Other people revealing the sexual history of your partner to you...

[IreneAdler]

I prefer don't ask, don't tell (unless of course you have an STD or want to maintain your virginity or something). The past is the past and loving someone should have no bearing on he past or mistakes, not to mention you then have to deal with the idea of comparisions and anxiety. No thanks.

 

[lifetheuniverse]

If I'm going to learn about a partner's history, I'd prefer that the partner do the telling. The only thing I'd demand from them is info on their STD status. Beyond that, things that happened in the past aren't really that relevant to our current situation. I would not appreciate his friends going into details about it behind his back. Not cool of them to do such a thing. I expect my friends to keep details to themselves and my partner deserves the same. I think knowing every intimate detail of your partner's past isn't particularly healthy. My bf and I had STD tests together and know how many partners the other has had. That's it and the way I like it.

Common make or breaks in sexual history even in 'open minded' christian boyfriends and girlfriends are:

* Homosexual encounters
* Threesomes
* Many more sex partners then you (like x2, x3)
* Participation as a model/sex worker in the sex industry
* Participation through viewing pornography or paying prostitutes for sexual favors.
* Being married previously, or being married numerous times
* Extreme passivity and a desire to submit by a man
* Feminine personality or cross dressing by a man
* Extreme dominance and unwillingness to submit by a woman
* Masculine personality or rejection of feminine characteristics by a woman

 

[undonebymercy]

Talk to your partner? If your partner has lied to you or withheld information about their sexual history...I would beg to question why.

 

[DCHSKNIGHT]

If some one came to me and talked to me about my Girlfriends Past, I personally ignore them and consider them to be lying.

I would how ever go straight to them and talk to my girlfriend about what I heard. I would tell them who told me and i would tell them exactly what was said. SO they can clear up any lies or problems. And Then If there are things that are sinful and wrong in her past. I would consider if it really did effect what I would do as her husband and forgive her and move on and never bring it up ever again. Because Christ forgives us of far more then what she has ever done, by the minuet and he forgets and removes the sin from us as far as the east is from the west. all of this is easier said then done. But it is what I would do.

 

[lifetheuniverse]

Forgiveness is a far cry from being healed though. Most people that I know of after they have been forgiven do not try to return to a state of innocence but remain in unsaved expectations and unhealed carnal desires and capabilities.

An example I will give is of pornography. A man can be saved, and married, and repress his sexual desires but after he is married it will all come out again. In times of stress or idleness he can return to pornography even though he has been saved and forgiven of it.

Another example is burn out. A woman has had numerous sexual partners both skilled and unskilled before she was saved. She courts a christian man and they do not have pre-marital sex. After marriage sex reminds her of being unsaved, and she's bored of it anyways since she's had so much of it. She denies her husband sexual needs and is quite content to occasionally remember her sexual adventures as she gets on to the real business of marriage- bills, working, and raising the children. Her spouse is the father to her children and the financial provider of the household but not her lover or husband any more. When she grows bored of playing house and bored of him and his fumbling attempts to seduce her (so unlike the skilled lovers in her past she thinks), she divorces him and takes the kids, the house, and his money for the next decade or two.

They are all 'good church going saved christians' but being saved does not equate having victory over strong holds and unsaved attitudes and experiences in their lives.