I'm 15 and I've struggled with inappropriate contentography and mastrubation in the context of homosexuality for 2 years now. My youth group is small with 10-15 people coming regularly and for three months I've had a crush on one of the guys. I've tried avoiding him, but he kept talking to me. Finally I gave up and asked him to never talk to me again. Then he talked to pour youth pastor, whom I had already confided my struggle with; and expressed that he was confused and thought I was upset/angry with him (I wouldn't clarify). My youth pastor figured out why I asked and just gave the guy a vauge answer saying I was "going through a hard time." So now my youth pastor wants me to apologies for making him think I was upset/angry/hateful and I am lost on how to apologise without spilling my secret or increasing division in our youth group. I just don't know what to do. Help?
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Kristen.NewCreation and FreeinChrist
Losing Control
- Thread starter Contrar
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Hey bro, that's a hard situation to deal with. Revealing your struggles with others also is all about timing and who to share with. You're right to be anxious to share especially in such a small
group. I think your way of taking on the problem is where the problem lies. When you find yourself attracted to someone you need to pray for God to give you the strength to be around them. They don't know what you're going through and probably wouldn't understand if they did know. So you're reaction in the future is to pray. Paul told Timothy to treat every girl in the church as a sister. So same situation treat every boy in your church as a brother. Okay thats for future struggles. My suggestion is for you to meet with this boy and first of all, tell him your sorry about the way you treated him. Tell him that you were tough on him because you were
frustrated and you took it out on him and you'll do better in the future. Your pastor if he truly understands your predicament will hopefully guide the conversation to keep you from sharing unnecessary details. Praying for you
group. I think your way of taking on the problem is where the problem lies. When you find yourself attracted to someone you need to pray for God to give you the strength to be around them. They don't know what you're going through and probably wouldn't understand if they did know. So you're reaction in the future is to pray. Paul told Timothy to treat every girl in the church as a sister. So same situation treat every boy in your church as a brother. Okay thats for future struggles. My suggestion is for you to meet with this boy and first of all, tell him your sorry about the way you treated him. Tell him that you were tough on him because you were
frustrated and you took it out on him and you'll do better in the future. Your pastor if he truly understands your predicament will hopefully guide the conversation to keep you from sharing unnecessary details. Praying for you
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[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']"I think your way of taking on the problem is where the problem lies. When you find yourself attracted to someone you need to pray for God to give you the strength to be around them. "[/FONT]
[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif'][/FONT]
[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']I'm not quite sure what you mean by this. Are you saying that I shouldn't avoid guys that I lust after, and instead pray to be able to be around them? Are you just saying that I should pray that while avoiding them? It just tears me apart to look at him; I don't know how to deal with being around him other than avoidance. Other than that I agree with your advice and I thank you for your counsel.[/FONT]
[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif'][/FONT]
[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']I'm not quite sure what you mean by this. Are you saying that I shouldn't avoid guys that I lust after, and instead pray to be able to be around them? Are you just saying that I should pray that while avoiding them? It just tears me apart to look at him; I don't know how to deal with being around him other than avoidance. Other than that I agree with your advice and I thank you for your counsel.[/FONT]
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Hey Contrar, sorry to hear you are going through these problems. In response to your last post, I guess there are no set rules about how to handle these situations, as each situation is different. At the end of the day, if you feel you need to avoid this particular guy, then that may be what you need to do. We're told to flee from sexual temptation, not try and prove we can stand up against it. If for some guys you can easily hang out with them despite temptation, fine, and if there's some that you need to avoid, I think that's fine too.
Either way though, perhaps this guy needs an apology but I personally wouldn't reveal the exact reasons. That's just my opinion, but I don't see what would be achieved by him knowing the truth, plus you never know what the unintended consequences of that could be (eg. What if he has a weakness in that area too, etc).
Anyway, please know that you are not alone, many others go through things like this. Keep us updated
Graeme
Either way though, perhaps this guy needs an apology but I personally wouldn't reveal the exact reasons. That's just my opinion, but I don't see what would be achieved by him knowing the truth, plus you never know what the unintended consequences of that could be (eg. What if he has a weakness in that area too, etc).
