Opinions on situation

[ethan03]

Ethan.

It's not WHAT your saying, it's how your saying it. I know where you are coming from and everyone, truth is to an extent he's right. Think of it like talking with your kids, you give them a big bowl of ice cream put it in front of them and say "Youuuuuuu can't eat that whole thing, thats way too much ice cream for you" "Oh yes I can daddy watch!" "Nope, not happening, you'll never make it past the first bite!" "No way I'm gonna eat it all then lick the bowl clean watch *chompy chomp chomp*"

Playful banter not intended to hurt but rather intended to just.. have fun.

Ethan is getting at the same thing in an adult level, just... not wording it properly.

At least, thats what I am hoping he is getting at.

yeah, you get it sort of. i agree, it is how i'm wording it probably a little. but i'm coming from the perspective of a man's inner game (having confidence versus anxiety, not being a wussy nice guy all the time, etc.) is the hugest most important part of creating attraction for a female.

 

[SearcherKris]

yeah, you get it. i agree, it is how i'm wording it probably. but i'm coming from the perspective of a man's inner game (having confidence versus anxiety, not being a wussy nice guy all the time, etc.) is the hugest most important part of creating attraction for a female.

ah...testosterone, initiative, decissive, know what he believes, know what he wants, puts it out there?

 

[kevlite2020]

there is a time and place for what you argue. it is a necessary part of any relationship. but so is what i argue. typical guys usually aren't good with women because they ONLY have the qualities you mention. Just because you bust and tease her, doesn't mean you're putting her down. In fact, she'll love it and bust and tease you as well! busting her IS a form of love and she knows it. any guy successful with a woman knows this also. In the process of creating attraction you don't JUST ONLY compliment, respect, and tender to her needs. Nothing will turn a woman away faster. You gotta lead her on, bust her, be a smart alec, and make her work for it. That is what typical guys have yet to learn.

See, I think I understand what you might be getting at, but the way your expressing it leads to something different. For example, making fun of a girl for having a blonde moment or something can be cute. If that's what you mean by teasing them then sure, that can be part of a good conversation. On the other hand, if you're talking about saying to a girl that she's not good enough for you, or that she isn't attractive, etc. to lower her self esteem, that's how many men take advantage of women. That's what it sounds like you're talking about.

I'm a typical guy but I have been plenty successful with women (if you want to measure success by getting women attracted to you and interested in dating). I don't make them work for it and I don't lead them on or tease them and I have been just fine. In fact, the times I have done things the way you are suggesting are the times that I have got one night stand type relationships (before I knew Christ, obviously).

And I get what you're saying that it can be helpful to joke around and be lighthearted, but complimenting, caring for, and respecting women can easily lead to attraction all by itself with no other qualities. Maybe you've met different women then me, I can say I've met women of all different types of preferences, but genuinely caring for them seems to always spark either a friendship or an attraction, I've never seen it turn a woman off. And the only women I know that have felt that lighthearted approach is good are the ones not looking for serious relationships. They look at a man like that as a fun time and nothing more, typically.

Ethan.

It's not WHAT your saying, it's how your saying it. I know where you are coming from and everyone, truth is to an extent he's right. Think of it like talking with your kids, you give them a big bowl of ice cream put it in front of them and say "Youuuuuuu can't eat that whole thing, thats way too much ice cream for you" "Oh yes I can daddy watch!" "Nope, not happening, you'll never make it past the first bite!" "No way I'm gonna eat it all then lick the bowl clean watch *chompy chomp chomp*"

Playful banter not intended to hurt but rather intended to just.. have fun.

Ethan is getting at the same thing in an adult level, just... not wording it properly.

At least, thats what I am hoping he is getting at.

I hope that's what he's getting at too. If so, that method can work, but like I said, that usually leads to more of a lustful type relationship then a long term serious relationship. Serious honesty has always worked better for me then playful banter when looking for a real relationship.

