Need Advice Please (Long post, Sorry)

[Rhombus]

Hello, I'm new to the forums. Just for some background information, I'm an 18 year old man. I like to think of myself as a good person, I treat everyone with respect, I help anyone whenever they ask, I go out of my way for people, and I'm studying to become a social worker. I'm sorry, but I feel this post may be long, so for those of you who have the time to read it and give me advice, I appreciate it. Both of my parents are Roman Catholic, so I've grown up in that denomination. My family never goes to church, or reads the bible, or any of that stuff. I personally never read the bible, but I do pray every night, I don't go to church though. Anyways, here's where the actual story begins. I met a girl, a pentecostal girl who is very religious. I have had a crush on this girl for a long time, and finally I let her know about my feelings, and we've had a wonderful relationship. It was hard to win over both of her parents, as they are extremely religious and did not want their daughter to be in a relationship at all. Relationships bring a lot of temptation which can lead to sin, I understand their point of view. I have respected her a lot. She does not want to have sex, I'm fine with that. I waited a month and 22 days to kiss her, even she was beginning to wonder if there was something wrong with me. She is my first girlfriend, my first kiss, my first everything. Anyways, we've now been together for 2 years and a month. I love her very much. Before I met her, I called myself Agnostic. I honestly did not know whether there was a God or not. In my mind, it's possible, but I did not think it was very likely (I hope I'm not offending anyone, I'm just being completely honest about how I felt). My girlfriend invited me to church, and I went. It was very frightening to me because in my church a priest would simply read the bible, tell us about it, we'd pray, and so on. In her church (She's Jamaican and pentecostal) people were much more up beat, dancing, singing, (Which I don't mind) but they also spoke in tongues, which scared me a bit. I guess I just sort of felt like an outsider, it's a big change of scenes. So, since I've met her, I've had devotion with her family a few times (Reading the bible, reflecting on it, praising God), gone to church many times, and I pray every day now. Since I've started to pray, my life has gotten a lot better. Everyday I have is good, I don't have many problems, are at least with the problems I do have, I am able to handle them easily. I sleep at her house at least once a week, and I sleep in her bed. It was her mother's idea at first, which is really strange coming from an extremely religious traditional Jamaican woman. At first it was okay, but then we started engaging in foreplay. About every week I sleep there we engage in foreplay, so we've decided to sleep in different rooms. I know foreplay can lead to sex, but I honestly have no interest or urge to have sex. I know, it's strange. Although I had started going to church and began to pray everyday, I still felt Agnostic. My girlfriend even got me to join an after school bible study club. This changed when one day my girlfriend invited me and my mother to church. My mother is extremely sick in her body, she's overweight, has many pains, and many illnesses. She literally takes more then 20 types of pills a day. Anyways, she brought us to a crusade where a man who heals people was going to be. When I see this type of stuff on TV, I think it's wake, completely unrealistic, all that stuff. Anyways, I came in skeptical that anything was going to happen. During the time there, I felt extremely strange. The man was so intense, and there was something strange about him. Throughout the whole time there (about 8 hours, that's something else I noticed about my girlfriend's type of church, it's long), I was praying for God to please heal my mother. It came to the end, and nothing happened, so in my head I thought "Ahah! I was right, God probably is not real... I knew my mother would not be healed." and right when I thought that, the man turned around, looked straight at my mother and called out her name. We had never met him, and no one there knew her name except my girlfriend and her mother. I instantly began to cry, I could not help myself. I was only 17 at the time (or 18), but I do not cry often, I am rather emotionless... well, not