Anyway, please know that you are not alone, many others go through things like this. Keep us updated
Graeme
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So I apologised to him yesterday. He didn't deduce my attraction to him; he just forgave me for my rash actions. I'm grateful for this peaceful resolution and one again I'd like to thank apologia25 for helping me find the words to say and for his prayers.
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mikeymike48
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Hi Contrar,
First, God Bless You for sharing; it takes a lot of courage to share things like you have at such a young age. I commend you, My Brother!
First, Homosexuality is NOT a sin UNLESS you engage in its lifestyle, so stop the guilt just because you may be a homosexual. Masturbation is another thing altogether. Yes, Masturbation IS a sin and you need your Savior's help to overcome it because it can only lead to more frequent sin doing the act and also encourage your homosexuality. See, Buddy, NOTHING - YES NOTHING can tear you away from Jesus' hands once you've accepted Him as your Savior, which I'm assuming you have. However, Satan will continue to tempt you in your most vulnerable area, and that's probably your homosexuality. See he CAN' T HAVE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE GOD'S CHILD, THEREFORE, he gets joy out of aggravating you with temptation. Also, he loves to condemn you when you sin; to tell you you've let God down and you might as well just give up. SATAN IS A LIAR! In the Book of Romans it states, "Therefore, there is now NO Condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!" Remember Jesus died a horrible death for YOUR sins. And, if you sin you can go to the Father and ask His forgiveness by pleading the blood of Jesus and Jesus is right there to tell the Father, "I died for Contrar!" and you will be forgiven. However, this doesn't give you license to just sin. You MUST try to resist temptation. The best way I've found to do this is when you are tempted is to immediately start saying "JESUS' over and over and over until the temtation leaves you. In His Word, Jesus said, " HIS power is made perfect in YOUR weakness!"
You have just started on a long road of living a Christian Life. READ AND BELIEVE GOD'S WORD; PRAY (AND I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AS WELL). YOU ARE LOVED MIGHTILY, MY BROTHER! Especially, thoughtfully and prayerfully read the book of Romans. It is very encouraging for one in your situation. The cross you will have to bear will be a rough one through your life, but, you CAN find Peace, Strength, Love, Hope, and Grace in Jesus. I KNOW!
Now, as for the situation you have described regarding the decision you made to avoid temptation regarding a boy you are attracted to. Your Youth Pastor is correct. You should go to your friend and apologize. It is wrong to make Him feel guilty because of Your guilty. You don't have to 'come out' to him, you can just say that you were upset at the time and that IS the truth, is it not? Now as to what to do in the future with him as a friend. You must remain his friend because, in fact, you are Brothers in Christ. You can't go through life avoiding or breaking friendships every boy or man to whom you become attracted to. It going to be a part of your 'cross to bear'. HOWEVER, you can be friends, even with those you are attracted to, AS LONG AS, AND THIS IS THE 'BIGGY' you depend on Jesus to help you fight your battles of temptation. HE IS THERE TO FIGHT SATAN FOR YOU; jUST CALL ON HIM!! And, My friend, I know - you will be calling on Him a lot and very often. But, just because of you homosexuality, you can't close the world out. God DOES have a plan for YOU and allow Him to let it unfold by trusting Him. Who's to know why this is YOUR cross to bear? But, know that ALL of us have our own crosses to bear and they are, in their own way, just as difficult. So you are not alone!
Know that I WILL continue to pray for you, young man, that you will give your burden to Jesus and let Him take the lead in your life. If you do, your life will be a WONDERFUL ONE. I promise you that because He has promised you that.
If you desire to keep in touch if I can be of further help, encouragement, and pray with you, don't hesitate to call on me. I will be there for you if you need me. God Bless You, and I pray God will enfold you in His Love that you may know YOU CAN TRUST HIM!!
Take Care, My Brother - YOU ARE LOVED!!!
First, God Bless You for sharing; it takes a lot of courage to share things like you have at such a young age. I commend you, My Brother!
