My Wife & I Attend Different Churches

[Zacki]

I'm not Catholic but she is. In the beginning I went to my church & went with her to Mass. She convinced me to read a book about converting which I did & I converted a few years later. I lasted 5 years & left. The church I grew up in boycotts Israel so I couldn't go back. I found a Calvary Chapel church 5 years ago & I've been going ever since. Love it. I've managed to take my wife 3 times but she's done. She was raised on rituals, traditions, structure, works, rules, etc. I'm speaking of her Catholic church not the Catholic Church as a whole. We go our own ways Sunday & Wednesday. Anyone else doing this? Some were surprised that my wife isn't with me at church.

 

[rturner76]

I obviously can't advise you on how to live your married life. Since you have been it seems confirmed in the Catholic church, as a Catholic I want to encourage you to go to Mass with your wife one day a week and receive the Eucharist. Even if this does not provide you with all of the spiritual food you need as many of us are called to different traditions, it may be a way to unify yourselves under God.

As you say, it seems she wants nothing to do with your tradition it may be a way to bond with each other. Then you can worship in your preferred tradition on Sundays. I don't know what your wife's Parish offers but mine offers a noon Mass 5 days a week and it's only a half hour. If something like that is available at your wife's Parish, you may be able to receive Mass on your lunch break. Obviously, I don't know if or when you work so I am not making any assumptions about how and when you are able to attend Mass.

The main thing is that you both believe in the triune God consisting of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit so I believe you can both worship in the way you were called. Mainly what I'm thinking of is the old saying "happy wife, happy life." So there may be a way to support her tradition without giving up your own.

My intention is not to tell you which way you should worship. I was just thinking that if there is a way to support your wife in her tradition, perhaps she will gain more respect for your preferred tradition. My prayer for you is that you two may be able to find some kind of compromise without compromising your belief system.

May God bless you and be with you as you attempt to reconcile your relationship with God and your relationship with your wife. As you know God is at the heart of every good family. May he guide you as the head of your household and the respecter of your wife. I also pray that someone responds with a quality idea on how to become closer to your with through God's care and wisdom. You are right to want to be there for your wife on her spiritual journey but you also right to not want to compromise yours. Pray on it and I will add a prayer of my own for your success.

 

[Paidiske]

For the first fourteen years of our marriage, my husband and I belonged to different denominations. That only changed when we moved a very long distance that required him to change from his preferred church, so he decided at that point he might as well come along to mine rather than start afresh in a new congregation of his old denomination.

It can work well as long as you both genuinely respect and support each other to be involved in and contribute to your respective churches.

 

[rturner76]

For the first fourteen years of our marriage, my husband and I belonged to different denominations. That only changed when we moved a very long distance that required him to change from his preferred church, so he decided at that point he might as well come along to mine rather than start afresh in a new congregation of his old denomination.

It can work well as long as you both genuinely respect and support each other to be involved in and contribute to your respective churches.

Well said

 

[anetazo]

Friend. Satan as antichrist will come near future. Your in compromised position. Your risking to compromise your values and beliefs.
First Corinthians chapter 3.
The apostates started the denominations and broke away from the foundation of christ.
Your going to have spouse breathing down your neck when antichrist arrives 6th trump. They will pressure you to worship antichrist. Traditions of men and false doctrine contaminate thier minds.
Those who don't have gospel armory on, are biblically illiterate. Yoir risking your crown, your citizenship in kingdom of God. If you worship antichrist near future.
I'm being respectful , I would separate and move on. She will drag you down with her.
You have a decision to make.
Revelation chapter 13, second Thessalonians chapter 2, satan as antichrist will come not so distant future. You don't want to be in compromised position.

 

[HTacianas]

I'm not Catholic but she is. In the beginning I went to my church & went with her to Mass. She convinced me to read a book about converting which I did & I converted a few years later. I lasted 5 years & left. The church I grew up in boycotts Israel so I couldn't go back. I found a Calvary Chapel church 5 years ago & I've been going ever since. Love it. I've managed to take my wife 3 times but she's done. She was raised on rituals, traditions, structure, works, rules, etc. I'm speaking of her Catholic church not the Catholic Church as a whole. We go our own ways Sunday & Wednesday. Anyone else doing this? Some were surprised that my wife isn't with me at church.

A couple of questions. You say you converted. Were you baptized and confirmed (I think that's what they call it for adults) in the Roman Church? And did you ever take communion there? What were your reasons for leaving?

 

[Zacki]

A couple of questions. You say you converted. Were you baptized and confirmed (I think that's what they call it for adults) in the Roman Church? And did you ever take communion there? What were your reasons for leaving?

