I need help with my daughter...

Neogaia777

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My daughter is 20 years old, and I found out not through her, but other channels, that she went to the hospital for cutting herself and trying to commit suicide, and she's hooked on Zanax and has been taking way too many and blacking out and is buying them off the street... I could really use some help, how do I help her, she's at the age where she doesn't want her dad involved in her personal life, and won't reach out, or listen to me...

What do I do?

Help?

God Bless
 

Neogaia777

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Professional Counselor / Physiatrist coupled with good spiritual counseling. Of course, she can't be in denial that she needs help. God Bless your need!
Any recommendations? For good spiritual counseling or counselors/Phyciatrists?
 
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Born Again2004

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Any recommendations? For good spiritual counseling or counselors/Phyciatrists?
Start with a good child Physiatrist that also may specialize in Spiritual help or recommend a good local Pastor that specializes in these matters...I'm sure you can Google this for your area!
 
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Neogaia777

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Start with a good child Physiatrist that also may specialize in Spiritual help or recommend a good local Pastor that specializes in these matters...I'm sure you can Google this for your area!
Thank You!

God Bless You!
 
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dysert

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Start with a good child Physiatrist that also may specialize in Spiritual help or recommend a good local Pastor that specializes in these matters...I'm sure you can Google this for your area!
*Child* psychiatrist? She's 20 years old! There are things called interventions that rescue people like your daughter from self destruction and get them to therapy, but I only know about them from watching Dr. Phil. Maybe you could google "intervention" and see what you come up with.

I presume she's on her own? Or does she live with you. If the latter, you can still exercise *some* control, but realize she's basically an adult who is making horrible choices. At best you may be able to slightly influence her by not providing money, transportation, etc., but be prepared for her to walk out if you take that approach. I'm afraid I have zero experience in such things. I'm sorry.
 
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yeshuaslavejeff

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Any recommendations? For good spiritual counseling or counselors.....?

Read the Bible often, every day, and pray constantly. Finding 'good' counselors anywhere is a blessing from God: keep seeking His Face and His Direction and realize it may take many years.
 
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Neogaia777

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Read the Bible often, every day, and pray constantly. Finding 'good' counselors anywhere is a blessing from God: keep seeking His Face and His Direction and realize it may take many years.
Thanks,

God Bless You!
 
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JAM2b

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My teenage (almost 18 year old) son has a history of cutting and suicide ideation. This last year has seen major improvements for him.

The only things that helped was professional help, a combination of psychiatric care and professional counseling, a school and teachers who took personal interest in encouraging him, and my supervision at home as appropriate (which changed from time to time). It required him to be broken down and feeling he had hit bottom first.

The best thing you can do is let her know you love her and want to help, be there for her whenever she does reach out, and provide opportunity for her to have professional help.

Prayer is definitely effective, but the answers won't always be what you want them to be or when you want them. Spiritual guidance can help, but only if she is willing for it to. Forcing it on her will make her shut down and withdraw. At 20, any form of help at all will only work if she wants the help, and even then it will be difficult, and maybe two steps forward and one step back.

If an intervention is something you want to try, then look into it. If it doesn't work, then don't blame yourself. If just means that she is not ready to heal. Recovery is hard and scary. It will only work when she wants it bad enough to try for her own sake.
 
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Prisca982

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I think what will help depends on what is motivating her self-harm. I went through a period of self-harming around the same age and it was rooted in feeling worthless, I had a difficult relationship with my father at the time and it was a way of expressing the pain. I would pray for wisdom but I know that I needed to hear that I was loved as I was, to be hugged and told that I was beautiful. Often this behaviour is a cry for help.
 
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Mercy Mc Hass

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My family is in a similar situation, and this is what I really wish my parents would understand: these are her choices. She knows the right way to go. She knows what you think of her, and she doesn't want you to know because deep down she still doesn't want to disappoint you. So you need to come by her as a friend now, because that's what she needs. Being a judging parent isn't going to help right now. She needs a friend. So pursue her. Bring her cookies just because, write her messages, make an extra effort just to hang out. Try to help her do the things she likes to do (that are healthy). Send her flowers. Take her on a zoo day. Love never goes unnoticed...
 
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Mudinyeri

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I think what will help depends on what is motivating her self-harm. I went through a period of self-harming around the same age and it was rooted in feeling worthless, I had a difficult relationship with my father at the time and it was a way of expressing the pain. I would pray for wisdom but I know that I needed to hear that I was loved as I was, to be hugged and told that I was beautiful. Often this behaviour is a cry for help.

Excellent perspective.

@Neogaia777 , as your daughter's mother, you certainly have more insight into the motivation(s) for her behavior than any of us possibly could. Perhaps an intervention is necessary. Perhaps, like @Prisca982 , she just needs to know that she is forgiven (by God) and loved.
 
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Neogaia777

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My family is in a similar situation, and this is what I really wish my parents would understand: these are her choices. She knows the right way to go. She knows what you think of her, and she doesn't want you to know because deep down she still doesn't want to disappoint you. So you need to come by her as a friend now, because that's what she needs. Being a judging parent isn't going to help right now. She needs a friend. So pursue her. Bring her cookies just because, write her messages, make an extra effort just to hang out. Try to help her do the things she likes to do (that are healthy). Send her flowers. Take her on a zoo day. Love never goes unnoticed...
That's some excellent ideas, thanks... Just for the record, I've never judged or been judging toward her, ever... She knows how much I love and care for her and want the best for her, and not to toot my own horn, but the way I've always shown her unconditional love... But, I think that is the very thing though that is making her avoid me though... I'm trying to figure out why that is...?

