What is wrong with my Soul? I love Jesus so much yet I think this way..
Please, people pray for me. I feel so weak and at war with myself..
Greetings.
It sounds as if Satan is deluding you in dreams with his "power," his aura of intelligence and his respectfulness. Thought I should share a little something with you that will help you to see him a little more clearly.
This is from a Heavenly Vision entitled
The Heavens Opened, by Anna Rountree. In it Jesus manifests Himself to her in the form of an Eagle, and takes her on His back on a journey into Second Heaven (the seat of Satan's power in the earth today). The reason for doing so was to show her the cruelty of the Devil, and how truly evil he is:
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The Gigantic Cavern
Joyously the white eagle burst through the far mouth of the tunnel. Now we seemed to be flying inside a gigantic cavern within that mountain, but I could not be sure, for I was unable to see the top. Within this cavern, if it was a cavern, the atmosphere was gray and deathly still, but electric, as it might be in the eye of a hurricane.
Satan’s Palace
Just ahead of us was another mountain rising from within the center of this cavern. It looked as though it was made of shiny, jagged coal. On its top was an exquisite palace, as perfect and lustrous as a jet gemstone. A thick, yellow liquid oozed from beneath the structure and slid down the mountain. The air reeked of sulfur.
At the base of this mountain, large red dragons luxuriated in a cesspool moat, as wild beasts might cool themselves in muddy water on the Serengeti.” Their heads rested against the base of the mountain. Slight fire would come from their nostrils; when this fire touched the yellow liquid sliding down the mountain, a flame would ignite but quickly go out. They rolled their eyes up at us, but we must have been outside of their designated patrol area, for we did not raise their ire enough to protect the castle.
The palace itself was ingenious in design—imaginative and tasteful, but dark, cold, uninviting, and foreboding.
“Satan’s mountain and his palace,” the white Eagle said.’ He continued to fly toward it.
Attack of the Harpies
Suddenly, dark angels by the thousands poured out from the tunnels and began encircling us, like bats leaving caves at sunset. They had the heads and torsos of women and the wings, tails, legs, and clawed feet of rapacious vultures.’
“They cannot touch us,” the white Eagle said. “Remain calm.”
These harpies would pass by us closely, crying and taunting, but they never obstructed our view of the palace nor hindered the white Eagle’s relentless flight toward it.
The Prince of Darkness
High in the black palace at a lightless window, a solitary figure appeared, looking at us.’ From a distance, one could sense his power, authority, and extreme loneliness. ‘Yes— loneliness—separation, isolation, and a cold, cold heart.
He looked like a Spanish prince. He wore an elegant black velvet robe encrusted with jewels; he was tastefully and perfectly groomed. He was handsome, almost perfectly handsome, with shiny black hair and dark intelligent eyes.
He waved his hand, and the harpies flew away as quickly as they had come, retreating into the honeycomb of tunnels. The sound of thousands of leathery wings dwindled away, leaving the cavern quiet in comparison.
After that he continued to stand unmoving at the window, his eyes fixed upon us: lonely, like a king who is also a rejected lover.
I thought to myself, There he is: he who was so full of light that he was named ‘the shining one ‘—now ‘the prince of darkness,’ he whose executive ability still is such that he manages a vast, global empire of deceit, seducing the whole world.
Seeing his impeccable, ageless beauty, I could not help wondering what he must have been like before his fall, for he was created sublime in order to hold the most exalted position in the heavenly court. He was “the anointed cherub who covers.” I wondered if once there were three cherubs guarding the throne of God, one on either side and one above? Was that why he was created so beautiful, wise, and powerful? To guard the throne from that elevated position?
He walked amid the coals of fire, sharing the very heart of God, intimate with the Godhead. Did he betray the One who loved him by striking at Him from above? Is that the reason he boasted that he would exalt his throne above the stars of God?’
There he is, I thought to myself, still superior, but superior now only in evil, and because of his vaulting pride, isolated— beyond mercy’s reach and beyond asking for it.
The white Eagle turned from the palace and began to fly back toward the tunnel.
Taunts of the Black Raven
A huge black raven suddenly appeared beside us.’ Its feathers were a brilliant ebony, and its eyes flashed a fiery red. “Why have You come?” hissed Satan. “Does it please You to shame me before my subjects? Does it please You to bring love and warmth here to torment us? You are cruel !“
The Lord said nothing.
“Don’t You miss me?” Satan continued. “Did You come here because of Your loneliness for me? Would You like to come here more often to be with me, just to see me?” The raven cracked a hard, cruel laugh. “You miss me and love me still’ he exulted. Then in tones venomous with bitter scorn, he mocked:
“You are a fool to love me even now, Jesus of Nazareth.” The Lord’s silence infuriated the raven.
“Don’t come back to shame me before my subjects! I am king here. Stay away! I don’t love You, and I wish all manner of exquisite torments upon You to express my contempt. Stay away!” Satan spewed vehemently.
Having said that, the raven made a sharp turn and flew back to the palace.
The white Eagle continued through the tunnel from which we had come. A void, deathly silence was in that darkness now.
Return to the Sheepfold
He flew to the sheepfold and stopped before the gate. I climbed down from His back. He became the Lord again with His shepherd’s staff in His hand. He opened the gate and led me inside.
We both removed our shoes and stood barefoot within the sheepfold. I was shivering, and He put His arm around me.
“It is all right, Anna,” He said. “You needed to see that Satan is cruel. Rest now.”
Warmth began to flow into me, and I tried to breathe deeply, settling myself.
“Why did You show me these things?” I asked.
“To you it has been granted to know,” He said. “Mark well what you have seen and heard.”
(Rountree,
The Heavens Opened, P.70-73)
