I need some help!

[FCGriz]

Hi, yes, I'm new, and I'm desperate for some advice.

My girlfriend (now ex-gf, I suppose) split up with me a few days ago because her family is falling apart and she can't really handle our relationship right now. Her parents are splitting after 34 years and she may have to move to a different state altogether.

I realize I may never get her back, and that's ok with me. All I want now is to be a support to her. Yes, my heart is completely crushed that she left me, but even more broken because I know she's suffering terribly.

How can I be a support to her without her feeling like I'm pressuring her to take me back? Yes, in the long run I want that, but I know it's not time for that yet.
HELP ME PLEASE!

 

[mamaneenie]

Well, she is going through something major, a real life change and she probably doesn't know which way is up. If you don't feel like you can speak to her in person, perhaps you could write her a letter to tell her how you feel. Say that you want to support her at this time, but you aren't sure how. Just let her know you are thinking of her, even though the relationship has broken up. That will probably mean a lot to her.


The other thing that came to mind is I have heard of children (adult children as well) when their parents split up, doubt their ability to have a good relationship. I don't know the reason why she broke up with you, but if everything was OK in the relationship before her parent's split, this may have something to do with it.

Hang in there, just let her know you care, when she has worked this out, she might be able to go back to the relationship.

 

[JillLars]

The other thing that came to mind is I have heard of children (adult children as well) when their parents split up, doubt their ability to have a good relationship. I don't know the reason why she broke up with you, but if everything was OK in the relationship before her parent's split, this may have something to do with it.

I can vouch for this. My parents divorced last april, and it was by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through, even though I am an adult and I live on my own. People handle these things in different ways, I turned to my boyfriend cause he was really the only person I could turn to at the time. She would be lucky to have your support right now, as a friend or a boyfriend. Just make sure you don't put pressure on her, don't tell her what to do, just let her talk, I know that's what I needed the most. I have had a lot of insecurities about my own ability to have a healthy relationship because my parents never had a very loving marriage, and I don't ever want to be like that, some people might run away from relationships, I have embraced mine. Just make sure you support her, she'll need it!

 

[theseed]

Well, you can pray for her. Offer her your friendship and support and leave it at that. If she wants it, she will take it.

 

[FCGriz]

Thank you all for your advice.

I love you all!

God bless!

(No, it's not over, but I'm recovering... today is the first day I haven't broken down and cried like a little girl)

 

[desi]

When my gf did this to me I stayed friends with her. I made it a point to tell her other girls were asking about me but I wasn't interested in anyone romantically because I felt God wanted me to be single, after that the old gf was all over me. Don't know if it will work for you but who knows?

 

[FCGriz]

That seems a bit shallow, my friend. I'm not crying for her to be "all over me". I want her to be able to feel alive again. I can not be the source of that life.

 

[desi]

That seems a bit shallow, my friend. I'm not crying for her to be "all over me". I want her to be able to feel alive again. I can not be the source of that life.

She's happily married to me now. Sometimes shallow ingenuity pays off, besides do you think her going over her pain and troubles with you over and over and over... will help her to 'feel alive again.' Be a nice guy and give her something else to worry about.