I'm a male in my early 30's who became a christian a year and a half ago. Prior to that, I had been living a homosexual life for most of my adult life. Since become a christian, I've been struggling to control these urges because I really do want to be a good christian and live my life in a way that will be pleasing to God. In some ways, I've made a great deal of progress; I haven't gone to any gay clubs or pride parades or gay event for the last year and a half. I haven't been dating or had any boyfriends since I became a christian. However, in other ways I feel as though I haven't improved at all. Every time I watch a movie or T.V. show with a good-looking actor, I start feeling very attracted and it makes me want to go out on a date again. That also happens every time I pass by an attractive guy on the street or on the bus. Sometimes it gets to the point where as soon as I leave church, I start wondering if there are going to be any cute guys on the bus or at wherever I'm going to have lunch at, which makes me feel extremely guilty because I know I shouldn't be having that mentality. Even though I've been able to resist the temptation of dating guys, there are times that I can't stop thinking about how much I miss having a boyfriend. Can anybody please provide me with any insight/advice/guidance as to how to better control these urges and keep these thoughts out of my mind? I've prayed a lot about this and begged God to help me with this struggle. I'm afraid to mention this to my preacher or to any of the members of my congregation because I fear being ostracized and rejected. If it was any other sin that I was struggling with, I'd ask them for help. But because homosexuality is such a divisive and controversial issue, I'm very hesitant to seek help with this problem from anyone at my church. Please help, I really do want to be a good christian but I don't know what to do anymore...
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Kristen.NewCreation and FreeinChrist
Please, please help! Trying to live a christian life but dealing with homosexuality
- Thread starter BryanCarlo Carino
- Start date
Anybody in church who rejects you and shuns you has less of a right to be there than you. As for the urges I can say that it is going to be a long road, and since it has been going on a long time i would think itll will be harder at first. But God is with you and you can do it. It will take patience and commitment which it sounds like you already have. As for the guilt, God has already forgiven you if you have asked. It sounds like satan has given you these guilty feelings in an attempt to keep you out of the church, its a way to make you feel like you dont belong and drive you back to your former lifestyle. I feel for you and think you are doing a good job to be at the point where u are at.
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I have also faced the same inner struggle
Bro, it takes great courage to bring it all and lay it out in this forum.
1st, I want you to know I lived the life you spoke of to its extreme, so I know personally the inner shame you have yet to be released from as a result to the guilt you yet experience
I am not going to put you on blast about Jesue forgiving you (though He does)
I am not going to remind you of His cleaning Blood (1John 1:8) though it cleansed powerfully
I am not going tell you things you have heard over and over since you have become a follower of Christ
BUT i WILL TELL YOU THIS, THERE IS HEALING FOR YOU ON THE INNER MAN,
I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT A GOOD FEELING, BUT A HEALING THAT COMES FROM THE LOVING FATHER.
THIS IS A HEALING WHICH WRAPS THE WOUNDED SCARED MAN WHICH PROBABLY EXISTS FROM YOU BOY HOOD
BRO...I AM USING CAPS AS I TYPE, BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO KNOW THERE IS HEALING AND YOU YOU YOU ARE NOT
ALONE!
I has the same fears a you as a married Christian man, petrified to share my secret with anyone. I fear rejections, I feared the shaming other others, ...all the same things as you! Bro....THAT IS SATAN WANTING TO KEEP YOU IN PRISION.
IF YOU CHURCH IS HONORING OF CHRIST...THEN PUT IT TO THE TEST
I MEAN.....MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TODAY, NOT TOMORROW WITH YOUR PASTOR AND TELL HIM YOU HAVE SOMETHING DEEPLY PRIVATE TO DISCUSS WITH HIM.
GET PRAYED UP.....BE PREPARED TO WEEP.....SPILL YOU GUTS.
