I am a 23 y/o christian male in nursing school and working part time. Before you start reading know that I have a lot to say and this could get long...if it is the wrong place please let me know or if you don't have time to read then I completely understand (even if there is no response I feel like it will help just to try and get it all out). The reason that I even came to this site was because I've had a ton on my mind lately and no one to express it with. My christian roommate has heard many stories the past year that have led me to this point and even now I have tried to talk to him some, but I do not want to bother him anymore because its begining to become frequent. My parents are good and listen but its usually the same response and I felt like I needed another opinion. I am currently not in church because of a move that put me almost an hour drive away from the church and with school and work its been hard to attend...so I miss the fellowship. When I came home today I got online and straight on to facebook which has become somewhat addicting and always put me in a depressed mood...I try to avoid it but then fall right back into getting on. Well tonight as I sat here I began to wonder if there is a place where Christians gather online like facebook and edify each one another and not put all the emphasis on themselves with pictures and updates of how 'their' life is great. Not all people are like that, I am letting my emotions come out early. However I foudn this site and immediately after looking through some of the forums and seeing the responses people were giving and tons of great things, I joined and decided to try...so I will begin
Trying to be brief. so I may leave out details needed but I will try to cover it
Me: 23 year old, 28 year old sister married with a 1 year old daughter my neice
And a 16 year old half brother. My parents were divorced when I was 2 years old and my mother and my father remarried other people shortly after. I then switched homes from the time I was around 4 until I graduated high school one week at my moms and one week at my dads. My mother divorced my step dad when I was 17 and has since remarried last year. Mom is a very liberal christian and my father is a very conservative I think this has made me very indecisive when making daily choices. I played football in highschool and did well, homecoming/prom king, voted best all around and life was grand. I wasn't an arrogant kid either I never boasted and was always quick to change the subject when someone brought up something that would boast me. I was very thankful for what God had given me. I didnt drink didnt smoke, went to parties but was known not to be involved. my senior year I had everything needed to attend Annapolis (the naval accademy) including a nomination from a congressman and a good profile. However after a lack of communication with a blue and gold commander...the month I was to graduate I never received a response from my application so I called the academy. I was told that my file had been in the incomplete folder and I had missed the deadline. I was never told that it was incomplete ad the reason was because of not having a physical. A stupid PHYSICAL. My heart was broken because I had my life planned out...4 years in school playing ball for the navy, 4 years service, become an officer and study law. Paid for...set for life. Now I wondered what I would do, if I reapplied I would have to go through the whole process again and get the nomination from a congressman which only 2 people even got the year before and I'd have to be almost perfect with my grades. I would be out of football for a year and I didnt think was feasible neither did my parents. I was fortunate to receive a late shcolarship offer from a couple of division 1-2 school's to play ball however I had been dreaming of playing d-1 ball with the navy and I decided that I would go to South Carolina and walk on. So I declined the d-2's offer which my family was excited about and attended a local college the first semster and then transfered to S.C. This is where it went wrong...I decided that I would try the smoke and the drink at senior week just once with my friends and it would be ok...I immediately in love with smoking cigarettes and after drinking one time at the beach...occasionally I would do it again thinking their was no harm until it led to smoking a little pot once in a while and smoking cigarettes all the time...it began to be something to rely on in a time when I really needed to turn to the lord to look for direction...but instead the cigarettes and weekend partying gave me sometthing to release my emotions stored up and it was an escape. After I moved to Columbia, I made very good grades but continued my lifestyle and after one semester of all I could eat breakfast and drinking on the weekends, I had soon gained 15 pounds and had not worked out at all. Football was now not a possibility. I had completely forgot about that dream and decided I was going to do nursing althoguth I began to hate myself for going down a different planned road. That summer I received a call from my grandparents who was at a family reunion for the week with my stepmother and father. My parents had been involved in a wreck (2 car collision where the other passengers