emotionless, but not a lot of things affect me. I kept crying and crying, just sobbing, I couldn't stop. The man brought my mom up, told her about something in her womb that wasn't right, and then shoved her like they do on tv and he "healed" her. She got up, the sermon or whatever it is called finished, and we went home. Later on, my girlfriend let me know that she told the man my mother's name, which sort of annoyed me because it amazed be so much that he knew her name, as if he was divine. But still, I believed in him because how would he remember her name after healing literally 40 people before her? Later on, my mom let me know that he healed something that absoloutely NO ONE knew about. When my brother was born, my mother had a problem in her womb, and for the rest of her life she had stomach pains. While he was healing her he brought this up but she never understood what he was saying until after she was healed. So, all was good and fine, I was more faithful then ever. But lately, my mothers health has deteriorated so much, more then before, so I doubt what happened at the crusade a lot. If he healed her, why is she doing so horrible now? I may not be religious or faithful, but my mother is. She prays everyday, reads from the bible everyday, and is unable to go to church. So, despite all that's happened to me, I still feel agnostic. I mean, since I've prayed my life has gotten better, and even though my mom is not better, the events from that crusade were still strange. So in my head, especially due to these events, there remains a possibility that God is real. But, I'm the type of person that likes to be 100% sure of something, especially if I'm going to dedicate my life to it. It's just extremely hard for me to believe in God, I know biblical stories (depending on the story) are supposed to be taken literally or figuratively, but in my opinion, most of them seem like myths. I know that if I go to church more, and read the bible, my chances of believing God will get better. But so far, with all these experiences, I'm back at square one. I'm afraid that I may never believe in God. I really want to. I know some of you may question that, but I really do want to believen God. But I can't just BELIEVE in something without understanding it and actually believening it. I think a lot of Christians have blind faith, they just believe in it. But sometimes, in my head, it just doesn't make a lot of logical sense. I hope I'm not offending anyone, it's my opinion, and I understand a lot of you have different opinions, but I hope you respect the fact that I'm being honest and I want to change. Anyways, I'm sad that I've put my girlfriend through sin. I mean, she was completely innocent before me. She's still very religious, and innocent as well, but everynight I slept at her house and we engaged in foreplay, I feel like I'm not the right person for her, and I'm not good enough for her. Also, we actually plan on getting married within the next 2 years. I don't want to simply believe in God for her, I want to believe in God because of me, not because of pressure. I also feel that if I don't come to accept God right away, my girlfriend might not accept me. She wants me to get a second baptism before we marry, I find this a little strange, I'm sort of scared of new situations. So, how can I believe in God? I know it's a strange question... but how can I strengthen my faith in God? I want to... but it just isn't clicking. Is it impossible for someone with my mind set to believe in God? I mean, I'm trying, but what if I just can't believen God because of the way I think? Anyways, thanks for those who read my long post. This is one of the many ways I'm trying to discover myself and strengthen my relationship with God... I just don't know whether He is real or not. I think I might have a fear of completely changing my lifestyle. I watch inappropriate contentography, and enjoy foreplay with my girlfriend (even though we don't want to engage in sex). When I've approached other Christians for help in person (not mentioning all the details, simply letting them know it's hard for me to believe in God) they simply state "If you really wanted to believe in him, you would" but it's not that easy for me... If you have any questions, please ask them. If you have any comments, please make them. If you have any advice, please give it. Thank you so much.

