In Need Of SERIOUS Dating Advice

[searchingpeace]

I am a 22 year old Christian, but I have been dating a 28 year old non Christian for the past 4 months. He is a great guy -- treats me well most of the time, and we get along so well.

I feel that I want to discontinue dating him because for the past 4 months that we have been dating, I have been compromising my faith. I think there is no need to go into detail of the ways one's faith can be compromised when dating.

For almost a year, I was not attending church and kept becoming more and more separated from Christ. However, I have returned to attending church and I want so badly to get back on track with God.

I am finding so much difficulty though. I know I need to get back to what is right with God, but I feel like I cannot pull myself out of this dating relationship I am in.

Can anybody please give me advice and encouragement to help me get out of this situation? I want so badly to stop feeling this separation between Christ and I.

Thank you.

 

[Elijah2]

I am a 22 year old Christian, but I have been dating a 28 year old non Christian for the past 4 months. He is a great guy -- treats me well most of the time, and we get along so well.

I feel that I want to discontinue dating him because for the past 4 months that we have been dating, I have been compromising my faith. I think there is no need to go into detail of the ways one's faith can be compromised when dating.

For almost a year, I was not attending church and kept becoming more and more separated from Christ. However, I have returned to attending church and I want so badly to get back on track with God.

I am finding so much difficulty though. I know I need to get back to what is right with God, but I feel like I cannot pull myself out of this dating relationship I am in.

Can anybody please give me advice and encouragement to help me get out of this situation? I want so badly to stop feeling this separation between Christ and I.

Thank you.

You need to speak to your pastor and get some good Christian counselling advice.

Which part of the word "NO" don't you understand. It's very obvious that the Holy Spirit has been convicting you, so it's now time that you start following the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Always remember that the consequences of sin is for real. And as His Word says, "You will reap what you sow!"

 

[pete56]

Sister,

E2 has given you good advice!

You know what God is calling you to do, now you need to do it!

The choice is clearly stark, you can continue in your 'dating' relationship and lose the direction that God is giving you, or you can follow God's prompting.

Tell your B'f that you want to stop 'dating' and that you need to follow God's calling. If you feel you do not want to just cast him off, then tell him if he is prepared to continue in a God honouring relationship then you can continue, but the first time his hormones get the better of him (and you) you will leave him!

You are going to need some support for all of this, find some Godly girlfriend that is willing to keep you accountable too.

Pete

 

[Solidlyhere]

The OP said:
1) I've been dating a man;
2) I don't want to date this man;
3) Give me some advice.

My advice: Stop dating this man.

 

[ralangley]

Sister,

E2 has given you good advice!

You know what God is calling you to do, now you need to do it!

The choice is clearly stark, you can continue in your 'dating' relationship and lose the direction that God is giving you, or you can follow God's prompting.

Tell your B'f that you want to stop 'dating' and that you need to follow God's calling. If you feel you do not want to just cast him off, then tell him if he is prepared to continue in a God honouring relationship then you can continue, but the first time his hormones get the better of him (and you) you will leave him!

You are going to need some support for all of this, find some Godly girlfriend that is willing to keep you accountable too.

Pete

I think this is great advice. I might add that I get the sense you care deeply for this man. He even might be the one you'll want to marry and raise a family with. The fact that he desires you, and you desire him, is healthy and a good sign. The fact that you're both "compromising" God's plan for this relationship is the problem.

Keeping pure and having your BF honor and agree to this standard is vital if you both are to be obedient to God and respectful of each other. Just because you've chosen to sin does not necessarily mean that the relationship has to end. I think you can tell him that you can no longer continue with disobeying God. If he honors that and also wants to obey God, and will commit to no longer sinning, you'll know that he's a man of integrity and faith. If he can't, you'll need to end the relationship.

Nothing is more important than doing what's right. Even if mean losing someone you love.

