- Jun 9, 2006
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This post will be a whopper so bear with me, I need feedback from 12 steppers and those who have addiction problems, others too if it's alowed. This will be a debate of sorts as well as being a support forum for those seeking alternate forms of recovery. I welcome feedback and critisism from those who have attended 12 step groups, or from those who have addiction problems or are just curious about recovery.
My name is Michael and I have addiction problems. I also have a great deal of attendance at various 12 step groups, so I have some experience with addiction.
I wanted to open by saying what was in bold, because that is one of the crucial problems I have with 12 step groups. It's some of the termonology used that I have issues with, not the goal of becoming clean. I think it's a very admirable thing to want to get clean. I'm currently in the process of doing the same.
So my first issue was introducing myself as an addict. Every 12 step group I've attended is the same in that respect. Everyone is encouraged to introduce themselves as an addict. That's what you say, you say your name is _______ and I'm an addict. When I went into these groups and didn't say "my name is Michael and I'm an addict", it felt weird because it's what 99% of the members in these groups do.
Why do I think this is wrong? Im not going to speak for everyone but for me it's not a fit and I'll explain why. I believe my addictions are a part of me, however I don't believe they define me. I always wanted to go into these groups and say my name is Michael and I have addiction problems. The reasoning behind this is not that im in denial of my situation, it's because I believe there is so much more to me than the addiction I have.
To speak for me (they say speak for yourself in 12 step groups) I believe I'm a very sympathetic man with some amazing qualities, I used to play the guitar quite well for example, I have an increadible talent in writing when I have my ducks in a row. I'm an experienced blogger and debater, I've had a few relationships where I've tried my hardest to do the best I could, and I'm great with animals among other things. Right now I'm getting clean and helping my mom, my family is important to me so I figured I can replace my addiction with helping someone else. I value things such as being good to others to the best of my ability, and in short I think Im a good person. Im not useless, hopeless, or helpless, and I'm not someone who has no identity outide my addiction issues. Im not trying to brag, I say this because I think presenting oneself as a disease is counterproductive for many.
Personaly I think the word addict is a label, it's effective for some but depressing and self defeating for others. There are underlying problems to why people use and I believe there is so much more to me than my addiction issues, and I believe there is so much more to everyone than the addiction they have. Human beings are complicated, we're all different in our own ways, and respond differently to the recovery options we have available. And yes there are options that work outsie of 12 step groups.
So that's my first issue, the labeling. I was told by a sponsor not to worry about it.
Secondly, 12 step groups have always felt somewhat cult like, that's another concern I have. They let you choose your higher power which is good, but I always felt it had the feel of a cult. For example they claim that you have to give yourself fully to the 12 step program. It's all or nothing, you believe the 12 steps are effetive, you follow them, and you believe in it fully. They say you should give yourself to what they call a simple program. But I find it to be complicated, with the more experienced members jumping around to various steps at differnt times. The very act of getting clean is hard and complicated in my opinion. Some people have families and may not be able to make groups 7 days a week, and everyone has personal obstacles that interfere with recovery, and perhaps people in their life that make it hard for them to recover. Recovery to me is hard and complicated, end of story. It's not as simple as just stopping for most people from what I've seen, and I've seen a lot.
Here's the big one, the number one problem I have with 12 step groups, it's the thing that made me reject 12 step groups altogether. (I am powerless), anyone who goes to these groups will eventually have to come to the conclusion they they are powerless over their addiction. This is a tactic to encourage people to seek help from others, and while it makes sense I believe it's innacurate. I've also talked to professional addiction specialist and therapist who have said that this kind of mindset can be counterproductive. I'm paraphasing, one therapist I went to actually said it was nonsense and that she's glad Im smarter than that.
So why do I think this is wrong? I think it will work for some actually, im not going to lie, I've seen 12 step groups become very effective and work for many people, I've also seen it fail continuously for at least half the members who attend, from my experience. The idea of thinking I am powerless to get better without a 12 step mindset is a huge turn off.