First, Homosexuality is NOT a sin UNLESS you engage in its lifestyle, so stop the guilt just because you may be a homosexual. Masturbation is another thing altogether. Yes, Masturbation IS a sin and you need your Savior's help to overcome it because it can only lead to more frequent sin doing the act and also encourage your homosexuality. See, Buddy, NOTHING - YES NOTHING can tear you away from Jesus' hands once you've accepted Him as your Savior, which I'm assuming you have. However, Satan will continue to tempt you in your most vulnerable area, and that's probably your homosexuality. See he CAN' T HAVE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE GOD'S CHILD, THEREFORE, he gets joy out of aggravating you with temptation. Also, he loves to condemn you when you sin; to tell you you've let God down and you might as well just give up. SATAN IS A LIAR! In the Book of Romans it states, "Therefore, there is now NO Condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!" Remember Jesus died a horrible death for YOUR sins. And, if you sin you can go to the Father and ask His forgiveness by pleading the blood of Jesus and Jesus is right there to tell the Father, "I died for Contrar!" and you will be forgiven. However, this doesn't give you license to just sin. You MUST try to resist temptation. The best way I've found to do this is when you are tempted is to immediately start saying "JESUS' over and over and over until the temtation leaves you. In His Word, Jesus said, " HIS power is made perfect in YOUR weakness!"
You have just started on a long road of living a Christian Life. READ AND BELIEVE GOD'S WORD; PRAY (AND I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AS WELL). YOU ARE LOVED MIGHTILY, MY BROTHER! Especially, thoughtfully and prayerfully read the book of Romans. It is very encouraging for one in your situation. The cross you will have to bear will be a rough one through your life, but, you CAN find Peace, Strength, Love, Hope, and Grace in Jesus. I KNOW!
Now, as for the situation you have described regarding the decision you made to avoid temptation regarding a boy you are attracted to. Your Youth Pastor is correct. You should go to your friend and apologize. It is wrong to make Him feel guilty because of Your guilty. You don't have to 'come out' to him, you can just say that you were upset at the time and that IS the truth, is it not? Now as to what to do in the future with him as a friend. You must remain his friend because, in fact, you are Brothers in Christ. You can't go through life avoiding or breaking friendships every boy or man to whom you become attracted to. It going to be a part of your 'cross to bear'. HOWEVER, you can be friends, even with those you are attracted to, AS LONG AS, AND THIS IS THE 'BIGGY' you depend on Jesus to help you fight your battles of temptation. HE IS THERE TO FIGHT SATAN FOR YOU; jUST CALL ON HIM!! And, My friend, I know - you will be calling on Him a lot and very often. But, just because of you homosexuality, you can't close the world out. God DOES have a plan for YOU and allow Him to let it unfold by trusting Him. Who's to know why this is YOUR cross to bear? But, know that ALL of us have our own crosses to bear and they are, in their own way, just as difficult. So you are not alone!
Know that I WILL continue to pray for you, young man, that you will give your burden to Jesus and let Him take the lead in your life. If you do, your life will be a WONDERFUL ONE. I promise you that because He has promised you that.
If you desire to keep in touch if I can be of further help, encouragement, and pray with you, don't hesitate to call on me. I will be there for you if you need me. God Bless You, and I pray God will enfold you in His Love that you may know YOU CAN TRUST HIM!!
Take Care, My Brother - YOU ARE LOVED!!!
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So, for clarifications sake, I already apologized to him. I just told him I was upset, because I clearly was. I didn't reveal the true reason even though sometimes I really wanted to. In retrospect I'm glad I listened and didn't because he remains remarkably innocent. In the aftermath its become clear that he really holds nothing against me as he treats me similarly to everyone else. So we are on friendly terms now. As to friendships with guys I'm attracted to, that is rather convoluted. I've tried that too and once I ended up obsessing with talking to them instead of breaking off contact. So it is still to be avoided, just not abruptly terminated. I don't quite understand what your trying to communicate about what is and isn't a sin because the terminology surrounding homosexuality is opprobriously vague. You could have been refering to an indelible identity, a consistent pattern of attractions, fantasizing about such heinous acts, or various other gradations of homosexuality. I'll make sure to read Romans; a variety of people have suggested reading it for differing reasons recently so I will read it. Your post was encouraging. Thanks.
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