Is having a child a woman's basic human right?

[snoochface]

Tricking your husband into having a child against his desires is a horrible idea. Horrible. If he doesn't change his mind and a child is here, what is that going to do to the poor kid? What would it do to your husband? That is really bad advice.

 

[MessianicMommy]

Tricking your DH is NOT a good idea, at all. And I'd think he could legally file for divorce and not have to pay child support in that it was not his idea, he had no consent in the matter and you'd be left alone to support that child.

Not exactly nice, but hardness of hearts being as they are, that would be the legal recourse someone could have - whether I agree with that choice or not.

That'd be completely unfair and unjust to you AND the child, and then where would you all be?

 

[Leggomyegolas]

Should you be able to have a child if you are capable of having one, and want one? Sure!
Should you be able to make your husband have a child if he doesn't want one? NO!!

 

[Leggomyegolas]

Flutterby,

If I were you, I would stop using birth control, and let what happens, happen. There was a time in my life that I didn't want to have any children, but now that I have them, I am so very grateful for them. For me, I think it was mostly fear, and selfishness that held me back, and I suspect it could be the same for your husband. I know many won't agree, but that's my opinion.

This is quite possibly the worst advice ever. Do NOT try to trick your husband into becoming a father if he doesn't want to be one. In what made-up dreamworld do you see that scenario ending well?

 

[jminnesota]

pray for you both that you both will be happy and hopefully someday he will come around and want to have kids. til then support his views and love him for who he is

 

[LinkH]

Tricking your DH is NOT a good idea, at all. And I'd think he could legally file for divorce and not have to pay child support in that it was not his idea, he had no consent in the matter and you'd be left alone to support that child.

It probably depends on the state, but I don't think it works that way. There was a case of a married woman who kept visiting a man-- a doctor I think--non-intercourse sexual activity. She did this because she and her husband could not conceive. The doctor never realized the affair they was having was for him to serve as a sperm donor. After he left their activities, she'd do artificial insemination. The courts found the doctor liable for child support, since they are concerned with the welfare of the child, not the intention of participants in sexual activity. The child is his, after all.

 

[snoochface]

If I were you, I would stop using birth control, and let what happens, happen. ... For me, I think it was mostly fear, and selfishness that held me back...

I personally can't think of anything MORE selfish than tricking your husband into having a child when he doesn't want one, just because you do.

 

[seeingeyes]

I think he does have an obligation to give you a child if possible. BUT, you don't want him to be a father if he doesn't want to be.

This is definitely a deal-breaker type situation. Does he realize how serious this is to you?

 

[Leggomyegolas]

It probably depends on the state, but I don't think it works that way. There was a case of a married woman who kept visiting a man-- a doctor I think--non-intercourse sexual activity. She did this because she and her husband could not conceive. The doctor never realized the affair they was having was for him to serve as a sperm donor. After he left their activities, she'd do artificial insemination. The courts found the doctor liable for child support, since they are concerned with the welfare of the child, not the intention of participants in sexual activity. The child is his, after all.

By that logic, if a woman goes to a sperm bank for artificial insemination, and gets pregnant from it, then the donor is on the hook for child support. If that was the way it worked, then sperm banks would never have any inventory.

 

[Leggomyegolas]

I think he does have an obligation to give you a child if possible. BUT, you don't want him to be a father if he doesn't want to be.

This is definitely a deal-breaker type situation. Does he realize how serious this is to you?

That question should have been answered before they got married in the first place. If she knew he didn't want kids but married him anyway thinking she could change his mind, then she's the selfish one. Ditto if she really really wanted kids really really bad but didn't bother to ask him if he did or not.

If he said he did want kids, then changed his mind after tying the knot, then he's the jerk.

 

[LinkH]

By that logic, if a woman goes to a sperm bank for artificial insemination, and gets pregnant from it, then the donor is on the hook for child support. If that was the way it worked, then sperm banks would never have any inventory.

I would think it would be very reasonable for the man to be on the hook in such cases. But I suspect sperm banks have worked around the legal system. State laws differ, and I am no attorney.