 

[Sariebeth]

well i'm gonna be blunt dating a Non christian isnt Good! i've done it before it only led me far away from the Lord, confuesd and it was so hard to stop the relationship everytime i did i went right back to him... Geesh i found myself feeling like my life was missing something, thankfully I'm out of that relationship..

Answer what do you want more God to be your frist love to honor him and what he says about being equally yoked or to be with this guy that is making you feel far away from the Lord, its good that he is a good guy and treats you right but its Really imporant to be Equally yoked.

 

[Forealzchola]

You, yourself can see now why it is not in God's will for us to be unequally yoked..get out now..before you really fall...or astray away further..God has a plan for your life..dont settle..wait on God and what He has for you..its better than what you expect for yourself . God bless

 

[bliz]

He treats you well most of the time???

If you had a duaghter, would you wat her to be with some guy who treated her well most of the time? Of course not. So, why are you settling for 5th best?

 

[jive4005]

Not knowig the ins and outs of your particular relationship, I want to say this... heed the scriptures about yoking. They hold great truths.

How can two people stand in agreement when they do not believe in the same things?

rev

 

[StarryEyes]

everyone has given great advice.. you know what you need to do.

God needs to be first in our lives, and you are separating yourself from God by dating this man, so God isn't first in your life.. (I'm guilty of it too) but you know what has to be done

 

[heron]

What you are experiencing is an unequal yoking, and I'm not talking about Christian vs. non-Christian. A yoke holds two oxen together to pull a plow or move a gristmill stone. If there is any imbalance in the height of the animals, the speed at which they pull, etc, then both of them experience harmed shoulders and sore muscles.

You are feeling as though you can't be yourself, and this is an indication that either he is exerting too much authority over you, is intimidating you into believing that his viewpoints are more worthy than your own, or you are allowing your fear of rejection to set the tone.

You need a shaking up. This is normal for any relationship at this stage, but I think you let it go on longer than it should have because you didn't want to make waves. A common woman thing to do.

It is important for the health of the relationship and for your own health that you DO make these waves now. It won't be comfortable, but you need to let him know that the relationship is getting in the way of you being yourself.

Let the chips fall. It might hurt him, but weigh the consequences -- a week or two of hurt, or a stifled lifetime. If you give your life over into his hands, the relationship sets the tone for EVERY decision that you make for the rest of your life.

Don't listen to the arguments that he loves you, because of course he does. He depends on your relationship and cares for you, no matter how he displays that love. His devotion to you does not make the relationship right for you.

It's hard to muster up the strength to rock the boat, but you need to do something. If it's just a conversation about how you're feeling, it can still make enough waves to start some action.

 

[heron]

Can anybody please give me advice and encouragement to help me get out of this situation? I want so badly to stop feeling this separation between Christ and I.

The other part of this: decide that your relationship with God is not based on church attendance, or the convenience of having moral support. Choose to improve your communications with God despite circumstances.

Last week I was sick, and it was so easy to say "I can't think straight so I don't have the energy to pray." I wanted to allow the situation to determine my responsibility level. Similarly, it's easy to blame someone else who doesn't believe, for dragging down faith. Yes, it's likely to happen, but because we allow it to happen.

I can't tell you how many stories I have heard of battered wives who stayed with the men that abused them. There is an odd security in trying to please a person, and the more demanding men are the more challenge women try to meet. I'm not saying that your bf is cruel, but that the interaction of power (yielding/commanding) could be similar to these cases.

Look at yesterday's news about OJ -- another woman who, after repeated beatings, stayed with him. If women all listened to Solidlyhere's advice, we would hear of far fewer domestic crimes.

The OP said:
1) I've been dating a man;
2) I don't want to date this man;
3) Give me some advice.

My advice: Stop dating this man.

 

[Wormie]

Wow. The OP could well have been written about/ by me. I'm 22 and my bf is almost 28. >__> If I could offer advice, I would suggest pray - especially for discernment. I do so, and am finding it's helped me figure out when things are cloudy or uncertain. Discernment is something akin to wisdom, being able to tell what some things are, despite potentially-deceiving appearances. Pray also blessings for him. If he rejects the blessings, they come back upon you ten-fold (at least).