NOW IF YOU PASTOR CAN'T WEEP AND PRAY FOR YOU....AND ASSURE YOU STANDING WITH YOUR AS YOU SEEK CHRIST'S FULL HEALILNG OF YOUR SOUL...AND THE HE WILL KEEP EVERYTHING YOU HAVE SAID CONFIDENCIAL...............BROTHER...I PROMISE YOU ITS NOT BECAUSE JESUS IS DISTANT.....AND DOESN'T CARE.......HE JUST HAS GIVEN YOU A CLEAR AND POWERFUL SIGN.............HE ISNT WORKING IN THROUGH THE MAN YOU HAVE JUST WEPT BEFORE TO BRING HELP (IT DOESNT MEN HES NOT A MAN OF GOD......ITS JUST THAT HE IS NOT THE ONE)
SO IT MEANS YOU MUST TAKE COURAGE........AND CONTINUE THE JOURNEY, DONT GIVE UP.....THINK ABOUT ALL THE EFFORT YOU PUT INTO PURSUE YOUR SEX ADDICTION UNTIL YOU FOUND WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR (THOUGH IT PROVED AGAIN AND AGAIN TO BE AN EMPTY DISAPPOINTMENT)
CAN YOU FIND THE PASSION TO PRESS INTO JESUS AND TO ASK AND KEEP ON ASKING, SEEK AND KEEP ON SEEKING, AND KNOCK AND KEEP ON KNOCKING UNTIL THE DOOR IS OPEN TO YOUR.
My brother in Christ....there is deliverance, healing and restoration for you now, The LOrd is releasing a Grace to men like you and I...who are coming into His Kingdom. There are some amazing Chrisitan who are breaking throug their judgemental views and discovering the Love of Christ for broken men and women who have suffer inner rejection and identity- image conflicts. A great book for you is
Bro, it takes great courage to bring it all and lay it out in this forum.
1st, I want you to know I lived the life you spoke of to its extreme, so I know personally the inner shame you have yet to be released from as a result to the guilt you yet experience
I am not going to put you on blast about Jesue forgiving you (though He does)
I am not going to remind you of His cleaning Blood (1John 1:8) though it cleansed powerfully
I am not going tell you things you have heard over and over since you have become a follower of Christ
BUT i WILL TELL YOU THIS, THERE IS HEALING FOR YOU ON THE INNER MAN,
I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT A GOOD FEELING, BUT A HEALING THAT COMES FROM THE LOVING FATHER.
THIS IS A HEALING WHICH WRAPS THE WOUNDED SCARED MAN WHICH PROBABLY EXISTS FROM YOU BOY HOOD
BRO...I AM USING CAPS AS I TYPE, BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO KNOW THERE IS HEALING AND YOU YOU YOU ARE NOT
ALONE!
I has the same fears a you as a married Christian man, petrified to share my secret with anyone. I fear rejections, I feared the shaming other others, ...all the same things as you! Bro....THAT IS SATAN WANTING TO KEEP YOU IN PRISION.
IF YOU CHURCH IS HONORING OF CHRIST...THEN PUT IT TO THE TEST
I MEAN.....MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TODAY, NOT TOMORROW WITH YOUR PASTOR AND TELL HIM YOU HAVE SOMETHING DEEPLY PRIVATE TO DISCUSS WITH HIM.
GET PRAYED UP.....BE PREPARED TO WEEP.....SPILL YOU GUTS.
NOW IF YOU PASTOR CAN'T WEEP AND PRAY FOR YOU....AND ASSURE YOU STANDING WITH YOUR AS YOU SEEK CHRIST'S FULL HEALILNG OF YOUR SOUL...AND THE HE WILL KEEP EVERYTHING YOU HAVE SAID CONFIDENCIAL...............BROTHER...I PROMISE YOU ITS NOT BECAUSE JESUS IS DISTANT.....AND DOESN'T CARE.......HE JUST HAS GIVEN YOU A CLEAR AND POWERFUL SIGN.............HE ISNT WORKING IN THROUGH THE MAN YOU HAVE JUST WEPT BEFORE TO BRING HELP (IT DOESNT MEN HES NOT A MAN OF GOD......ITS JUST THAT HE IS NOT THE ONE)
SO IT MEANS YOU MUST TAKE COURAGE........AND CONTINUE THE JOURNEY, DONT GIVE UP.....THINK ABOUT ALL THE EFFORT YOU PUT INTO PURSUE YOUR SEX ADDICTION UNTIL YOU FOUND WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR (THOUGH IT PROVED AGAIN AND AGAIN TO BE AN EMPTY DISAPPOINTMENT)
CAN YOU FIND THE PASSION TO PRESS INTO JESUS AND TO ASK AND KEEP ON ASKING, SEEK AND KEEP ON SEEKING, AND KNOCK AND KEEP ON KNOCKING UNTIL THE DOOR IS OPEN TO YOUR.
