DaffodilFlower
Reach out in love to others :)
HI dandy mandy thanks for that! But it is because I have less then 50! So I can't post links! But nearly there so all is good!
Thanks for helping me out..
Thanks for helping me out..
Upvote
0
I've read many of the Cloud & Townsend books, and think they're all great. I definitely want to read Who's Pushing Your Buttons, I think it will be helpful.
My 15 year old step-daughter is extremely passive/agressive. She convenienty forgets things or "has too much homework" as she finishes one page of homework while watching 4 hours of TV. I ask her to do something, but she puts it off until she has to leave to go with her mother. (She lives with us.) If I say anything about it, she calls her mother and cries wildly about how unfair and horrible I am (which in turn starts WWIII), then turns around and expects me to pick her up from basketball practice.
My husband used to say I was taking things too personally ("she just forgot"). But I think he's actually starting to see it now too. It's just all too convenient. I've finally decided that I'm not doing anything extra for her that I don't absolutely have to do. Call it tough love, if you will. I love my SD but sometimes I don't like her very much.
Absolutely!I can definitely sympathize. I had teenage stepchildren, too, and everything you are describing is very common in blended families. It's very difficult for all involved. Not to mention that children, especially teenagers, are naturally manipulative even in a nuclear family. They will work the system if they are allowed to - play one adult against another - anything to get what they want. It's vital that you and your husband are on the same page when it comes to setting household rules. DH especially, as the biological parent, needs to back you up, and not allow the children or the ex to undermine you.
Reading that, I would say it's your hubby's ex that is the passive/agressive one. It sounds as if she is very bitter and is feeding negative things to your step-daughter--causing her to act out. Since she does that, your stepdaughter knows she will be on her side when she sees something as unfair (which is probably any time you ask her to do something). She is using her own daughter to get back at you--at her daughter's expense. That is sad.
Does your hubby see things this way? It would be great if HE could sit down with step-daughter and tell her that you want what is best for her and that is why you want her to do her homework. He should be the one to lay down the rules. She should hear that you want to do things for her, but that when she is constantly calling her mom to get her involved, it makes it really difficult for you to do those things.
Is it possible for SD to live with her mom for a few weeks so she can live the difference?
I am praying God gives you clear direction in this. Raising a teen-ager is difficult enough, but then to have someone trying to sabatoge your effort, that is a huge burden.