Is it wrong to only want to marry a Virgin

[Cearbhall]

like is said, if the truth hurts, you are on the wrong side of the shiv.

You have not shown it to be the truth. You have no evidence and have not demonstrated that there is a connection between one's sexual history and one's skill at being a spouse and parent.

Also, what is a shiv? A Google search revealed it to be a type of weapon, but I'm not sure if that's the meaning you intended.

 

[High Fidelity]

It may be the Holy Spirit influencing you. If you have premarital sex you become one flesh with the other

Sorry, but I struggle to reconcile with the Holy Spirit leading me in to temptation. That's someone else's job and not one in the Trinity.

 

[Cearbhall]

like is said, if the truth hurts, you are on the wrong side of the shiv.

A conclusion that has come about as the result of confirmation bias does not hurt me.

oh goodness me! i doth not agree with thee!!!

So that's a no, then? I can't take this seriously.

 

[muddleglum]

Sorry, but I struggle to reconcile with the Holy Spirit leading me in to temptation. That's someone else's job and not one in the Trinity.

You originally said, "I personally struggle to see the sin of pre-marital sex as the same as the sin..."
I answered to that. Sorry for the confusion.

 

[Jaydenx]

Wow Chris, if this Jesus is as narrow minded and bigoted as you portray,
I hope I never have the misfortune of meeting him.

 

[peterbradley]

Hi, I'm going to try to make this short.
Basically I need another Christian to talk to about this issue.
Nobody else seems to understand me.
I'm a 19 year old male, and I am a virgin. Abstinence is a huge deal to me and always has been. I've always been hoping that my future wife would be a virgin as well. I've recently met a girl at church and I really, really like her. She's so sweet and loves God very much. But she's 22 and I'm not sure if she's a virgin. We've been talking a lot and seeing each other outside of church but it's still a mystery to me. She wears a purity ring but didn't say if she was still a virgin she just said it's her promise to God to practice abstinence. I don't know a polite way to ask, but it's really bugging me. I don't want to fall for her and find out she's not a virgin because it would make it really difficult for me to have a serious relationship with her.
I've tried to talk to friends about this but nobody gets why it is so important to me, one friend called me a "sexist pig" for feeling this way. Is it wrong? What can I do? What should I do? I can't just change the way I feel about purity and everything. I don't want to be with someone who didn't wait for me, but at the same time I've already developed feelings for her and I can't make myself stop seeing her if she wasn't.

 

[peterbradley]

Hi, I'm going to try to make this short.
Basically I need another Christian to talk to about this issue.
Nobody else seems to understand me.
I'm a 19 year old male, and I am a virgin. Abstinence is a huge deal to me and always has been. I've always been hoping that my future wife would be a virgin as well. I've recently met a girl at church and I really, really like her. She's so sweet and loves God very much. But she's 22 and I'm not sure if she's a virgin. We've been talking a lot and seeing each other outside of church but it's still a mystery to me. She wears a purity ring but didn't say if she was still a virgin she just said it's her promise to God to practice abstinence. I don't know a polite way to ask, but it's really bugging me. I don't want to fall for her and find out she's not a virgin because it would make it really difficult for me to have a serious relationship with her.
I've tried to talk to friends about this but nobody gets why it is so important to me, one friend called me a "sexist pig" for feeling this way. Is it wrong? What can I do? What should I do? I can't just change the way I feel about purity and everything. I don't want to be with someone who didn't wait for me, but at the same time I've already developed feelings for her and I can't make myself stop seeing her if she wasn't.

 

[ken777]

Consider the women in Jesus' genealogy who were not virgins - some widows (Ruth & Bathsheba) and at least one harlot (Rahab).

 

[JohnOfWoodGreen]

Hi, I'm going to try to make this short.
Basically I need another Christian to talk to about this issue.
Nobody else seems to understand me.
I'm a 19 year old male, and I am a virgin. Abstinence is a huge deal to me and always has been. I've always been hoping that my future wife would be a virgin as well. I've recently met a girl at church and I really, really like her. She's so sweet and loves God very much. But she's 22 and I'm not sure if she's a virgin. We've been talking a lot and seeing each other outside of church but it's still a mystery to me. She wears a purity ring but didn't say if she was still a virgin she just said it's her promise to God to practice abstinence. I don't know a polite way to ask, but it's really bugging me. I don't want to fall for her and find out she's not a virgin because it would make it really difficult for me to have a serious relationship with her.
I've tried to talk to friends about this but nobody gets why it is so important to me, one friend called me a "sexist pig" for feeling this way. Is it wrong? What can I do? What should I do? I can't just change the way I feel about purity and everything. I don't want to be with someone who didn't wait for me, but at the same time I've already developed feelings for her and I can't make myself stop seeing her if she wasn't.