 

[LinkH]

I think any man who gets married should be willing to have kids. God did say to be fruitful and multiply before the fall even happened. Children are a blessing from the Lord, and if we see things the way God sees things, we'd appreciate them. God also provides for us as our needs grow.

If the wife says she doesn't want kids, and changes her mind after getting married, the husbands should realize this is a possibility and be open to having kids if he gets married.

I know a couple like that. He's from the US, and she's from Vietnam. When they married, she did not express an interest in having children, and he seems kind of anti-kid. I wouldn't advise her to go poking any holes to have babies or anything like that, and I don't know what kind of a parent he would be. But I do think he should change his mindset on the issue.

Men should be aware that women can easily change their minds on this issue. The desire to reproduce is innate. It's part of the creation. We are still under the 'Be fruitful and multiply' blessing.

To xfreakazoidx, raising children is commendable even in the New Testament. Paul writes of Eve/women, 'but she shall be saved by childbearing.' He adds to the list of requirements for widows to be on the list 'if she have raised children.' The overseer's children are to obey him with the proper respect.

 

[147]

Just to add to think of tricking or trapping a man(that's what it's called when a woman has a child on purpose without the man's consent) is a big sign of immaturity. The OP might not be ready to have a child what she is thinking of doing is not healthy and I recommend therapy individually and counseling for the both of them.

Totally with you here. My aunt trapped my uncle into having a second child when he wasn't prepared/didn't really want to. It sent him spiraling downhill, into a relapse of alcoholism and drug abuse that he hasn't escaped from yet.

That started in 1992.

And I've heard of women trapping men into unhealthy relationships by getting pregnant, knowing the guy was loyal and faithful enough that he wouldn't leave her if she had his baby.

Not saying the latter is the case here, but you really need to be careful to be considerate of your husband's seemingly cautious approach to procreation. Do not force him before he's ready.

 

[seeingeyes]

Motherhood isn't some law that is required when you marry. I never will understand why women seem to think thats all that matters is having a child. If you really want a child that bad why not skip marriage and get in vetro? Not being sarcastic either. If a child truly will bring you joy then a husband isn't really needed.

Women who demand a child are also the ones who can't understand why the husband is upset after a few years because hes stressed between having a child, working and trying to make everyone happy. Women need to relalize the child may make you happy (and hopefully your husband), but it also comes with lots of stress for everyone.

To me as stated earlier its selfish to insist on a child. Your only thinking about yourself instead of thinking about you two as a couple. And as christians we are to not be selfish in marriage. Perhaps this is why I find marriage so sad today. Nobody knows what marriage means anymore. Couples act like they both should get what they want. Of course that doens't mean you can't have stuff like buying a nice ring, but theres a big diffrence between a ring and a child.

Also on a side note, I also have noticed that most women do not repsect the husbands place as head of the household. I am not saying don't question him of course. But if he isn't ready for a child then don't bash him over the head and turn your heart into ice. Maybe that need for a child is part of a womans test from God to see if they will submit to their husband or keep wanting their way.

Just as mens test is to stay faithful and not look (amopng others things) at women. Both sexes have their issues. I believe because of sin these are meant to test the things we feel. so often.

I hate sounding like a broken record. I don't want to sound like egotistical male because us men have our own big issues to deal with ourselves in a marriage.

I hear what you are saying, and yes, compromise and love are paramount in a marriage. But there are certain things that are to be expected in a marriage by default. Sex is one of them. Children are another.

If your wife unilaterally decided that she wasn't going to have sex with you anymore, that would be a problem wouldn't it? And if she unilaterally decided not to have children with you, that would be a problem, too. These are huge problems in a marriage because the one person that is supposed to be giving you these things is denying them to you.

Of course, if both husband and wife decide to abstain or to be childfree, then that is their own business. But if you enter into a marriage with the understanding that you will be having sex on a regular basis and that children are forthcoming, but your spouse flat out refuses to give you one or the other because they just don't want to, that's a deal-breaker in my book.

 

[LinkH]

Motherhood isn't some law that is required when you marry. I never will understand why women seem to think thats all that matters is having a child.

