Online dating sites...

[Blueforest]

sounds like no one chose to communicate with you on a dating site...

Then you might want to check your hearing.

A number of people wanted to meet me, but I just couldn't be bothered. Most were not anyone I would ever consider dating, and the others, for some reason, I lost interest in as time went by. Maybe God was showing me something? I rarely lose interest in someone that quickly as a rule.

To be honest, as I said, I am very leery of anyone using the internet to meet people. See original post. So I'll always have it in the back of my mind. And I'd feel embarrassed over using the "cheap" method of the internet rather than the old fashioned ways of meeting people in real life. The internet takes away all that.

 

[sampa]

In response to the OP, yep do get hit on quite often, but most are not God fearing Christians.
1. Its one mix of ways to meet others
2. its helped me to grow
3. at the moment financially I can't be involved (and no internet)
4. my dating improved once I went that route - meaning more CHRISTIANS
5. Real world hasn't offered much locally between work and church or activities

I have found it interesting that I've met some very flattering leads when I've ventured into a new territory with an optomistic mindset. A film festival, a conference in denver, a surf luah...and some good friendships that have developed.

 

[Blueforest]

In response to the OP, yep do get hit on quite often, but most are not God fearing Christians.
1. Its one mix of ways to meet others
2. its helped me to grow
3. at the moment financially I can't be involved (and no internet)
4. my dating improved once I went that route - meaning more CHRISTIANS
5. Real world hasn't offered much locally between work and church or activities

I have found it interesting that I've met some very flattering leads when I've ventured into a new territory with an optomistic mindset. A film festival, a conference in denver, a surf luah...and some good friendships that have developed.

Another reason why I have little interest on those sites is, most of them are not even Christians. Never mind someone I might actually be "doctrinally" compatible with. Most aren't even saved!

 

[Blank123]

Then you might want to check your hearing.

A number of people wanted to meet me, but I just couldn't be bothered. Most were not anyone I would ever consider dating, and the others, for some reason, I lost interest in as time went by. Maybe God was showing me something? I rarely lose interest in someone that quickly as a rule.

To be honest, as I said, I am very leery of anyone using the internet to meet people. See original post. So I'll always have it in the back of my mind. And I'd feel embarrassed over using the "cheap" method of the internet rather than the old fashioned ways of meeting people in real life. The internet takes away all that.

all I know is I've only ever heard two reasons from people who are as bitter about dating sites as you appear to be: a bad dating experience linked to a dating site, or no luck in meeting "the one". I mean if its not for you, its not for you, but that should just make you indifferent towards the idea. It doesn't account for your bitterness and tirades against all things linked to online dating.

 

[white dove]

I'm not a decent catch. That would be an understatement.

Laziness I suppose.

So... you're a terrible catch (as being labeled a not-so-decent catch would be an understatement for you) and your experience and your friend's experiences lead you to believe there are no women out there who use internet dating sites who are decent catches, either. Sounds like you should stick with the internet dating then.

I agree with tigress and miles. You sound pretty bitter for someone who just doesn't care for dating websites. And if internet dating is not for you, live and let live. Who cares, right? Is it personally hurting you that people still do this? What about people who meet at a bar, a strip club, an NRA meeting, a Communist Party fashion show? Do you feel it is your civic duty to come here and condemn a practice that has led plenty of people to "greener" pastures as it has led others astray? Whether people look for a quick hook-up, a friend or a spouse, the internet has allowed for it. It's happened. There are success stories just as there are failures. Maybe there are no successes for you or your friends (whose profiles were questionable to begin with but hey, let's blame the internet and the "crazies" first) and who knows, maybe it won't work for me either. But, if it doesn't, I sure as hell am not going to log onto my CF account that night or the next day and put on a rant about how all dating websites suck. (And if I did allow for such a pansy moment, I'd expect others to call me out on it so I can agree how silly I'm being). I may share my experience and/or disappointment and/or text messages to friends, but I won't link to the website or anything. Mahdunno. Peace, dude.

Just... Peace.

 

[GQ Chris]

Maybe you're setting your sights too high. Are you seeking out those perfect 10 chicas and bypassing the plainer gals?