Yes, I was baptized as an infant in the Presbyterian church. I completed RCIA training & our class had our first Eucharist at Mass. My wife was my sponsor at RCIA. The reasons for leaving were that my beliefs began to shift back to where they were before I was a Catholic & I needed to pray & research a long time before I made a decision to leave. Once in awhile I do go to Mass with her because she appreciates it.

 

[seeking.IAM]

My wife and I were raised in the same denomination. It was a good experience for me, not so much for her for various reasons. She carried those misgivings into marriage, yet was united with me in attending church during our early child-rearing years. Some occurrences in our congregation provided her with the straw that broke the camel's back. She decided she was done with the institutional church. I, however, was not. My eventual decision was to find a new church; hers was to stop attending. As disturbing as it was at first (I missed her at church), we have made it work.

As Paidiske said in post #3, what makes it work is the level of respect and tolerance present in the relationship. We don't all have to like the same things or be alike in every way to get along as long as we respect the right of our spouse to be different. Can we let our spouse be the person they are without expecting them to be like us? It applies to all kinds of things beyond church attendance. Let's say you like to ride bikes and your spouse likes to read books. You can't think of anything more boring than sitting around the house and your spouse can't think of anything more distasteful than sweating on a bike. Can your spouse allow you your bike riding while you allow your spouse their books without one of you harping, "You really need to get more exercise," or the other giving constant reminders, "You'd be a more well-rounded person if you read more." Both may be correct yet that's not the person you are, you have no interest in doing it, and it is unlikely to happen. Why not ride your bike while your spouse reads letting both of your feel satisfied in your choice?

 

[HTacianas]

Yes, I was baptized as an infant in the Presbyterian church. I completed RCIA training & our class had our first Eucharist at Mass. My wife was my sponsor at RCIA. The reasons for leaving were that my beliefs began to shift back to where they were before I was a Catholic & I needed to pray & research a long time before I made a decision to leave. Once in awhile I do go to Mass with her because she appreciates it.

I don't mean to pester you with a lot of questions, but what beliefs changed that made you "shift back"?

 

[RileyG]

It sounds like she is embedded in her Catholicism, and is not willing to change. Going from a liturgical high Church to a low church, like Calvary Chapel, can be very difficult for a person who has been raised that way. It sounds like your early experiences with religion greatly impact how you view the Church and Sacraments. How does that make you feel? Are you fine with going separate ways to different churches?

 

[Zacki]

I don't mean to pester you with a lot of questions, but what beliefs changed that made you "shift back"?I

The change began after my mom died in 2011. I wasn't up to going to Mass for a few weeks. Then I was told I need to go to confession for missing Mass & if I died before going to confession I'd go to hell. For grieving the death of my mom. Also 2 teachings from RCIA bothered me. One teacher said if we left the Catholic Church we'd go to hell. Another teacher said we're supposed to work at being good so by the end of our lives we might be good enough to go to Heaven. I doubt that is true Catholic teaching but it's what they teach at the parish my wife attends. And Pope Francis has said things I strongly disagree with. Early in the marriage we discussed our beliefs & decided to agree to disagree.

 

[RileyG]

@The Hour IS AT HAND- I strongly advise you read the forum rules before you attack other Christians.

God bless

 

[Mack77]

The change began after my mom died in 2011. I wasn't up to going to Mass for a few weeks. Then I was told I need to go to confession for missing Mass & if I died before going to confession I'd go to hell. For grieving the death of my mom. Also 2 teachings from RCIA bothered me. One teacher said if we left the Catholic Church we'd go to hell. Another teacher said we're supposed to work at being good so by the end of our lives we might be good enough to go to Heaven. I doubt that is true Catholic teaching but it's what they teach at the parish my wife attends. And Pope Francis has said things I strongly disagree with. Early in the marriage we discussed our beliefs & decided to agree to disagree.

My understanding is that Sunday’s are considered as holy days of obligation for attending mass — as per the 3rd/ (4th for Protestants) commandments.

On paper that makes sense, having just lost your mother and being sick with grief one wonders about that. Jesus himself was grieved at the death of Lazarus.

Then again Jesus our Lord said we should love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul and might.

Raises a lot of questions for how we see the world and God.

 

[Light of the East]

Rev 17:3 So he carried me away in the spirit into the wilderness: and I saw a woman sit upon a scarlet coloured beast, full of names of blasphemy, having seven heads and ten horns.
Rev 17:4 And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet colour, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her fornication:
Rev 17:5 And upon her forehead was a name written, MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH.
Rev 17:6 And I saw the woman drunken with the blood of the saints, and with the blood of the martyrs of Jesus: and when I saw her, I wondered with great admiration.
Rev 17:7 And the angel said unto me, Wherefore didst thou marvel? I will tell thee the mystery of the woman, and of the beast that carrieth her, which hath the seven heads and ten horns.
Rev 17:8 The beast that thou sawest was, and is not; and shall ascend out of the bottomless pit, and go into perdition: and they that dwell on the earth shall wonder, whose names were not written in the book of life from the foundation of the world, when they behold the beast that was, and is not, and yet is.
Rev 17:9 And here is the mind which hath wisdom. The seven heads are seven mountains, on which the woman sitteth.