Even if I do try to do some of the things you say, which are excellent ideas, I think she would make excuses to get out of any plans we make together, and like, sending her flowers from me, or taking her cookies, would just make her feel worse... In fact, I think I know it will only make her feel worse... "Why" is that...? "Why" does my presence or being around me or anything I do good or kind or loving toward her, only seem to make her feel worse...?

Does she feel like I "set the bar to high" for her? I don't expect her to be like me... And she knows, and I've let her know that "I'm" certainly not "perfect"...

I don't know? Can't figure it out...?

God Bless!
 
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DawnInVirginia

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That's some excellent ideas, thanks... Just for the record, I've never judged or been judging toward her, ever... She knows how much I love and care for her and want the best for her, and not to toot my own horn, but the way I've always shown her unconditional love... But, I think that is the very thing though that is making her avoid me though... I'm trying to figure out why that is...?

Even if I do try to do some of the things you say, which are excellent ideas, I think she would make excuses to get out of any plans we make together, and like, sending her flowers from me, or taking her cookies, would just make her feel worse... In fact, I think I know it will only make her feel worse... "Why" is that...? "Why" does my presence or being around me or anything I do good or kind or loving toward her, only seem to make her feel worse...?

Does she feel like I "set the bar to high" for her? I don't expect her to be like me... And she knows, and I've let her know that "I'm" certainly not "perfect"...

I don't know? Can't figure it out...?

God Bless!
Hi Neogaia, I just noticed your thread and I apologize for jumping in late.

Reading your thread, it mirrors much of what I've dealt with over the past 15 years with my daughter. I'm going to speak to what is best for YOU, because after years of worrying and trying to intervene my health started to seriously deteriorate - I don't want that for you.

First, please don't blame yourself, one child did everything her father and I taught her not to do; abused drugs and alcohol, has been a sneak, thief and lying that boarders on pathological. The other child? Straight as an arrow, never drank, smoked, used drugs, honest and dependable. Like my loving, kind father who grew up in a home with a violent alcoholic father, Dad CHOSE what he wanted to be like. Your daughter, like my daughter has made choices on her own, and the problems that will arise from them, stem from sin. My daughter can't hold down a job because she parties too much and is too hungover or passed out to make it to work. She gets fired - a consequence from sin. We paid 100k for a college degree and expense and she has thrown it away. She didn't learn that at home, it was her CHOICE.

Upside to having a wayward child is you're drawn closer to the Lord. I'm more at peace now that I have in the past 15 years, because two years ago, I gave her up to the Lord, grieved for the relationship we probably will never have, and moved on with my life. Perhaps, this is what you could do with your daughter, because as an adult, you really have no control over her unless she is a danger to herself or others. It's only a suicide attempt that requires hospitalization, that can force them into therapy and/or treatment. Pray for your daughter, bind and case out her demons, but rest in the assurance the Lord will take it from here, if she let's Him in.

One thing you need to understand, while we chase after them for the smallest scrap of a relationship, they maintain the control and have no motivation to change or seek help. I've pulled away from my daughter and gave her over to the Lord two years ago, mainly because I was reaching a dangerous point where I considered turning my back on her for good. In the past year, she is reaching out to me in small ways; bringing home a smoothy for me, a bracelet, etc. Will it last, with changes in her behavior? Hard to say, she has bragged for years she can manipulate anyone to do anything, so this may be just manipulation.

I encourage you to redirect your time and resources back towards yourself, and those who want a relationship. We can't change our girls, but we can pray for them, and not allow the enemy to steal our joy and faith.

Prayers and blessings, to you.
 
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Fourtimesblessed

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I struggled with cutting as a teen and in my early 20s as well. I was trying to escape the reality of my life at the time - my mom was sick and dying of cancer. I think I was also crying for help, for someone to take care of me. I felt very alone at that time.

No counselor or intervention helped in my case. Unfortunately, the act of cutting was addictive for me and the habit hard to break. I had a lot of hard years.

I stopped cutting when I became pregnant with my first child, but I still struggle with depression and anxiety.

It may be that she is really hurting. Something may have happened that you are unaware of... or maybe she has a diagnosable mental illness...or both. Sometimes traumatic events trigger episodes of depression, etc.

Pray, trust God, and be there for her as much as she allows. She is blessed to have you.
 
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blackribbon

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Have you or your parents, grandparents or her father's parents or grandparents ever been involved in the occult?

Please don't go there. Mental illness including suicide idealization is a real MEDICAL problem...no different than pancreatis or diabetes. The brain is an organ in the body that can dysfunction the same as any other organ. Yes, not having a relationship with God can complicate it or make it worse but there are plenty of solid Christians who battle mental illness. Attitudes like this leave them feeling isolated and often unwilling to seek help when they really need it. Christians get sick too. That is a consequence of original sin.
 
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