 

[K9_Trainer]

Ok I've heard a lot of people comment/complain about dating sites, and me and a friend actually made profiles just to see what it was all about. I was not looking to date.

Anyway, I had the profile up for 2 days. In those 2 days, I got about 60 messages. 2 of them were from girls, despite my profile saying I was interested only in men. 1 was from literally a 60 year old man. One guy was apparently a male model and set me pictures of his ripped self in underwear, asking me if I wanted to hook up.

The rest were from men who clearly did NOT read my profile. I had smokers messaging me despite my "No smokers" thing being checked. I had men with kids message me despite me not only saying I didn't want to date men with kids, but also me complaining IN THE PROFILE that I do not want kids and I find them to be annoying. Most of these messages were in text speak and said something long the lines of "hi wow ur really hott . msg me if u want 2 get 2 kno each othr". And "hott" was one of the nicer, more CF appropriate comments. I got much worse.

Out of all that, I had just one legit reply from somebody 5 hours away. He is the only one I replied to and ended up talking on the phone with. We actually did meet and hang out and though he's not somebody I am interested in dating (he knew my intentions were not to find a relationship from the start), I did make a good friend.

So I guess the moral of the story is that there are good people on those sites. But you are going to have to go through a lot of crap to find them. At least in the case of women. You will get hit on if you are the least bit attractive (even by other women), you will get inappropriate remarks and possibly inappropriate pictures. And probably worst of all, very few people will actually read your profile, what you bothered to write out about yourself, no matter how detailed it is. And it will be obvious.

In the case of guys, my couple guy friends who've made profiles would send PM's, but rarely ever got a reply. So I can't say what would happen for you.

 

[Blank123]

Ok I've heard a lot of people comment/complain about dating sites, and me and a friend actually made profiles just to see what it was all about. I was not looking to date.

Anyway, I had the profile up for 2 days. In those 2 days, I got about 60 messages. 2 of them were from girls, despite my profile saying I was interested only in men. 1 was from literally a 60 year old man. One guy was apparently a male model and set me pictures of his ripped self in underwear, asking me if I wanted to hook up.

The rest were from men who clearly did NOT read my profile. I had smokers messaging me despite my "No smokers" thing being checked. I had men with kids message me despite me not only saying I didn't want to date men with kids, but also me complaining IN THE PROFILE that I do not want kids and I find them to be annoying. Most of these messages were in text speak and said something long the lines of "hi wow ur really hott . msg me if u want 2 get 2 kno each othr". And "hott" was one of the nicer, more CF appropriate comments. I got much worse.

Out of all that, I had just one legit reply from somebody 5 hours away. He is the only one I replied to and ended up talking on the phone with. We actually did meet and hang out and though he's not somebody I am interested in dating (he knew my intentions were not to find a relationship from the start), I did make a good friend.

So I guess the moral of the story is that there are good people on those sites. But you are going to have to go through a lot of crap to find them. At least in the case of women. You will get hit on if you are the least bit attractive (even by other women), you will get inappropriate remarks and possibly inappropriate pictures. And probably worst of all, very few people will actually read your profile, what you bothered to write out about yourself, no matter how detailed it is. And it will be obvious.

In the case of guys, my couple guy friends who've made profiles would send PM's, but rarely ever got a reply. So I can't say what would happen for you.

aaaand you pretty much summed up why I don't do secular dating sites anymore. Christian sites... you still do get the old guys and the men who never bother actually reading your profile contacting you. but not so much with the women or guys looking for random hookups or sleazy comments/inuendos about pictures, etc... It just goes to the other extreme on Christian sites where you have all kinds of men who are over eager to find a real relationship that they want to rush into things.

But thats the case IRL too - you have creeps, and you have desperate types. You just need to use your head to avoid ending up with someone you don't want to be with.

 

[Gwendolyn]

OP, your tone is very condescending. The way you speak makes it seem as though you think people who go online to find romance are defective and lower than you somehow.

Saying "make new friends" is not as easy as it seems. Going out to bars, clubs, etc. only works for a select market. And if you are buried in work, paying off debt and carrying rent and other finances, you might not have the time to wander the city aimlessly in the hopes of meeting someone new and striking a connection.