I feel like these verses are talking specifically about the Catholic Church. We must remember, Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. A wolf in sheeps- clothing.

If you would like to indulge yourself in a few rounds of theological fisticuffs regarding your opinion of the Catholic faith, I would be more than happy to oblige you as a convert from Protestantism to the Orthodox Catholic faith.

I believe that this may be an area for debate, although I am also open to private discussion if you PM me.

Here's how I imagine you, having once upon a time said the same things myself:

Fundamentalist
Possibly KJV Only
Limited knowledge of Christian history
Very zealous but lacking full knowledge.

This was me many years ago and I imagine you might be the same.

I will gladly tell you why I converted and give you reason FROM SCRIPTURE to support my faith.

God bless.

PS Since you brought up the Virgin Mary in your post, I will share with you first of all why She is Queen of Heaven and Earth. From Scripture. Shall we start there?

 

[Light of the East]

I'm not Catholic but she is. In the beginning I went to my church & went with her to Mass. She convinced me to read a book about converting which I did & I converted a few years later. I lasted 5 years & left. The church I grew up in boycotts Israel so I couldn't go back. I found a Calvary Chapel church 5 years ago & I've been going ever since. Love it. I've managed to take my wife 3 times but she's done. She was raised on rituals, traditions, structure, works, rules, etc. I'm speaking of her Catholic church not the Catholic Church as a whole. We go our own ways Sunday & Wednesday. Anyone else doing this? Some were surprised that my wife isn't with me at church.

I'm curious as to what you studied regarding the Catholic faith and why you feel that the Catholic faith is not right for you. I say this as a convert from Protestantism who at one time was very against the Catholic faith.

 

[The Hour IS AT HAND]

If you would like to indulge yourself in a few rounds of theological fisticuffs regarding your opinion of the Catholic faith, I would be more than happy to oblige you as a convert from Protestantism to the Orthodox Catholic faith.

I believe that this may be an area for debate, although I am also open to private discussion if you PM me.

Here's how I imagine you, having once upon a time said the same things myself:

Fundamentalist
Possibly KJV Only
Limited knowledge of Christian history
Very zealous but lacking full knowledge.

This was me many years ago and I imagine you might be the same.

I will gladly tell you why I converted and give you reason FROM SCRIPTURE to support my faith.

God bless.

PS Since you brought up the Virgin Mary in your post, I will share with you first of all why She is Queen of Heaven and Earth. From Scripture. Shall we start there?

Please enlighten me sir, PM or thread is fine.

 

[Light of the East]

Please enlighten me sir, PM or thread is fine.

Please see my PM. Thank you for your kind response.

 

[B Griffin]

The change began after my mom died in 2011. I wasn't up to going to Mass for a few weeks.

It's tough whan a parent dies. My dad died in 2014. But he got saved about 10 days before he died. So the joy of his salvation softened the blow quite a bit.

Then I was told I need to go to confession for missing Mass & if I died before going to confession I'd go to hell. For grieving the death of my mom. Also 2 teachings from RCIA bothered me. One teacher said if we left the Catholic Church we'd go to hell. Another teacher said we're supposed to work at being good so by the end of our lives we might be good enough to go to Heaven.

This reminds me of things I have forgotten about the RCC. They are definately disturbing. I'd be interested in hearing from an expert on RCC doctrine on whether RCC teaches 1) going to hell before going to confession, and 2) working to be good enough to go to heaven. I think the middle one (leaving the RCC leads to hell) has been confirmed in previous CF discussions.

I doubt that is true Catholic teaching but it's what they teach at the parish my wife attends. And Pope Francis has said things I strongly disagree with. Early in the marriage we discussed our beliefs & decided to agree to disagree.

 

[B Griffin]

Fundamentalist
Possibly KJV Only
Limited knowledge of Christian history
Very zealous but lacking full knowledge.

Interesting list.

 

[Light of the East]

Interesting list.

Just a guess. When someone says the things about the Roman Catholic Church that was said in his post, that's kinda where my mind goes. Mind you, I have some serious disagreements with Rome, which is why, after 21 years as a Byzantine Catholic, I could no longer ignore them and entered the Orthodox Church in April of 2022. I will defend the things that we hold in common, such as the Queenship of the Virgin Mary, but the things that Rome invented after their schism in 1054 AD I will oppose and point out as wrong, such as Indulgences and the Immaculate Conception, among others.