died and my parents were thrown from the car) They received multiple injuries but it was truely the first miracle I had seen in my life....As many EMTs/Nurses/Police officers have stated "2 cars traveling > 60 mph and hitting head on rarely have any occupents to surve....RARELY AND HARDLY EVER DOES THAT HAPPEN LET ALONE BE ABLE TO WALK. However both my parents were able to recover and go back to work after numerous surgeries. My father can't use his arms like he used to do such tasks as throwing a ball or turning his wrist to eat. After the accident we got two hospital beds for the house and I was in charge of taking care of my father while my grandparents moved in to help with my stepmother. That fall I rented a house with 2 of my friends from home in Columbia, but until the end of September I had to come home on the weekends to do things around the house for my parents. In the house I was renting I was able to drink even more and smoke when I wanted to b/c my roommate was older than 21 and I was out of the dorm and it also become more of a dependent and a way to escape from the hatred that was growing that I had of my life. Then when I thought nothing else could get much worse...I returned to Columbia after Thanksgiving break and discovered our rental house was a crisp, someone had broken it and burnt it down after stealing several things thought to have been pawned for money used to buy drugs. After that I lived around different places for the next 2 weeks during my exams and almost every grade dropped at least a letter grade because I did miserable on my final exams. My roommates and I decided to move home as we didnt have the energy to look for another place and went to school back in our hometown moving back in with my parents. Fortunatlly the church I attended back home did raised money for me to replace books and clothes I had lost in the fire. I returned hom and attended a branch of South Carolina near where I lived and was able t ogetinto the nursing program. After 2 years I was 2 semester saway from having a BSN and being a nurse. But..(lol) I met a girl and became we became very intimate early on...she was just begining college and didnt have to study as much as me, so I would spend every second I could with her and ignored my studies...Now previously I had failed a course the first semester of nursing by a hair and had to retake in the summer but with 2 failed classes the student was kicked out of the program. So the first semester of my senior year I failed that second class and was forced out of the program. Now as I mentioned I had partied on the weekends in columbia, I was not as wild as you may think I would mainly smoke weed and just chill out, didnt do random hook ups or anythig and a lot of time when I was high I would talk with my friends about God and I started to see how wicked the world was. With that said looking back I wasn't a 'terrible' person by worldly standards and I did attend church and so many times would repent over and over and my depression grew and grew as more and more of these things kept happening but after I failed I became numb. I didnt smoke weed or drink and hadn't since I had met the girl because she felt it was wrong and even thought hooking up was wrong although we did and would always feel remorse. But after all this I was now just numb...I turned to God but didnt feel his presence anymore....so I will continue in a moment but first let me tell you alittle about growing up.
Trying to be brief. so I may leave out details needed but I will try to cover it
Me: 23 year old, 28 year old sister married with a 1 year old daughter my neice
And a 16 year old half brother. My parents were divorced when I was 2 years old and my mother and my father remarried other people shortly after. I then switched homes from the time I was around 4 until I graduated high school one week at my moms and one week at my dads. My mother divorced my step dad when I was 17 and has since remarried last year. Mom is a very liberal christian and my father is a very conservative I think this has made me very indecisive when making daily choices. I played football in highschool and did well, homecoming/prom king, voted best all around and life was grand. I wasn't an arrogant kid either I never boasted and was always quick to change the subject when someone brought up something that would boast me. I was very thankful for what God had given me. I didnt drink didnt smoke, went to parties but was known not to be involved. my senior year I had everything needed to attend Annapolis (the naval accademy) including a nomination from a congressman and a good profile. However after a lack of communication with a blue and gold commander...the month I was to graduate I never received a response from my application so I called the academy. I was told that my file had been in the incomplete folder and I had missed the deadline. I was never told that it was incomplete ad the reason was because of not having a physical. A stupid PHYSICAL. My heart was broken because I had my life planned out...4 years in school playing ball for the navy, 4 years service, become an officer and study law. Paid for...set for life. Now I wondered what I would do, if I reapplied I would have to go through the whole process again