I believe God wants us to make decisions, I believe God is here to guide us, not to control us. So what that tells me about 12 step groups is that it can be something similar, it can be used as a guide, but everyone will always have the power of decision making. I think everyone has the potential to take control of their life, even if it just means reaching out to others, or even if it's deciding to go to a 12 step group, or other form of outpaitient therapy. Sometimes family helps a great deal, personaly I like to adhere to people who talk positive and do healthy things. That's how I see recovery, replacing bad things with good things, and good people who will help me through the struggles I have, and if a person believes in God praying really helps, it's helped me.
Here's where I think 12 step groups shine....
The act of confession and reaching out to others is a powerful thing, I believe that alone has made 12 steps effective for many people. It puts you in an environment where you can talk about your problems without being judged, and that's an awesome thing. I think that is the primary thing that keeps these groups going actually, when I attended it always seemed to help to know I could share a problem I had. However it turns out that I can do that with family, and in outpatiant addiction groups that are not 12 step based.
I feel better this way, the groups I attend primarily teach healty self talk, they're all about making changes in your life and routine, they also encouradge getting help from others. In short 12 steps is not for me, but I want to know what everyone here thinks of this, does this resinate with anyone who's trying to get sober? Does anyone who is a dedicated 12 step member have any feedback? I need replies from all angles here, this post was very important to me, I had these thoughts about 12 step groups on my mind for a long time.
I want to end this by saying that this is an open discussion, anyone with criticisms of 12 step programs is welcome to make them here, if you are a dedicated 12 step member who has experience I also want this debate open to you, defend your group and your beliefs, perhaps we can start a dialogue and have a constructive debate. I want everyone to feel comfortable posting here, If this forum sticks around I'll have follow up experiences I've had in 12 step groups, and would love to reply to post from other members. Also my views on 12 step groups are mine and may not be shared by everyone, I'm willing to learn and share, I do have at least some positive experiences in 12 step groups as well. Sorry for the obnoxious length of the opening post
The opening post was edited for some spell checking, I may have missed some words.
My name is Michael and I have addiction problems. I also have a great deal of attendance at various 12 step groups, so I have some experience with addiction.
I wanted to open by saying what was in bold, because that is one of the crucial problems I have with 12 step groups. It's some of the termonology used that I have issues with, not the goal of becoming clean. I think it's a very admirable thing to want to get clean. I'm currently in the process of doing the same.
So my first issue was introducing myself as an addict. Every 12 step group I've attended is the same in that respect. Everyone is encouraged to introduce themselves as an addict. That's what you say, you say your name is _______ and I'm an addict. When I went into these groups and didn't say "my name is Michael and I'm an addict", it felt weird because it's what 99% of the members in these groups do.
Why do I think this is wrong? Im not going to speak for everyone but for me it's not a fit and I'll explain why. I believe my addictions are a part of me, however I don't believe they define me. I always wanted to go into these groups and say my name is Michael and I have addiction problems. The reasoning behind this is not that im in denial of my situation, it's because I believe there is so much more to me than the addiction I have.
To speak for me (they say speak for yourself in 12 step groups) I believe I'm a very sympathetic man with some amazing qualities, I used to play the guitar quite well for example, I have an increadible talent in writing when I have my ducks in a row. I'm an experienced blogger and debater, I've had a few relationships where I've tried my hardest to do the best I could, and I'm great with animals among other things. Right now I'm getting clean and helping my mom, my family is important to me so I figured I can replace my addiction with helping someone else. I value things such as being good to others to the best of my ability, and in short I think Im a good person. Im not useless, hopeless, or helpless, and I'm not someone who has no identity outide my addiction issues. Im not trying to brag, I say this because I think presenting oneself as a disease is counterproductive for many.
