- Jul 14, 2014
- 76
- 4
- Faith
- Protestant
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Others
I'm going to start out by saying that I KNOW there will always be people in a worse spot, homeless, diseased, etc. I know. And I thank God we aren't that bad off.
Now then, it literally feels like things keep getting worse. I've always stuck to my belief that things will get better, and then things still get worse. There are off chances where something good does happen, but then something worse comes along. Like a 1 step forward and 2 steps back kind of deal.
We're not in a good position right now. Haven't been for multiple years. A ton of debt, in my moms name, all due to my stepdad 'forcing' her to sign for bank loans or credit cards and then riding it all up. He's technically 'paying the price' now by working much longer hours than a person should work, but even then it's surprisingly still not enough to get by.
My mom's disabled so she can't work, and he seems to always put his stress on her and scream at her all the time, causing her to be even worse with her stress and depression.
As for me, I don't even know what's wrong with me. Something is really messed up in my head where everything is really confusing to me. I can't work without being able to drive (due to jobs being too far away) and I can't drive because I can't figure it out. I tend to do good on the back road, but it's impossible for me to actually understand where the car is on the road, so I drive too far over to the left or right and if I did that on a main road, nothing good would come from it. Not only that but my own stress and anxiety makes it even more challenging. I feel like worthless garbage for not helping and I don't know what to do.
My own depression and loneliness (because I really want to find love and can never seem to find it) is killing me inside. All it's doing is causing me so much anger and frustration I constantly imagine picking up my chair and smashing it through the window or wanting to break something or whatever. And I know that's not what God wants, we are not supposed to have anger in us.
I have no idea what to do, my brain is going crazy I just want to rip it out of my head and throw it across the room. Not only we not get a break without everything going on...or not going on, I can't even get a break from my own head. It literally feels like I'm going insane. I don't know what to do.
I keep asking God to help us, I ask him what to do, what we should do, show us a sign, something. And nothing. He's probably answering me, but I hear nothing. I don't know if he's saying wait or if he's actually giving an answer and I can't hear it. I'm going crazy.
Now then, it literally feels like things keep getting worse. I've always stuck to my belief that things will get better, and then things still get worse. There are off chances where something good does happen, but then something worse comes along. Like a 1 step forward and 2 steps back kind of deal.
We're not in a good position right now. Haven't been for multiple years. A ton of debt, in my moms name, all due to my stepdad 'forcing' her to sign for bank loans or credit cards and then riding it all up. He's technically 'paying the price' now by working much longer hours than a person should work, but even then it's surprisingly still not enough to get by.
My mom's disabled so she can't work, and he seems to always put his stress on her and scream at her all the time, causing her to be even worse with her stress and depression.
As for me, I don't even know what's wrong with me. Something is really messed up in my head where everything is really confusing to me. I can't work without being able to drive (due to jobs being too far away) and I can't drive because I can't figure it out. I tend to do good on the back road, but it's impossible for me to actually understand where the car is on the road, so I drive too far over to the left or right and if I did that on a main road, nothing good would come from it. Not only that but my own stress and anxiety makes it even more challenging. I feel like worthless garbage for not helping and I don't know what to do.
My own depression and loneliness (because I really want to find love and can never seem to find it) is killing me inside. All it's doing is causing me so much anger and frustration I constantly imagine picking up my chair and smashing it through the window or wanting to break something or whatever. And I know that's not what God wants, we are not supposed to have anger in us.
I have no idea what to do, my brain is going crazy I just want to rip it out of my head and throw it across the room. Not only we not get a break without everything going on...or not going on, I can't even get a break from my own head. It literally feels like I'm going insane. I don't know what to do.
I keep asking God to help us, I ask him what to do, what we should do, show us a sign, something. And nothing. He's probably answering me, but I hear nothing. I don't know if he's saying wait or if he's actually giving an answer and I can't hear it. I'm going crazy.