Relationship Question

[chi_cchick]

I'm not sure if this is the best place to post this, since I would like feedback from some older married couples as well.

I fell in love with this guy. I've never felt so strongly for anyone, before or since. In my eyes, he was/is perfect.

Unfortunately, he did not return those feelings.

Will I ever feel that strongly for someone again? How can I date someone new when I don't feel as strongly for possible dates? Will my feelings match those for him over time? I have liked guys since, but not even in the same ball park.

Help!

 

[GMullins]

Will I ever feel that strongly for someone again? - Yes you will, when you find the man you're going to marry you will feel even stronger toward him I've "loved" other girls before, I thought the love I had for them could never be matched after our breakups. What I feel for my Wife proved to me that I barley "liked" the other girls.

How can I date someone new when I don't feel as strongly for possible dates? - Don't date them, wait until you find the one you feel as strongly towards.

Will my feelings match those for him over time? - I believe you can fall more in love over time yes, but like iIsaid when I met my Wfe I KNEW she was the one because of the feeling Ihad for her made all the other feelings I had for others look no existent.

I have liked guys since, but not even in the same ball park.- Your one true mate will knock it out of the ball park.

 

[Sketcher]

How long ago was this?

 

[chi_cchick]

How long ago was this?

I don't think it matters.

 

[Sketcher]

I don't think it matters.

It does, since it gives us a scope of the problem.

 

[JojotheBeloved]

It sounds to me like you may need some time to grieve the loss and move on. I know when I have experienced loss, all I feel is sad for a while. I don't feel capable of feeling anything but depressive things until I've grieved the loss. When I'm ready to move on I start to look forward to what's ahead again, and after a while the happy and excited and in love feelings return and life is great again. So just take some time to heal. Try to think of things you look forward to, and when the right time and the right guy come along, you'll probably feel wonderful again.

 

[coachcj]

If you feel this way presently, it is a problem. Here is my response/advice

1) Try to resolve this problem before you get into another relationship ( Get help if you need to)
2) Trust me, you will even feel much better when you meet the right person
3) Never, Never, try to make someone love you. if he doesn't feel that way, he is not the right one for you.

 

[chi_cchick]

If you feel this way presently, it is a problem. Here is my response/advice

1) Try to resolve this problem before you get into another relationship ( Get help if you need to)
2) Trust me, you will even feel much better when you meet the right person
3) Never, Never, try to make someone love you. if he doesn't feel that way, he is not the right one for you.

I don't know how to resolve it. Any suggestions for getting over someone?

 

[E.C.]

I don't know how to resolve it. Any suggestions for getting over someone?

To quote my favorite movie The Shawshank Redemption, "in prison a man will do most anything to keep his mind occupied". The background of that part of the movie is that one of the characters escaped from the prison (don't worry, he was innocent) after digging a secret tunnel through the wall which took him twenty years.


The demons like to build prisons around us. You've had one built around you from this breakup and you probably feel pretty down in the dumps too (it's a breakup it happens). Find something to do! Keep your mind off of it! Find something that you don't think you'd ever do out of fear and conquer it.
I lived in California for a year and a half. Roughly a year into it there was a girl I had a bit of a crush on and when I finally asked her out I got rejected. I felt like crap. I had always wanted to go skydiving and decided that if I could actually jump out of the plane than I could get over this (the crush lasted a long time, okay?) and I did.
When I was leaving California for Mississippi to do some training with the Navy, and there was a different woman whom I had been on a few dates with and thought she was perfect and I wanted to continue the relationship long-distance style. She didn't, and didn't tell me until I was right inside the Arizona desert (yes, I was driving the whole way) via text message. I spent the entire drive from Arizona to Texas a bit depressed and ticked off, but I also spent it immersing myself into my surroundings on the road while listening to some 90s rock. I spent that bit of my drive in a state of almost-meditation levels of contemplation and by the time I got to Texas two days later, I was no longer mad about it.

So, breakups suck especially those ones with people whom we weren't in a relationship with who we thought we perfect in our eyes. Like any other breakup, I've found that the best things to do are to keep your mind off of them (and the breakup) and to do something to boost your confidence. For me it was skydiving and absorbing the desert as I drove across the country by myself. You need to find something to boost your confidence.

 

[chi_cchick]

Hmm, someone posted a new response, that I liked, that showed up in my email, but it's no longer here

Anyway, I still like this guy. But I'm no longer that desperate. Previously, I was not close to my family, I didn't have a close friend group or church family. I feel those spaces filling, since I moved back to my home town. I think I was missing the closeness and intimacy that every human needs. I feel like people care about me now, and I don't feel as alone. I don't feel like there's this huge gap for romance now- I don't need it as much. Now I just need to get close to God, and I think I'll be set. Thanks guys

 

[tomwhite84]

Will I ever feel that strongly for someone again? How can I date someone new when I don't feel as strongly for possible dates? Will my feelings match those for him over time? I have liked guys since, but not even in the same ball park.

Yes, provided you don't let crappy thoughts colour the way you think of other decent men you could be involved with. For example, if you tell yourself "He was The One and I blew it, perhaps I wasn't good enough in some way, blah blah blah" .... if you tell yourself lies, you will affect yourself and your emotions for the worse and end up unnecessarily limiting yourself. Guys are just guys; we can't save the world, or even yours for that matter, so if you have desperation issues you need to find yourself a new idol.