Anon77, I know nothing about your cultural background, etc., or even in which continent you live, but in the majority culture in my country, since the sexual revolution of the late 60s, anyone who is reasonably attractive and attracted sexually and hasn’t been a Christian or governed by some other strict environment since childhood is very unlikely not to be carnally experienced. So what you are saying is, effectively, “I have grown up a born again Christian, and I want to marry someone who also grew up a born again Christian” (Having said this, I remember a Serbian Orthodox medical student I knew, who was keeping himself out of the nurses’ beds for mainly religious reasons - I'm not saying he wasn't born again, but the concept was not his emphasis). If this girl is reasonably beautiful, has only been converted since her earlier teens, and belongs to either your normal Caucasian or Black culture, I would suggest that she is very likely to have discarded her virginity before conversion (This might not have been so before “The Pill”). How much have the two of you shared about your past in general, not just about sexual experience or the lack of it?

 

[Bryden]

It is not a matter of wrong or right. There is never wrong or right in matters of the heart. I recommend you first pray about your fears and Gods guidance on the matter. Another area of importance is your approach in asking her such a personal questions especially if you are not in a relationship.Despite the many teachings about how to find a wife,I would like to refer you to Proverbs 19:14 "Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD." Finding a life partner is very big deal when it comes to God, therefore always seek his guidance that will lead you in making the right decisions that will not hurt the other person.

 

[Hortense]

Hi, I'm going to try to make this short.
Basically I need another Christian to talk to about this issue.
Nobody else seems to understand me.
I'm a 19 year old male, and I am a virgin. Abstinence is a huge deal to me and always has been. I've always been hoping that my future wife would be a virgin as well. I've recently met a girl at church and I really, really like her. She's so sweet and loves God very much. But she's 22 and I'm not sure if she's a virgin. We've been talking a lot and seeing each other outside of church but it's still a mystery to me. She wears a purity ring but didn't say if she was still a virgin she just said it's her promise to God to practice abstinence. I don't know a polite way to ask, but it's really bugging me. I don't want to fall for her and find out she's not a virgin because it would make it really difficult for me to have a serious relationship with her.
I've tried to talk to friends about this but nobody gets why it is so important to me, one friend called me a "sexist pig" for feeling this way. Is it wrong? What can I do? What should I do? I can't just change the way I feel about purity and everything. I don't want to be with someone who didn't wait for me, but at the same time I've already developed feelings for her and I can't make myself stop seeing her if she wasn't.
Hello!Mrs. Dr. Hortense They here. I totally understand what you're saying. Please allow me to introduce a thought about this to you. Before becoming a Christian many of God's children make mistakes, including violating the practice of abstinence. Sometimes in their past they go through being violated against their will. It's simply the ways of the world. Many are ignorant to things that cause them to fall while others have no choice having been abused as children. When you do not have the standards and instructions of God's Holy Word you don't have the pure ways of God available to know to follow and sometimes others do not as well. Nonetheless when you accept Christ, all things become new, you are forgiven of your past and God throws your sins as far away as the East is from the West. We are all growing In Christ, from Glory to Glory and can not hold anyone's past against them for they are now "New Creatures In Christ", ALL things become new and even in this case virginity can be spiritually restored by God. However, if God the Sovereign King has put this in your heart to remain true to waiting for someone who has never fallen or been violated, you should be obedient to His leading. Just pray and be sure God Himself does not want you to possibly take another view of this. Come visit us at www.drandmrsthey.com and learn more.
Many Rich Blessings In Christ Dear Brother!

 

[Neogaia777]

Hi, I'm going to try to make this short.
Basically I need another Christian to talk to about this issue.
Nobody else seems to understand me.
I'm a 19 year old male, and I am a virgin. Abstinence is a huge deal to me and always has been. I've always been hoping that my future wife would be a virgin as well. I've recently met a girl at church and I really, really like her. She's so sweet and loves God very much. But she's 22 and I'm not sure if she's a virgin. We've been talking a lot and seeing each other outside of church but it's still a mystery to me. She wears a purity ring but didn't say if she was still a virgin she just said it's her promise to God to practice abstinence. I don't know a polite way to ask, but it's really bugging me. I don't want to fall for her and find out she's not a virgin because it would make it really difficult for me to have a serious relationship with her.
I've tried to talk to friends about this but nobody gets why it is so important to me, one friend called me a "sexist pig" for feeling this way. Is it wrong? What can I do? What should I do? I can't just change the way I feel about purity and everything. I don't want to be with someone who didn't wait for me, but at the same time I've already developed feelings for her and I can't make myself stop seeing her if she wasn't.

