one night, it takes time (whole lifetime struggle actually) and we will make many mistakes until that perfection is reached. While atheists are free (not bound contractually) to give into their drives, we believers have made a contract with god to be as pure as possible according to the word. But this contract is not like a society's legal contract. God forgives us (and I know it personally, not only in sexual immorality but in other cases as well) if we make mistakes but we have to keep trying from our side as well and not take forgiveness for granted.


Also, imo its very hard for young religious people (not only christians but all religions) growing up these days to stay with perfect purity in sexual realm as there is so much sexual immorality all around us (movies, pornography (especially internet pornography), pre martial sex peer pressures) etc and god knows about it.

 

[Verv]

I felt guilt, but that vanished after a while... As I viewed such an act was so normal and human. But now, of course, it is a bit... Pathetic of me back then.

I rationalized it like most people rationalize any sin.

Now, instead of guilt, I feel a vague sense of shame towards my current girlfriend who has expressed anger and sadness about it on a few occasions. So it is more of a sense of shame that I gave into more baser urges and rationalized them.

But... I am generally proud of who I have become and who I am, and I view this as a learning experience and something to tell to others.

We're all works in progress.

 

[selfinflikted]

I felt guilt, but that vanished after a while... As I viewed such an act was so normal and human. But now, of course, it is a bit... Pathetic of me back then.

Yes, because being the normal human that you are is pathetic.

 

[Blessedj01]

Yes, because being the normal human that you are is pathetic.

I don't think it's right to come into this thread and attack people's personal, sexual testimonies which are given for the purposes of the thread.

 

[selfinflikted]

I don't think it's right to come into this thread and attack people's personal, sexual testimonies which are given for the purposes of the thread.

That was not an attack.