Dating sites have worked fine for me. I have met some very decent men, but I screen them very carefully. Why do I use dating sites? Because I don't have time to be social and my group of friends is small. Because I am shy. Because I like reading about someone in their own words and learning about them through a screen before meeting face-to-face - for me, it actually does limit the crazies I encounter. In fact, I have never met a man off the dating site I use who wasn't absolutely normal.

I haven't met tons - 3-4 at most. Why didn't we click? They wanted different things out life, or weren't open to my religious background, or were very different personalities, etc.

Just because you don't personally understand dating sites doesn't mean that they do not have their benefits for other people.

 

[Blueforest]

So... you're a terrible catch (as being labeled a not-so-decent catch would be an understatement for you) and your experience and your friend's experiences lead you to believe there are no women out there who use internet dating sites who are decent catches, either. Sounds like you should stick with the internet dating then.

I agree with tigress and miles. You sound pretty bitter for someone who just doesn't care for dating websites. And if internet dating is not for you, live and let live. Who cares, right? Is it personally hurting you that people still do this? What about people who meet at a bar, a strip club, an NRA meeting, a Communist Party fashion show? Do you feel it is your civic duty to come here and condemn a practice that has led plenty of people to "greener" pastures as it has led others astray? Whether people look for a quick hook-up, a friend or a spouse, the internet has allowed for it. It's happened. There are success stories just as there are failures. Maybe there are no successes for you or your friends (whose profiles were questionable to begin with but hey, let's blame the internet and the "crazies" first) and who knows, maybe it won't work for me either. But, if it doesn't, I sure as hell am not going to log onto my CF account that night or the next day and put on a rant about how all dating websites suck. (And if I did allow for such a pansy moment, I'd expect others to call me out on it so I can agree how silly I'm being). I may share my experience and/or disappointment and/or text messages to friends, but I won't link to the website or anything. Mahdunno. Peace, dude.

Just... Peace.

I'm feeling the Christ on this site. Actually, not so much.

Who said there's no success stories for anyone I know? Not I. I have a close friend who has married his second wife now, and they met online! In fact, so did his first wife.

If you can't handle someone's rant, then don't reply. Simple as that. If you take offense at a silly little post like this one, I don't know what to tell you. Laughs.

 

[Blueforest]

OP, your tone is very condescending. The way you speak makes it seem as though you think people who go online to find romance are defective and lower than you somehow.

Saying "make new friends" is not as easy as it seems. Going out to bars, clubs, etc. only works for a select market. And if you are buried in work, paying off debt and carrying rent and other finances, you might not have the time to wander the city aimlessly in the hopes of meeting someone new and striking a connection.

Dating sites have worked fine for me. I have met some very decent men, but I screen them very carefully. Why do I use dating sites? Because I don't have time to be social and my group of friends is small. Because I am shy. Because I like reading about someone in their own words and learning about them through a screen before meeting face-to-face - for me, it actually does limit the crazies I encounter. In fact, I have never met a man off the dating site I use who wasn't absolutely normal.

I haven't met tons - 3-4 at most. Why didn't we click? They wanted different things out life, or weren't open to my religious background, or were very different personalities, etc.

Just because you don't personally understand dating sites doesn't mean that they do not have their benefits for other people.

If you are buried in debt and work, then you probably should have other priorities than having to rely on the internet to find your soul mate.

If they had worked fine for you, why are you still single? Meeting someone and having it not work out isn't really success as far as I'm concerned. If you don't have the time to meet people in person, how will you have the time to date someone? Something isn't adding up here.

For the reading challenged, I did put a disclaimer in the first post saying that none of what I was saying applied to the 'good' people of CF. But based on the venom I got back, clearly people cannot read, or wish to be included in the group of people I was referring to. So be it.

 

[Blank123]

so if people disagree with you and call you out for uncalled for bitterness, they are not Christlike? Interesting. Seems to me Christ was actually quite brutally honest and extremely blunt Himself with people. Actually much moreso than we've been. we haven't gotten to name-calling or condemning to Hell like He did.

 

[Blueforest]

Maybe you're setting your sights too high. Are you seeking out those perfect 10 chicas and bypassing the plainer gals?