 

[ethan03]

ah...testosterone, initiative, decissive, know what he believes, know what he wants, puts it out there?

sort of. there's a lot to it... those are definitely necessary qualities you mention versus the usual anxiety and fear the typical guy has.

for example:
most guys see a certain girl and instantly see them self with her as a future spouse. that is a mistake.
most guys see a certain girl and wonders if he has what it takes to be with her. that is a mistake. what should be done is if she has what it takes to be with you.
most guys see a certain girl and when trying to get know her open up too soon. that is a mistake.
most guys see a certain girl and wanna talk about things like family, job, school, religion, church, where you live, etc. that is a mistake.
most guys see a certain girl and think complimenting her and lifting her up all the time is good way to attract her. that is a mistake.

most guys have these perspectives that make sense logically, but are really massive mistakes haha.

i'm sort of like a dating sensei, or master of a man's "inner game". not to mention, a man's inner game goes way beyond dating.

 

[Blank123]

yes, because what i've been talking about this whole time has been to influence shrewdly or deviously the woman for a false and abusive relationship... NOT. You just made a terrible argument. you simply don't like what i'm saying so instead of possibly seeing my side, you twist stuff up in a desperate attempt to preserve yourself.

defensive much?

 

[kevlite2020]

sort of. there's a lot to it...

for example:
most guys see a certain girl and instantly see them self with her as a future spouse. that is a mistake.
most guys see a certain girl and wonders if he has what it takes to be with her. that is a mistake. what should be done is if she has what it takes to be with you.
most guys see a certain girl and when trying to get know her open up too soon. that is a mistake.
most guys see a certain girl and wanna talk about things like family, job, school, religion, church, where you live, etc. that is a mistake.
most guys see a certain girl and think complimenting her and lifting her up all the time is good way to attract her. that is a mistake.

most guys have these perspectives that make sense logically, but are really massive mistakes haha.

i'm sort of like a dating sensei.

I don't mean you any offense, but I wouldn't be so quick to call you a dating sensei... Most of those are not massive mistakes and are actually good ideas. For instance, talking about family and job and religion and things like that are important things to flesh out. There are many women who will not date a man who is a different religion then them. So why would you want to create an attraction to them if the relationship will never go anywhere, no matter what? Complimenting is a good way to attract women. I agree that it can be overdone, but most women want to be lifted up. I mean really, I hate to say it but your advice seems like the typical guy who is looking for a one night stand. I haven't really seen healthy relationships form from your advice. The whole sense of entitlement thing really puts a strain on a new relationship if you're going for long term. If you have the mentality that girls aren't good enough for you, and you're good enough for any women, you will treate them in that manner. No girl wants to be treated like they aren't good enough, no matter what they do. That doesn't create a healthy relationship.

Also, I see what you're saying about "wussy nice guys." Not all nice guys are so umm... meek, I guess would be the word. There's a difference between really caring about a woman and wanting to make sure she's happy, and a guy that asks the woman if she's happy every five seconds. Does that make sense? It's very possible to compliment women and care for them and do sweet things for them while also being confident and strong. Being nice isn't a sign of weakness or a turn off, the only thing that turns girls off about some nice guys is that they are so obsessed with treating the girl perfectly that they lose sight of enjoying their company and actually entertaining the girl. They try to make sure that every moment is perfect, which essentially ruins every moment.

I would never advise a guy to be anything less then nice and well mannered and genuinely caring to a women he's dating, because when that's done with confidence, it's a beautiful thing and usually leads to a very healthy relationship.

 

[JonMiller]

I know a far number of men who are very successful in life, but very poor in dating.

The equivalence of success with women and success with other areas in life is a huge lie. Women don't look for the same things that make someone successful in life anymore.

JM

 

[welshman]

Why try to "impress" anyone? Just be yourself. That is who you will be if you end up married so why try to be any different now?

 

[SearcherKris]

The equivalence of success with women and success with other areas in life is a huge lie. Women don't look for the same things that make someone successful in life anymore.

JM

This is so true.

 

[canehdianhotstuff]

A) I dont play games.
B) I dont beat around the bush at what I want.
C) As a person in general I am never very open, but I answer questions nevertheless.
D) If you actually knew what you were talking about, you wouldnt be single.

 

[SearcherKris]

Hey Shawn, at a certain point it no longer became about your situation but relationship in general. I'm not sure if you realized that and I didn't want you thinking that you were being picked on, at least not by me.

 

[canehdianhotstuff]

Oh, I know, but Im kinda sick of Mr. full of himself there.

 

[canehdianhotstuff]

Just thought I would leave an update of we went out for a walk tonight (I brought our 7 month old golden retriever) and we talked more. Now Tuesday we are having a dinner/movie night (the late show)

 

[SearcherKris]

How nice. I hope that works out well for you.