Possible? I need someone to talk to.

[LRose613]

So, my husband and I recently started learning about autism and aspergers.

This came about because I was reading a post about it on Facebook. As I was reading the post, I thought to myself that everything in it seemed normal to me. All of it was things that I've experienced and are my normal. I said this to my husband, in a really poorly worded and hateful way. I told him that I didn't believe it was a real problem, they weren't describing a mental difference, merely personality traits. My husband grew really upset with me over my comments, told me to really research the disorders (is that the right word?), and then tell him what I thought of it.

So I did. I have been researching for three months now. Everything I have come across has astonished me. All of it. I started obsessing over it. I couldn't stop reading everything I could get my hands on about the autism spectrum. I related to so very much. I started watching videos aspies would post on youtube describing their life, experiences, and diagnosis. I cried through almost all of them. I never before found people who thought the way that I do. Now I can't get it out of my mind.

I feel scared because we don't have much money, so I can't just go to a doctor to figure this out, but my husband and I have found that the amount of "symptoms" I have is astounding. There's just so much. I haven't been able to talk to anyone other than my husband about it because I don't want anyone to think I'm "crazy". I don't want anyone in my family to think less of me. But it's nagging at me, it explains so much in my life, so much about my personality, it explains all that is me.

I'm honestly just looking for encouragement. I just don't even know what to do from here because we can't afford to go to a professional about it. I wouldn't even know what to say to them if I could. I don't know how to deal with this possibility. I don't know any adult who is. The only person I know who is autistic is 5. I'm 25. Before I even knew this kid was autistic, I saw myself in him. His mother apologized to me because of a fit he threw, but I told her not to worry about it because I did the same thing as a kid. She looked at me so strange when I said that.

I don't know what I'm getting at, but I think what I'm really looking for is someone who was diagnosed as an adult to talk to. I really need someone to talk to about this. Please?

 

[Sabertooth]

Welcome to the CF/autism sub-forum. We don't mind weighing in on our shared experiences, but if you want more local support, I recommend (in USA) your local chapter of The Autism Society of [your state]. Even if you can't afford a counselor, their speakers can be generally informative. If you can afford a counselor, they are a good resource for finding one who is competent in ASDs.

 

[Dan_R]

I was diagnosed as an adult. Not knowing was, for me, the worst. Tensions in the house diminished when I got diagnosed, because now there was an explanation. And there were germane resources. We had some additional language that we could use too; my wife has a better perception of what's going on in my world. I have a better perception of what's going on in the NT world.

Getting a diagnosis required

• finding a registered Psychologist in the community (none of them claimed anything about Aspergers in adults, so I found one that mentioned Aspergers in children)
• making an appointment: I said I'm having some issues and I've been told that I might have Aspergers. I want to be told one way or the other so I can get on with my life. I told him that I didn't have a lot of money, and that I wasn't there for counseling, but for a yes or no statement
• going to the appointment

At the appointment, the doc

• asked about family history
• asked about the trouble I was having
• asked about my personal history (my NT wife was there because she's a witness to everything I'm to close to see)
• asked a ton more questions
• had me take some standardized tests (probably to rule out other things that might masquerade as Aspergers.

A few days later he formalized it with a diagnosis document. The whole thing ran on the order of $300. Your mileage may vary. You might not meet the DSM diagnostic criteria. You don't know until you know. And I do have to say that I came in with some documentation from previous counseling sessions that he also consulted. Apparently, I met the criteria.

A man I respect a lot told me that when you draw boundaries, others aren't going to stand up and cheer. When I let my family know about my situation, I was told I was depressed, I was told that it's not possible, I was told a lot of things that didn't add to my life one whit. Getting a diagnosis was, for me, very much like drawing a boundary. It gave my wife and I the knowledge that I had limitations, and the strength of conviction that I didn't have to do the kinds of social things that overload me.

But getting a diagnosis was in some ways, like a death. I had to come face-to-face with the knowledge that there are some things I'll never be able to do. I mean it was always true, but I didn't have that knowledge, and so I had to grieve over my loss of perceived possibilities.
My wife sees it the other way round: She says I have a permanent "get out of jail free" card. She realizes that Aspergers is beyond my control, and she is willing to live with it (she'd been living with it for many years, but without knowledge). She knows that part of her life now, is running interference for me. On the positive side, I now realize I can capitalize on my Aspergers. My job selections are more limited than I once thought they were, but that's ok. The Lord gave me a job that really needs my specific abilities, and it pays very well. I'm in my element, using my strengths, and I rarely have to do those things Aspies (or at least I) find distressing. Your mileage may vary.
It was rough at first, but I have a very supportive spouse.
Dan

 

[Sabertooth]

My wife sees it the other way round: She says I have a permanent "get out of jail free" card.

In some circles, that is known as autistic license...!

 

[Dan_R]

In some circles, that is known as autistic license...!

Wow, that's great; I gotta tell her! Thanks!