Not all women think that way. But there is a reason women want children. It's hardwired. When God made people He said be fruitful and multiply. Lots of men want kids, too. Some men, and women, are warped by the thinking of this present evil age to not have a desire to raise children. They may want to just enjoy their own lives without sharing it with children, they may not realize that children are a blessing from the Lord, or maybe they are brainwashed with propaganda about overpopulation and global warming.

If you really want a child that bad why not skip marriage and get in vetro? Not being sarcastic either. If a child truly will bring you joy then a husband isn't really needed.

That's insane.

To me as stated earlier its selfish to insist on a child. Your only thinking about yourself instead of thinking about you two as a couple.

People from my wife's country say couples or married individuals who don't want to have children are selfish.

It isn't selfish to want to fulfill what God said when He said to be fruitful and multiply.

Also on a side note, I also have noticed that most women do not repsect the husbands place as head of the household. I am not saying don't question him of course. But if he isn't ready for a child then don't bash him over the head and turn your heart into ice. Maybe that need for a child is part of a womans test from God to see if they will submit to their husband or keep wanting their way.

I can agree with part of what you said, but the s-word is off-topic. I don't think a wife should make the decision to have children or not have children contrary to her husband, though. I think the wife being denied children should pray for her husband's heart to change.

Also, if you are not married, you aren't supposed to be posting here according to the rules.

 

[MountainBluebird]

This is quite possibly the worst advice ever. Do NOT try to trick your husband into becoming a father if he doesn't want to be one. In what made-up dreamworld do you see that scenario ending well?

I wasn't implying she trick him, I was implying she should leave the birth control up to him, since he is the one who so badly wants to prevent her pregnancy. I was expecting her to tell him.

 

[seeingeyes]

I wasn't implying she trick him, I was implying she should leave the birth control up to him, since he is the one who so badly wants to prevent her pregnancy. I was expecting her to tell him.

Actually, that's not a bad idea. Why should a woman have to pump her body full of crazy-death-hormones just because it's convenient for her husband? >shudder<

Though I guess my own bad experiences with progesterone are showing.

 

[Cjwinnit]

I wasn't implying she trick him, I was implying she should leave the birth control up to him, since he is the one who so badly wants to prevent her pregnancy. I was expecting her to tell him.

Sounds reasonable to me.

 

[CrashTestPoster]

"I just wondered if anyone thinks a married Christian woman has the right to decide to have a child or does she need her husbands ok?"

She needs to have his ok. Having a child isn't a "right", no matter how desperate you are for one. Don't deceive or defraud him. It's an evil and selfish betrayal of his trust. He asks you every time you have sex whether you are on the pill and he takes your word for it when you say that you are! If you deceive him this way, his trust in you will be broken. You will be the homewrecker of your own marriage.

I don't advise "deal breaking", mainly because divorce is wrong, esp. for this reason. Also, you are unlikely to find another man who is willing to reproduce in a timely manner. You are 34, and you don't have much time left, even without the PCOS. At 35, your fertility declines precipitously. Your best chance is with your husband, in the hopes that he'll change his mind. The pool of available men is also lower than it was when you first got married.

"To me thats not fair at all."

To me, it's 100% fair that she looks for a partner who wants kids.

"To me I see no diffrence."

Having children is not wrong, and that sexual something in men (which also exists in women) is exactly why under no circumstances should a wife reject her husband. Marriage solves both problems if it is entered under biblically, and both partners are obedient to the Word.

" so it no longer applies as a reason to have children."

Wow. I don't think Jesus would say "that's Old Testament and doesn't count", esp. since that command came before the Mosaic Law.

" You marry because you want to be with someone and work as a team for God."

Yes and no to both.

"Is it not unfair to the OP though that she wants to have children and her spouse agreed premarriage?"

Yes, it is. There's no easy solution to this problem, and there's no use whinging about it. Yes, it'll cause problems. He is in the wrong, but unfortunately, if she "accidentally on purpose" gets pregnant, then that'll just make the matter worse - not better.

"There is nothing wrong with changing your mind"

Avniel, if it was a condition of the marriage..if it was something she entered into with that expectation, and he unilaterally changes his mind - oh yes, there is something deeply wrong with that.

 

[Redheadedstepchild]

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