Moral question about flirting

[Lady Bug]

Hi, I have a question - it might be a touchy subject for some but it's not my intent to make anyone mad lol.

I may be too conservative even for conservatives on this - but I am wondering if I am alone in thinking that if a married person in general is a habitual flirt, they are committing adultery?

Not trying to be holier-than-thou or anything - I feel guilty of a certain sexual sins - and even though I am angry about having committed them - the temptation is still there and I have to fight it. I have lost the fight numerous times.

Yes - I am aware that the Bible is not explicit on this type of thing (flirting). There are times where I think that even if it is not mentioned in the Bible, it may not necessarily mean it's not a sin (not trying to start a debate on that, please, I want to stick to the subject matter). But I also ask myself that what would Jesus think of this - would Jesus think that speaking to a person lustfully is a form of adultery too? I just don't seem to believe that flirting can be so empty as to not invite lustful thoughts into the mix.

Is it ok to strongly object to your spouse flirting with someone else? Is it ok to think they are committing some form of adultery? Is it just me?

 

[GQ Chris]

I think if you're married and you still want to flirt, something's wrong with that.

But I also think its a mistake to think that you will exclusively be the only person that your husband or wife will find attractive.

 

[GQ Chris]

The key is to pick someone who you know has the values/personality that you can live with.

 

[Lady Bug]

But I also think its a mistake to think that you will exclusively be the only person that your husband or wife will find attractive.

You're right - but that's not really what I was saying lol.

Anyway I edited my original post and took out a certain statement that could lead to a digression lol - as to not divert attention away from the subject matter

 

[Tychicus2]

Hi, I have a question - it might be a touchy subject for some but it's not my intent to make anyone mad lol.

I may be too conservative even for conservatives on this - but I am wondering if I am alone in thinking that if a married person in general is a habitual flirt, they are committing adultery?

Not trying to be holier-than-thou or anything - I feel guilty of a certain sexual sins - and even though I am angry about having committed them - the temptation is still there and I have to fight it. I have lost the fight numerous times.

Yes - I am aware that the Bible is not explicit on this type of thing (flirting). There are times where I think that even if it is not mentioned in the Bible, it may not necessarily mean it's not a sin (not trying to start a debate on that, please, I want to stick to the subject matter). But I also ask myself that what would Jesus think of this - I mean, if Jesus merely says that looking at a person lustfully is committing adultery in the heart, I think it goes without saying that speaking to a person lustfully is a form of adultery too. I just don't seem to believe that flirting can be so empty as to not invite lustful thoughts into the mix.

Is it ok to strongly object to your spouse flirting with someone else? Is it ok to think they are committing some form of adultery? Is it just me?

I don't think you should have to object to your spouse flirting with someone else, they should know better in the first place.

Jesus said to even look on a woman with lust in your heart is to commit adultery, so in a sense you may be correct. Ultimately we cannot read others hearts, so some caution in terms of any accusation is wise... If your spouse is actually and obviously flirting with other women it is clearly wrong and sinful in my view, as well as profoudly disrespectful to you and his vow before God to love and cherish you above all others.

I may be too conservative for this forum as well.

God Bless,

Ty

 

[GQ Chris]

Flirting can be adultery if accompanied with lust.

 

[Lady Bug]

for the record I am not married though
just was askin' for some insight.

 

[Tychicus2]

for the record I am not married though
just was askin' for some insight.

Sorry... I assumed based on your question...

In that case don't pick a guy that flirts with others...

 

[GQ Chris]

....exactly... don't pick a flirty Man.

 

[GQ Chris]

I Love flirting though. Only when I am not in a relationship.

When I am in a relationship with someone I don't flirt at all, but I end up getting flirted with a lot because of my "Happy glow". That Shine thats so unmistakeable that shows I am Happy and content.