By the way, you CAN get out of this relationship; if it gets tough, cling to God - He will always give you what you need to get through (speaking from experience). Hang in there.

Also, welcome to CF!

 

[heron]

By the way, you CAN get out of this relationship; if it gets tough, cling to God - He will always give you what you need to get through (speaking from experience). Hang in there.

Write down the names of a few people you can seek out that can give you strength to do it.

If you were married, that might be a mediator or family services person who could show you whether it's feasible. But friends can really help... grandmothers and aunts.... old teachers. Forum friends, ha ha.

 

[heron]

I'm 22 and my bf is almost 28.

Weird coincidence!

 

[Wormie]

If you're meant to be with him in the end, God will make it happen; if not, God has something better in mind for you. If you follow what you believe to be his conviction on this relationship, despite how hard it might be, he WILL bless you. Hang in there!!

 

[TheDag]

He treats you well most of the time???

If you had a duaghter, would you wat her to be with some guy who treated her well most of the time? Of course not. So, why are you settling for 5th best?

I treat my wife well most of the time but I am a si9nful man who is not perfect. Should she dump me? Or perhaps I should divorce her for the same reasons she is good to me most of the time but when she gets really tired she sometimes treats me bad. I think before we start making these blanket statements one should maybe ask for clarification as to what treating her bad means. If it is abusing her then heck yeah I agree she should get out of dodge city but if it is something small like in the relationship my wife and I have then it is going a bit far.

 

[TheDag]

I am a 22 year old Christian, but I have been dating a 28 year old non Christian for the past 4 months. He is a great guy -- treats me well most of the time, and we get along so well.

The age thing does not make any difference in terms of the relationship but it does depend on your maturity and his maturity a bit. Although at age 22 you may have other issues to deal with which could make dealing with this more difficult eg you may have a strong need for feeling weanted which is partly preventing you from doing what you seem to know you need to.

I feel that I want to discontinue dating him because for the past 4 months that we have been dating, I have been compromising my faith. I think there is no need to go into detail of the ways one's faith can be compromised when dating.

I once ignored God's warnings on this and it caused me alot of pain later on. If you are drifting away from God then you need to focus on God. How you approach this can vary. You could put a temporary hold on things till you get yourself sorted with God and work out strategies for making sure that doesn't change. This is rather difficult and is one of the reasons I'm sure for the instruction not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.

For almost a year, I was not attending church and kept becoming more and more separated from Christ. However, I have returned to attending church and I want so badly to get back on track with God.

Attending church is good as it will give you access to a support network you previously didn't have access to. I do agre with the poster though who said don't measure your christianity on attendance.

I am finding so much difficulty though. I know I need to get back to what is right with God, but I feel like I cannot pull myself out of this dating relationship I am in.

I personally think you need a good strong support network who can help you through. It really does sound like you know what to do but being human (like we all are) you struggle to do what is right (like we all do). This is where your support network comes in. Organise to catch up with different people at regular intervals. Is there two people who you might be able to call on at any time when things are tough to support you. sing strategies like that and of course praying and studying God's word will help you through this. Pray for your boyfriend as well because it won't neccesarily be easy for him either.

I wish you all the best.

 

[heron]

Organise to catch up with different people at regular intervals.

There is a strange phenomenon in life, that whatever surroundings we tuck around us, becomes our world. We start to get closed in, like a rabbit in the winter, thinking that the only world that exists is the one we created.

This makes it hard to get out when we want to. It's not efficient or practical to take steps away from the nest, but these suggestions above about getting support systems and church involvement -- they keep the circulation going, and keep new stomping grounds in sight. Being in other settings with new people can bring hope into our lives, our help us see ourselvses in a better light.

Like I said, it's a strange phenomenon, but think about what makes the difference between a James Bond lifestyle and a Little House on the Prairie life -- where we place ourselves, and who we allow ourselves to be.