My brother in Christ....there is deliverance, healing and restoration for you now, The LOrd is releasing a Grace to men like you and I...who are coming into His Kingdom. There are some amazing Chrisitan who are breaking throug their judgemental views and discovering the Love of Christ for broken men and women who have suffer inner rejection and identity- image conflicts. A great book for you is
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I know the inner conflict and pain you face day as a result of being a Christian married man and yet you face struggles with same sex attractions. Being separated under the same roof, and sleeping in separate bedroom for the final 7 years of the marriage was a dark cave experience which by the grace of God I survived, but not without being the greatest testing period of my life
The guilt and shame I carried as I lived a secret life weighed upon me daily as I prayed for Gods intervention and yet none seem to come. Acting out with other men became my medicine to numb the inner pain resulting for the separation and isolation from my wife, but I now realize .my pursuit of erotic sexual activities (my drug of choice) with men was also a means to drown out the alienation and disconnect I experienced from my own masculine identity, in addition to the great distance which existed in my relationship to Christ. The war which raged within was far far beyond the conflicts I face with my wife. Looking back now, it would have been helpful if I could have understood that at that season of my life.
Perhaps like me, you have a great number of godly men acquainted with you, and some may even consider themselves your friend, and yet you are gripped by fear if the ever found out about the illegitimate ways you act out on your same sex attractions. You probably think they will even shun you from fellowship. For me .this was the one avenue where I help should have been available, and yet fear imprisoned me and kept me silent from seeking someone in whom I could find help from. This dilemma generated its own clouds of guilt and condemnations. After my breakthrough and restoration to Christ (2009), building healthy friendship with men became the most powerful areas where Christ showed up and confirmed HIS unconditional love and acceptance towards my through a number of godly men who held my struggles confidential. Perhaps Ill be able to share more with you in the future if you are interested.
So yea ..there is hope for you! Though you may not yet see the bridge over which you will travel ..one exists! Unbeknown to you are men not far removed from where you live, who also are struggling with SSA and are learning to be courageous in pursuing the hand of mercy extended by Christ.
As I hit my rock bottom, I discovered that God was very near. I was an extremely broken man at that time of my life. I wept more than I knew possible, for weeks and months. Hey bro I was even a clinical associate with a mental health facility at the time, and I know what you feel and experience as you carry your great conflict to work , and yet are supposed to have answers for other. As I write .I was just reminded of a book Breaking Free, Understand Sexual Addiction & the Healing Power of Jesus by Russell Willingham. This book may offer you insight and hope for the gentlemen you mentioned. I read this book together with my wife ..man was that ever a tough assignment, and though it was written for primarily men with heterosexual addictions, it helped me greatly. I can be more specific if you request. By the way the author admits to have SSA in the early part of his life .go figure there is another reason why THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU!
TRY READING HEALING THE MASCULINE SOUL BY GORDON DARBY
The guilt and shame I carried as I lived a secret life weighed upon me daily as I prayed for Gods intervention and yet none seem to come. Acting out with other men became my medicine to numb the inner pain resulting for the separation and isolation from my wife, but I now realize .my pursuit of erotic sexual activities (my drug of choice) with men was also a means to drown out the alienation and disconnect I experienced from my own masculine identity, in addition to the great distance which existed in my relationship to Christ. The war which raged within was far far beyond the conflicts I face with my wife. Looking back now, it would have been helpful if I could have understood that at that season of my life.