 

[Elijah2]

Hello, I'm new to the forums. Just for some background information, I'm an 18 year old man. I like to think of myself as a good person, I treat everyone with respect, I help anyone whenever they ask, I go out of my way for people, and I'm studying to become a social worker.
And most of all you are a believer in our Lord Jesus Christ, is that correct?

I'm sorry, but I feel this post may be long, so for those of you who have the time to read it and give me advice, I appreciate it. Both of my parents are Roman Catholic, so I've grown up in that denomination. My family never goes to church, or reads the bible, or any of that stuff.
Well, before I go any further, I am not a Catholic, and I can only speak to you what HIS WORD says.

I personally never read the bible, but I do pray every night, I don't go to church though.
Well, that’s your first problem, you claim to be a Christian, and you don’t read the Bible, and don’t go to church, so how do you understand HIS COMMANDMENTS and HIS principles of living a life of a believer?

Anyways, here's where the actual story begins. I met a girl, a pentecostal girl who is very religious. I have had a crush on this girl for a long time, and finally I let her know about my feelings, and we've had a wonderful relationship. It was hard to win over both of her parents, as they are extremely religious and did not want their daughter to be in a relationship at all. Relationships bring a lot of temptation which can lead to sin, I understand their point of view. I have respected her a lot. She does not want to have sex, I'm fine with that. I waited a month and 22 days to kiss her, even she was beginning to wonder if there was something wrong with me. She is my first girlfriend, my first kiss, my first everything. Anyways, we've now been together for 2 years and a month. I love her very much. Before I met her, I called myself Agnostic. I honestly did not know whether there was a God or not. In my mind, it's possible, but I did not think it was very likely (I hope I'm not offending anyone, I'm just being completely honest about how I felt). My girlfriend invited me to church, and I went. It was very frightening to me because in my church a priest would simply read the bible, tell us about it, we'd pray, and so on. In her church (She's Jamaican and pentecostal) people were much more up beat, dancing, singing, (Which I don't mind) but they also spoke in tongues, which scared me a bit. I guess I just sort of felt like an outsider, it's a big change of scenes.
After reading all of this, do you think that our Lord Jesus Christ might have put you across her path, and HE wants you to change?

So, since I've met her, I've had devotion with her family a few times (Reading the bible, reflecting on it, praising God), gone to church many times, and I pray every day now. Since I've started to pray, my life has gotten a lot better. Everyday I have is good, I don't have many problems, are at least with the problems I do have, I am able to handle them easily. I sleep at her house at least once a week, and I sleep in her bed. It was her mother's idea at first, which is really strange coming from an extremely religious traditional Jamaican woman.
Well mate, that is very strange!
At first it was okay, but then we started engaging in foreplay. About every week I sleep there we engage in foreplay, so we've decided to sleep in different rooms. I know foreplay can lead to sex, but I honestly have no interest or urge to have sex. I know, it's strange.
What’s so strange about having lust?
Although I had started going to church and began to pray everyday, I still felt Agnostic. My girlfriend even got me to join an after school bible study club. This changed when one day my girlfriend invited me and my mother to church. My mother is extremely sick in her body, she's overweight, has many pains, and many illnesses. She literally takes more then 20 types of pills a day. Anyways, she brought us to a crusade where a man who heals people was going to be. When I see this type of stuff on TV, I think it's wake, completely unrealistic, all that stuff. Anyways, I came in skeptical that anything was going to happen. During the time there, I felt extremely strange. The man was so intense, and there was something strange about him. Throughout the whole time there (about 8 hours, that's something else I noticed about my girlfriend's type of church, it's long), I was praying for God to please heal my mother. It came to the end, and nothing happened, so in my head I thought "Ahah! I was right, God probably is not real... I knew my mother would not be healed." and right when I thought that, the man turned around, looked straight at my mother and called out her name. We had never met him, and no one there knew her name except my girlfriend and her mother. I instantly began to cry, I could not help myself. I was only 17 at the time (or 18), but I do not cry often, I am rather emotionless... well, not emotionless, but not a lot of things affect me. I kept crying and crying, just sobbing, I couldn't stop. The man brought my mom up, told her about something in her womb that wasn't right, and then shoved her like they do on tv and he "healed" her. She got up, the sermon or whatever it is called finished, and we went home. Later on, my girlfriend let me know that she told the man my mother's name, which sort of annoyed me because it amazed be so much that he knew her name, as if he was divine. But still, I believed in him because how would he remember her name after healing literally 40 people before her? Later on, my mom let me know that he healed something that absoloutely NO ONE knew about. When my brother was born, my mother had a problem in her womb, and for the rest of her life she had stomach pains. While he was healing her he brought this up but she never understood what he was saying until after she was healed. So, all was good and fine, I was more faithful then ever. But lately, my mothers health has deteriorated so much, more then before, so I doubt what happened at the crusade a lot. If he healed her, why is she doing so horrible now? I may not be religious or faithful, but my mother is. She prays everyday, reads from the bible everyday, and is unable to go to church. So, despite all that's happened to me, I still feel agnostic. I mean, since I've prayed my life has gotten better, and even though my mom is not better, the events from that crusade were still strange. So in my head, especially due to these events, there remains a possibility that God is real. But, I'm the type of person that likes to be 100% sure of something, especially if I'm going to dedicate my life to it. It's just extremely hard for me to believe in God, I know biblical stories (depending on the story) are supposed to be taken literally or figuratively, but in my opinion, most of them seem like myths. I know that if I go to church more, and read the bible, my chances of believing God will get better. But so far, with all these experiences, I'm back at square one. I'm afraid that I may never believe in God. I really want to. I know some of you may question that, but I really do want to believen God. But I can't just BELIEVE in something without understanding it and actually believening it. I think a lot of Christians have blind faith, they just believe in it. But sometimes, in my head, it just doesn't make a lot of logical sense. I hope I'm not offending anyone, it's my opinion, and I understand a lot of you have different opinions, but I hope you respect the fact that I'm being honest and I want to change. Anyways, I'm sad that I've put my girlfriend through sin. I mean, she was completely innocent before me. She's still very religious, and innocent as well, but everynight I slept at her house and we engaged in foreplay, I feel like I'm not the right person for her, and I'm not good enough for her. Also, we actually plan on getting married within the next 2 years. I don't want to simply believe in God for her, I want to believe in God because of me, not because of pressure. I also feel that if I don't come to accept God right away, my girlfriend might not accept me. She wants me to get a second baptism before we marry, I find this a little strange, I'm sort of scared of new situations. So, how can I believe in God? I know it's a strange question... but how can I strengthen my faith in God?
Mate, Christian life is a race of endurance.

