I wish kids were like a computer...

[MotherFirefly]

I wish I could install everything I want him to believe and morals I want him to follow, so he ends up as great of a man as I know he can be. I am afraid of outside influences ruining his veiw of things. Perhaps I need to install a firewall too...

Shy from keeping him in my arms all his life, how do I ensure that, when he begins thinking on his own (which happens very soon), that he stays along the path I will teach him? Am i doomed to hope and worry?

Maybe I am overthinking, but I know that I wasn't exactly a great kid. I don't want him to have to learn the hard way. I want to give him all the guidance he needs.

Perhaps other parents have some inspirational stories of what you did to keep them straight?
Or perhaps what you wish you had done...?

 

[Darkhorse]

I am the father of 2 boys, who are now in their early 20s (for what that's worth).

What you teach him at home (especially by example) will affect him more than anything he learns from his friends, from school, or from society. It will stick with him, even though that won't always be obvious.

To a certain extent, all parents are doomed to hope and worry, in that you never totally "let go" of him. He will be your kid no matter how old and capable he becomes. But you can - and will - influence him for better or worse, just by the way that you and he live your everyday lives.

Children need lots of love and encouragement, but they also need consistent discipline and correction. These are not opposites; they are different forms of the same thing. Plant your son's feet and heart in reality, but encourage his imagination and spiritual awareness. Don't be afraid to tell him about your own mistakes (when he's old enough), but make sure he understands WHY they were mistakes and what you should have done instead. Many times you won't be sure of which course is right, but solid love, gentle discipline, and truth usually lead you to the right choice.

The Word of God is true whether people believe it or not. Proverbs 22:6 says "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." (NIV). PLEASE do not make the mistake of "waiting to teach him about God until he's older and can choose for himself"; that is a recipe for disaster. Just gently lead him along the path of your own beliefs, like you do with everything else. He will choose his own belief system when he's older, like we all do; your loving guidance when he's young will give him the solid foundation he needs to do that.

This is NOT to say that "bad" kids are always the result of bad parenting. Children are separate individuals, born with their own personality and their own will. My mom used to say "You never know what you're raising". While that's true, it's really not difficult to give your boy what he needs from his mom. It is, however, VERY important.

If I can be helpful, please feel free to ask me any questions you may have. If you prefer, you can do so privately by using the "Conversation" function in the "Inbox".

God bless you!

 

[JAM2b]

God didn't create people to be programmed and have apps. He allows everyone to have free will. You can teach you child what you believe and how to behave -and you should-, but ultimately the choice is his, and that's not a bad thing. The reason it is good is because kids are given the opportunity to be who God created them to be, and to make choices which He Himself allows. If they mess up, then they get to learn from that. If they make good choices, then they are the ones who get to benefit from it. If they only ever did what parents wanted or were God's puppet, what reward would they have? Once they reach a certain age, what they do is between them and God, and the justice system. After a certain point, your hands as a parent are tied.

This is a very real struggle for me with my sons. Even though I have raised them Christian, their father has taught them humanism and atheism. Their stepmother has taught them paganism and wicca. They struggle a great deal with what to believe. My oldest has pretty much turned from Christianity altogether, and mostly claims atheism. My youngest says he thinks there is probably something like a god out there somewhere, but he doesn't really believe the Bible. I believe that God is not finished working on them yet. I have great hope that they will changed their minds. Other than these beliefs, my sons are respectful and behave about as well as boys can. People like them. They know how to behave well, and usually do.

One of the best pieces of Christian counseling advice I received about my sons is that their teens and early twenties is the best time in their lives to make mistakes and explore ideas, philosophy, and religion. The reason is that they are young enough, and I'm still young enough, for them to turn to me for help if they reach rock bottom. If they go along with what you believe and want, then it might not be their own faith they are walking in. If they hit a midlife crisis without a real faith, then it can get pretty messy. They need to own their beliefs and character for themselves. This is how it is solidified, real, and lasting. Also, when they are young and learning life lessons, the world is more forgiving of their mistakes. They will still have (hopefully) a long life ahead of them to do it right after they see and learn for themselves.

It also comes down to the question of how much do you trust God with your son? How much do you trust in His forgiveness and grace for him? It's not up to you to protect and save him. It's all on God. You mentioned that you didn't always make the best choices. God helped you, welcomed you, didn't He? Why wouldn't He do that for your son? You feel like you love your son a lot? No human is capable of loving people as much as God does; He loves your son more than you do. Do your best to teach him well, but let him go, and trust God.

 

[LaSorcia]

Am i doomed to hope and worry?

To paraphrase 1 Peter 5:7, "Fling all your concerns on God because God takes care of you!" Being a parent is one of the best reasons to pray. It can drive you batty with worry otherwise. And you don't want that lol. Also, according to James 1:5, if you lack wisdom, ask God for some and God WILL give it to you, without criticizing you (fault- finding it says)!" Isn't that awesome? I already pray for my kids' future spouses and kids! My kids were the only thing I ever really worried about it life, and I'll tell ya, praying a lot really helps. It keeps me sane, I see the prayers get answered as well. For instance, my daughter wanted a summer job both last year and this one. She got one right away after praying. She didn't get the type of job she thought she wanted though, but we just accept by faith that the ones she got were better for her.

Maybe I am overthinking, but I know that I wasn't exactly a great kid. I don't want him to have to learn the hard way. I want to give him all the guidance he needs.

Trust me, you are a step ahead of many people if you already know what NOT to do and what you DON'T want out of life for your son. I was a bad kid, too, as I had no parental supervision in my teens. When I had my first child, I felt so clueless, but I took comfort in the fact that I at least knew what not to do. Now I have a wonderful teenager, who excels at school, takes initiative, is a Christian, is very responsible and morally upright. I couldn't have done it without God.

 

[MotherFirefly]

You all are great. Thanks so much for taking the time to reply.

I know all I can do is teach, and the rest will be up to him. I have been praying more lately, and you are right about it at least helping relieve some worry off my shoulders. I pray that he will grow healthy and snart, while doing everything I can to assure this.

I find myself very protective over him, partly because of some crap in the past that made me paranoid, but It is so encouraging hearing other people's experiences, and knowing that everything I am worrying about plenty of people have already conquered lol.

God bless you guys, and thanks again <3

 

[LaSorcia]

Oh, by the way, I'm praying for you and your son, too. Advice without that ain't much lol.

 

[MotherFirefly]

Oh, by the way, I'm praying for you and your son, too. Advice without that ain't much lol.

Thank you so much! We are doing great! I will be returning the kindness.

 

[LaSorcia]

Yay, we all need prayer!