Kinda at a Loss

[ALed93]

Hi,
I don't know where to begin so I'm just gonna type then tryto make heads or tails of it... I have been married for 15 years. We have no children. I work outside the home as does he. He works or is gone most of the time. I feel like I'm in a marriage by myself. I feel underneath the back burner of his life, like I bear no importance to him at all. The relationship the last few years has been rocky at best. I actually wanted divorced, but I was unsure of how God would view it. My husband has expressed alot of anger toward me yelling & screaming alot, shoulder shoves as we pass in the hall way, slamming doors, etc. He actually got so angry once that while he was storming out of the driveway he, as he puts it, "bumped" me with his vehicle and slung gravel everywhere. He has taken no responsibility for his actions. He has actually left me standing in the middle of our datenight (in the middle of the date) literally in the isle of a store, at a whim, to go fishing with his friends we ran into. the list could go on & on of very simular events... I just am not sure as to what God wants in this relationship, stay/go? If I stay how do I cope? If I go how will I make it? Do I have right to remarry or must I remain single? I'm just at a loss as to what to do. I ask for your prayers and any words that you may have to share. Thank you so much!

 

[etmama]

Hi, I'm so sorry to see you hurting. I know how painful it is as my husband has been a very irritable, uncaring person for most of our marriage until recently. We were at wits end and attended a conference called Weekend to Remember put on by Family Life (www.familylife.com). There, he learned how to fill his role and vice versa for me. Some other resources that have helped were troubledwith.com and family.org as well as the book "Love Must Be Tough" by Dr James Dobson. You can also read about tough love on family.org. I know how you are feeling. You'll be in my prayers.

 

[ALed93]

Thank you. I will look into these resources!

 

[Johnnz]

You need some supportive and wise people to talk this through with you. Divorce is a sad and painful thing, but living with a very self centred man falls far short of God's ideal for marriage.

Divorce does not doom you to remaining single for the rest of your life either.

John
NZ

 

[PREPCoach]

I too was married for 18 years without children. We then adopted and our marriage seemed to go from bad to worse. The harder we tried the worse things became. We then found a program that helped us deal with conflict resolution skills.

We have read many of the books on Christian marriage and most are only about how to avoid conflict, not how to develop skills to deal with conflict. If you can get control of conflict and not let it get control of you, the relationship can start to heal.

The book A Lasting Promise is about how to develop conflict resolution skills in your marriage and it is by far the best we have read. There isn't a week, many times not a day that we don't use these skills.

Prayers are with you.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Go fishing with him.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

You are a victim of domestic abuse. I have been there.

You probably already know that you are within your rights to get out, but I think your question is, are you within your rights to ever get married again if you do divorce him?

I don't think God binds us to a man who refuses to hold up HIS end of God's plan for marriage. Forget submission for now. Your husband is commanded to love you as Christ loves the church, and he is not doing that. Christ would never abuse His church.

When you have a husband who does love you as Christ loves the church, you would be *only too happy* to submit to him, as he would never use his position for selfish reasons.

 

[seige]

I come from a Presbyterian,"we're all worthless sinners" background so you can take or leave my advice but I find it easy to compare a marriage relationship with Christ's relationship with us. How many times have I treated him like junk? How many times have I cheated on Him, ignored Him or just generally done things that were not what He desired our relationship to be like. Is your husband insensitive? Yeah. Are your problems =ly your fault? Probably. I've met few people who treat people like crap for no reason whatsoever. I'm not saying he's a victim (I would totally come down harder on him if he were posting on here- I ALWAYS think it is the guy's job to keep the marriage in order primarily. My wife had an affair and it was my job to save our marriage- see where I'm getting at?) but I am saying that leaving him isn't going to fix your problems. You'll just bring them to your next relationship. The easier way is seldom the "right" way. Pay attention to your feelings of guilt or hesitation to leave him. Marriage isn't 50/50. I've seen many people decide to save a marriage when their spouse was not having it and today they are both very happy, loving people. I'm sorry that you are in a rough spot but God gave you this man and He wouldn't give you something you couldn't handle! He knows what you are capable of! Your decision, be another divorced Christian statistic or rise above and show what God's love for your spouse can do for your marriage! May God bless you and your family!

CJ