Nobody can judge the reasons for insisting on you mate be a virgin and marry or have a relationship, it's not like your being hypocritical, after all, your a virgin yourself.

God Bless!

 

[NTP]

I need another Christian to talk to about this issue

Hi Anon,

First... It's a perfectly sensible and understandable question.

Second... You have kept yourself in this way and have every right to HOPE for a wife of the same standing.

But here's the deeper level... And I must assume that you are a 'real' Christian. One that has been forgiven of YOUR sins - and you know this - Yes?

Then you must accept that others have sinned - in a variety of ways - but IF they have sincerely sought God to forgive them then He has forgiven them just as He has forgiven you. Regardless of what sins a person has committed once he or she has been forgiven by God he/she has also been cleansed by God - we are then, in His sight, all as virgins.

If you are a Christian then you are a a part of the 'Bride of Christ' - Are YOU clean enough to be part of the Bride of Christ? Actually, IF you have been forgiven and cleansed by God then the answer is, Yes! By His blood you are virginal in his sight (purified from sin).

So, the ultimate question you need to ask (ask of God not any man) is... Is she the one God has chosen for me? If so, then you had better not tell God that she is not up to YOUR standard!

But, it is vitally important that the matter still be discussed before marriage is ever contemplated - that much is owed to one another. If left unsaid at this stage it may well become a major issue in the marriage later and a strong hold of the wicked one to use at some stage.

May The Lord show you if she is the one.

 

[bbbear2002]

I am a Christian and I confess that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh.
It is blessed that you want to marry a virgin as you are a virgin. The "virgin" means she/he is spiritually pure, or it is better that she/he is pure both spiritually and fleshly.

According to the Holy Bible:

16 Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth know we him no more.
17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

II Corinthians Chapter 5 KJV

 

[Archivist]

Anon77, I know nothing about your cultural background, etc., or even in which continent you live, but in the majority culture in my country, since the sexual revolution of the late 60s, anyone who is reasonably attractive and attracted sexually and hasn’t been a Christian or governed by some other strict environment since childhood is very unlikely not to be carnally experienced. So what you are saying is, effectively, “I have grown up a born again Christian, and I want to marry someone who also grew up a born again Christian”

An excellent post, but I would add that simply because someone (male or female) has been raised a "born-again Christian" does not mean that they have not engaged in sexual intercourse. All have sinned and come short of the glory of God...

 

[akash sarker]

Hi, I'm going to try to make this short.
Basically I need another Christian to talk to about this issue.
Nobody else seems to understand me.
I'm a 19 year old male, and I am a virgin. Abstinence is a huge deal to me and always has been. I've always been hoping that my future wife would be a virgin as well. I've recently met a girl at church and I really, really like her. She's so sweet and loves God very much. But she's 22 and I'm not sure if she's a virgin. We've been talking a lot and seeing each other outside of church but it's still a mystery to me. She wears a purity ring but didn't say if she was still a virgin she just said it's her promise to God to practice abstinence. I don't know a polite way to ask, but it's really bugging me. I don't want to fall for her and find out she's not a virgin because it would make it really difficult for me to have a serious relationship with her.
I've tried to talk to friends about this but nobody gets why it is so important to me, one friend called me a "sexist pig" for feeling this way. Is it wrong? What can I do? What should I do? I can't just change the way I feel about purity and everything. I don't want to be with someone who didn't wait for me, but at the same time I've already developed feelings for her and I can't make myself stop seeing her if she wasn't.

Hi, I'm going to try to make this short.
Basically I need another Christian to talk to about this issue.
Nobody else seems to understand me.
I'm a 19 year old male, and I am a virgin. Abstinence is a huge deal to me and always has been. I've always been hoping that my future wife would be a virgin as well. I've recently met a girl at church and I really, really like her. She's so sweet and loves God very much. But she's 22 and I'm not sure if she's a virgin. We've been talking a lot and seeing each other outside of church but it's still a mystery to me. She wears a purity ring but didn't say if she was still a virgin she just said it's her promise to God to practice abstinence. I don't know a polite way to ask, but it's really bugging me. I don't want to fall for her and find out she's not a virgin because it would make it really difficult for me to have a serious relationship with her.
I've tried to talk to friends about this but nobody gets why it is so important to me, one friend called me a "sexist pig" for feeling this way. Is it wrong? What can I do? What should I do? I can't just change the way I feel about purity and everything. I don't want to be with someone who didn't wait for me, but at the same time I've already developed feelings for her and I can't make myself stop seeing her if she wasn't.

