I have a girlfriend who I am sort of engaged to.... it's not really totally official but we both intend to marry each other. We are older (40's).. she has been previously married.
We also live fairly far apart but we communicate everyday.
We are both Christians but not necessarily good Christians at this time...of course we are both sinners also but it goes further than that. I would say that we both do not have a really strong relationship with God at this point as we have had in the past.
When I first met her, it seemed like she was a little more modest from our discussions and pictures I have seen along with my experiences with her at pools and the beach. She is attractive but that should have no bearing with respect to my question.
Throughout our involvement together I have expressed my interest in her staying fairly modest.... meaning, trying not to show cleavage in public, liking her to wear a one-piece rather than a bikini, etc.
She has also said something about not liking when guys ogle her. However, I think she likes feeling that she is attractive like I believe most women do.
She's always sending me pictures of her ... I have to admit that she is attractive. It seems like in the last few months she has started to wear a bikini... except without bikini shorts... I mean using something closer to boy shorts I guess... I don't know what you call them.
Up to this point, I have never been with her at the same time while she was wearing her skimpy bathing suit. She actually has two now.
Today, with some fear of her response, I brought up the fact that I did not feel right about her wearing a bikini-like swimsuit. I feel like I have come up with many different arguments to explain to her what I mean. I'm trying to get her to understand my view. She of course does not have a view of a man. She has acknowledged that. But she is very stubborn so she has basically said that she will wear a bikini whenever she wants.
I have told her that I guess she must be getting something out of it for her to wear it. I told her that maybe my my desire for her whether it be physically and/or otherwise possibly is not enough for her to be fulfilled emotionally. I'm trying to understand her need to wear it but it simply is not registering with me. At the same time, I'm trying to explain to her why I feel the way I do.
I Guess I'm afraid that this could be a very divisive issue for us. Especially because I don't think I will back down on this one and she won't either. I guess I'm thinking that if she really cares that loves me enough, she would compromise on this issue....especially when I have compromised on others in the past.
I realize wearing a bikini has become very accepted. I also believe that just because it has been accepted so much does not mean it's right.
Has anyone been in this situation before?
We also live fairly far apart but we communicate everyday.
We are both Christians but not necessarily good Christians at this time...of course we are both sinners also but it goes further than that. I would say that we both do not have a really strong relationship with God at this point as we have had in the past.
When I first met her, it seemed like she was a little more modest from our discussions and pictures I have seen along with my experiences with her at pools and the beach. She is attractive but that should have no bearing with respect to my question.
Throughout our involvement together I have expressed my interest in her staying fairly modest.... meaning, trying not to show cleavage in public, liking her to wear a one-piece rather than a bikini, etc.
She has also said something about not liking when guys ogle her. However, I think she likes feeling that she is attractive like I believe most women do.
She's always sending me pictures of her ... I have to admit that she is attractive. It seems like in the last few months she has started to wear a bikini... except without bikini shorts... I mean using something closer to boy shorts I guess... I don't know what you call them.
Up to this point, I have never been with her at the same time while she was wearing her skimpy bathing suit. She actually has two now.
Today, with some fear of her response, I brought up the fact that I did not feel right about her wearing a bikini-like swimsuit. I feel like I have come up with many different arguments to explain to her what I mean. I'm trying to get her to understand my view. She of course does not have a view of a man. She has acknowledged that. But she is very stubborn so she has basically said that she will wear a bikini whenever she wants.
I have told her that I guess she must be getting something out of it for her to wear it. I told her that maybe my my desire for her whether it be physically and/or otherwise possibly is not enough for her to be fulfilled emotionally. I'm trying to understand her need to wear it but it simply is not registering with me. At the same time, I'm trying to explain to her why I feel the way I do.
I Guess I'm afraid that this could be a very divisive issue for us. Especially because I don't think I will back down on this one and she won't either. I guess I'm thinking that if she really cares that loves me enough, she would compromise on this issue....especially when I have compromised on others in the past.
I realize wearing a bikini has become very accepted. I also believe that just because it has been accepted so much does not mean it's right.
Has anyone been in this situation before?