There is no “quick fix”, it all comes down to your personal choices and decisions.

You can only strengthen your faith by submitting to HIM, and to cleanse your hands and to heal your heart, resist Satan and his forces, and humble yourself before HIM.

I want to... but it just isn't clicking. Is it impossible for someone with my mind set to believe in God?
Mate, it’s all about believing in our Lord Jesus Christ.

You need to be “born again”, saved.

I mean, I'm trying, but what if I just can't believen God because of the way I think?
Mate, go and get yourself a copy of “Victory Over Darkness” and the “Bondage Breakers” written by Neil Anderson.

At least this will start you off, because there is a lot of work to be done for you to get on your knees before HIM and plead HIS Forgiveness.

You will not get the answers to your problems from a forum, only from your personal quest to listen to HIS MESSAGE.

All that other stuff with your mother was “hokey-pokey” ministry.

All healing is spiritual, so there are many spiritual problems with you and your family.

You all need to be saved, and brought to HIS KINGDOM.

Call out for help from a counsellor in your GF’s church. You need to be fed HIS WORD to bring you to understanding and knowledge of HIM.

Anyways, thanks for those who read my long post. This is one of the many ways I'm trying to discover myself and strengthen my relationship with God... I just don't know whether He is real or not. I think I might have a fear of completely changing my lifestyle. I watch inappropriate contentography, and enjoy foreplay with my girlfriend (even though we don't want to engage in sex).
Mate, what you are both doing is SIN!
When I've approached other Christians for help in person (not mentioning all the details, simply letting them know it's hard for me to believe in God) they simply state "If you really wanted to believe in him, you would" but it's not that easy for me... If you have any questions, please ask them. If you have any comments, please make them. If you have any advice, please give it. Thank you so much.
The reason why you don’t believe is because Satan and his forces have influence over your thinking and your life. It’s spiritual mate, and only you can bring yourself to that place of freedom and to know our Lord Jesus Christ, only you!

Blessings.

 

[tbird_energizerbunny]

My dear friend. Greetings! I pray that this finds you well and that you are at peace and blessed. You mentioned in your other post that your mom's health has deteriorated, and that saddens me greatly. I pray that God will see fit to heal your mom, but above all, I urge you to seek his wisdom. His ways are far better than anything we can imagine.

It's quite okay that your entry was long. I'm glad it was so long. Although next time, paragraphs might help with something so long!

Anyways, down to the point. I'd like you to examine your bible-reading habits. You say that you don't read it, but then I think you say you do. Anyways, when you do read it, what kind of reading do you do? Do you read one verse, one chapter, one page? No matter the amount, the most important thing that you can do is think about it, pray about it, and find some way to apply it to your life and do that. In my own life, until recently, I haven't read the bible daily. Now that I have, and have started finding ways to apply it to my life, I am as sure as ever that there is a relationship that exists between you and God that God wants to become more deeper than anything. Just so you know, sometimes, the results don't come immediately, but you need to stick it out and finish it to the end. True, intense Bible study really changes your life. Mine has.

