Relationship advice:I sin often when I think about my boyfriend,is it best to end it?

[Lovingchristjesus]

Hello!
>> I am a Christian woman seeking Christian Godly advice, please support your answer with Biblical scriptures.
Christian dating has been a true humbling experience for me. I don't take dating lightly, I see my relationship with my current boyfriend as a courtship or preparation for a marriage that will wholly serve and glory the LORD.

My Christian boyfriend and I both see purity as important as an unmarried couple. (We give quick kisses a couple times when are physically together and hold hands) . When I am with him, I feel my mind is pure and I am not distracted from giving honor to the Lord.

However when i am not with him, I go into this dark side, often alone I begin to experience SINFUL thoughts- by JUST THINKING about him. I begin to lust after him, and if not lust, jealous and prideful thoughts arises. ( I had less of these thoughts when I was single)

The Holy spirit convicts me, and I take full responsibility of my sinful thoughts. Now I seek for advice. What do I do? I don't believe my boyfriend is tempting to me to sin, and I feel I am weak these sins because my relationship with Christ maybe weak .

Would this be a case where I may not be ready to be involved in relationship? I know SIN will always be a part of life but I want to do what's best for my relationship with Christ Jesus.

Thank you! Your thoughts are much appreciated

 

[TruthSeeker2012]

You are a human, having human feelings. But what's important is to recognize those feelings and thoughts as being sinful and not acting upon them.

Do the right thing, live a Holy life in an unholy world.

And never forget, the day you came to Christ, you became His Bride, so if you have any sexual contact with someone outside of marriage, then you commit willful adultery and willful betrayal towards Jesus, never forget that.

And never forget, there is a difference between lust and love.

God bless.

 

[child0fg0d88]

I agree with truth seeker.

The only perfect being to have ever walked this earth was Jesus Christ. You are a sinner, I am a sinner, the rest of us are sinners. You will sin your entire life.

However, you have recognized that sin. You love this man, so it is much easier for your thoughts to stray as they have done. All you need to do is push them aside and not to act on them until you decide to get married.

I think it would be silly to break up with your boyfriend because you have sinful thoughts about him occasionally. What are the chances you will ever find a guy like him again? I'm guessing very slim.

 

[Isatis]

My Christian boyfriend and I both see purity as important as an unmarried couple. (We give quick kisses a couple times when are physically together and hold hands) . When I am with him, I feel my mind is pure and I am not distracted from giving honor to the Lord.
However when i am not with him, I go into this dark side, often alone I begin to experience SINFUL thoughts- by JUST THINKING about him. I begin to lust after him, and if not lust, jealous and prideful thoughts arises. ( I had less of these thoughts when I was single)

Lust and jealousy are the works of the flesh (Gal 5:19-21). When you are with your boyfriend, you're a careful but when he is not watching, works of the flesh are exposed by the Holy Spirit and bring conviction.
I'd suggest you spend more time with the Lord, feeding on His Word. Study Galatians 5, Proverbs 31, Ephesians 5. You could also take a christian marriage preparation course, there are free ones on Internet or buy books that teach you how to become a godly wife, which is your goal. Living in the Word will help you put to death the works of the flesh (Rom 8:13)

God bless!

 

[drjean]

Paul wrote about this, how it would be best to be as he (alone) so one can serve God without encumbrance...however it is better to marry than to "burn" with desire.

First, and I say this cautiously because I don't wish a debate, as Christians we no longer sin. However, we need to always do our best for Christ Jesus.

I would advise both you and your boy friend to agree to stop kissing. If that doesn't help curb some of the desires, then stop holding hands for at least a time to see if that also helps. Tactile sensations are strong.

Next, use what is called thought blocking, or use reframing of those unwanted thoughts. As soon as you realize where your mind is going, stop it... if you must say something out loud, "No. I won't be thinking that." Or to reframe the thought, "Yes, I do desire xxx (boy friend) but those thoughts are for marriage (or whatever they involve for you) and I'll wait until then, should we marry. "

To be tempted is not sin. Correcting the thinking as soon as you can and countering them with good thoughts will promote a good habit and before a long time your mind won't go to the thoughts that are currently bothering you. (It's as though your mind will filter them before they are created as a conscious thought.)

You both also need to be mindful of your words and intentions when you are together. Bantering and joking in any way with this area of thoughts will feed the desires. (We are only human.)

Remember, you might not marry this boy friend... I mean, until you're married you can't be sure, right? So remain pure in deed and thought, just in case. Be well.

 

[Peripatetic]

Romance brings about strong emotions. Remember that desire and longing is not necessarily lust. It is good to be careful about crossing certain lines, but be careful about being too legalistic about your thoughts. Otherwise, you may find yourself being drawn *away* from God by feelings of condemnation.

 

[Lovingchristjesus]

Lust and jealousy are the works of the flesh (Gal 5:19-21). When you are with your boyfriend, you're a careful but when he is not watching, works of the flesh are exposed by the Holy Spirit and bring conviction.
I'd suggest you spend more time with the Lord, feeding on His Word. Study Galatians 5, Proverbs 31, Ephesians 5. You could also take a christian marriage preparation course, there are free ones on Internet or buy books that teach you how to become a godly wife, which is your goal. Living in the Word will help you put to death the works of the flesh (Rom 8:13)

God bless!

Those are just the scriptures that serve me well!

Thank you everyone who will and has posted

 

[alatir]

I agree dating is truly humbling. You start to see how much sin and falseness there is in your heart, it makes you grateful of God's grace in Jesus.

I'd say that when you are together with your boyfriend you should avoid physical contact as much as possible. Sexual temptation is very strong and capturing, it's not wonder the Bible calls it a deep pit (Proverbs 23:27, notice I'm not calling you a prostitute or anything, just showing the principle).

I think those sinful thoughts are a good occasion for thinking and praying what causes them. Just be honest to God and ask what is He trying to show about yourself (Proverbs 27:17, 19).

 

[MuffinTheMan]

First of all, I think it is wonderful that you asked for all advice to be backed up by Scripture (I wish more people were seeking the same)! Second of all, I agree with much of what others have said, and this passage was referenced above, "...because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband...if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." - 1 Corinthians 7:2,9

I recommend reading the 7th chapter of 1 Corinthians (to get the context for the above verses), because Paul does say that remaining unmarried is beneficial if doable. However, I believe that only certain people are gifted with the ability to remain celibate, and it would appear that you are not one of those people (due to your desire to marry, obviously). I'm sure many disagree with me that Paul is referring to the gift of celibacy there ("...each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that." - 1 Corinthians 7:7b), but this forum isn't the place for debate, so just check it out on your own.

My point in mentioning those passages is that it would seem that your possible reason for not continuing your relationship is the very reason that the apostle Paul gave for why individuals should get married. However, you have to trust God for wisdom and trust the leading of the Holy Spirit (just make sure it doesn't go against God's Word!).

As far as the thoughts go, it's a part of our sanctification process as we allow the Holy Spirit to mold us. We must continually seek do what Paul speaks of in 2 Corinthians 5, "...taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ..." Keep seeking answers in God's Word!

Caleb