Here is Akash Sarker.
I understand your problem. If God make couple, then no one can divide. You need a virgin girl. Only who is virgin he/ she know and God knows. If you want as you saying. Then you should keep long praying to God. God has plan for you. Just Pray to God in the Jesus name. Every day you pray and read the Bible you will get answer. First of all you should inform your parents about your marriage target. Then your parents will search your life partner. God will show them your partner. You may tell them about your choice girl whom you already seen. Keep praying.

God Bless You.
Akash Sarker

 

[razzelflabben]

This isn't quite true - research shows that couples who don't live together before marriage have a lower divorce rate.

just so we are clear, the research I saw says that there is a lower divorce rate with couples who wait till they are married to have sex. It further went on to talk aobut how couples that have larger weddings, as in multiple or community style witnesses tend to have lower divorce rates. Not going to get into it, just wanted to clarify that apparently you and I are reading different studies.

This is because once you move in together you start having to deal with things like joint finances and it becomes harder to extricate yourself from a not-ideal relationship. And once you're living together you might as well get married because that's just the next step - even if your relationship isn't actually that good.

Of course, there's a high correlation between couples who live together before marriage and couples who have sex together before marriage, but the sex isn't what raises the divorce rate, it's the co-habitation.

Though going strong at 28 years, you and your husband are pretty well meant to be! I hope that you get many more together.

 

[Fromgenesis]

Hi, I'm going to try to make this short.
Basically I need another Christian to talk to about this issue.
Nobody else seems to understand me.
I'm a 19 year old male, and I am a virgin. Abstinence is a huge deal to me and always has been. I've always been hoping that my future wife would be a virgin as well. I've recently met a girl at church and I really, really like her. She's so sweet and loves God very much. But she's 22 and I'm not sure if she's a virgin. We've been talking a lot and seeing each other outside of church but it's still a mystery to me. She wears a purity ring but didn't say if she was still a virgin she just said it's her promise to God to practice abstinence. I don't know a polite way to ask, but it's really bugging me. I don't want to fall for her and find out she's not a virgin because it would make it really difficult for me to have a serious relationship with her.
I've tried to talk to friends about this but nobody gets why it is so important to me, one friend called me a "sexist pig" for feeling this way. Is it wrong? What can I do? What should I do? I can't just change the way I feel about purity and everything. I don't want to be with someone who didn't wait for me, but at the same time I've already developed feelings for her and I can't make myself stop seeing her if she wasn't.

No, it is not wrong to want to marry a virgin if your reason for doing so is not your own standard, but that which is articulated in Scripture.. in other word obedience. That is the only standard. From your post, it is not clear whether this is the reason for you being unsure what to do.

It is the ideal to marry a virgin, for a variety of reasons - firstly because that is God's ideal, but secondly because it brings (could bring) complications into the marriage.

None of us are without sin (having had sexual relations is no more a sin than looking with lust at a woman) and when the relationship has developed a bit and you know her a lot better, you will be in a better position to judge her relationship with Christ - and that is the crux. Our previous pastor used to say to his sons when asked about marriage is that there are two things that are "musts" - (1) Their partners should be real Christians and (2) they should be woman.

So when the relationship has developed a bit further and you know her a lot better, and you think she is still the best thing since bubblegum, speak to a mature Christian that know ideally both of you.

 

[Fantine]

I think that what's most important in our lives is not our histories but how we have learned and grown from those experiences and how they affect who we are today. I am a Catholic, and if you look at many of the greatest saints in history (St. Augustine, for example) you see that every experience in their lives contributed to their sainthood. You will see this in Biblical figures as well.

On the other hand, you know yourself well. If you try to convince yourself to accept your girlfriend's potential sexual past but will never be able to do so then you should leave her with love so that she can meet someone who will love her unconditionally, as she deserves to be loved.

 

[Rev Wayne]

If she's practicing "abstinence" she's already had sex. You don't abstain from something you've never done.

Could you share a source for this information? Because I can assure you it's incorrect, the word carries no such meaning, implied or actual.