As for the situation with your girlfriend. She truly sounds great. But if she really loved you and if you really loved her, neither of you would put yourselves in a compromising situation. This is a compromising situation, and I pray that you would remove yourselves from it. I believe in the Bible somewhere it says something along the lines of "The marriage bed is sacred, keep it that way." But I'll let you and your bible study skills find where that is. (by the way obviously, that isn't word for word, so you'll have to find the meaning in the scripture and match it to that.) But in engaging in foreplay prior to marriage, you are defiling the marriage bed. I don't think I have to tell you that it's wrong, but I will.

But I think the key here is to really start studying the Bible. A lot of nonbelievers make the claim, "well I read the Bible, and it didn't do nothing for me," when they read one passage of the Bible, and didn't even try to delve into it or apply it, or even follow it up with prayer. Above all, pray, pray that God will remove sin from your life, that he will show you what his word wants to show you, and that you would apply it to your life. Try just sitting there in silence and trying to listen to his voice.

 

[BigNorsk]

Your post isn't that long, but a little white space like blank lines between paragraphs would make it much easier to read.

Our faith is not blind. It would be like asking if the jurists made a decision by blind faith after a trial. There are witnesses, maybe you chose to reject what the witnesses say, maybe you decide they are untrustworthy, but in any case, it's not blind.

Your girlfriend should not be dating you, an unbeliever, God warns us not to be yoked to unbelievers yet here you are planning on getting married. Faith is to put one's trust in something. She is in rebellion, where she is deciding to put her trust in something else, maybe feelings or emotion or whatever, but she is not following God in this very important matter.

I'm not sure either why her mom would encourage the two of you to sleep together. Maybe you have a lot of money or something and they are hoping you get the girl pregnant and marry her. But in any case, it too is wrong.

So I don't know what you really have, whether or not you are really dealing with a girlfriend who believes, or one who doesn't who is involved in a church and loves the signs and wonders that are claimed to happen there.

I really don't know.

There are many religions in the world, there are more than a few that claim to be Christianity, but they really aren't.

The standard is the Bible, and if you aren't familiar with it, it's likely you are thinking things that are not right about Christianity in general. It would seem to me it would be good for you to be like the Bereans and study the scriptures to see if what they are told is true. You are making some rather serious decisions here and it would seem to me only wise to actually investigate.

Marv

 

[wonderwaleye]

You must understand you are a babe in CHRIST. You are no different than a child that first learns to walk. They start on their belly, next they learn to turn over, next they start crawling, next they try to stand but fall many times, and next they start walking falling many times till they have it under control. BUT they never doubted that they would walk and kept trying.




It is the same walking up the path to the KINGDOM of ALMIGHTY GOD. You will first feed on the MILK that is in GOD'S WORD. If you keep on the path, after the MILK comes the REAL FOOD that comes from GOD HIMSELF.





If you are going to be part of the KINGDOM of ALMIGHTY GOD you MUST GIVE IT ALL TO GOD.








GOD demands that you give HIM your WHOLE heart, mind, strength, and soul. That means you go in prayer and tell GOD that you will do this and from that moment on seek GOD in all your decisions. After this is complete GOD will know. For HE searches the heart. HE will then send HIS HOLY SPIRIT ( ANOINTED-BORN AGAIN- SAVED ). For it is then that you shall receive the MISSION GOD has for just you and supply all your needs, even what you have not the ability to have.








Pick up GOD'S ROAD MAP to the KINGDOM of ALMIGHTY GOD ( BIBLE ) and start reading the NEW TESTIMENT till the next time you read it you will already know what IT'S going to say. For then it's locked in your heart to draw from for the rest of your life. You will NEVER be sorry you did.








Do yourself a BIG FAVOR and Start right now!!!




LOVE



steven

 

[Aibrean]

What I find more strange is the fact that your "very religious" girlfriend lets you do that stuff to her and that she even is dating you. We are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers because right in the Bible it says who is to say that we can save them? Becoming a Christian is a spiritual matter. Sure, people can affect how we feel towards it, but nothing is going to change unless we have a spiritual change. Perhaps she thinks that baptism can save you (while it has an element of salvation, it will not save an unbeliever that is not wanting to believe). Do not marry her if you are not a Christian because inevitably you will have major issues (what of your children? where will they go to church? who will teach them? etc.). Even if you don't have kids if you do not have Christ in the center of your marriage, then your marriage will not be whole.

