That's some excellent ideas, thanks... Just for the record, I've never judged or been judging toward her, ever... She knows how much I love and care for her and want the best for her, and not to toot my own horn, but the way I've always shown her unconditional love... But, I think that is the very thing though that is making her avoid me though... I'm trying to figure out why that is...?
Even if I do try to do some of the things you say, which are excellent ideas, I think she would make excuses to get out of any plans we make together, and like, sending her flowers from me, or taking her cookies, would just make her feel worse... In fact, I think I know it will only make her feel worse... "Why" is that...? "Why" does my presence or being around me or anything I do good or kind or loving toward her, only seem to make her feel worse...?
Does she feel like I "set the bar to high" for her? I don't expect her to be like me... And she knows, and I've let her know that "I'm" certainly not "perfect"...
I don't know? Can't figure it out...?
God Bless!
Hi Neogaia, I just noticed your thread and I apologize for jumping in late.
Reading your thread, it mirrors much of what I've dealt with over the past 15 years with my daughter. I'm going to speak to what is best for YOU, because after years of worrying and trying to intervene my health started to seriously deteriorate - I don't want that for you.
First, please don't blame yourself, one child did everything her father and I taught her not to do; abused drugs and alcohol, has been a sneak, thief and lying that boarders on pathological. The other child? Straight as an arrow, never drank, smoked, used drugs, honest and dependable. Like my loving, kind father who grew up in a home with a violent alcoholic father, Dad CHOSE what he wanted to be like. Your daughter, like my daughter has made choices on her own, and the problems that will arise from them, stem from sin. My daughter can't hold down a job because she parties too much and is too hungover or passed out to make it to work. She gets fired - a consequence from sin. We paid 100k for a college degree and expense and she has thrown it away. She didn't learn that at home, it was her CHOICE.
Upside to having a wayward child is you're drawn closer to the Lord. I'm more at peace now that I have in the past 15 years, because two years ago, I gave her up to the Lord, grieved for the relationship we probably will never have, and moved on with my life. Perhaps, this is what you could do with your daughter, because as an adult, you really have no control over her unless she is a danger to herself or others. It's only a suicide attempt that requires hospitalization, that can force them into therapy and/or treatment. Pray for your daughter, bind and case out her demons, but rest in the assurance the Lord will take it from here, if she let's Him in.
One thing you need to understand, while we chase after them for the smallest scrap of a relationship, they maintain the control and have no motivation to change or seek help. I've pulled away from my daughter and gave her over to the Lord two years ago, mainly because I was reaching a dangerous point where I considered turning my back on her for good. In the past year, she is reaching out to me in small ways; bringing home a smoothy for me, a bracelet, etc. Will it last, with changes in her behavior? Hard to say, she has bragged for years she can manipulate anyone to do anything, so this may be just manipulation.
I encourage you to redirect your time and resources back towards yourself, and those who want a relationship. We can't change our girls, but we can pray for them, and not allow the enemy to steal our joy and faith.
Prayers and blessings, to you.