 

[Rhamiel]

some people are just more friendly then others, there is a girl I know and people call her a flirt, but she really has no clue that her actions are seen that way

 

[Nadiine]

some people are just more friendly then others, there is a girl I know and people call her a flirt, but she really has no clue that her actions are seen that way

That about sounds like what happens with me all in my past - I'm probly overly friendly/very comfortable w/ males but on my part it's innocent, just that others don't see it that way sometimes.

To the OP, here's my take on flirting & even adultery - alot of it's done due to the person personally needing attn. in some way, it's often times nothing to do w/ their spouse but a personal inadequacy they have.

This happens alot when people are hitting mid-life when they feel they're losing their physical appearance to age or losing vitality - in fear they reach out for attn. and flirt etc.

In a way it can be harmless, but in a way it could start some real problems. I don't have a personal judgment on it becuz it depends on each individual's issues. It's probly never good or healthy... but then maybe that person just needs to see they haven't lost their attractiveness to the opposite sex & that's all they need to feel attractive so it stays harmless??

Just some thoughts on it.

 

[GreenMunchkin]

Is it ok to strongly object to your spouse flirting with someone else? Is it ok to think they are committing some form of adultery? Is it just me?

If it were my husband, I'd think there were problems in the marriage. There's a world between being friendly, and being flirtatious. Flirtation is intrinsically sexual - flirtation isn't platonic, or innocent.

I'm not sure it's adultery, but it's a slippery slope. Flirtation while married opens doors that should never be opened.

 

[Lady Bug]

Sorry... I assumed based on your question...

In that case don't pick a guy that flirts with others...

I'll be careful of that

sorry guys but I guess this topic kinda depresses me lol...
not sure I wanna talk about it anymore...hard to explain.

is that ok with you?

 

[Nadiine]

: you can just ask a mod to close the thread ladybug

 

[Lady Bug]

ok - I might.

it's just that I feel really alone in this - I'm not even sure how I feel right now. that's all I can really say though

anyway I feel like closing the thread - hope it does soon.

 

[Lisa0315]

I think flirting is fun. I am a natural flirt. So, is my husband. We have no problem with flirtation but then it is never a heart thing, just a fun thing. I think we need to be careful labeling every single natural inclination as a sin. Lust and flirting are not the same thing and God knows the heart.

Lisa

 

[JDIBe]

Flirting is like holding your hand over a flame as long as you can and then pulling it away for fun. Sooner or later, you are going to get burned.

You can admire (and even love) someone of the opposite sex and wish the best for them. You can be kind and a genuine friend. But I know of many people who brought a gun to an argument never really meaning to use it. Many didn't, but some did....

Flirting is not necessarily adultry. But it is not acting in such a way as to bring honor to my wife. It's better to talk to people of both sexes with genuine love and concern for them rather than hinting at something you don't really mean.

 

[desmalia]

Maybe it's helpful to define what is actually flirting. Some consider any type of kidding around with the opposite sex to be flirting. And some consider flirting to relate directly to anything even remotely sexual. I consider the latter to be actual flirting, and totally inappropriate for married people to engage in with anyone other than their spouse. I joke around with guys now and then (and women too, of course!), but strictly G-rated stuff only. I would never do anything that disrespects my husband. My flirting is reserved only for him.

Ladybug, your question again reveals a lot about what you are looking for in a godly man, and I encourage you to hold onto those kinds of priorities in seeking a good husband. These are not the kinds of things any believer should compromise on, IMHO. It's wonderful that you are so aware of them!! You are saving yourself from a lifetime of misery by discovering and holding to these ideals now. And a truly godly man will be irresistibly attracted to that in you as a godly, honourable woman! I am so encouraged to read your posts, especially in a world where sex is exploited and holiness is so ignored and trampled over. What you are seeking is truly what God wants for you. And He will bless you for it! Bless you, sister.

 

[Simon_Templar]

Were I married, I would be PO'd if my wife flirted with other guys. I would also expect, and hope that my rhetorical wife would be equally PO'd with me were I to flirt with other girls.