 

[YoungPilgrim]

Hey, Rhombus. Can I just say that it's great that you're being so honest? I love it. Anyway, I can see that you're in a tough situation, and I understand where you're coming from.

I'm really glad that you're actually questioning Christianity instead of just believing it without any evidence. When I say evidence, I don't mean to say that Christianity can be "scientifically" proven--it can't. What I do mean is that there should be evidence to you personally. It should make sense--it doesn't all have to make sense--it just needs to make more sense than anything else. No one ever believed in something when another option made more sense to them.

I could write a whole lot here to try to help you, but honestly, there's a book that's recently been written that says exactly what I would want to say a lot better than I can. It's called The Reason For God by Timothy Keller. I really think you should check it out. I think it would help you a lot.

Good luck.

 

[Rhombus]

Thank you for all the replies. I'm going to check out that book you posted Young Pilgrim, I appreciate your post a lot. It isn't that I don't believe in God, it's just that at times I'm confused and I'm not 100% sure. I feel my faith is lacking, and I know I've sinned. I'm going to start by reading the books you've all mentioned, and I'm also going to read the bible. Thanks for all the post, any more input is greatly welcomed.

 

[alatir]

If you want to become a Christian and know God intimately you have to repent from your sins, like turn away from that lust game with your girlfriend, and believe the Gospel. What is the Gospel? Jesus Christ has bore your sins on the cross under the just wrath of God.

Watch this message about Jesus taking atoning for your sins:

YouTube - The Cross the Modern Preachers Put in the Back (Paul Washer)

 

[liftmeup]

Hey thanks for your post. It was long but really good of you to share. I honestly think God gets all gooey inside over people like you, because of the depth of your sincerity, which is a beautiful thing

You are only 18 and seeking faith in something 'invisible' - in a world so fallen that most of your peers just don't care. I don't think you have committed any terrible sins but you are right to be cautious (try getting away from the inappropriate content). We all of us need God's forgiveness anyway. Remember this passage:

Luke 7: 41-43
"Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?" Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled."
"You have judged correctly," Jesus said.

Luke 15:10
The angels of God rejoice over one sinner who repents.

Remember a basic principle - if there is a God, he WILL hear you when you call. If there isn't of course you are wasting your time, but no matter. Assume for the sake of argument that there is (there is!), and in the knowledge that he is all powerful and all good and wants the best for you, doesn't that reassure you?

There is no safer place than living in the will of God. Pray for that, for yourself and your family, in the knowledge that if there is a God he WILL fulfill that promise. And pray all the time, it doesn't have to be formal, but be in conversation with God throughout the day.

Remember this passage:

Matthew 5:6
"Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires; God will satisfy them fully!"

Now along with this acceptance of God's will comes a proviso. His will is often mysterious and incomprehensible. Sometimes people don't get cured, don't get that job, don't marry the person they wanted to. etc. etc. and it's hard to accept especially in the case of your mom. But, in God's ultimate plan everything works out miraculously for the best! Ain't that cool?

I we could only appreciate, all of us, the immense state of grace that we are living in, we wouldn't put any more demands on God. He has already given us SO much. And if we would only know the depths of love that God has for us, we would just forget it all and cry for joy.

Don't worry too much my friend. You are young and the world is full of nonsense to distract you. We all go through doubts, it is part of the journey and it makes it all the more worthwhile when we get there.

In the love of Christ.

 

[Rhombus]

Thanks for your reply liftmeup. That's exactly my problem - Trying to seek faith in something "invisible", and also the fact that the majority of my peers don't care. I understand a young, and I hope as I age and mature, my personal relationship with God strengthens. Thanks for the reply again. I appreciate it.

 

[liftmeup]

You're welcome. The whole trick about faith is this: for it to work you have to believe it's going to work. It's an interesting situation for our minds, but take the leap - there really is nothing to lose. Once you've taken that leap - and really believe, the power of God goes up a gear, and the power of God in you starts working too! And as soon as you see that working your remaining doubts slip away... and lead you into greater faith... hooray.
I have personally fallen very very short of the glory of God, but I started out very much like you. The world is full of bad stuff to bring you down, that's why it's so important to immerse yourself in the truth (put on the full armour of God as St Paul says) and not allow your peers or anyone else pull you in wrong directions. All the best!