Perhaps like me, you have a great number of godly men acquainted with you, and some may even consider themselves your friend, and yet you are gripped by fear if the ever found out about the illegitimate ways you act out on your same sex attractions. You probably think they will even shun you from fellowship. For me .this was the one avenue where I help should have been available, and yet fear imprisoned me and kept me silent from seeking someone in whom I could find help from. This dilemma generated its own clouds of guilt and condemnations. After my breakthrough and restoration to Christ (2009), building healthy friendship with men became the most powerful areas where Christ showed up and confirmed HIS unconditional love and acceptance towards my through a number of godly men who held my struggles confidential. Perhaps Ill be able to share more with you in the future if you are interested.
So yea ..there is hope for you! Though you may not yet see the bridge over which you will travel ..one exists! Unbeknown to you are men not far removed from where you live, who also are struggling with SSA and are learning to be courageous in pursuing the hand of mercy extended by Christ.
As I hit my rock bottom, I discovered that God was very near. I was an extremely broken man at that time of my life. I wept more than I knew possible, for weeks and months. Hey bro I was even a clinical associate with a mental health facility at the time, and I know what you feel and experience as you carry your great conflict to work , and yet are supposed to have answers for other. As I write .I was just reminded of a book Breaking Free, Understand Sexual Addiction & the Healing Power of Jesus by Russell Willingham. This book may offer you insight and hope for the gentlemen you mentioned. I read this book together with my wife ..man was that ever a tough assignment, and though it was written for primarily men with heterosexual addictions, it helped me greatly. I can be more specific if you request. By the way the author admits to have SSA in the early part of his life .go figure there is another reason why THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU!
TRY READING HEALING THE MASCULINE SOUL BY GORDON DARBY
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I find that it helps to pray when confronted with this temptation. Pray for god to transform your heart, but do not dwell on the attraction. Trying to fight the attraction by facing it directly is a trap I often fall into so it is best not to dwell on it. It is also beneficial to concentrate on honoring God; sometimes battling temptation just becomes to absorbing that we loose track of what really matters.
I understand why you are hesitant to seek help, however, it is dangerous going on without accountability. It is easier to backslide into sin when there is no one to correct you and pray for you. Since you aren't ready to confide in a fellow church member you could consider an online accountability partner, they're only a facsimile, but helpful nonetheless. Do have faith, God works to transform all of our lives even when we can't see it. Hope this helps, I'll be praying for ya.
I understand why you are hesitant to seek help, however, it is dangerous going on without accountability. It is easier to backslide into sin when there is no one to correct you and pray for you. Since you aren't ready to confide in a fellow church member you could consider an online accountability partner, they're only a facsimile, but helpful nonetheless. Do have faith, God works to transform all of our lives even when we can't see it. Hope this helps, I'll be praying for ya.
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Hey man,
First of all I want to say how awesome it is that you have come out of that lifestyle. Secondly I want to encourage you to spend time in Gods Word. Develop friendships in the church to find someone who can be you accountability partner. I'm amazed how God has brought to me people that i can be real with. And i think over time he will show you who you can share with. As for attractions you need to realize that attraction is not sin it's what you do with it. If that attraction moves to fantasy then it becomes sin. 2 Cor. 10:5 tells us to hold every thought captive. Imagine each sinful thought that you have as your enemy in war. We have to take our thoughts and hold them captive to God. As we train ourselves to destroy the sinful thoughts you'll find the sinful actions become less. God brought me to himself In 98 but to this day I still struggle as you do. I am here if you need someone to talk to
First of all I want to say how awesome it is that you have come out of that lifestyle. Secondly I want to encourage you to spend time in Gods Word. Develop friendships in the church to find someone who can be you accountability partner. I'm amazed how God has brought to me people that i can be real with. And i think over time he will show you who you can share with. As for attractions you need to realize that attraction is not sin it's what you do with it. If that attraction moves to fantasy then it becomes sin. 2 Cor. 10:5 tells us to hold every thought captive. Imagine each sinful thought that you have as your enemy in war. We have to take our thoughts and hold them captive to God. As we train ourselves to destroy the sinful thoughts you'll find the sinful actions become less. God brought me to himself In 98 but to this day I still struggle as you do. I am here if you need someone to talk to
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