I put this as a new thread under marriage restoration but figured I'd put it here too:
Last night, I fell into temptation, I used to be a "Copenhagen Junkie", and with all the stress going on I grabbed a can of chew on my way home, I took a dip, and I felt terrible guilt, I didn't want to stop but i did get rid of the can, and spit the chew out once I got home, but I didn't clean the sink out good enough and she saw it there. She came to me and said, "Do you have something you want to tell me?" I responded with, nope, I do not. She then said I know you are chewing and now you lying about it" I didn't want to argue so I just said," No, I don't want to tell you, I fell back on an old habit, I felt very guilty about it and that is the end of it, I don't want my kids to see me do it and I do not want to do it." She said, "It not that your chewing it's that I can't trust you"
so...
I posted about my wife and the mental illness stuff on the main Married couples board(the board won't let me post links yet)), but things are really becoming a problem, and rapidly. I am starting to think she is using the mental health as an excuse for evil behavior with no intent to change.
She went to the pastor of our church today, and told him that I'm suffering from a mental disorder. She knows I visit with the pastor on a regular basis and was trying to make sure her image wasn't damaged. She is convinced I'm going to him and telling him just how horrible she.
I talked to her briefly and she told me she had talked to the pastor and he was rude to her and we are not going back to that church, and then she had a blow up about me making her look like and idiot in front of some people, (still don't know what I did), but I'm not the one who drove across a lawn.
anyway I went to the pastor and when I walked in to his office he said:
" she told you that you weren't going here anymore"
I said,:
"yes, I'm sure what her version of it is, is probably wrong, but she told me that you treated her rude, and wouldn't talk to her",
he said:
"no, i wouldn't condone her behavior."
He then told me:
".. she told me about the chew indecent, and that you lied about it, I told her it was probably just a stress thing, and she then said you were suffering from a mental disorder and that you had some serious problems. She was very narcissistic and threw you under the bus as soon as you slipped up, because it made her look better.
I also told her I don't come in and slam her, that you come in trying to improve yourself, and how to better deal with things and I left it at that.
She did not get the response from me that she wanted, and she marched out of the office. He told me not to condone the behavior, and either she will leave, end up having an outburst that will put her in jail or committed, Or grow up.
He also told me with the stress she is putting me under, unless something happens I'll be lucky to make it another 15 years.
I don't know what to do, I blame myself for letting it get this far, This is the second time I have gotten myself in a situation like this with a woman. I love my wife but hate what she has become, she turns everything around on me, she tells me that I am destroying our family, she tells me it's my fault she is the way she is, she says I'm the reason our children our brats.
I don't want my kids to hate their mother, but I can't control it, I want things to be right, I though she was trying to correct things but now I think she is just trying to control everything and make me look at fault. Then I start to think I am at fault, because men can't be controlled like this. Then I remember back to an argument, where I had decided to just not argue, and she started in on me for not being a man, and standing up for myself, then she asked me how can she trust me to look out for her , if I won't stand up for myself against her.
I just want someone to tell me what to do, I want a clear answer, I know that no one, but God can tell me what to do, but I'm just not hearing a response.
Sorry to ramble,
Thanks for reading
MT