Personaly I think the word addict is a label, it's effective for some but depressing and self defeating for others. There are underlying problems to why people use and I believe there is so much more to me than my addiction issues, and I believe there is so much more to everyone than the addiction they have. Human beings are complicated, we're all different in our own ways, and respond differently to the recovery options we have available. And yes there are options that work outsie of 12 step groups.
So that's my first issue, the labeling. I was told by a sponsor not to worry about it.
Secondly, 12 step groups have always felt somewhat cult like, that's another concern I have. They let you choose your higher power which is good, but I always felt it had the feel of a cult. For example they claim that you have to give yourself fully to the 12 step program. It's all or nothing, you believe the 12 steps are effetive, you follow them, and you believe in it fully. They say you should give yourself to what they call a simple program. But I find it to be complicated, with the more experienced members jumping around to various steps at differnt times. The very act of getting clean is hard and complicated in my opinion. Some people have families and may not be able to make groups 7 days a week, and everyone has personal obstacles that interfere with recovery, and perhaps people in their life that make it hard for them to recover. Recovery to me is hard and complicated, end of story. It's not as simple as just stopping for most people from what I've seen, and I've seen a lot.
Here's the big one, the number one problem I have with 12 step groups, it's the thing that made me reject 12 step groups altogether. (I am powerless), anyone who goes to these groups will eventually have to come to the conclusion they they are powerless over their addiction. This is a tactic to encourage people to seek help from others, and while it makes sense I believe it's innacurate. I've also talked to professional addiction specialist and therapist who have said that this kind of mindset can be counterproductive. I'm paraphasing, one therapist I went to actually said it was nonsense and that she's glad Im smarter than that.
So why do I think this is wrong? I think it will work for some actually, im not going to lie, I've seen 12 step groups become very effective and work for many people, I've also seen it fail continuously for at least half the members who attend, from my experience. The idea of thinking I am powerless to get better without a 12 step mindset is a huge turn off.
I believe God wants us to make decisions, I believe God is here to guide us, not to control us. So what that tells me about 12 step groups is that it can be something similar, it can be used as a guide, but everyone will always have the power of decision making. I think everyone has the potential to take control of their life, even if it just means reaching out to others, or even if it's deciding to go to a 12 step group, or other form of outpaitient therapy. Sometimes family helps a great deal, personaly I like to adhere to people who talk positive and do healthy things. That's how I see recovery, replacing bad things with good things, and good people who will help me through the struggles I have, and if a person believes in God praying really helps, it's helped me.
Here's where I think 12 step groups shine....
The act of confession and reaching out to others is a powerful thing, I believe that alone has made 12 steps effective for many people. It puts you in an environment where you can talk about your problems without being judged, and that's an awesome thing. I think that is the primary thing that keeps these groups going actually, when I attended it always seemed to help to know I could share a problem I had. However it turns out that I can do that with family, and in outpatiant addiction groups that are not 12 step based.
I feel better this way, the groups I attend primarily teach healty self talk, they're all about making changes in your life and routine, they also encouradge getting help from others. In short 12 steps is not for me, but I want to know what everyone here thinks of this, does this resinate with anyone who's trying to get sober? Does anyone who is a dedicated 12 step member have any feedback? I need replies from all angles here, this post was very important to me, I had these thoughts about 12 step groups on my mind for a long time.
I want to end this by saying that this is an open discussion, anyone with criticisms of 12 step programs is welcome to make them here, if you are a dedicated 12 step member who has experience I also want this debate open to you, defend your group and your beliefs, perhaps we can start a dialogue and have a constructive debate. I want everyone to feel comfortable posting here, If this forum sticks around I'll have follow up experiences I've had in 12 step groups, and would love to reply to post from other members. Also my views on 12 step groups are mine and may not be shared by everyone, I'm willing to learn and share, I do have at least some positive experiences in 12 step groups as well. Sorry for the obnoxious length of the opening post
The opening post was edited for some spell checking, I may have missed some words.
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