I've never seen a 10 girl, certainly not online, maybe a couple 9's at most. Many of the women online are simply not even good looking to begin with. That is one problem right off the bat with using the net to "date." Besides, your "10" would probably not be the same as what I think is good looking. I have friends who think one girl is good looking, while I don't. You should know how it is.

The rest tend to be either crazy, have attitude problems or are fake profiles.

I'm not sure if I follow your line of thought? Date ugly girls? Do you date ugly chicas? If not, you're a hypocrite. If so, that's good I guess. Whatever makes you happy.

 

[Blueforest]

so if people disagree with you and call you out for uncalled for bitterness, they are not Christlike? Interesting. Seems to me Christ was actually quite brutally honest and extremely blunt Himself with people. Actually much moreso than we've been. we haven't gotten to name-calling or condemning to Hell like He did.

Nah. If people are rude and ignorant, they are unChristlike.

So, I should - based on your logic here - be "brutally honest and extremely blunt" if I am speaking to a perfect stranger online? Okay. I will take your advice then. I imagine I'll probably be banned within an hour if I follow your advice though.

I can start condemning people to hell if you like. But I don't think that is relevant here... yet.

 

[sampa]

Another reason why I have little interest on those sites is, most of them are not even Christians. Never mind someone I might actually be "doctrinally" compatible with. Most aren't even saved!

Ive found the opposite Blueforest. Christian Cafe has exposed me to christians of strong faith I don't meet in real life. At least the opposite gender and missionaries. Each one, even if they didn't work out, led me to scripture study, prayer and fellowship. But yes, not for everyone, I battled for years with the same question and stayed away from it till the age of 35 and found doors opening.

 

[Blueforest]

Ive found the opposite Blueforest. Christian Cafe has exposed me to christians of strong faith I don't meet in real life. At least the opposite gender and missionaries. Each one, even if they didn't work out, led me to scripture study, prayer and fellowship. But yes, not for everyone, I battled for years with the same question and stayed away from it till the age of 35 and found doors opening.

Like I said, if it works for you... great. I'm in a younger age group, so it's slimmer pickings online. As I said elsewhere, I have friends that have met their spouses online. So it depends on what you're looking for.

But for me personally, I have serious doubts about it and I do tend to think a lot of girls on those sites (in my age group) have problems, are fake profiles or are just crazy. Why else would they be on there...?

 

[Blank123]

actually I've only seen one person here be rude to others, and it wasn't those of us disagreeing with you.


anydoodle. This is going nowhere fast and life is too short. toodles

 

[Blueforest]

Whatever. I could be very rude - and very honest - about a lot of people and things I've seen and read here, but why bother? I'm kinder than that. Evidently, according to you, I am kinder than (your) Jesus.

 

[sampa]

Like I said, if it works for you... great. I'm in a younger age group, so it's slimmer pickings online. As I said elsewhere, I have friends that have met their spouses online. So it depends on what you're looking for.

But for me personally, I have serious doubts about it and I do tend to think a lot of girls on those sites (in my age group) have problems, are fake profiles or are just crazy. Why else would they be on there...?

You know what I think you may be right. Guys that have responded under 30 don't seem like their serious about their walk and most likely not something longterm. It doens't hurt to have a profile out there for a year though, while your out meeting others. Especially if its edifying others and brings others walk closer to the Lord.

 

[Gwendolyn]

If you are buried in debt and work, then you probably should have other priorities than having to rely on the internet to find your soul mate.

If they had worked fine for you, why are you still single? Meeting someone and having it not work out isn't really success as far as I'm concerned. If you don't have the time to meet people in person, how will you have the time to date someone? Something isn't adding up here.

For the reading challenged, I did put a disclaimer in the first post saying that none of what I was saying applied to the 'good' people of CF. But based on the venom I got back, clearly people cannot read, or wish to be included in the group of people I was referring to. So be it.

My, you're rude.

I'm not single. I was single and I posted here for quite awhile, took a hiatus, came back still single, and am now in a HEALTHY long-term relationship, thanks to the dating sites you so despise. Married people hang out here, so I figure it's not treasonous to post when it pleases me.