Hi, everyone. I just joined, after gratefully finding this forum tonight. I'm going through a very difficult struggle at the moment. I'm not sure where to begin, and my head is somewhat foggy due to illness.
But in a nutshell: I've been repeatedly abused in my life, and fallen into some sort of cycle of it. That is to say, predator types, both male and female, always seem to catch the scent of blood around me, zero in, and go for the jugular. Right now, it's particularly frustrating because it's a much younger woman doing the bullying.
I'm a non-traditional student. It was really hard for me to go back to school, and it cost me a lot in more ways than one to find the courage to do it. I often feel out of place and like I stick out and don't belong. Now, after finding a place close to campus that's truly affordable and relatively decent, a new roommate (chosen by landlords) has moved in, and stomps on me every chance she gets. I don't know what exactly it is about me that makes her so mean, but I know bullies always seem to gravitate toward me and she does it cleverly, too, always putting on a nice face around others. I don't even know how to talk to anybody about it because of this - I'm afraid they'll think I'M the mean one, or just crazy.
I've talked to her about how stress affects my health, and that I'm trying to recover from some things, but it just seemed to make her go from bad to worse. She's actively malicious, and goes out of her way to be mean. It's been two months, and it took me a long time to see that she's actually acting from malice and that it's not just misunderstanding - just as in the past it's always taken me a long time to recognize abusers for what they are.
An old therapist told me I always tend to give them the benefit of the doubt, and it's put me in some very dangerous and horrible positions, which I don't even want to think about, sitting here alone in my room. I can easily spiral into traumatic memories and a whirlpool of spiritual and emotional turmoil that I can't easily come out of, and I'm finally at the point where I'm able to control all that enough to function somewhat successfully in life (it's taken years). But this has affected everything from my school work to my health to my sleep now, and she wakes me up on purpose if she can. After repeatedly talking to her about it, in vain, I finally bought earplugs and a $50+ noise-canceling device. At this point, I can see that she classically fits the victimizer personality that my old therapist told me about.
But I haven't been able to afford a therapist for a while. Yet, I don't want this to be a huge setback for me. I know I can't handle it alone anymore, and that God is calling me to reach out for help (I believe that's the good that Jesus wants to bring out of this situation). I'm trying to find a good counselor, but I don't have much money, and it will take some time. I really feel like I need some kind of help now. So I'm very grateful I found these forums.
Please pray for me - that I get through this, and come through in a way that includes the social growth I feel Jesus has in store for me, and that I cooperate with His grace. AND that this young woman stop her destructive behavior, stay away from the house as much as possible for the rest of her lease (very possible since she's a student, too), and that she move out as quickly as possible. It's a semester lease more or less, so I can realistically hope she leaves in about 7.5 weeks, though she has the option of staying into the summer. I really need some relief, so please, please pray that she leave as soon as classes are over. Thank you all for your prayers. (And for reading this far!) Blessings in Christ.
But in a nutshell: I've been repeatedly abused in my life, and fallen into some sort of cycle of it. That is to say, predator types, both male and female, always seem to catch the scent of blood around me, zero in, and go for the jugular. Right now, it's particularly frustrating because it's a much younger woman doing the bullying.
I'm a non-traditional student. It was really hard for me to go back to school, and it cost me a lot in more ways than one to find the courage to do it. I often feel out of place and like I stick out and don't belong. Now, after finding a place close to campus that's truly affordable and relatively decent, a new roommate (chosen by landlords) has moved in, and stomps on me every chance she gets. I don't know what exactly it is about me that makes her so mean, but I know bullies always seem to gravitate toward me and she does it cleverly, too, always putting on a nice face around others. I don't even know how to talk to anybody about it because of this - I'm afraid they'll think I'M the mean one, or just crazy.
I've talked to her about how stress affects my health, and that I'm trying to recover from some things, but it just seemed to make her go from bad to worse. She's actively malicious, and goes out of her way to be mean. It's been two months, and it took me a long time to see that she's actually acting from malice and that it's not just misunderstanding - just as in the past it's always taken me a long time to recognize abusers for what they are.
An old therapist told me I always tend to give them the benefit of the doubt, and it's put me in some very dangerous and horrible positions, which I don't even want to think about, sitting here alone in my room. I can easily spiral into traumatic memories and a whirlpool of spiritual and emotional turmoil that I can't easily come out of, and I'm finally at the point where I'm able to control all that enough to function somewhat successfully in life (it's taken years). But this has affected everything from my school work to my health to my sleep now, and she wakes me up on purpose if she can. After repeatedly talking to her about it, in vain, I finally bought earplugs and a $50+ noise-canceling device. At this point, I can see that she classically fits the victimizer personality that my old therapist told me about.
But I haven't been able to afford a therapist for a while. Yet, I don't want this to be a huge setback for me. I know I can't handle it alone anymore, and that God is calling me to reach out for help (I believe that's the good that Jesus wants to bring out of this situation). I'm trying to find a good counselor, but I don't have much money, and it will take some time. I really feel like I need some kind of help now. So I'm very grateful I found these forums.
Please pray for me - that I get through this, and come through in a way that includes the social growth I feel Jesus has in store for me, and that I cooperate with His grace. AND that this young woman stop her destructive behavior, stay away from the house as much as possible for the rest of her lease (very possible since she's a student, too), and that she move out as quickly as possible. It's a semester lease more or less, so I can realistically hope she leaves in about 7.5 weeks, though she has the option of staying into the summer. I really need some relief, so please, please pray that she leave as soon as classes are over. Thank you all for your prayers. (And for reading this far!) Blessings in Christ.