and get the nomination from a congressman which only 2 people even got the year before and I'd have to be almost perfect with my grades. I would be out of football for a year and I didnt think was feasible neither did my parents. I was fortunate to receive a late shcolarship offer from a couple of division 1-2 school's to play ball however I had been dreaming of playing d-1 ball with the navy and I decided that I would go to South Carolina and walk on. So I declined the d-2's offer which my family was excited about and attended a local college the first semster and then transfered to S.C. This is where it went wrong...I decided that I would try the smoke and the drink at senior week just once with my friends and it would be ok...I immediately in love with smoking cigarettes and after drinking one time at the beach...occasionally I would do it again thinking their was no harm until it led to smoking a little pot once in a while and smoking cigarettes all the time...it began to be something to rely on in a time when I really needed to turn to the lord to look for direction...but instead the cigarettes and weekend partying gave me sometthing to release my emotions stored up and it was an escape. After I moved to Columbia, I made very good grades but continued my lifestyle and after one semester of all I could eat breakfast and drinking on the weekends, I had soon gained 15 pounds and had not worked out at all. Football was now not a possibility. I had completely forgot about that dream and decided I was going to do nursing althoguth I began to hate myself for going down a different planned road. That summer I received a call from my grandparents who was at a family reunion for the week with my stepmother and father. My parents had been involved in a wreck (2 car collision where the other passengers died and my parents were thrown from the car) They received multiple injuries but it was truely the first miracle I had seen in my life....As many EMTs/Nurses/Police officers have stated "2 cars traveling > 60 mph and hitting head on rarely have any occupents to surve....RARELY AND HARDLY EVER DOES THAT HAPPEN LET ALONE BE ABLE TO WALK. However both my parents were able to recover and go back to work after numerous surgeries. My father can't use his arms like he used to do such tasks as throwing a ball or turning his wrist to eat. After the accident we got two hospital beds for the house and I was in charge of taking care of my father while my grandparents moved in to help with my stepmother. That fall I rented a house with 2 of my friends from home in Columbia, but until the end of September I had to come home on the weekends to do things around the house for my parents. In the house I was renting I was able to drink even more and smoke when I wanted to b/c my roommate was older than 21 and I was out of the dorm and it also become more of a dependent and a way to escape from the hatred that was growing that I had of my life. Then when I thought nothing else could get much worse...I returned to Columbia after Thanksgiving break and discovered our rental house was a crisp, someone had broken it and burnt it down after stealing several things thought to have been pawned for money used to buy drugs. After that I lived around different places for the next 2 weeks during my exams and almost every grade dropped at least a letter grade because I did miserable on my final exams. My roommates and I decided to move home as we didnt have the energy to look for another place and went to school back in our hometown moving back in with my parents. Fortunatlly the church I attended back home did raised money for me to replace books and clothes I had lost in the fire. I returned hom and attended a branch of South Carolina near where I lived and was able t ogetinto the nursing program. After 2 years I was 2 semester saway from having a BSN and being a nurse. But..(lol) I met a girl and became we became very intimate early on...she was just begining college and didnt have to study as much as me, so I would spend every second I could with her and ignored my studies...Now previously I had failed a course the first semester of nursing by a hair and had to retake in the summer but with 2 failed classes the student was kicked out of the program. So the first semester of my senior year I failed that second class and was forced out of the program. Now as I mentioned I had partied on the weekends in columbia, I was not as wild as you may think I would mainly smoke weed and just chill out, didnt do random hook ups or anythig and a lot of time when I was high I would talk with my friends about God and I started to see how wicked the world was. With that said looking back I wasn't a 'terrible' person by worldly standards and I did attend church and so many times would repent over and over and my depression grew and grew as more and more of these things kept happening but after I failed I became numb. I didnt smoke weed or drink and hadn't since I had met the girl because she felt it was wrong and even thought hooking up was wrong although we did and would always feel remorse. But after all this I was now just numb...I turned to God but didnt feel his presence anymore....so I will continue in a moment but first let me tell you alittle about growing up.
